THE BROTHER FROM ANOTHER SERIES
FADE IN: SCENE 1
SIMPSON HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - EVENING
The FAMILY is watching TV
SPRINGFIELD PENITENTIARY - STAGE SURROUNDED BY CELLS
TV ANNOUNCER (V.0.)
Live! From Springfield Penitentiary's
fabulous Big Open Area in Cell Block
It's the Krusty the Clown Prison
KRUSTY strides onstage dressed in black and carrying a guitar as
JOHNNY CASE-TYPE MUSIC plays. The CONVICTS (some in folding chairs,
some in surrounding cells) APPLAUD and CHEER.
(SINGS) I slugged some jerk in Tahoe
They gave me one to three / My high
priced lawyer sprung me on a tech-ni
cal-i-ty / I'm just visiting
Springfield Prison / (RUBBING IT IN) I
get to sleep at home tonight
(TRYING TO SAVE SELF) Hey, I kid! I
kid cause I love.I tell ya, the best
folk in the world are prison folk.
CONVICTS (ENTHUSIASTIC CHEERS) ANGLE ON THE SIMPSON FAMILY, WATCHING
BART Man, those cons love Krusty. Inside every hardened criminal beats
the heart of a ten-year-old boy.
LISA And vice versa.
MARGE Just remember, Bart, convicts aren't "cool." They're bad people.
Maybe so. But they get the job done.
BACK ON TV
Krusty is in the audience of seated convicts, "talking" to them.
KRUSTY (PATTING FAT CONVICT ON STOMACH) Hey, now I know where my tax
dollars are goin', huh?
KRUSTY Hey hey, it's my old TV sidekick, Sideshow Bob! Why, I haven't seen you
in years. Whattya been doing with yourself, Bob?
SIDESHOW BOB (MILD) Well, Krusty, as you may remember, after I tried to frame
you for armed robbery, I tried to murder Selma Bouvier ... Let's see, I rigged
the mayoral elections, I tried to blow up Springfield with a nuclear device,
and I tried to kill you ...
KRUSTY (PRETENDING TO REMEMBER SOUND)
SIDESHOW BOB And, whenever I could find a spare moment, I've tried to murder
ON THE SIMPSONS, WATCHING
BART (POINTS AND SCREAMS)
He runs upstairs in terror
(CALLING AFTER HIM) He said "tried"
MARGE (CONCERNED MURMUR) Someone should really go up there and talk to
him Nothing happens. After a beat Lisa gets up.
LISA (HEAVY SIGH)
HOMER (RELIEVED SIGH)
HOMER (RE-READ) (CLEARER) (GETTING UP, GRIPEY) Oh, all those stairs.
They head upstairs.
INT. SIMPSON HOUSE - BART'S ROOM - A MINUTE LATER SCENE 2R>
Marge and Homer try to reassure Bart.
MARGE Oh, you have nothing to worry about, honey.
HOMER Your mother's right, Bart. (DOWNPLAYING) Sure, you're the one
who ruined all of Sideshow Bob's criminal schemes -
We're very proud of you, by the way
And sure, he's probably so insane with
rage that held butcher you horribly if
he could --
("YOU'RE NOT HELPING") But he's safely
(FIRMLY) In a medium-security prison.
Unless he gets out somehow.
which is impossible!
Or so you'd think, except he's done it
so many times before.
Thanks for trying, guys, but Sideshow
Bob wants me dead, and Sideshow Bob is
an unstoppable killing machine.
That's the spirit.
SMASH CUT TO:
EXT. SPRINGFIELD PENITENTIARY - CHAPEL - THAT MOMENT
We see a - shot of the prison chapel with a letterboard
reading: "TODAY'S SERMON: Please Stop Stealing Spoons From
INT. SPRINGFIELD PENITENTIARY - CHAPEL - CONTINUOUS
TIGHT SHOT: SIDESHOW BOB, SINGING
He looks impossibly angelic.
