Subj: Fwd: EarthBound Gang Newsletter Issue 95 Part 4
Date: 08/19/1999 10:31:36 PM Eastern Daylight Time
From: CrazedMogX
To: CrazedMogX


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Forwarded Message:
Subj: Fwd: EarthBound Gang Newsletter Issue 95 Part 4
Date: 08/08/1999 8:40:58 PM Eastern Daylight Time
From: CrazedMogX
To: CrazedMogX


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Forwarded Message:
Subj: Fwd: EarthBound Gang Newsletter Issue 95 Part 4

Date: 07/21/1999 8:41:43 PM Eastern Daylight Time
From: CrazedMogX
To: CrazedMogX


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Forwarded Message:
Subj: EarthBound Gang Newsletter Issue 95 Part 4

Date: 07/08/1999 12:55:32 AM Eastern Daylight Time
From: EBG Ness
BCC: CrazedMogX

__
|ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ| |ŻŻŻŻŻ\ /ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ| /ŻŻŻŻŻ\ |ŻŻŻŻ\ | | /ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ|
| |ŻŻŻŻŻ | O | | |ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ / |Ż| \ | |\ \ | | | |ŻŻŻŻŻŻ
| ŻŻŻŻ| | < | | |ŻŻŻ\ | Ż | | | \ \ | | | | |ŻŻŻ\
| |ŻŻŻŻ | O | \ \ ŻŻ| | | |ŻŻ| | | | \ \| | \ \____| |
| ŻŻŻŻŻ| |_____/ \_______/ |__| |___| |__| \___| \______/

ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ
__ ___
|ŻŻŻŻ\ | | |ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ\ / / / ŻŻŻŻŻ|
| |\ \ | | | |ŻŻŻŻŻ\ \ / / / /ŻŻŻ
| | \ \ | | | ŻŻŻ| \ \ /ŻŻ\ / / \ \
| | \ \| | | |ŻŻŻ \ \/ \/ / __\ \
|__| \___| | ŻŻŻŻŻŻ \_____/\____/ |______)

Issue 14 or 95
Monday, July 8th, 1999
Read My Speech, and the Top 10's
Part 4 of 5 of the EB Gang Newsletter!
....................................................................................................................



A speech from the Leader EBG NESS

Dear Members.

I would like to focus on 2 things this week. The first one is me. A lot of you think that I am losing interest in this club. That is totally the opposite. I will keep it short and sweat. You guy's may have to put up with me for almost a year or more :) Answer those questions??

The second one I would like is to thank all of you. This club is running very smoothly and I want to thank you all on that. I make a lot of mistakes, and I know that, So I would like to say Thank You. You let my mistakes go by and correct me politely on them. Thank you Very much.

A message from Co-President BEARBEAR13

Hi EB Gang members! This is your co-President, Bear! I just wanted to let you all know that the EarthBound Gang website is NOW OPEN! You can check it out at http://members.aol.com/bearbear13/ebgang. Soon, there will also be a separate site called "EarthBound Gang News", which will be even more advanced than the EB Gang Headquarters! That's about it... sorry about the lack of part 5 this weekend, but there was no real news, and I didn't receive any articles this week. Thanks again, see ya later!
~ Bear
(BearBear13@aol.com, BearBear13@juno.com)

....................................................................................................
.......................................................................................................................................

SouthPark Trivia
By OneMagic1

In "Ike's Wee Wee", where does Kyle send his little brother to save him from his horrible fate?
a California

b North Dakota

c Connecticut

d Maine


Which company made the sport watches seen in the Thanksgiving special?
a. Timex

b. Citizen

c. TAG

d. Teiko


What does Mrs. Crabtree always have on her head?
a. bird

b. squirrel

c. skunk

d. rabbit


In Chicken Lover, what book does Barbrady read to discover the lover's identity?
a. GO DOG GO

b. TIMMY THE TIMID TAXEDERMIST

c. THE PUPPY WHO LOST HIS WAY

d. MISS PICKERAL GOES TO MARS


When they reveal Cartman's dad, who was on Team B for the generator mission?
A. Kenny, Kyle, Cartman, Stan

B. Kyle, Cartman, Chef, Nurse, Doctor

C. Kenny

D. Wendy and Stan


How much does it cost to watch Jesus vs. Satan in the South Park Forum?
A. Free

B. $30

C. $49.95

D. $49.99


What is the name of Stan's father?
A. Buck

B. Stan Sr.

C. Randy

D. Mike


What CD were the boys told to buy so that they could become lesbians?
A. Spice Girls

B. Indigo Girls

C. Hanson

D. Jewel


Who was the original (first) zombie?
A. Chef

B. Wendy

C. Mr. Hand

D. Kenny


What is Kenny's last name?
A. Foner

B. McCormick

C. Nole

D. Fontaine


What does Mr. Garrison call explosive diarrhea?
A. Fun Runs

B. Super Squirts

C. Green Apple Splatters

D. Meximelt


In what TV show do they imitate Mr. Hankey's "Hidey Ho?"
A. Home Improvement

B. Seinfeld

C. Boy Meets World

D. Road Rules


What is the name of Cartman's pig?
A. Stinky

B. Fred

C. Fluffy

D. Sparky


Who killed Scuzzlebutt?
A. Stan

B. Cartman

C. Kenny

D. Chef


What is the name of the plane that appears at the end of every episode?
A. Golden Goose

B. Amelia Lives

C. The Wonka

D. Braniff


Who won the battle between Satan and Jesus and why?
A. Jesus. Because he's, like, the son of God
.
B. Jesus. Because Satan threw the fight to win a bet.

