There are only two things a child will share willingly:
communicable diseases and their mother's age.
Cleaning your house while your kids are at home is like
trying to shovel the driveway during a snowstorm.
Kids really brighten a household; they never turn off any
lights.
An alarm clock is a device for waking people up who don't
have small kids.
Shouting to make your kids obey is like using the horn to
steer your car, and you get about the same results!
Any child can tell you that the sole purpose of a middle
name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
THINGS ONLY A MOM CAN TEACH
"Just wait until your father gets home."
2. My Mother taught me about RECEIVING....
"You are going to get it when we get home!"
3. My Mother taught me to MEET A CHALLENGE...
"What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you ... Don't talk
back to me!"
4. My Mother taught me LOGIC...
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, your not going to
the store with me."
5. My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE...
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
way."
6. My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD...
"If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job."
7. My Mother taught me ESP...
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you're cold?"
8. My Mother taught me HUMOR...
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
9. My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT...
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
10. My Mother taught me about SEX....
"How do you think you got here?"
11. My Mother taught me about GENETICS...
"You're just like your father."
12. My Mother taught me about my ROOTS...
"Do you think you were born in a barn?"
13. My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE...
"When you get to be my age, you will understand.
14. And my all time favorite... JUSTICE...
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like
you....Then you'll see what it's like."