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BENEFITS OF GETTING OLDER

MAIN COMMONER • GETTING OLDER

  • You can eat dinner at 4:00
  • Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off
  • Kidnappers are not very interested in you
  • It's harder and harder for sexual harassment charges to stick
  • People no longer view you as a hypochondriac
  • Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either
  • Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size
  • Your eyes won't get much worse
  • Things you buy now won't wear out
  • No one expects you to run into a burning building
  • There's nothing left to learn the hard way
  • Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service
  • In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first
  • You can live without sex but not without glasses
  • Your back goes out more than you do
  • You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room
  • You buy a compass for the dash of your car
  • Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper
  • You sing along with the elevator music
  • You constantly talk about the price of gasoline
  • You enjoy hearing about other people's operations
  • You consider coffee one of the most important things in life
  • You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge
  • People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
  • You send money to American Cancer Society
  • You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television
  • Your ears are hairier than your head
  • You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn
  • You get into a heated argument about pension plans
  • You got cable for the weather channel
  • You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it



   
 
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