C. Satan. Because he's, like, the prince of darkness
.
D. Satan. Because he fought like a girl
.

In the Halloween episode, nearly everyone comes dressed as Chewbacca from Star Wars. Cartman says "Go back to Endor, you stupid Wookie." He is fed the response. "Wookies aren't from Endor." Where are Star Wars wookies really from?
A. Coruscant

B. Tatoonie

C. Kashyyyk

D. Yavin 4


What was the name of Barbra Streisand's butler?
A. Jeeves

B. Morris

C. Milow

D. Sydney


What is on Chef's license plate?
A. SOUL BRO

B. LUV CHEF

C. PHAT COOK


Who plays the football game without a helmet?
A. Kenny

B. Cartman

C. Pip


In "Tom's Rhinoplasty," who does Mr. Garrison look like after the surgery?
A. Casper Van Dien

B. David Hasselhoff

C. Burt Reynolds

D. Burt Lansaster


In the Thanksgiving episode, what part of Kenny's body did the turkey pluck out?
A. His Bellybutton

B. His Brain

C. His Innards

D. His Eye


What two shapes does Barbara Streisand need to create MECHA STREISAND?
A. Two Octagons

B. Two Squares

C. Two Triangles

D. Two Hexagons


Who was the "STAR QUARTERBACK" for the South Park football team?
A. Kyle

B. Cartman

C. Stan

D. Pip (the English kid
In what episode does Kenny NOT die?
A. A Pig Makes Love To An Elephant

B. What's Up Doc?

C. Cartman's Mom Is A Dirty Slut

D. The One With The Homicidal Snowman


What is the song Cartman must finish before he does anything else?
A. Merrily We Roll Along

B. Come Sail Away

C. The Batman Theme Song


The Counselor in "Mr. Hankey's Christmas" calls Kyle a "sick little monkey." What TV cartoon show is this line from?
A. The Simpsons

B. Ren and Stimpy

C. Rugrats

D. Scooby Doo


In "Tom's Rhinoplasty," what is the name of the diner where Ms. Ellen and Stan go to eat?
A. Jimmy's Buffet

B. The Bar Mitzvah

C. Momma's Chow Palace

D. Margaritaville


What two colors are Stan's puke?
A. Green and Pink

B. Maize and Blue

C. Brown and Orange


Who killed the cow by turning it inside out?
A. Federal agents searching for anal probes
B. The alien visitor, Carl ("He's new")

C. Mr. Hat

D. Pip, the English kid


What famous work does Cartman plagiarize for his award-winning essay?
A. The Monkey Wrench Gang

B. The Multi-Orgasmic Man

C. The Power of Myth

D. Walden


What girl is the focus of Stan's amorous attentions?
A. Wendy Testaburger

B. Joanie Wrightswell

C. Betty Knickers

D. Handie Wrap


What kind of vehicle does Chef drive?
A. yellow VW bus

B. green Town & Country station wagon

C. red Toyota 1992 Corolla

D. black Lincoln Towncar


From where does Mr. Garrison attempt to assassinate Kathy Lee?
A. A grassy knoll

B. A U-Haul

C. The town book depository

D. The elementary school's Bell Tower


Who is cooler?
A. Santa Claus

B. Scott "Pink Eye" Baio

C. Kathy Lee Gifford

D. Brian Botano


What is Cartman's favorite snack?
A. Chef's extra hot tamales

B. Powdered donut pancake surprise

C. Cheesy Poofs

D. Candy Tarts


What actor plays the role of the monster Scuzzlebutt's left leg?
A. Claude Akins

B. Angie Dickenson

C. Patrick Duffy

D. Matt LeBlanc


What is written on the side of South Park Police squad cars?
A. To Speed and Swerve

B. We Treat You like a King

C. The Only Answer is "Sir, yes, sir!"

D. To Patronize and Annoy



..................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

This story is rated NFC (Not For Children) for strong language, adult content, and violence.

Five seconds later, Poo told Ness that Godon had put the mask back on. Ness opened his eyes. "For that stunt, and for insulting me, you shall suffer severely. GUARDS!!!!!" Two muscular guards came in. "Neuralize these people and take them to their work posts. Put this brown haired man right next to the woman. They are a couple. As for the rest, place the couple, the blonde man, and the Dalaamese man far apart from each other. The couple will go in Guard 27HX's post. 27HX, who was right there, asked "Why me?" "She is your slave. Do whatever you want with her. Just be sure you do it in front of the brown haired boy. This is his punishment." "How long do I have her?" "For as long as you desire." Ness noticed Paula was very scared. He held her hand. "Take them away," said Godon. As they left, Ness brought Godon to his attention. "We have names, you know. I'm Ness, that's Paula, that's Jeff, and that's Poo. Remember those names, you fucking jackhole. We're the last people you're gonna see before you go back to your own personal level of Hell."


And now, the conclusion of:
EarthBound
L e g e n d s
By JohnMcCEB
Chapter 5: Endgame


The next two weeks were horrible for Paula, Jeff, and Poo. As for Ness, it was worse. Not only was he getting abused, his girlfriend was as well. Ness must've lost a piece of his mind in those two weeks. Paula was intentionally hit with shovels, face smashed into the dirt, and even got shot in the arm by her guard. At the end of those two weeks, Ness couldn't take it anymore. He had never seen Jeff or Poo, but word of mouth floated to him and Paula that Poo was tired, but nevertheless fine, and Jeff was on the verge of death. Ness lost it. And then, the guard did something that brought Ness to below zero tolerance.

The guard walked up to Ness and Paula, struck Paula with the butt of his rifle, and dragged Ness and an unconcious Paula to his cabin. There, he pulled out a switchblade and gave Paula smelling salts. "What...are you doing?" asked Paula, groggily. As the guard unzipped his pants, Ness knew exactly what was happening. Rape. That son of a bitch. Ness was so full of anger, he was suddenly able to concentrate. His hands were heating with PSI. The duct tape on his hands that was supposed to immobilize him melted. Ness, realizing this, said "Hey FUCKO!" The guard turned around, only to be dropkicked by Ness.

The guard grabbed his rifle, but when he turned around and fired, he semmingly vaporized. Suddenly, as if from out of the blue, "Over here, superstar!" The guard turned around and was hit with a burst of PSI Rockin. "Man, I forgot how GOOD that feels." The guard slowly got up, and Ness kicked him in the gut. His rifle fell loose and slid over to the door. Ness and the guard made a bid for the rifle. It was close, but Ness slid, grabbed the rifle, and shot him in the crotch. "In your next life," said Ness, "if you think with your dick, think about why you lost it in this one." Ness then shot the guard in the head.

Ness ran over to Paula, who was still very groggy. "You OK?" he asked. Paula realized what almost happened to her, and hugged Ness, crying. Ness hugged back. Then, they looked into each other's eyes, and they kissed. Suddenly, they heard screaming. "LET'S GO! WE GOTTA FIND JEFF AND POO, THEN WE GOTTA GET OUR WEAPONS AND FACE GODON." Ness and Paula busted the door open and rushed out of the cabin, where hundreds of guards confronted them.

