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"What is it you would see? If aught of woe or wonder, cease your search." - Hamlet, act V, sc ii - J e f f e r s o n' s - W e b s i t e - O f - W o n d e r It's where you came from. And if you've been bad it's where you're going back to. Jefferson was last here on ... October 5, 2008 So who's your daddy? How about the Entire Population of Europe 1200 years ago.... Okay... so we have 2 parents, 4 grandparents, 8 great-grandparents and 16 great-greats... but few people think beyond those 3 or 4 generations of ancestors closest to us and whose pictures might be found while dusting in the attic. In short, every generation doubles the number of ancestors, across the board and without exception. After 32 "great-great-greats" and 64 "great-great-great-greats" the number really accelerates. By the 10th generation there are 1024 direct ancestors mixed into your DNA, and by the 15th generation, 32,768. By the 20th you cross the million ancestor mark at 1,048,576 and are looking for a bigger house just to display the family album... by the 30th 1,073,741,824 and by the 40th generation a staggering 1,099,511,627,776 grandmas & grandpas (Yes, for the record, that's a TRILLION... it's a lot of cards and anniversaries to keep track of... and a lot of grudges against you should you forget). Given that this journey through 40 generations of time takes us back to the 9th century (+/- several decades)-- a time when the world population hovered near 250 million and the European population is estimated on the generous side at 30 million -- it would be safe to say that everyone in the Western World who is derived from any European or Scandinavian stock is descended from EACH and EVERY successful child-bearing line of 9th century Europe--and not just once... but on average, 36,650 times over. (And that number is conservative, in that 30 million represents the entire population, not just child bearing lines.) Some ancestors would be represented more often while others less, but regional and cultural isolation (Jewish enclaves, Moors in Spain) offers no exception to the rule...all it takes is one ancestor, a "gateway grandpa" to bridge the narrow into every nook & cranny in the genealogical atlas. In the end, the odds average out to 36,651 to 1 that you are NOT directly descended from every man & woman who walked European soil in 800 AD and who happened to have a child, who had a child, who had a child....

Some of my favorite videos from YouTube and MySpace:

2007 Bud Light ad - "Hitchiker" "But he has an AXE!" | 30 seconds | The Sounds - Painted By Numbers, 2006--like all art the lyrics are a truism So, he climbed up the cliff, like, every time? (Compilation by me) Bram Stoker's Dracula.... To me Gary Oldman will always be Santa... oops, I mean Dracula (my holidays r confused) | 2 min 33 seconds |

Is the music done yet? No? Okay, wait, then click on this--Avril Lavigne's stunningly beautiful "I Will Be." Groomed for her third album it ended up an undeserved footnote as an iTunes exclusive. Rescued from between the sofa cushions, where I also found a gum wrapper and six cents, here is the treasure, "I Will Be":

It's me in all four directions... like an insightful Andy Warhol or a shallow/sisterless Brady Bunch. I'd put Alice in the middle, but I can't do HTML that well Jefferson Six feet and (probably forever) single. Women are just a dream. Or maybe I am. God knows I dream of them... I am Endymion (Hehe, obscure mythological reference here. I'm loved by the moon, dammit!), too old to be goth and too young to be dead, too gloomy to be happy & only happy when you're glum. As a girlfriend once remarked while listening to Danny Elfman's Edward Scissorhands soundtrack, "It's creepy but cool... kinda like you." This is an equal-opportunity site, I'm here to annoy everyone. But because you've taken a moment to find me let me take a moment out of my busy day to annoy you in particular. The facial feature that continues to amaze me are the eyes. The eyes are magical; they sparkle or they're empty; without any muscles for expression they somehow convey more feeling, more passion, more excitement and devastation than all the muscles in the face. If every other manifestation of the body is via the brain, the eyes belong to the soul, right down to every feeling (and fallacy). To the latter point: I've always said we never truly love anyone, we just love what we think we SEE in someone, and what they SEE in us. Eyes, in a nutshell... Blue eyes--my favorite. Green eyes--very mysterious. Pink eye--not good. Evil eye--also not good. Eye of the Idol--$$, but you have to run through the Temple of Doom to get it. Me, myself and I--one person. I-- 'm being silly. Say "i", oops--I mean HI... if you'd like. I-mail... oops, E mean, (oops again) "I" mean, "E"-mail me.