ORGAN MUSIC: "AMAZING GRACE"
(SINGING) I once was lost but now am
INT. SPRINGFIELD PENITENTIARY - CHAPEL - DAY
The stained glass windows have bars over them, so the apostles appear to be in
jail. Bob, in a choir robe stenciled 113539-1211, sings for a congregation of
SIDESHOW BOB (CONT'D)
... Was blind but now I see!
As the HYMN CONCLUDES, REVEREND LOVEJOY ascends the pulpit.
Well, that was lovely, Robert. You
other cons could benefit from his
"TUT-TUT") Really, Reverend, your
praise is going to get me beaten up.
Oh, I'm sorry, Bob. But your
transformation is truly inspiring.
Yes. I'm a good, good man
The convicts stand and file out
INT. SPRINGFIELD PENITENTIARY - HALLWAY - MINUTES LATER
REV. LOVEJOY and Bob walk down the hall. Bob is now in his.
prison blues. Lovejoy looks Bob over.
You know, it's hard to believe this
model prisoner could be the same
monstrous fiend who once ran for Mayor.
It's a pleasure to have recommended you
for the work release program.
(SURPRISED) Me? I'm touched, I really
am. But you'll never find anyone
willing to hire a five-time loser like
I already have.
Lovejoy dramatically opens a hallway door labelled
INT. SPRINGFIELD PENITENTIARY - VISITING ROOM - CONTINUOUS
A sign reads "Please Visit Only YOUR Convict". Lovejoy
ushers Bob to a seat at a glass visitor's window.
Across the glass, as if it were a mirror, CECIL TERWILLIGER takes a seat. He is
physically to Bob what, for example, Niles is to Frasier on "Frasier," with a
shorter, unremarkable version of Bob's hairstyle.
SIDESHOW BOB (CONT'D)
(SHOCKED) Is it really you?
Hello, brother. I'm happy to see you.
But it's been ten years! We haven't
spoken since the
You mean Arthur Fiedler's wake?
No, no, no. I mean our falling out
(DISMISSIVE) Oh, that. That's ancient
history. Let's make a fresh start.
Come work for me.
But this is wonderful!
You do know I
used to have a
(CLEARS THROAT; AIR
QUOTES) "Problem" with trying to kill
CECIL (SARCASTIC) Goodness, I had no idea For, you see, I have been on Mars for
the last decade. In a cave. With my eyes shut and my fingers in my ears.
SIDESHOW BOB Touchë.
CECIL I'm aware of your felonious past, but you are still my brother. And blood
is thicker than bread and water
SIDESHOW BOB You don't have to worry about me brother. I'm all murdered out.BR>
Praise the Lord
GUARDS open a door and Sideshow Bob walks out and embraces Cecil. CU - SPINNING
The banner headline reads "MANIAC TO LIVE AT BROTHER'S APARTMENT".
EXT. SPRINGFIELD PENITENTIARY - FRONT STEPS - DAY SCENE
An angry CROWD, including the Simpsons, has gathered outside. Some are carrying
protest signs reading "Keep Bob Locked Up," "You're Making A Mistakes," "Ban
the Bob!" "Crime Yes! Criminals No!" etc. Bob emerges through the gates,
flanked by Cecil, Rev. Lovejoy, and MAYOR QUIMBY.
CROWD (ANGRY YELLS, BOOS, ETC.)
MARGE How can you even think of releasing Sideshow Bob?
BART He's just faking it to get out of jail He's a maniac!
QUIMBY Bob is no maniac. He explained his reasons for trying to kill
us all, and assure you they were perfectly sane.
CROWD (ANGRY MUTTERS AGAIN)
SIDESHOW BOB My friends, please! (CROWD SILENCES) I make no secret of
my past, but isn't our system of justice based on the idea that a man
WIGGUM (SOTTO TO EDDIE AND LOU) Uh, have the boys check into that.
SIDESHOW BOB I know I don't deserve another chance. But this is
America, and as an American, aren't I entitled to one?