"What's your next move, Ness?" asked Paula. "I can use PSI Rockin Omega, but that'll drain me completely." Ness suddenly realized a forgotten power. "Man, I feel STUPID." Ness concentrated and used PSI Hypnosis Omega. Soon, every guard was in a trance. Ness used the butt end of the guard's rifle to struck down anyone in their way. "OK, Paula," said Ness, "I need you to try and concentrate. I need you to use your PSI to find out where the head guard's office is." Paula tried as hard as she could. "I can't..." said Paula. "Well," said Ness, "this PSI trick I was working on might help." Ness stopped for a minute, and placed his hands on Paula's forehead. Suddenly, her mind cleared, and she was able to concentrate. "How did you do that?" asked Palua, as they continued their rush. "Your concussion back at Twoson helped," said Ness. Suddenly, the guards started coming out of their trance. "RUN!!!!" screamed Ness. He and Paula broke through the crowd, just as everyone came out of the trance. The whole squad turned to fire, but they already vanished.

Using Paula's PSI, Ness was able to locate the head guard's office. He and Paula broke through security by gunning the guards down, and then confronted the head guard. Ness pointed his rifle at the head guard and fiercely asked "Where's Jeff Andonuts and Poo Mishinta?" The head guard went for his rifle, but discovered, to his surprise, it wasn't there. "Looking for this rifle?" questioned Paula, holding the head guard's rifle to his head. "How did you--?" "Haven't you heard of telekinetics? Jeff Andonuts and Poo Mishinta. Dig them up, NOW." The head guard got to work. Sector 7A for Jeff, and Sector 2H for Poo." "For additional piece of mind, we want a map," said Paula. The guard shakily printed out a map. "Fuck you very much," said Ness, who spit on the guard and ran out.

Ness and Paula split up. He would get Jeff, she would get Poo. Ness found Jeff on his knees, hands behind his back. A guard held a rifle pointed at his head. Ness got behind a knoll of dirt, set the rifle on sharpshooter, and took aim. He noticed through the sniper scope that the guard was about to execute Jeff. He had to act fast. Ness took one lucky shot, and the guard was down. He set the rifle on normal, and ran over to Jeff, gun at the ready. He healed Jeff, grabbed him, and then ran.

Paula saw Poo working without complaint. She ran over to him. "Paula?" asked Poo. "Yeah. Let's go, before the guard takes notice." Suddenly, the guard started shouting at Paula and Poo, then ran after them, a rifle in hand. "SHIT! Let's get out of here!" Paula and Poo rushed out of the sector. They were far ahead, but still in the guard's sight. Poo shoved Paula into a hiding place, and convinced a prisioner to distract the guard giving chase. During the time the guard was distracted, Poo mirrored another guard, grabbed Paula, told her it was him, and then confronted the guard.

"You got the girl?"
"Yeah. I ran a check. Belongs to sector 1A."
"What about that Dalaamese kid?"
"Lost him."
"Man, the head guard's gonna be pissed."
"The head guard's a pussy. This feisty little one has his rifle. And it turned out to be a dud!"
"No way, really?"
"Yeah! Can you fucking believe it?"
"No...but we still have to worry about Godon."
"He doesn't have to know. Once the head guard finds out, we'll blackmail him. Then, while everyone's sleeping, we'll bail this joint."
"You're right! Good plan, man."
"Thanks. Now, if I may, I'm taking this prisoner back."
"What are you gonna do with her?"
"What else? Beat the shit outta her."
"Yeah...all right. Take care."
"You too."

Poo left the area, and headed towards the front door with Paula in hand. There, the gang would reunite, escape, get their weapons, then come back and exterminate Godon.

Paula and Poo, still in disguise, came to the front door and met Ness and Jeff. Unfortuneately, they also met a wall of guards. Poo had passed sector 1A, so he knew he was caught. He quit mirroring. Suddenly, a new delivery arrived, just as the guards were about to lead Ness, Paula, Jeff, and Poo back to their sectors. "Wait a minute..." thought Jeff, "That's Max's Viper..." The man got out of the transport car, opened the trunk, and opened the lone crate inside. Suddenly, Tracy popped out with the Baddest Gaia beam in hand. She shot down the guards. Then, the transporter revealed himself as Jack. He grabbed some sort of rifle and started picking off any guards that came near the four.

"I thought it was against your religion to take a life!" said Ness. "Don't you know that's the universal pussy excuse?" said Jack, "Me and Tracy will cover your exit. In the meantime..." Tracy finished "Special delivery from Escargo Express!" As Jack covered her, Tracy tossed Ness his Gutsy Bat, Paula her Holy Frying Pan, Jeff his Baddest Gaia Beam and his so-called GadgetPak, and Poo his Sword of Kings. Jack tossed Tracy a second rifle, and then told everyone that their clothes were in the car. Ness, Paula, Jeff and Poo got into the car, changed up, got out, and ran into the fryer. "Uhm, Jack?" asked Tracy, "What happens when we run out?" "We don't. Specially made by Dr. Andonuts. These shots are pure energy. The battery never runs out." "Sweet. Let's kick some more ass."

Ness, Paula, Jeff, and Poo made their way through the crowd, destroying any guard in their path. A full alert was launched. Ness put up an Omega Sheild around everyone and finally found the core, where Godon ran his operation. Suddenly, Godon appeared from the roof, and threw his long sickle staff at Ness. The pointy side broke through the sheild, and landed in Ness' thigh. He cried in anguish, and then collapsed. He was still conscious, so he motioned over Paula, Jeff, and Poo as Godon formed a new sickle staff. "I'll make it. Poo, pull the sickle staff out." Poo did so. Ness telepathed Tony.

Tony, are there any bandage wraps in Jeff's GadgetPak? asked Ness. Yeah. It's in the medical compartment. "Check the medical compartment of your GadgetPak for bandage wraps," Ness told Jeff. Jeff found the wraps. "Here," said Jeff, who handed the bandage wrap to Ness. He wrapped his wound and said "Leave that sickle staff here, so I can fend off anyone else that wants some, and face Godon." Everyone nodded and quickly ran into the core to face Godon, leaving Ness and his plan behind.