Let's play a game... "Jefferson 101, 411 and 911"--- Here's a quiz to learn more about me. And it's the Teacher's Edition; 'cause I've given you the answers... WHO AM I? I'm Jefferson. I'm Part of the Problem. "What may man within him hide, though angel on the outward side." - Measure for Measure, act III, sc ii HOW OLD AM I? Born... a.) 1968 b.) 1970 c.) 1972 d.) all of the above e.) Eternal f.) "not all here yet" WHERE DO I LIVE?: Savannah, GA; under a bridge (Southbridge, specifically). I aspire to be a troll someday. Yes, that would be kewl. Trolls don't get the respect they deserve, but hey, they're out there all the time, keeping bridges clean for everyone. And abducting only a few people a year. In their defense, reruns of Full House kill more people a year than trolls. Seriously. Look it up. I GREW UP... In Atlanta (an empty sprawling thing, mistaking its multitude of Peachtree Streets for a soul). Oh, yeah, I lived for a short time in New York when I was three, where I innately picked up this smart-ass attitude. (Side note: bridges there--not quite so clean. Bad trolls!) EDUCATION: I have a BFA degree in art history, which over-qualifies me to look at pretty pictures. FAVORITE TV SHOW: UPN's "America's Next Top Model." Or as I like to call it, "Wife Shopping." Shout out to Kahlen from season 4. I'm draggin' her back to my troll bridge.... AND FOLKS ALWAYS ASK IF I'M AN ACTOR: As a child I did commercials, print work & stage work and such in Atlanta--Emory University, Flat Rock Playhouse, my most recent adult appearance was in Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil... Take a look at the footage below. (Existential query: What's worse... being in a bad film or not being in any film at all? Hmmm.) SPEAKING OF GOOD OR EVIL: I've decided.... I'm just a little bit evil. It's a valid lifestyle choice. (And if you tell me it isn't your insolence shall displease me...) MY FAVORITE SOUNDTRACK: Field of Dreams, A Beautiful Mind, Man Without a Face. Anything and everything sad. Anything a little dark and complicated. Hear what I'm talking about; a hauntingly beautiful clip for your Real Audio HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE I ANSWER THE PHONE: 3. And everyone still thinks I'm the machine...(It's the silky voice thing.) FAVORITE SPORT: Women's gymnastics. Little girls in tights bending over backwards to please me.... Second favorite: Women's ice skating. Little girls in small skirts flashing me for scores of artistic merit. Hehe. (I'm not a dirty old man, but I do hope to be one one day.) MY MOST USELESS TALENT: I can name every Roman Emperor through Trajanus Decius (251 c.e.). Now you try at home. It's not even good for free fries anyplace... I've checked. Jefferson's appearances in Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil (1997) (Over John Cusack's right shoulder, then on the other side of every door he walks through) | 73 seconds | Take a moment to meet the great big life-sized Alien in my kitchen (Or he'll eat you...) People are incredibly curious about this thing, so I finally took some footage. | 151 seconds | Failing Interior Design, 101 For 141/2 years -- one-tenth of its existence--I lived at 115 West Gaston Street.... Whatever poor soul lives there now probably still gets my junk mail thru the slot. Hehe. Behold, my crap legacy. I always said that when I died I was going to come back and haunt the place. (Still might... I haven't decided.) I loved that place, but in Dec. '04 I moved to the suburbs. Now I have more room to scare children, heckle passing golfers and showcase my vast array of memorabilia. An incurable collector (I say incurable--if they found a cure and started giving me the pills instead of taking them I'd begin carefully collecting them too), I have dozens of original movie posters spanning 6 decades, 10 classic arcade games (Asteroids, Ms. Pacman, Tron, Galaga & Defender, just to name half... and yes, all work--my big project in '06 was bringing them all back up), Chuck Jones production drawings used in old Road Runner cartoons, a ten-foot movie screen for the enjoyment of la cinema, a full-sized Han Solo in Carbonite, a full-sized Alien and a "full-angry" Michael Myers mannequin (I think he walks around at night when I'm asleep, doing my unconscious bidding, so please don't piss me off). What's that you say? Am I what? Oh... yes.... I'm single. (blushing) Yeah, I know, I know.... Dangerous Roomates.... (right) "Three's Company," indeed. Yeah, we all live together. Two of the three to the right have issues.... (And Gollum just has bad hair. Hehe.) My father My father retired April 27 2007, after a career of 50 years of broadcasting in radio, local tv and 2 national networks... an Emmy-award winning (1984) CBS News correspondent from 1971-1991, from '91-'07 he served at NBC as anchor, correspondent, producer & general wise sage. He's been a wise sage to me even longer. :)