MAN IN CROWD
(WITH CERTAINTY) Probably!
SIDESHOW BOB Can't you find it in your hearts just to let me live and work in
Bob smiles warmly as the crowd rushes to embrace him, all except for Bart.
Someone now carries a sign that reads "WE (heart) BOB." As Cecil hurries Bob
into his Volvo, Bart confronts Lovejoy and Quimby.
BART Don't you see what you've done? Sideshow Bob hasn't reformed! He's pure
evil! Oh, if only you knew what he was thinking.
As the car DRIVES OFF we RATCHET IN on Bob with a SINISTER RATCHETING STING.
SIDESHOW BOB'S BRAIN (V.0.) (CHEERFULLY MUSING) I hope they still make that
shampoo I like.
They drive past a sign that reads "WELCOME TO SPRINGFIELD -- PROUD HOME OF
SIDESHOW BOB." A SIGN PAINTER is just putting the finishing touches on it.
END OF ACT ONE
MUSIC: "SIMPSONS" THEME IN "FRASIER"-STYLE JAZZ ARRANGEMENT
WHITE TITLES (IN "SIMPSONS" TYPEFACE) ON BLACK:
"'FRASIER' IS A HIT SHOW ON THE NBC TELEVISION NETWORK"
FADE IN: SCENE 5
INT. CECIL'S BROWNSTONE APARTMENT - THAT NIGHT
Cecil escorts Bob into his tastefully decorated home.
CECIL Now make yourself at home. Perhaps a glass of Bordeaux? I have the
'82 Châatour and a rather indifferent Rausan-SéR>
SIDESHOW BOB I've been in prison, Cecil. I'll be happy just as long as it
doesn't taste like orange drink fermented under a radiator.
CECIL That would be the Latour then. He starts to POUR. INT. SIMPSON HOUSE -
BART'S ROOM - SAME NIGHT Bart is praying as Homer and Marge peek in from
And God bless Mom and Dad and Lisa and
Maggie, and please, God, kill Sideshow
(HURRYING) it's him or me, 0 Lord!
Marge and Homer rush in and, GRUNTING, pry Bart's praying hands apart.
You can't ask God to kill someone!
Yeah! You do your own dirty work!
Homer and Marge exit. Off Bart's worried look
INT. CECIL'S BROWNSTONE APARTMENT - LATER THAT EVENING
Bob and Cecil are having a nice meal, eating in prissy silence.
Well, I suppose I should ask you what
you do if I'm to be working with you.
For me, Bob. For me. (PROUDLY) I am
Springfield's Chief Hydrological and
Hydrological and hydrodynamical?
about running the gamut
Snigger all you like, Bob-
SIDESHOW BOB Thank you. I believe I shall.
CECIL ... but you'll find one gets more respect as a humble
civil servant than as a homicidal maniac. (QUIETLY) Or a
I knew it! You're still angry that Krusty picked me instead
I can't imagine what you mean.
SIDESHOW BOB Oh, come now! You wanted to be Krusty's
sidekick since you were five! What about the buffoon
lessons? The four years at Clown Kollege?
CECIL thank you not to refer to Princeton that way.
SIDESHOW BOB The point is, you obviously still blame me for
what happened at your audition.
FLASHBACK: INT. KRUSTY'S TV STUDIO - 1986 SCENE 6
CHYRON: TEN YEARS AGO
A banner reads "SIDEKICK AUDITIONS TODAY." 1986 BOB, even more punctilious than today in a
double-breasted suit, hair tucked under a Homburg hat, and holding a briefcase, waits backstage with a
puppyish 1986 CECIL in an Emmett Kelly-style clown outfit. 1986 KRUSTY and staff are in the audience
1986 CECIL Thanks for driving me, Big Brother These giant clown mitts are extremely hilarious, but they do
make it difficult to shift gears. 1986 Bob impatiently checks his watch.