Paula, Jeff, and Poo reached the top of the core where Godon awaited. "Close your eyes..." said Poo, "He took his mask off. Jeff, give me your bandage wrap." Jeff gave Poo the bandage wrap and closed his eyes, and Godon turned around to reveal his face. Poo quickly acted and used Mental Metamorphisis, the type of mirror technique he learned from his master in Onett. He thought like the leapord, and suddenly, in his mind, he was the leapord. He moved around Godon, and bandage wrapped his face. Then, he returned to normal and sealed the bandage wrap with PSI Freeze. "OK," said Poo, "He's covered and he ain't getting uncovered. You can open your eyes!" Everyone opened their eyes, and Paula was the first to attack. Godon, who could see despite the bandage wrap, blocked with the staff part of his sickle staff. "I can do that too!" said Poo, who dived low, narrowly missed Godon stabbing him, and sliced Godon's hand off. It quickly regenerated with his black energy. Jeff figured it out right then and there. "He's weak against light attacks! PSI Flash'll help!" he said to Paula and Poo. "I wasted my last bit on sealing Godon's bandage cover!" said Poo. "Here," said Paula, tossing Poo a Magic Tart, "Make this one count!" Paula then started praying for light energy. 50% of the time, she got it, but only the dazzling light, which she rarely got, damaged him noticably. The same for Poo, who kept using PSI Flash until it tired out. "We need Ness," thought Paula aloud, "I think if we can somehow get mix that light energy with the dark energy...". She telepathed him.

"Ness," said Paula, "please, pull yourself together. We need you now! Charge that sickle staff with PSI Flash energy. It's a technique I've been practicing for a while." "Explain," said Ness. Paula told Ness how to do it. Ness followed her directions, and then asked Paula to lure Godon so he had a clear shot at him. Then, Ness started climbing the core tower, using the glowing sickle staff as a second leg. "Hurry Ness..." thought Paula. Suddenly, Godon knocked nearly knocked her off the core. Paula was holding on to the edge, knowing if she let go, it would be an 8 story drop to the bottom. Godon's finger charged with black energy. Suddenly, inches from the touch of death, the sharp point of a glowing sickle staff went right into Godon's face. Ness turned him around, looked into it's bleeding face, screamed "FUCK YOU AND GOOD RIDDENCE, SHITHEAD," and tossed it off. Godon fell 8 stories, and hit the bottom hard.

For five whole minutes, it's body emmited black energy, as the bandages that kept Godon from using his look of death turned completely black, and when the glowing sickle staff evaporated, it gushed black blood.

When he was done, Ness, Paula, Jeff, and Poo crowded around him. In shaky words, it said "Who are you?" Ness couldn't resist. He took a line from a magazine ad he saw, and said "I'm the good and the bad. You're just ugly." "And you shall be ugly," said Godon, "when the 10th minute strikes, you will burn in Hell." He directed the four to the core, and then disappeared in a blanket of hellfire and brimstone. A little door popped open on the core, and as Ness, Paula, and Poo were celebrating, Jeff went to check on the panel. There was a timer, and it read 9:30. Then 9:29, 9:28, 9:27, 9:26, etc., etc., etc... "Holy shit...THIS CORE'S ONE BIG BOMB! RUUUUUUUUN!"

Ness ran inside and found a guard at a type of PA system. "Tell everyone to evacuate," said Ness. "Who the fuck are you?" fiercely inquisited the guard. "DO AS I SAY OR I'LL KNOCK YOUR HEAD OFF SO HARD THAT THEY'LL USE IT AS A SOCCER BALL IN ENGLAND," screamed Ness, showcasing his baseball bat. The guard made the announcement. Then Ness told him to get out too. As he left the core, he made another pass at the timer. 8:30, 8:29, 8:28, 8:27...

Ness, Paula, Jeff, and Poo made it to the exit, got into the car, and told Jack and Tracy to get in. Jeff jumped into the driver's seat, and drove out quickly after clearing a large tunnel. "Clear Fourside," said Paula, "There's gonna be an earthquake caused by that explosion!" Jeff headed for the Fourside Tunnel, and when they reached the bridge, they slowed to a halt.

"Jeff, go! What are you waiting for? We have three minutes to get out!" "I'm out of fuel," said Jeff, "We'll have to run for it." "I thought you just filled it, Jack!" said Paula. "This is like a 7.7 L engine," said Jeff, "It consumes fuel like a bitch." "Dr. Andonuts gave us some special fuel for this car," said Jack, "It's in the trunk." "We have time to fill it, but what if we don't make it?" asked Tracy. "I'll stay behind," said Ness, "You guys go, I can make it." "Ness, no," screamed Paula, "It's only a stupid car." "If Max's Viper is wrecked," said Ness, "Jeff may be screwed out of it again." "Thanks, man," said Jeff, "But you don't have to--" Ness inturrupted "That's what friends are for. GO! We're down to two minutes!" Jeff stayed to pop open the trunk and get the fuel. "Before you go," said Ness, "If I don't make it, tell my Mom I love her and I'm sorry I broke my promise." "I will," said Jeff. Then he ran. Ness opened the fuel door, and started filling the tank. He had a minute left when it was finally filled. He got into the car, and for some reason, it started stalling. With 15 seconds to go, it sprung to life. He started racing out. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...and then, the earthquake happened.

About an hour later, Anna Franklin was crying in her home. Apparently, Paula told her all about what had happened. She got up to the point where the car got stuck without fuel on the bridge, then had to suddenly make a phone call. Then, Anna turned on the news while Paula was making the call, and found that the "earthquake" was plastered all over the news. The reporter said that one unidentified man, 18 years of age, was killed when his Dodge Viper was shaken off of the bridge. Paula couldn't comfort her. She couldn't even tell her the rest of the story. Suddenly, they heard the sound of keys jingling. The door opened, and Ness walked through the doorway. Anna ran to Ness and hugged him. "Hey, ma..." he said. "I'm so glad you're back..." said Anna. "A promise is a promise..." responded Ness, "What is that on the news?" He saw the rest of the news report. "The Viper that was shaken off the bridge was reported stolen, it is currently being lifted out of the Fourside Bay." Ness smiled and said "Guess that shook you up a little...listen, pay some gratitude to Tracy. I wouldn't even be here if it weren't for her." "I understand," said Anna, who still had tears coming out of her eyes. "C'mon," said Ness, "I'll cook some food. In the meantime, forget this nonsense. The Super Mario Super Show is on The Classix Channel right now. Watch that and unwind." "I always wondered what made that show so good..." said Anna.

