Chapter 22

© Copyright 2006 by Kendra Cornell



Ellen knocked on the door of her friend’s lovely home and waited for a moment. Ruth answered after a few moments and with a surprised look on her face, embraced Ellen’s shoulders and invited her inside.

Ruth’s home was lovely- part of a new development that was geared towards young up-and-comers. The ceilings were vaulted, and light streamed in from skylights far above. Ruth had chosen a varied color palette, incorporating yellows, creams, and several floral shades on the walls and in the furniture. The cheery effect did little to brighten Ellen’s mood however.

“Ruth, I’m so sorry to show up like this without calling, but I just didn’t have the opportunity… and…” Ellen’s tears were close to the surface and her voice cracked enough to let Ruth know that something was seriously amiss.

“Hold on for just a minute. Let me go tell Bob I have company and I’ll be right back, okay?” Ruth asked squeezing Ellen’s arm.

Ellen nodded, hugging herself with crossed arms. She wandered for a few moments, observing the framed floral prints on the pale yellow walls. Crisp, shiny white trim ran underneath providing a lovely canvas on which Ruth had displayed her treasures.

Soon, Ellen was ushered into a study and seated next to Ruth on a comfortable couch. Reaching out to hold her hand, Ruth asked, “So what’s going on, Ellen?”

Taking a moment to focus on her composure, Ellen finally replied, “Ruth, Tom’s been having an affair.”

To her credit, Ruth didn’t gasp or make Ellen feel like some alien from another planet. She just nodded encouragingly, with compassion deep in her eyes.

“I’m afraid I’m not sure what to do. I just found out. You see, this is all a bit complicated.”

“It usually is.”

“No, I mean… with the election and circumstances being what they are…”

“Ellen, I think it would help me to understand what you are talking about if you tell me how you found out.”

“I got a letter in the mail- she sent me a letter. She had the gall to write to me. But… she’s dead now.”

At this, Ruth did gasp, squeezing Ellen’s hand. Ellen nodded and continued, “Apparently, she wrote me before she died, leaving instructions with her attorney that stated the letter was to be sent in the event of a suspicious death.” Ellen’s eyes filled with tears again, “Oh, Ruth! She said that Tom had something to do with her death- that she suspected things were ending with him. She said… She said she was in love with him. She said they were partners in more ways than one…” and here, Ellen’s voice cracked and left her as sobs overtook her once again. “Ruth, the woman is so evil!”

Ruth reached over and grabbed a handful of tissues that she passed to Ellen. Soothing Ellen as she might a small child, Ruth held her in her arms while Ellen cried out the agony and torment of betrayal.

“I’m so sorry, Ellen. So sorry. I can’t imagine how this hurts you right now.”

Ellen withdrew, embarrassed at her outburst. “I’m sorry,” she said wiping her eyes and her nose on a tissue. “I just can’t seem to get this under control.”

“Ellen, it’s probably going to be this way for a long time. This kind of thing isn’t momentary. I guess the question is, what do you want to do?”

“I don’t know! What am I supposed to do? Leave the man? Leave the only man I’ve ever loved after almost forty years of marriage? Walk away from my entire life?!”

Ruth’s tone was all patience. “I’m not telling you what to do- it will help give you focus if you lay out your options. In a situation like this, where control has been completely ripped from your grasp, having just one thing to hang onto can mean all the difference.”

Ellen saw the wisdom in Ruth’s words, and realized that this was what she had come here for. Right now, Ellen needed guidance and it was the one thing she was sorely lacking. She nodded and through her tears, said, “Alright then. How do I start?”

Ruth gathered a paper and pencil, and started to outline all of Ellen’s options. “There are the obvious choices- you can stay with him or you can leave.” At Ellen’s vigorous head-shake, Ruth continued, “It doesn’t mean it’s right or wrong. Right now, we’re just laying out the possibilities. Sometimes, it helps to see things in black and white.”

Misery was etched on Ellen’s features. Her eyes closed and she was slouched over- it was a part of Ellen that Ruth had never seen. Usually, Ellen was the picture of composure, her voice regulated and even. She always sat and stood as though a rod was tied to her spine, and it was rare that a negative word passed her lips. Though she had seen women in Ellen’s situation before, it was still a little alarming to see this normally composed woman seem so weak.

Ruth continued, “Okay, so you can stay or you can go. If you stay, you can try to work this out with Tom. It will mean counseling and hard work on both your parts. There’s also the matter of this woman’s death.” Ruth wasn’t sure what questions to ask- but rather than focus on Tom and the indiscretion, she wanted to help Ellen navigate her way through a very dark and uncertain time; a time that was only just beginning. “Ellen, do you believe Tom had some part in this?”

Ellen bit her lip momentarily before answering. “I don’t know. I don’t know if he did or not. Should I call the police? Should I just go home?” Ellen’s frustration mounted. “How do other women get through this?”

Ruth smiled gently, “There are as many answers to that question as there are women. Some stay and try to make it work. Some succeed and have healthier marriages than they ever had before. Some women leave and restart their own lives. There’s also the variable of the husband. What does he want? Is he willing to work it out or does he want to leave? There are just a lot of factors in every situation. And right now, I’d say yours fits the bill as well.”

