I sit and I observe. People. Places. Ignorant emotion. It's all there- an arm-stretch away. Can you see it? I can. I say that I am an artist, just to make it easier on myself. It's easier when you define yourself as something. Some one thing. We make these boxes for ourselves- and we find someone else who has categorized themselves as "in our box" to communicate with. They know us, they understand us, we think. But do not deceive yourself. These categories, these boxes are merely what society has named them. And in them lie ignorant stereotypes.
When I say that I am an artist it means that I am poor and like to pretentiously create something that everyone will see as beautiful and deep. Do not deceive yourself. I simply want to take something so simple and ordinary, something that you have overlooked before and show it to you another way- a way that you have never seen it before- as beautiful. You have never seen beauty before. A fallen leaf, your very own profile, the way a stranger looks the second before they cry: beauty.
Beyond these categories, we are all the same. We think, we breathe, we have the same parts. We all want to be happy. We are all the same. The only thing(s) that truly set us apart from one another are our laughs and our walks. In a laugh you can tell so much about a person- if they are pretending to laugh, if they are laughing out of courtesy, if they are really happy, silly, a bit depressed, just about anything. If you cannot hear these things, you are not listening closely enough. And a walk is a lot like a signature. No one is exactly the same. A walk is very distinct. Like a forger is bound to cross his "t" slightly wrong, a comedian will never give the perfect immitation.
We are all the same. We cannot pretend to be one another, because we ARE one another. You will one day, if even for a minute, transform and become the person you hate the most.
We are shallow, fickle and selfish.
I give small change to the shriner at the stoplight because I do not want to give him the large bill that I worked hard to earn. My humble offering still, nonetheless makes me feel better about myself- it was selfish to keep the large bill and it was selfish for feeling good about giving all the small change I could offer.
We are all the same.
We are shallow, fickle and selfish.
We cannot be different by being the same.
Copyright
2001.
**Artwork by Norman Rockwell**
***It's a Friday night, so I get all fixed up and go out to my usual weekend hang out to meet up with my friends. I arrive to find out that a surpringly small number of people are there, (considering that it's a Friday night). After saying goodbye to a departing group of people, I go to a small table where a select group of my friends, (who were probably just as bored as I was), were sitting. After receiving the usual round of hugs, one of the guys, whom we will call, "Tom" asks if I want to join them and go see a movie. I say "yes," so we all go outside to our cars. I tell Tom that I'm going to get my money out of my car, and for him to save me a spot in his car.
***After getting my money, I see my other guy friend, whom we will call, "Ben" parked closer to me, and Tom's car was across the street. I asked Ben if I could ride with him instead since he had more room in his car. So, I got in Ben's car, and then I told Tom (across the street) that I was riding with Ben. Tom proceeds to yell from across the street, "OKAY- I WISH I HAD KNOWN THAT EARLIER!" I try not to be too dissappointed by his impatience.
***So, the two cars drive to the theater. We park and meet up with the other car to find out that the movie we wanted to see isn't playing anymore. So, we decide to drive back to our previous location, and maybe go to Ben's house later to watch a movie. I get in Ben's car again, and as he starts the car, he apologizes for forgetting to open the door for me.
***We arrive at our "hang out" and Tom and Ben leave to go see a friend at work to invite him to go to Ben's house later. They tell me that they will be back soon so I can follow them there.
***After talking to another group of friends for a while, the guys return, and I follow Ben to his house. On the way there, I have to stop for gas, so both of us pull into the gas station. Ben parked in front of the gas station and I pull up to the pump. As I'm getting out of my car, Ben walks up and asks me what kind of gas I want and how much. Then, he proceeds to pump my gas for me. I go inside to pay in advance. *In all 18 years of my life, I have never had a guy pump gas for me.*
***We leave the gas station, and shortly after arrive at Ben's house. I get out of the car to find out that, this time like many times, it's just me and the guys.
***We go in Ben's house, he offers me food, I decline, the other two guys play pool, darts, yadda, yadda, we watch the movie. An hour into the movie, I have to leave, so my parents won't get worried. I say my goodbyes to the guys, and Ben walks with me outside. He opens my car door for me, thanks me for coming and says goodbye. As I am pulling out of the driveway, he waves goodbye.
***As an 18-year-old upcoming college freshman, I was in this state where I thought that all guys were jerks. I guess that my bad past experiences made me forget that chivalry really isn't dead.***
Gustave Dore