A week later, Ness and Paula were walking on the beach. Tomorrow they would be off to seprate colleges, so they just went to rekindle old times. Suddenly, someone bumped up against Paula. He apologized and sped off, laughing. "That guy must have been a pickpocket," said Paula. "There's only one way to find out," said Ness. Paula reached into her pocket and found that there was more there rather than less. She pulled out the extra thing she got, and found a small case. It said "To Paula, love Ness." She opened the case, and found a beautiful ring. it secured a little piece of paper. She took out the paper and opened it. It read "Marry me Paula." She screamed in delight and hugged Ness. Then, a funny expression crossed her face. "What's wrong," asked Ness, "that sounded like a yes..." "It's just that we're off to college tomorrow. We can't get hitched for four years." "Exactly," said Ness, "so we'll stay engaged for the four years, plan our wedding over the time off we have, and when we get out, we wrap up any loose ends and--" "Get married," finished Paula. She kissed Ness excitedly. "C'mon," said Ness, "I already have an engagement gift." He pulled out two front row tickets to that night's Aerosmith concert at the Summers Memorial Stadium. "Starts in five minutes. Wanna go?" "Sure," said Paula. The couple then headed to the stadium, never feeling more alive and in love.

Epilouge...


-Jeff graduated from the Snow Wood Boarding School two weeks after the war with Godon. He now lives in an apartment in New York City and is one of the world's most brilliant scientists.

-Poo was crowned king of Dalaam when he returned. Since Poo was crowned, he has dropped the crime rate to an all time low, and is making a bid to enter the United Nations.

-Very few people have recollection of the concentration camp set up by Godon. Those that don't recall it ever found out that its destruction caused the "Great Fourside Earthquake".

-The "Great Fourside Earthquake" caused very little damage. However, it has scared construction workers and designers to build sturdier buildings with the help of Jeff.

-Ness and Paula did get married, and earlier than expected as it seemed. That's a whole other story, though.

-Ness later found out that the guard that assulted and attempted to rape Paula was none other than Pokey Minch. He investigated how and why he lived after he shot him in the head. He eventually found out, but that's also another story.

The End

....................................................
..................................................................................................................

EBG Ness
Top 10
This week we feature:
"Top 10 things that I hate about America Online."

10. I hate how they TERMED me twice for sending over 1000 emails.

9. I hate that they limit Email sizes to 32000 characters.

8. Because of my Sattalite modem. I have to pay $6.00 an hour to use a phone modem.

7. WHAT THE HELL DID THEY DO TO SIGS?

6. I hate that I can't go to premium games easily.

5. I know that AOL has some kind of AOL OP code.

4. I still have to complain again about the message boards. What the hell is up with that. I lead the club for over 4 months. Not Onettness. And I HAVE TO MANUALLY COPY AND PASTE MY SIG.

3. I hate being TOS'd for saying that someone is a terd.

2. When did the word's HM mean a TOSable offense?

And the big Number 1.... WHAT THE HELL DID THEY DO WITH SIGS??
((Oh, This Top 10 is given credit to Aquaduck34.)

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EB Focus

Who is it?
Spiteful Crow

What's that?
This is a enemy that you encounter early in the game. He take's your stuff, and it kinda sucks sometimes. One time, while walking to Ness's house. Before I had a chance to stop... He stole a Diamond Band.

So what?
In the beginning of the game, he is quite useful and helpful. It is really cool because he ALWAYS gives you a cookie on destruction.

How strong is he?
He is really easy. Probably one of the easiest enemies in the game. 2 hit's level's 15 and down. 1 hit level 16 and up.

Where do you get him?
Onett, and Happy Happy Village.

Anything else?
He is annoying.. Gives you 1 or 2 exp. only. So just ignore him.
............................................................................................

NON Earthbound Focus

Name
Nomar Garciaparra

Who is he?
Starting SS in All-Star Game and a really cool guy

What's cool about him?
He won the Rookie of the Year award. He won the Silver Slugger. He beat out Derek Jeter for the starting spot in the All-Star Game in Boston...Go Red Sox!

That's cool, What else?
He donates to many charities and he signs stuff for kids. He has brought life back to the Red Sox and to Massachusetts. The Red Sox are now in contention to become a winning, first place team, mainly because of Nomar and Pedro Martinez. (Who is also starting the All-Star Game)




Written by: IHIEAD.
If you want to E-Mail mee and tell mee what you think...please do. Also, if you have suggestions on next weeks Non-EB Focus
Next Week...Wes Borland or Pedro Martinez..You decide, if you want someone else, e-mail mee!


IHI E A D
Proud Member Of The EBG, If you Don't LIke us Answer To Me!
If You Don't Like The Club, Drink My Pee!





Subj: Fwd: EarthBound Gang Newsletter Issue 95 Part 5
Date: 08/19/1999 10:34:02 PM Eastern Daylight Time
From: CrazedMogX
To: CrazedMogX
Double-click picture(s) to display in picture editor

-----------------
Forwarded Message:
Subj: Fwd: EarthBound Gang Newsletter Issue 95 Part 5
Date: 08/08/1999 8:46:07 PM Eastern Daylight Time
From: CrazedMogX
To: CrazedMogX


-----------------
Forwarded Message:
Subj: Fwd: EarthBound Gang Newsletter Issue 95 Part 5

Date: 07/21/1999 8:44:53 PM Eastern Daylight Time
From: CrazedMogX
To: CrazedMogX


-----------------
Forwarded Message:
Subj: EarthBound Gang Newsletter Issue 95 Part 5

Date: 07/08/1999 1:03:14 AM Eastern Daylight Time
From: EBG Ness
BCC: CrazedMogX



Welcome to Part 5 of the Newsletter

This is EBGNess. There is a late night overtime EarthBound Gang meeting going on... The current time is 12:56AM. Please come if you are online!!
EB Gang
CLICK THE LINK



Future Systems News!
eToys & Dreamcast

eToys is launching a pre-order service for videogames, children's videos and music that gives customers the opportunity to be one of the first to receive newly released products. The first product available through this service will be the Dreamcast.

