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70 WAYS TO TELL IF YOU'RE ASIAN

MAIN COMMONER• 70 WAYS TO TELL IF YOU'RE ASIAN

This is an article from Tang Chi Meng's Homepage.

  1. You love to go to the $1.75 movies.
  2. You love to go to the $1.50 movies even more!
  3. You don't order Sweet & Sour Pork, Egg Fu Young, or Chop Suey in a Chinese Restaraunt.
  4. You have a pager with an alphanumeric display and a cellular phone, even though don't really need it.
  5. You hate to spend more than $5 for lunch.
  6. You drive a Honda.
  7. You like to eat Chicken Feet.
  8. You suck on Fish Heads and Fish Fins.
  9. You turn bright red after drinking two tablespoons of beer.
  10. You look like you are 18.
  11. You look up to see women, if you are male.
  12. You look up to see men, if you are female.
  13. You live at your parents house, and you are not claimed as a dependent by them.
  14. You have more than 5 remote controls in your TV room.
  15. You sing Karaoke.

  16. You have a custom stero in your Honda with your custom rims.
  17. Your entire house is covered in tile.
  18. You have those plastic walkways covering your hallways and other heavy foot-traffic areas.
  19. You own a gun, if you are male.
  20. You have plastic or some other kind of covering on your furniture.
  21. You leave the plastic on your lampshade for 10 years or more.
  22. You eat family dinner with the TV on.
  23. You can't bear to throw away things.
  24. Your dad washes his hair 4 times a year.
  25. You hated getting B's in school, and rarely did.
  26. Your house smells like preserved fish.

  27. Your house smells like Chinese medicine.
  28. You have about 12 - 20 uncles and aunts.
  29. You hardly ever kissed or hugged your mom or dad.
  30. Your unassisted vision is worse than 20/500.
  31. You wear contacts, to avoid wearing your `coke-bottle-glasses.'
  32. You've worn glasses since you were in fifth grade.
  33. You go to yard sales often.
  34. Your parents own a restaraunt or grocery store.
  35. Your hair sticks straight up when you wake up.
  36. You'll make absurd offers when bargaining ("I'll give you $5 for that car").
  37. You'll haggle over something that is non-negotiable.
  38. You love to use your computer.
  39. You drive around looking for the cheapest gas.
  40. You add twice the recommended amount of water when making orange juice from concentrate.
  41. You'll squeeze a toothpaste tube down to paper thin.
  42. You'll take showers at night.
  43. You will learn about sex from someone other than your parents.
  44. You will then be convinced that your parents only had sex as many times as required to produce you and your siblings.
  45. You've never seen your parents kiss or hug.
  46. Your grandmother lives with you and your family.
  47. You tip 15% or less.
  48. You never order dessert at restaraunts.
  49. You always have water when dining out.
  50. You refuse to use the valet.
  51. You try not to use the bellhop, for fear of tipping.
  52. You don't mind squeezing 20 people into one hotel room.
  53. You get the runs when you drink lots of milk.
  54. You have a great love for cameras.
  55. Your fridge stinks.
  56. Your parents don't want you to move out when you turn(ed) 18.
  57. Your parenst want to live with you when they get old.
  58. You point to your nose when referring to yourself.
  59. You say "Aiya!" and "Wah!" frequently.
  60. You lie about your kids' ages when going to the movies or amusement parks.
  61. You lie about your age all of the time.
  62. You love Las Vegas, slot machines, and BlackJack.
  63. You love to play Mahjong, because of your mom and dad.
  64. You want to marry Asian.
  65. You have to read all of your parents' mail that's written in English.
  66. You have to make phone calls for your parents to English speakers.
  67. You are constantly being set up with un-interesting people by your parents.
  68. You always hear about how great so-and-so's son or daughter is.
  69. Your parents wish you would give 30% of your income to them.
  70. You hate eating cheese.
   
 
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