~my poetry~

Felt your love and pain
Know you better than anyone
Seen your emotions bottled up inside
I will help you all I can
To make you feel the way I want to feel
I will live my life the way you want
As long as you are happy
Give youe freedom you've given me
Give you love you've given me
Give you fear that you've given me
I cannot live without you
I FEAR LONELINESS
Afraid if I fuck up you're gone
Trying my best to hang on to what I have
If I lose it,
I will die.
On rainy days,
Wish you were here
Beside me, hand in hand,
To make the gloom go away forever.

UNTIL YOU LEAVE

Where have you been?
I've been worried.
Why are you ignoring me?
Tell me where you were
Listen to my plea!!!!!
Talk to me!
I know you hear what I'm saying.
There's no reason for you not to listen.
Talk to me.
I NEED you to talk to me,
I'm lonely.
If you're not going to say a word,
Leave, just leave!!!
I don't care about you.
And obviously, you don't care about me.
...I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scream.
I need you, I really do.
Where are you going?
Don't leave!
I love you! Stay, please!
I will say goodbye, if I must
But believe me, I don't want to...
Goodbye, my love
Always, forever, goodbye.

FAIRY WOOD

All the bright colors
Here comes my lover
We dance around the flowers & trees
Nothing is as it seems
A world of nothingness
Caught in a world of loveliness
People grew wings and went into flight
Everyone gathers here at night
The visions are other-worldly
We will never leave this strange fairy forest.

HELL

I dwell in a living hell
It started when I fell in the well
The well of no hope & all despair.
Nothing good ever stays there
Darkness, I know, is a part of life
I struggle with my grief and strife
Death is coming to all
I hear them trying to call
The little people are in my head
But they try to invade my body in my bed
Wait - look at the pretty colors.
Hey - there's my beautiful lover.
No! - he has become evil.
(His face looks somewhat like an eagle)
FUCK - the imps are eating my food.
Damn - I wish I was in a better mood.
If I felt good,
They's retreat to the woods
They would leave me alone
To live in my home.
But I know they will never leave,
At least, not until I unweave
The past hell
In which I still dwell.

THE DARKNESS THAT OVERCOMES

Darkness is taking over
The love of my life is gone and dead
I speak to you, great lover
Your death has filled my life with dread.
Talking to myself because you are not here
The love of my life has expired & my heart is heavy.
My heart has broken into tiny shards.
Just like a mirror broken by a fist.
No one is meant to have their heart broken this way.
My body is trembling with fear
Because no one with me is here
I am all alone in this wonderful hell,
This hell that I call life.
This evil place in which I dwell
Evil is the cause of strife.
Nothing I can do to make it better,
So to you I say goodbye.

SCARED

I was so alone
Not welcome in my home
Till I found someone who cares
I believe he'll always be there
A few months ago, all I did was cry
I desperately wanted to die
Then I met a man
With very skilled hands
He hugs me and showers me with affection
Always listens and never shows neglection
I hope he'll always stay
I hope we'll always be this way
I have never felt this way before
He has opened up my heart's door
I'm foolish, I let him in
I try not to fall like this for men
My heart will be broken, just don't know when
I hope my heart doesn't break soon
I would cry and be filled with gloom
Then I would die
Alone, I would die.

LIGHT

Nothing is as dark as it was
I have a light in my life
I never fit in this world
And I tried to make others happy
I don't anymore
I live my life the way I want to
I have a man
I have a friend
That's all I need
To get by
I finally feel loved
I finally feel special
For 19 years, I lived in darkness
After all that time
And all that hurt
I found a light in the darkness
Twas hard to find
But I found it
And now I have a reason to live.*

CHOICES

All we are is dust
We cannot see the light
Stop brainwashing me!
There is a god & it loves me for who I am.
My god appreciates my unusual look on life.
My god likes change.
Difference.
I am not nor will ever be like
The majority of society in the here & now.
I WILL speak my mind!
I don't give a damn what you say about me!
Am I crazy?
Am I psychotic?
Am I just plain weird?
NO!
I am human & most of you are mindless zombies
following every word your child rapist preacher
tells you!
I believe in a god.
It may not be the same as yours.
I believe in good things & going to a good
place when you die.
Isn't that good enough?
I have beliefs of my own, I don't have
to depend on others ways of life.
I can get through this hell on earth on my own!
I have choices & I decide what suits me best.
I choose to live my life smoking & drinking
I choose to love my family, no matter how much pain they put me through
I choose to hurt anyone who hurts me or someone I love
I choose to listen to "evil" music
I choose to study Demonology
I choose to read about Witchcraft
I choose to believe in my god
I choose to believe in U.F.O.s
I choose to believe in ghosts
I choose to believe in monsters
I choose to believe in angels
I choose to believe in fairies
I choose to be myself no matter what people say or do
I AM MYSELF!
I am not you, or him or her
I will live & die the way I choose
Now, I choose to end this ranting.