The 17 million users of America Online will be among the first in line to purchase the Dreamcast via this unique and innovative service. AOL users can pre-order the Dreamcast via the service by typing the keyword, eToys. Non AOL users can pre-order the Dreamcast via eToys Internet site which can be accessed at
www.etoys.com.

Playstation Next Release Date in Japan
Sources in Japan have stated Sony will announce the release date and pricing for the debut of the "Next Generation PlayStation" in Japan soon. These same sources stated the console will be released on December 3rd, 1999 and will retail for 49,800 yen (approximately 410 USD). Six titles are slated to be released at the same time, including Tekken 4 and A-Train 6. No information on the cost of software, or possible US release dates and pricing is available at this time.

Office U.S. Dreamcast Magazine
Imagine Media, the people who have been given the rights by Sega to publish the official Dreamcast Magazine, will be including free GD-ROM's with every issue starting on October 5th. The first issue will contain a free teaser PC CD-ROM with Dreamcast movies and such.

The GD-ROM's can be played on the Dreamcast and will assumingly contain free demos, video footage and other cool stuff. Stay tuned for the first issue of the official Dreamcast Magazine in late August.

Electronics Boutique Partners for Dreamcast
Electronics Boutique announced on Wednesday that it has signed an agreement with Hollywood Entertainment (parent of Hollywood Video) to promote the launch of the Sega Dreamcast. The deal is part of Hollywood Video's promotion with Sega to rent Dreamcast systems in mid July - almost two months before the system's official release.

Under the agreement, gamers that rent the Dreamcast system from Hollywood Video will receive a coupon worth US$10 off of any Dreamcast item at Electronics Boutique. When the coupon is then redeemed at Electronics Boutique, customers are then given a rent one/get one free coupon to use at Hollywood Video.

"We are excited to be involved with the most anticipated and unique video game product launch to date," said Jeffrey W. Griffiths, senior vice president of merchandising and distribution at Electronics Boutique. "Presales for the Sega Dreamcast system continue to exceed the pace of any previous hardware debut. This exclusive partnership with Hollywood Video is expected to accelerate the anticipated record breaking sales pace."

The Hollywood Video Dreamcast rental promotion officially begins on July 15.

By Sam Kennedy, videogames.com

Mad Catz Makes Dreamcast Peripherals
One thing is for sure when the Dreamcast launches - it won't be short on peripherals. Companies like InterAct, Nyko, and Mad Catz will be tossing in their fair share of controllers, guns and accessory wires for Sega's new system. Mad Catz has a full line-up of controllers being prepared for the September launch, and we've put together a collection of screens for you to browse through.

The list includes:


Dream Blaster - $29.99



Dream Pad - $24.99



MC2 (steering wheel) - $59.99


AV Cable - $12.99
Force Pack - $19.99
Dream Cable (controller extension) - $12.99
Dream Switch (AV switch cable) - $19.99


Note: Some of the screens are early representations of the final products and could change by release.

By Sam Kennedy, videogames.com

Konami and Microsoft Announce Ports
TOKYO - The Nikkei Sangyo Shinbun has reported that Konami and Microsoft have decided on which games to port to the PC. According to the report, Microsoft will release Metal Gear Solid for the PC next year. The game will be network compatible. Silent Hill is also being considered as a port.

Konami has also revealed that it will release Combat Flight Simulator, Links, Age of Empires, Midtown Madness, Motocross Madness, Monster Truck Madness, and MechWarrior for the Dreamcast and PlayStation 2. Konami will release these games in the North American market before it releases it in Japan.

By Yutaka Ohbuchi, videogames.com


Preview: Dreamcast's TrickStyle
Do you remember the first time you saw Wipeout running on the PlayStation? At the time, the futuristic racer from Psygnosis was the epitome of next generation gaming - no title could better convey what 32-bit games had in store for us. Wipeout carried with it a connotation of cutting-edge graphics and design. So when I say that Trickstyle is to the Dreamcast what Wipeout was to the PlayStation, hopefully you'll understand what I mean. So far, no Dreamcast game has come close to delivering this sort of wow factor.



Trickstyle can best be described as an amalgam of arcade skateboarding games like 720 fused with Wipeout. It just feels right - there's a perfect feeling of weightlessness as you're zooming over track hills and obstacles. You simply have to stay alert to win - the game requires you to calculate ahead, taking into account physics and course layout. It stays fun, though, because the control is intuitive and capable of being mastered.



The version we saw only offered a chance to play through the training mode of the game, so it is still too early to make a fair judgement on how the complete game will feel. However, from what I've seen so far, every element is there. The graphics are perhaps some of the best yet on the Dreamcast - just wait until you see this game in motion. The sound gets your feet tapping with fast-beating techno, and the title's gameplay is great. I've been racing around the training modes collecting orbs and whatnot, and I'm hooked. The cards are definitely in place for Criterion (the developer) to have a major success on its hands.



Being released in the US by Acclaim, Trickstyle is currently slated as a Dreamcast launch title. It's likely that a demo will be packed in with the Dreamcast system when it releases here as well. Definitely keep your eyes out for this one.

By Sam Kennedy, videogames.com.

Last Week's Poll: What car should I get?
1995 Ford Taurus SHO: 25
1991 Acura Legend LS: 21
1989 Geo Metro: 13

This Week's Polls:
Poll 1: If you have StarCraft, how would you feel about an EarthBound Gang StarCraft tournament?
Great! Count me in!
I guess I'd play.
I have the game but I probably wouldn't play.
I would not play and the idea is stupid.

Poll 2: Have you pre-ordered a Dreamcast?
Yes.
Not Yet, but I will.
Nope.
................................................................

