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Micah Bell, My Son, My Son

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Micah Bell
2/8/78 - 5/6/01

My story - My son, Micah Bell took his own life with a gun at the age of twenty three.

Because of the kind of person he was, it was a shock to us all that this would even be something he'd consider. He loved and cared too much to ever do that. Micah was a very bright person. Straight A's in school and very artisitc. From a kid to the younge grown man he was, he had such an open crisp mind. He could get along with any age group.

He was the entertaining lil' japper kid to the older folk, from the do-devil of the gang of older kids, to the fun one and leader of those younger. I can remember always being surprised at the way he seemed to adapt to whatever circumstance he was in.

He was also always thinking ahead. I went through booby trapped houses for the boogie man, to frog pieces in jars in his room.... Never a dull moment when his mind was involved.

Everyone that knew Micah loved him and the ways he could make you laugh. He always completed that goal in all he met or knew. All through his life, I didn't know anyone that didn't like him. He had so many friends and left alot of strangers smiling by just meeting him. He was the most loving member of our family and missed so much by us all.

Micah married right out of high school and became a father. He was a good dad which allowed us to beam from the joys it brought him. He loved his wife and they had another child three years later. Once again, Micah was a father and that joy grew.

Times was hard on them financually and somewhere along those struggles, Micah began selling drugs to help make ends meet. When those times became burdens as well, he begin to take drugs his self. He leaned towards the empty escapes they offered and so he became hooked to Meth, Cocaine and maybe others still.

But the changes in him was something that he refused to accept in his self. From the lies, the money and all that goes along with drug usage, it became an inner struggle for the good self in him. I think he thought that he won this way and that drugs did not overtake him or burden his family. I believe this to be how it was for him.

He did not leave a note of explanation, so I've went down that painful path of trying to imagion what was on his mind, what happenend.... I've decided that it's a momemt between God and Micah and that I will never know. I can think of what I believe, but that moment is not mine. I just share the grief from what that moment caused.

He left a party late early hours of a Saturday morning and the rest is unclear. We hear our different stories from the other drug takers and none are the same.

He ended up on the side of a road in town, pulled over in his car and a cop went to approach him. He called for back up because he seen the sawed off shotgun that my son had in his hands.

After the other officier arrived, they went towards the car and then my son put the gun into his mouth firing the trigger. No explanation, no more time.

He had alcohol and cocaine in his system at the time and he held on for hours and we all gathered to him at the hospital. It wasn't long before the doctor came out to speak to us to tell us how any hope had left us.

I had to be with my son for the last time of holding his hand as they shut off life support. I can remember how unreal it all seemed and how hurtful it was to bear and unbelieveable of Micah. My mind raced with thoughts of his wife, his two children, his teenage sister at home and another sister due the next month.

I actually felt like I floated when I left that ICU and my life has changed since then. It will never be the same without my son here too and it's sure left me to live with a wound that won't heal. A parent truely dies too when their child does.

Written by Micah's mom, Glori