Christmas Interview

This is a humorous interview. It is not real, I made it up. So please don't take it or get offended by it. It is not the same as last year's.

['N Sync agreed to let me interview them for the Christmas Special on my website. We are all at my house sitting around the Christmas tree, sipping coffee and eggnog.]
Camden (me): OK, why don't we start by going around in a circle and you all can tell me more about yourselves.
Lance: Well, my name is Lansten James Bass. I'm from Mississippi and a true southern gentleman. I enjoy cooking, shopping, and horseback riding.
Camden: Where do you like to shop?
Lance: Oh, I'm a particular fan of Victoria Secrets, although is very hard for me to fit into lingerie with these hips. Just look at them! [Sighs and shakes his head.]
Camden: Um, ok, tell us about yourself, Justin.
Justin: Finally me! I tot you would never ask me 'bout myself! Aren't I fine?
Camden: [I look at Justin disgustedly.] Well, I'm kinda partial to JC. [I look at JC and we smile at each other.]
Justin: Yo, woman! I'm over here! Quit lookin' at de Big Daddy [JC]. I'm from de ghetto.
JC: No you're not, boy, you're from Tennessee. Hardly a ghetto. Justin: I am to from de ghetto! And fine as dey come! He, he. Camden: Well, I'll admit you have nice hair if you just shut up.
Justin: Ha, ha. True dat! I'm de finest dat dey come
Camden: [I mutter 'Whatever' under my breath.] Anyways...what about you, Joey?
Joey: Do you have any food? Can you cook?
Camden: My mom's a good cook, she makes tons of homemade stuff, and my dad can cook Italian, but...
Joey: [Joey cuts me off.] Italian! Homemade food! That's my favorite. This little cup of eggnog doesn't cut it. [Joey runs into the kitchen and starts scrounging around for food.]
Camden: [I sigh and look around] Guys, where's Chris? And Lance? Where did Lance go
JC: She likes me better than you! She said so! She's even cyber married to me! [And I am, really.]
Justin: Fool! She said I got nice hair! She never said notin' 'bout your hair, boy!
Camden: That's enough guys. I told you I like JC better. Justin, calm down.
JC: Humph. Told you.
Justin: [Starts crying.] No, she has to like me better. [Sob.] I'm finer dan you, JC!
JC: Do you want me to take my belt to you? [Starts to pull out his belt.]
Camden: [I get up and start trying to find Joey, Chris, and Lance, leaving JC and Justin to fight it out.] Lance, Joey, Chris, where are you guys?
Lance: [Walks up to me without Joey and Chris.] Oh, there you are, Camden. I've been looking all over for you. I whipped up a little something from your mother's "Southern Living Christmas" cookbook.
Camden: Oh, very nice. [I look around Lance, trying to find Joey and Chris.]
Lance: Come taste it!
Camden: Not right now, Lance, I gotta find Chris and Joey.
Lance: Alright then. I'll just sit in the kitchen and wait for you. By the way, how do you like my new red velvet shirt? Isn't it cute? And very festive. [Giggles.]
Camden: Um, yeah. Where did you get it?
Lance: The Express. They say that store's for girls, but I like it. Bye! [He waves to me, showing off his perfect manicured nails and then walks into the kitchen.]
Camden: OK. Now where are Joey and Chris? [I walk around a corner and then...]
Chris: Roar! Ha, ha! I scared ya, didn't I.
Camden: Yeah, sure Chris. Now come into the living room and sit down.
Chris: Wait, watch me do something first. [Chris does a back-handspring in my dining room and knocks over some Christmas lights.] Crash!!!
Camden: Chris! Now look what you did! [I start to pick up the broken pieces.]
Chris: Sorry. Do I need to go to your husband [JC] and tell him I need a whoppin' for it?
Camden: [I sigh.] No, just go back into the living room and sit there and stay.
Chris: [Shrugs his shoulder.] OK.
Camden: JC? Can you come help me clean this up? [Everyone except Joey walks into the dining room.]
Lance: [He is wearing a Santa apron.] Oh, my heavens, did Chris do that?
Chris: Yep, yep, yep.
JC: I'll get the vacuum cleaner. [Justin is admiring himself in a light bulb on my Christmas tree.]
Camden: Justin! Will you please help me and the other guys clean this up?
Justin: Woman, I'm too cute to clean! My curls might go flat! Camden: Whatever. Just go sit with Chris in the living room then. Justin: OK. [He and Justin walk into the living room. I can see, out of the corner of my eye, Chris doing headstands and Justin admiring himself in another light bulb. I hear him say...]
Justin: My, I look even finer today! Could dat be possible?
Chris: According to you it can.
Justin: Ha! True dat!
Camden: JC! Lance! Have you guys got the vacuum?
JC: Right here, Camden. Lance is cooking up a storm of Christmas food in your kitchen.
Camden: Looks like we're the only sensible ones here.
JC: Guess so. [We smile at each other. Then we hear someone in my little sister's room.]
Camden: Who or what was that?
JC: I don't know. Let's go check it out. [We walk up the stairs and peak into my sister's room and see...]
Camden: JOEY! What are you doing in here?
Joey: Oh, I was just admiring some of the Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen pictures your sister has. Which twin do you think I'd go better with.
JC: Joey, they're like nine years younger than you.
Camden: But sweetie, I'm ten years and two weeks younger than you.
JC: Well, it's OK if you're really in love with someone. [Me and JC smile at each other and then we walk downstairs, hearing a cell phone go off at full-sound.]
Camden: Who's cell phone is that, guys?
Chris: Shhh!!! It's Justin's girlfriend on the phone!
JC: You mean Britney, that slut?
Justin: [on the phone] She's doin a publicity ting for her website. Kinda like our relationship is just for de publicity! [screaming on the phone can be heard] No, wait, I didn't mean that. I, uh, do really love you. [rolls his eyes] No, it's not like we's is doin anyting wit everybody around. [more screaming can be heard] No, baby, I mean we never do anyting anymore. Ok, ok, bye babe.
Camden: Was that Britney, your girlfriend?
Justin: Yep, she wants me to come home to her now.
Camden: What does she think we're doing?
Justin: She don't think me and yous is doin anyting. She think Lance's be hittin on me.
Lance: [coming out of the kitchen] Wait! Nobody leave! I've got fruit cake in the oven almost ready for you all! You must come and sample it!
Joey: I knew I smelled something fruity.
Lance: Joey! Didn't last night mean anything to you?
Joey: [mumbling, looking embarrassed as we all stare at him] I, er, we'll discuss that later, Lance.
Camden: OK, Lance, we'll sample your fruitcake. I'm just about had it though guys.
Lance: Oh, we'll be good. Come sit around the table now.
Camden: Justin, quit saying that slutty b---h under your breath. Chris, get off the ceiling. Joey, quit watching that on TV. JC, come with me. [We all sit down at the table.]
Lance: Oh, my timer just beeped! Gotta get the fruitcake out of the oven! [Lance opens the oven just as batter goes everywhere. The walls on ym kitchen are covered in fruitcake.]
Camden: OK, that's it! Everybody out! NOW!!!
Justin: What!?! You can't tell me to leave! Some people would pay millions o' dollars just to have my left-over French toast curmbs!"
Camden: Well not me! Now I have some advice for you all! Justin, get over yourself! [I shove him out the door.] Chris, grow up and get a life. [I shove him out the door.] Joey, quit acting so perverted. [I shove him out the door.] Lance stop being so gay! [I shove him out the door.] And JC, you are just a sweetie and perfect. [I lock the door so he can't leave.]

THE END!!!