Over the course of the next three weeks, I will be reviewing my top three video games of all time. They are:
3. Escape Velocity
2. Mother 1
1. EV Override

3. Escape Velocity (1997, for Mac OS, Ambrosia Software, by Andrew Welsh)
Escape Velocity, perhaps one of the best arcade adventure games produced by Ambrosia Software, is still an excellent, entertaining game. In your small shuttlecraft, you start out running ordinary shuttle missions, but eventually you'll get a special mission from a bar on an ordinary planet, and that will send you off on more missions as you gain a good reputation, possibly aiding in the war between the Confederacy and the Rebellion.
The graphics, though simple, are adequate for the job, and better than are needed in fact. The ship graphics are very detailed and vibrant, and a fairly high frame rate will be found even on your slower machines--my old '040 was able to run it with respectable speed. While not actually a 3-D game, the graphics have a 3-D look and feel to them that is suprisingly refreshing.
The sound is similar in its quality. While there is almost no music in the game, that would actually detract from the gameplay, since you would need to be able to hear shots and missiles being fired to know what mission to take. As you travel through the galaxy, you quickly learn that hearing is every bit as important as seeing--sight is limited. Sound is not. If you can hear a missile being fired at you from off the screen, more power to you because you can dodge it around asteroids or jump out of system before it reaches you.
Of course, the gameplay is what makes it the best. You start out with a small shuttlecraft, but as you gain credits and reputation, newer craft will be available to you, especially military-class warships. Upgrades, such as laser turrets, can be bought for your craft, and if you do good, you'll find quite a few fun upgrades that can dramatically increase your odds of survival in combat.
The galaxy is big in this game--there are 60-100 systems that you can visit and do your trade in, divided among about three systems of legality, the Confederacy, Rebellion, and Pirate. Depending on what you do, you may wind up unable to land on a government's world because of misdeeds you have done, and if you get someone REALLY mad, you'll have a lot more than a lack of spaceports to land at--you'll have bounty hunters on your tail! And of course, doing good things could get you special perks and spacecraft to buy.
Exploration is essential to this game. You could miss out on a LOT if you don't explore. Once you've got a few credits in your account, you're missing out on a lot of good upgrades and spacecraft if you don't travel to the home worlds of the Confederacy, Pirates, and Rebellion.
This game also benefits from an excellent plug-in system. You can program your own ships, worlds, and missions. Tons of these are available on the Internet. My friend gave me a plug-in that gave me a virtually invincible ship for one credit. There's also plug-ins out there that give you new missions or make enemies smarter and more challenging! The game is virtually unlimited, in essence!
While this game isn't perfect--eventually running missions does get old, especially since the war never ends, no matter what you do--it is certainly a lot of fun, I was playing this for about three months before I went on to other things. A rock-solid game, still, and this is one that should be added to your software library.

...............................................................................


Previews

Destruction Derby 3




Destruction Derby was a big hit among the PSX games. It featured some 11 tracks and many different cars. But Destruction Derby 3 is going to be the best of all ages. I mean, what the heck, it is a racing game for crying out loud. They are now going to offer 25 tracks, 15 different cars that are completely customizable! And if that isn't enough the makers of the game (Phygnosis) are going to rock the graphic world by Adding a Battle Arena, Rooftop Arena, and Crazy Track level.



Total Rating: * * * *
Graphics:
* * * * *
Control:
* * *
Fun Factor:
* * * *
Replay Value:
* * *
Camera Angles:
* * * *

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WWF Wrestlemania 2000



THQ, long known as the company behind all the recent WCW-licensed games, has pulled a Chris Jericho and jumped federations. The company officially takes control of the WWF license from Acclaim on November 15th. Shortly after that, the company plans to release its first WWF game, which is currently titled WWF Wrestlemania 2000.

While we don't have much info besides the provided screenshots and the game's current title, it's safe to assume that Wrestlemania 2000 will pick up where THQ's WCW games left off. The same development team that delivered the engine used in WCW/NWO Revenge is on board, so it's pretty safe to assume that the gameplay will be similar to previous N64 wrestling titles from THQ. From the looks of the screenshots, it looks like the company will be paying closer attention to the little things that their previous games lacked, such as more true-to-life ring introductions.

THQ will also be producing WWF-licensed games for the PlayStation and the Dreamcast. Look for more info and screens to appear in this space as soon as we receive it.

Total Rating: * * *
Graphics:
* * * *
Control:
* * *
Fun Factor:
* * * *
Replay Value:
* * *
Camera Angles:
* * *
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Quake 2



I really can't count how many sleepless nights the Quake series has caused me. I'd sit in front of my PC for eight to ten hours at a time, using the mouse as an extension of my body, killing as many of my fellow deathmatchers as I could find. Once the Quake II levels got boring, id Software released the Quake II point release, adding much-needed deathmatch-specific levels to the game. And on top of that, people hunched over their level editors were churning out more and more levels of varying quality every day. Add to that numerous homemade mods that brought entirely new gameplay modes (Rocket Arena 2 and JailBreak, just to name two of my favorites) to the Quake II engine, and you're looking at plenty of new, exciting experiences. The Nintendo 64 version of the game plays a competent game of Quake II. And for some - specifically those who don't have a PC powerful enough to play the original version of the game - that will be enough. But being locked into a static set of gameplay modes, maps, and models really limits the appeal of the game. It's safe to say that if you've already been playing Quake II on your computer, you really needn't bother with any more versions of the game.

One nice touch about the N64 version of Quake II is that it uses new levels. There are, however, one or two levels portions that are extremely close to sections in the original. The level design is decent, though it's also a bit on the simple side. For the most part, the designs are flat, and occasionally they're symmetrical designs that don't really heighten the tension at all, since you pretty much know exactly what to expect around every turn. The mission-based nature of the single-player game works well enough, and while it adheres to the "find key or button, use to open next door" design philosophy, it hides it well enough by having you pick up explosive charges, data discs, and other door-opening devices.

The multiplayer levels are also pretty well designed, though a few of them are way too big for two or even three-player deathmatches. The multiplayer action is available in a few different flavors, including plain-vanilla deathmatch and a stripped-down version of Capture the Flag. Gone are the tech power-ups, grappling hook, and, well, most of the fun. It's not that the mode itself is weak. It's just that playing CTF with teams of two just really isn't fun at all. Not to mention the fact that you can reduce the amount of strategy involved to around zero just by glancing at the other portions of the split screen. Two-player deathmatch is the largest offender here, as it's impossible to not notice your character running around on your opponent's screen; this makes sneaking up behind someone a totally unusable tactic.
...................................................................................................................................................................

Game Codes


SouthPark 64

All Characters in Multiplayer Mode

To enable all characters in multiplayer mode, enter the password OMGTKKYB. That, as any South Park fan will know, stands for "Oh My God, They Killed Kenny! You Bastards."
Submitted by D.J. Leahy and Matt Audette


All Weapons
For all weapons, enter the password FATKNACKER.


Big Head Mode
For big head mode enter the password MEGANOGGIN at the Cheat menu.


