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70 WAYS TO TELL IF YOU'RE ASIAN
This is an article from Tang Chi Meng's
- You love to go to the $1.75 movies.
- You love to go to the $1.50 movies even more!
- You don't order Sweet & Sour Pork, Egg Fu Young, or Chop Suey
in a Chinese Restaraunt.
- You have a pager with an alphanumeric display and a cellular
phone, even though don't really need it.
- You hate to spend more than $5 for lunch.
- You drive a Honda.
- You like to eat Chicken Feet.
- You suck on Fish Heads and Fish Fins.
- You turn bright red after drinking two tablespoons of beer.
- You look like you are 18.
- You look up to see women, if you are male.
- You look up to see men, if you are female.
- You live at your parents house, and you are not claimed as a dependent by them.
- You have more than 5 remote controls in your TV room.
- You sing Karaoke.
- You have a custom stero in your Honda with your custom rims.
- Your entire house is covered in tile.
- You have those plastic walkways covering your hallways and other
heavy foot-traffic areas.
- You own a gun, if you are male.
- You have plastic or some other kind of covering on your
- You leave the plastic on your lampshade for 10 years or more.
- You eat family dinner with the TV on.
- You can't bear to throw away things.
- Your dad washes his hair 4 times a year.
- You hated getting B's in school, and rarely did.
- Your house smells like preserved fish.
- Your house smells like Chinese medicine.
- You have about 12 - 20 uncles and aunts.
- You hardly ever kissed or hugged your mom or dad.
- Your unassisted vision is worse than 20/500.
- You wear contacts, to avoid wearing your `coke-bottle-glasses.'
- You've worn glasses since you were in fifth grade.
- You go to yard sales often.
- Your parents own a restaraunt or grocery store.
- Your hair sticks straight up when you wake up.
- You'll make absurd offers when bargaining ("I'll give you $5
for that car").
- You'll haggle over something that is non-negotiable.
- You love to use your computer.
- You drive around looking for the cheapest gas.
- You add twice the recommended amount of water when making orange
juice from concentrate.
- You'll squeeze a toothpaste tube down to paper thin.
- You'll take showers at night.
- You will learn about sex from someone other than your parents.
- You will then be convinced that your parents only had sex as many
times as required to produce you and your siblings.
- You've never seen your parents kiss or hug.
- Your grandmother lives with you and your family.
- You tip 15% or less.
- You never order dessert at restaraunts.
- You always have water when dining out.
- You refuse to use the valet.
- You try not to use the bellhop, for fear of tipping.
- You don't mind squeezing 20 people into one hotel room.
- You get the runs when you drink lots of milk.
- You have a great love for cameras.
- Your fridge stinks.
- Your parents don't want you to move out when you turn(ed) 18.
- Your parenst want to live with you when they get old.
- You point to your nose when referring to yourself.
- You say "Aiya!" and "Wah!" frequently.
- You lie about your kids' ages when going to the movies or
- You lie about your age all of the time.
- You love Las Vegas, slot machines, and BlackJack.
- You love to play Mahjong, because of your mom and dad.
- You want to marry Asian.
- You have to read all of your parents' mail that's written in
- You have to make phone calls for your parents to English
- You are constantly being set up with un-interesting people by
- You always hear about how great so-and-so's son or daughter is.
- Your parents wish you would give 30% of your income to them.
- You hate eating cheese.