THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO
HMMMMMMM...
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ONE
If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle:
Take two and keep away from children.
TWO
It's a very strange name they picked for "Social Security."
For what they actually send you, you can't afford to be "social" nor can you really feel "secure."
THREE
Short skirts have a tendency to make men polite.
Have you ever seen a man get on a bus ahead of one?
FOUR
It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost
and blamed it on the cost of living.
FIVE
Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
SIX
We are born naked, wet, and hungry.
Then things get worse.
SEVEN
The 50-50-90 rule:
Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right,
there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
EIGHT
It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end,
someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.
NINE
If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
TEN
The things that come to those who wait may be the things left by those who got there first.
ELEVEN
Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day.
Teach a man to fish, and he will sit in a boat drinking beer all day.
TWELVE
When you're swimming in the creek and an eel bites your cheek,
That's a moray!
THIRTEEN
A fine is a tax for doing wrong.
A tax is a fine for doing right.
FOURTEEN
The only cure for insomnia is to get more sleep.
FIFTEEN
Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
SIXTEEN
I wished the buck stopped here.
I could use a few.
SEVENTEEN
When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of twelve people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
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