Bonus Characters
To access these characters in multiplayer mode, enter one of the passwords below.


veggieheaven = Skinny
cheatingisbad = Mr. Mackey
elvislives = Bar Brady
outrage = Big Gay Al
hawking = Ned
slapupmeal = Starvin Marvin
phaert = Phillip
raft = Terrance
dorothysfriend = Mr. Garrison
lovemachine = Chef
checkataco = Wendy
fishnchips = Pip
kickme = Ike
allwoman = Mrs. Cartman
goodscience = Mephisto
staringfrog = Jimbo
majestic = Alien



Extra Speed
By holding C-up and either C-left or C-right, and running at an angle you can move at an increased speed.


Invincibility
For god mode enter the password ASSMAN.


Level Select
To choose your starting level enter the password THEEARTHMOVED. After activating this code, start a new game and pause it. You may now enter the Level Select menu.


Load Your Earned Characters
This allows you to load all of the characters you earned without entering all of the passwords. First, go to Story Mode, and choose load a game. Load the game, then once it starts quit it. Now all of your characters are available in multiplayer.


Master Cheat
To unlock all codes at once, enter the code BOBBYBIRD at the Cheats menu.


Pen and Ink Mode
For Turok's famous "pen and ink" mode, enter the password PLANEARIUM.

Unlimited Ammo
For unlimited ammo, enter the password FATTERKNACKER.


View Credits
To view the credits, enter the password SCREWYOUGUYS.


Super Smash Bro's

Change Outfits
You can change your character's outfits by tapping the four C Buttons at the character select screen. Some costume changes are limited to colors, but characters like Pikachu are also available with a hat.


Item Menu in the American Version
Play Vs. Mode 100 times to open this option. You will be able to select the number and type of items which appear.


Item Menu in the Japanese Version
Go to Vs. Mode, pick any 3 computer players and your favorite character to play. Play the "stock" mode, and set the lives to 10. Change the computer handicaps to 5. Play, if you are the victor, to you go the spoils! Enter options under vs., then go to items switch. You can choose what items will show up and how often they do. Bob-ombs galore! Infinite hammers!


Kirby's Power Loss
Everybody knows that can swallow his opponents and take on some of their powers in this game, but what if you accidentally "ate" a character you didn't want -- and you want to pursue someone else? Simple: Just press the L Button to pull of Kirby's "Hello!" taunt and he will discard whatever power he took on.


Music Test
Complete Bonus 1 & 2 with all characters including secret ones and a "music test" option will be on the data screen


Play as Captain Falcon
To play as Captain Falcon, you must beat the game on any difficulty in UNDER 15 MINUTES. After that Captain Falcon will challenge you. Once you beat him, you be able to select Captain Falcon as a character.


Play as Jigglypuff
If you want to get the pokemon Jigglelypuff all you have to do is beat the game and then you will face JigglyPuff in a battle. If you beat JigglyPuff you will be able to use her in the game.


Play as Luigi
To play as Luigi, pass the Bonus Practice 1 with at least 8 main characters. When Luigi challenges you, defeat him and he's yours.


Play as Ness
To play as Ness, beat the one-player mode with any character with 3 lives, on NORMAL difficulty. You must beat the game without continuing.


Quick Recovery
Have you ever been hit so far you haven't been able to get back into the game to help your buddies? If that has happened to you, this cheat will help. After being hit into the air, keep tapping Z until you hit the ground. When you hit the ground, you will spring up from the ground quickly, and you can be back in the game faster. Also, you can press forward or backward to roll after you have sprung back into play.


Rotate Characters
You can rotate and view the characters from different angles by entering the character bio section and holding Z. You can use the analog stick to move them around.


Special Moves
Here's a list of special moves for your playing pleasure.

Kirby - Rock Solid - Down+B
Fox - Fox Reflector - Down+B
Link - Bomb Throw - Down+B
Donkey Kong - Ground Slap - Down+B
Pikachu - Pikachu Strike - Down+B
Mario - Spare Change - Up+B
Samus Aran - Samus Spank - Up+B
Yoshi - Snout Pound - Down+B


.........................................................................................

ADS

To all EarthBound Gang members that wish to advertise in our newsletter:
We encourage all members that are starting their own club or have a nice webpage to take out an ad in the EarthBound Gang Newsletter, but due to the demands placed upon us, we have been forced to write up new policies for advertising in our newsletter. Please read them below:
• 1 small (300x150 or smaller) picture allowed, per ad.
• Ad headers must be font size 16 or smaller.
• Body text must be size 12 or smaller.
• Total advertisement (including pics) must not exceed 5 lines in length.

Below is a good example:

_•Ż\ The EarthBound Gang /Ż•_

Join the EarthBound Gang! The BIGGEST and BEST EarthBound club on AOL! Click HERE to JOIN!!!

There is also a chance, because of the overwhelming number of ads we receive, that you may not see your ad in our newsletter for up to 4 weeks, don't worry. If your ad is approved it will appear in the newsletter. Thanks for reading!

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COOL CARTOONS!

The coolest cartoon club in the world!
This club features cartoons in e mails which you scrool down to watch
So if you want to join Cool Cartoons! Click here Taz6442970
Go to their website for more information Cool Cartoons!

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The Nintendo Battlers Club
Do you like nintendo? No? Damnit! Well if you want to join a Nintendo club and like battling, but don't want Newsletters, e-mail me(Harisn) with the subject "TNBC", but if you want the Newsletters and also want to join the club, e-mail me(Harisn) with the subject "TNBC-WVGW". WVGW stands for World Video Game War, the name of the NL. So you get tons of chainletters, and you like the scroll art. Well, that's mostly what the battle system's based on. E-mail me with the subject "TNBC sample" for a sample of some battle scroll art.
.............................................................................................


The Quest!
An all new story featuring your favorite characters from EarthBound!
Join up Here
or Check out the Web Page!
..................................................................................
OaFrank Fly, your AOE is doing a project. Send him a list of your favorite 5 videogames!!!

.............................................................................................................................

THE END

~~:::..EBG NESS...:::~~
Leader of the EarthBound Gang
THE EARTHBOUND GANG!
1 K member's and growing every day!
Email-Me
EarthBound Gang Message Board

Giant Step- Our meeting room

EarthBound Gang WebPage


The only thing you have to fear, is fear itself. ~~Harper Lee- To Kill a MockingBird






JG