DESTROYED

Dark clouds are forming
Hovering over this lovely land
Dark clouds bring evilness
Beautiful towns falling down
Rain brings loneliness
Rain brings despair
The rain is ruining my life
Once I was happy
Now I am sad
Pain is my tormentor
My soul is destroyed
By this hated rain.

HEART-BROKEN

This soul has been destroyed
Now it's trying to heal
Past loves have gone away
I have no feelings now
My heart is cold & dead
But the memories are very alive in my head
I feel nothing physically
But mentally I am dying
My mind screams in horror
As it dies from the hate.

MY LIFE

I need someone
Lonliness overcomes my body
No motivation
Cold, dark depression is here
This friendless life is too much to bear
No one is a true friend
Mortals aren't true to anyone
Truth is purity
Purity is "good"
"Good" isn't among us
Only evil is here
Hung over our lives is a fog
Deep, depressing, dark fog
Evil fog
Blurring purity & truth
Evil is here to stay
Everything must be this way.

STARRY-EYED

Starry-eyed, dream filled child
Feelings of hope & love
Jungles deep with in are wild
Heart flutters like a dove
Growth occurs & brain decays
Hate melts away happy things
In the sunny field where I lay
I watch the dying bird's wings
Tomorrow may be happy
Love may come to this mind
Hope seems so far away to me
Nothing left for me to find

ADORED

Life is so hard
Somebody help me
I can't go on
Love is no where around
My heart needs to be found
It's so lonely
Here all alone.
Somebody help me
Nobody gives a damn about me
I can't go on
The many hearts I adore
Don't care about me
They don't care anymore
Nobody gives a damn about me
I don't care anymore.
Deep inside I feel the need for love
I need to be touched
I need to be felt
I need to be kissed
I need to be loved
But nobody gives a damn
Nobody cares
My soul dies
Slowly and painfully.

OUTSIDER

Alone in this room I sit
As many people travel by and stare
Lonely thoughts are alit
My eyes empty with a glassy stare
Strangers explaining why
My loneliness torments me so
They say "Look toward the sky"
And I exclaim "NO!"
They say "God loves you"
And I explain "He hurts me.
If he loves me true
Why, then, deep inside
Do I feel so blue?"
People walking down the street
Screaming "The end is coming near"
In my brain I feel defeat
The end for me is already here.

ALONE

No one knows the way I feel
Hatred is aflame around me
Hating everyone here
My heart broke and opened a flood
A flood of hatred and pain
Others feel this too, I see
Others hate people more than me
Lovers together in their fantasy lands
I am alone here in hatred's hands.

ALONE NO MORE

I found a soul to help me through life
He doesn't hurt me or give me any strife
He cares when I speak my mind
A guy like him is hard to find
I love him dearly with all my heart
I hope & pray we will never part.*

CHANCE

A chance for love
Feelings of unspeakable bliss
Hot steamy passionate nights
I will die if cut off from this love
Dreams of happiness
Wishes finally granted.*

HOPEFUL SECOND

Alone here, I sit and wait
For what, I don't know
Expecting love to come to me
Feeling hopeful for one second
Sitting here all alone
Thoughts making no sense
Demon wings flutter by
And fill my head with emptyness
The window of my mind is open
Letting unwanted thoughts enter
Hate and Death make their dreadful entrance
Filling my head with grief
Alone here I sit and wait
For what? I now know
Expecting love to come to me
Knowing my dreams will never come true.

MOONLIGHT ON WATER

Shimmering water,
Glistening,sparkling water
Shoreside songs of long ago
Demons from past
Angels from future
Tugging at my heart
As I sit here and ponder
Oh, loneliness, leave me now
You've broken heart and killed my brain
Leave me and bring someone new
Someone to love me
And treat me true
Thoughts flow as I sit here and cry
Here beside the river all alone, I lie.
I fall asleep and think of him
As I think of him, my life does not seem grim
I open my eyes and I see
He is standing there looking at me
I stand and we hug and start walking away
I realize my new life has started this day.*

If anyone would like to use any of my poems for any reason, please ask me first. Email me.