Excerpts from my daddy's retirement retrospective (2007) (thanks to Bob Horner, Sharon Houston and the entire Newschannel team who so thoughtfully compiled this)) | 7 minutes | My mom's misadventure with a toy parrot (2000) Still makes me laugh. Susie and a parrot | 4 minutes |

DO I GET MOTION SICKNESS? Only if you're driving. WHICH IS MY FAVORITE ANCIENT PERSIAN EMPIRE--ACHEMENID, PARTHIAN OR SASANIAN? Achemenid. By the third one they were just doin' the same old stuff all over again and calling it cool... It wasn't cool. It just wasn't. STORMS - COOL OR SCARY? Excellent cool.... Foreboding gray clouds. Gray--black's more subtle sister... MY FAVORITE FOOD: For my lengthy and classic rant about food SEE: Page 2. WHAT I LOOK FOR IN A WOMAN: She must have a cool personality, an appreciation of humor... and the matching half of my map to the lost jade monkey.... Not demanding at all. Hehe. Ignore me or I'll think I'm funny. NOW OR LATER?: Later, let's always do it later. I've switched; funny how life does that; I used to be a go-getter but now procrastinate in everything and live in denial. I like to say I'll live in denial until I can't live in denial any more... which, of course, will NEVER... HAPPEN. On a related note, if ANYONE lives in denial better than I do... I don't want to know about it. FAVORITE QUOTE: "I have made a prisoner of myself and put me into a dungeon and now I cannot find the key... and if the door were open, I should be almost afraid to come out.... For the last ten years, I have not lived, but only dreamed of living." - Hawthorne, 1837 correspondence. FAVORITE QUOTE #2: In the words of Voltaire, "Common sense is not so common." Dictionaire Philosophique, 1764 WHICH CAME FIRST, THE CHICKEN OR THE EGG? ... Marshmallow Peeps. That's where the madness began. Speaking of Xmas, here's MadTV's "Raging Rudolph," from '95: MY MOST MEMORABLE CHRISTMAS WISH: I was either five or six when I engaged in my first plot to take over the world... asking Santa for a "real" magic wand. You see, I thought myself the smartest kid on earth; knowing well that other kids would ask for toys, my plan was much more fully realized and ambitious, a back-door clause, like foiling the genie on the third wish by wishing for a thousand more. I want... a REAL magic wand, I whispered to the mall Santa. What else do you want? Silly Mall Santa, I require no more, no back up or plan B for you to fall back on should you fail your task. I want a REAL magic wand. I said it politely, of course, but I knew I had him on the technicality--I'd been good most of the year and he had to give me at least one thing on my list, so I kept the list short. (Always thinkin', this guy is...) Santa Claus would be my bitch. My parents looked over my letter to Santa (I had to do the letter thing too for the sake of redundancy, you see; there could be no misunderstanding. I had a vision...). But don't you want anything else, my parents carefully asked. No, of course not, why be selfish? I asked, innocently wiping away my drool, concealing the depths of my megalomania with a safety-wipe. It seemed to me perfectly straightforward; why waste anyone's time with anything else when the magic wand would surely provide? But alas, my carefully crafted scheme was thwarted! destroyed! and undone at the last minute like the scheme of every James Bond villain from 1962's "Dr. No" to today's "I'm So Tired Let Me Die." (... or whatever Bond film they're up to these days) I had been foiled by realities I could not yet grasp, but felt in the depths of my soul that Christmas morning as I plucked from the mantle an apologetic note from Santa--my dreams of world conquest dashed as I sat in footie pajamas. Sure, he had other toys for me, but to me they were merely boxes and paper. The world had slipped through my grasp. I grew up a lot that day. All that time I had been good for nothing. Some would say I'm still good for nothing. Hehe. I mean, ho ho.

JEP, please say hi sometime. I just want to know that you're happy and well & have many equally beautiful kids.----------- Continue to the Next Page * With more pictures ... * 14% more sarcasm! ... * Commentary 11.2% more insightful ... * Unscientific studies show you'll waste .04 - .09% more of your day! ...

jeffersonhall@yahoo.com Pictures, text and design: Jefferson Hall, 2000 - 2008

Hans Zimmer, The DaVinci Code

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