Ellen listened to Ruth’s words knowing there was truth there but not feeling it. “So if I would… leave him. If I were to leave Tom, where would I go? How would I support myself?”

“Well, in the short term, do you have family you can stay with? Someone that could take you in for a while?”

Ellen replied quickly, “My daughter. I know she’d allow me to stay. She’s been begging me to come more often, but with this silly election and everything… well, I guess there just wasn’t enough time.”

“Alright, so that’s one option. If you stayed with Tom, could you pretend like this never happened?”

Ellen stared at Ruth, horrified. “How could any woman pretend that?”

“Some women prefer not to change the status-quo. It takes a lot of work to get through adultery- and it’s painful. Sometimes, it’s easier to ignore behavior than to change it.”

“Well, I could never do that. This man- he’s my life. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to look him in the eye, or trust him. Or be able to lie next to him… How could he do this to me! I don’t know whether to be angry or hurt! By turns, I’m absolutely infuriated, and then I feel like I’d rather stop breathing than keep going through this.”

“Hurt and anger can seem an awful lot alike- and you will probably experience both of those things quite a bit for a while. It’s normal. Don’t beat yourself up for it. Some might disagree, but I think it’s best for a woman to just feel what she’s feeling- whatever that might be. At some point, it won’t be enough just to feel. And then you’ll want answers. Of course, a lot of this is going to depend on Tom, too.”

Ellen took a deep breath, “I want to go stay with my daughter. I want to get out of there. I can’t stand him- to see him or to be around him… any of it!”

Ruth took Ellen’s hands, “I’d like to pray with you, if we could. The Lord will probably have a lot to say to you about this.”

Ellen bowed her head and Ruth began, “Heavenly Father, we come to you this afternoon with burdens that feel too great to bear. You already know that Tom has been having a relationship with someone else. I pray that You will comfort Ellen at this time. Help her through the pain, and help her to see You in all of this. Help us to internalize the assurance that all things truly do work together for the good of those who love you. Give Ellen everything she needs to survive during this painful time. We thank You for your provision and your blessing. In the name of Jesus we pray, Amen.”

Silent tears streamed down Ellen’s cheeks, and after a moment she said, “Thank-you. I feel so… just not myself.”

Ruth nodded her understanding, “Are you certain that you want to stay with your daughter?”

Ellen adamantly agreed, feeling as though that was the only thing she was sure of at the moment.

“Would you like me to stay with you while you make the arrangements?”

After considering for a moment, Ellen replied, “Please. I don’t think I want to be alone right now.” Pulling out her address book, Ellen dialed her daughter’s number. Without going into great detail, Ellen asked if it would be alright if she stayed with them for a short time. From what Ruth gathered, it was more than alright.

Ellen smiled a real smile for the first time that day. “She’s so excited. Her husband and the kids are already getting their guest room ready. I feel like everything is completely up in the air, and I’m not sure of anything. But at least, I have something to hang onto.”

“Don’t forget- sometimes, God uses the most painful circumstances to pull us back to Him. Don’t be too hard on yourself if you have moments where you need to rage against Him. Every time I’ve lost my temper, He’s always drawn me close. You’re going to get through this, Ellen. I promise you.”

Ellen smiled again. “Thank you Ruth. I’m sorry if I imposed on your afternoon. I just didn’t know where else to go.”

“Don’t you dare apologize. It’s what I’m here for. Now, what are you going to do about your things? Your clothes? Personal items? Do you want to go back to the house?”

“Well, my guess is that Tom isn’t there. He had about a million events to attend today. And I doubt that he’s waiting there for me. I’ll just go home and pack a bag.”

“What if he is there, Ellen?”

“Then I‘ll just explain that I’m leaving and will call him with details sometime in the next century,” Ellen said sniffing a bit, a spark of the old woman returning.

“Call me if you need anything, Ellen. I mean that.”

Gathering up her bag, Ellen put an arm around Ruth and the two women held each other close for several moments.

“Thank you Ruth. I will call you. But for now, I just need to get some distance I think. I can’t make sense of any of this right now, let alone make any big decisions.”

“I think that’s wise. Take care of yourself.”

Ruth shut the door quietly behind Ellen, the latch catching with a small click. What was it about marriage that was so hard? Even people who seemed to have the perfect life could have all kinds of gunk under the surface. Ruth returned to the back patio that was ringed with flower-filled clay pots. Her husband was napping in the hammock.

Ruth sat again and took a sip of the watered down tea she had left out here. Her husband opened one eye and asked, “Everything okay?”

“As okay as it can be, I guess.”

“Come here,” he said opening his arms.

Ruth walked over a lay down in the hammock with her husband. The Lord alone knew that they had had their share of issues as well. He had proven powerful and faithful with the two of them, and Ruth had no doubt that He was fully capable of making sense out of such a twisted situation. But in a quiet part of herself, Ruth never envied Ellen the difficulty that she was sure to face in the days ahead. Offering yet another silent prayer on Ellen’s behalf, Ruth lay quietly with her husband and listened to the soft sounds of the summer afternoon.




HEY! and don't forget to e-mail Kendra Cornell if you have a comment! She would really like to hear from you.





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