1986 BOB That's the title of Erma Bombeck's latest, isn't it?
1986 KRUSTY Number 73 -- you're next. Make with the laugh-laugh! Cecil walks onstage to a
(CLEARS THROAT; STIFF) Hey, children,
meet me Sideshow Cecil.
1986 KRUSTY (BUZZER NOISE) Next
1986 CECIL Uh, I have prepared a pie-in-the-face take?
4F14 FINAL 4 1/28/97 Page 16.
1986 KRUSTY (GROANS, BORED) All right. Knock yourself out, kid. Hal?
A pie SLAMS into Cecil. He strikes a weak comedy pose. The effect is just sad.
1986 KRUSTY (CONT'D) Free comedy tip', Slick: the pie gag's only funny when the
sap's got dignity (SEES BOB) Like that guy Hey, Hal, pie job for Lord
A pie flies in and HITS Bob. His Homburg flies off and his trademark hair POPS
OUT. SFX: SPROING!
1986 BOB Oh, dear
EVERYONE BUT BOB AND CECIL (LAUGHS, APPLAUSE)
Bob's eyes narrow in cold fury, but he's softened by the reaction. Finally he
1986 KRUSTY (HYSTERICAL) That guy's a genius! He's going to change the way we
think about getting hit by pies! Chumley, you're hired! Off Cecil's
disappointed look we go
4F14 FINAL 4 1/28/97 Page 17.
BACK TO SCENE:
When that pie hit your face, I saw my
dreams explode in a burst of cream and
crust. But I suppose I should thank
After all, it led me to my true
Cecil, no civilization in history has considered "Chief Hydrological
Engineer" a calling.
(CLEARS THROAT MEANINGFULLY)
Yes, yes, the Cappadocians, fine.
INT. SCHOOL BUS - THE NEXT DAY
The bus PULLS UP to a red light. Bart looks out the window to see Bob and Cecil
in front of a futon store (called "I Wake Up Screaming Futon Shop"), strapping
a futon to the roof of Cecil's car.
Now don't pull the tag off, or they'll you away for good
Bob looks toward the bus and his and Bart's eyes meet.
4F14 FINAL 4 1/28/97 Page 18.
(ALARMED GASP) He said he wouldn't
rest until he killed me! And now he's
getting ready to rest!
You're being ridiculous, Bart. First
of all, no one can rest on a futon.
Second, I believe Bob really has
reformed. Even Reverend Lovejoy thinks
Fine. But I know he's here to kill
either me, Krusty, the whole town, or
me and Krusty. And I'm not gonna let
EXT. SPRINGFIELD RIVER GORGE - THE NEXT DAY SCENE 7
Cecil and Bob stand on a cliff overlooking a RUSHING RIVER.
There it is -- the future site of the
Springfield Hydroelectric Dam.
Just the thought of all that raw
surging power makes me wonder why the
hell I should care
Because you'll be supervising the
4F14 FINAL 4 1/28/97 Page 19.
SIDESHOW BOB Oh great. Whenever a woman passes by, I suppose it will be my job
to lead the hooting. (TRYING IT) "Oh, yeah. Shake it, madam. Capital knockers."
CECIL Come on, Bob. This is your chance to show the people of Springfield you
can hold down an honest job We PULL BACK to see the scene in a BINOCULAR MATTE.
EXT. SPRINGFIELD RIVER GORGE - CONTINUOUS
Bart stands on the opposite bank, peering at Bob through the binoculars.
MILHOUSE stands next to him.' BART He's planning something evil, I know it. It
must have something to do with the town's water supply. MILHOUSE Maybe he's
gonna pee in the river BART Um... Nah, that's not his style. NEW ANGLE
Bob notices a glint of light coming from the opposite river bank -- the glint
from Bart's binoculars. SIDESHOW BOB (SQUINTING) Who is that? Why, it's Bart
Simpson. (CALLING OUT, JOVIAL) Hellllooo, Bart!
Sideshow Bob waves to Bart, who ducks down behind the bushes.
SIDESHOW BOB (CONT'D) (TO CECIL) He's just a little shy because I've tried to
kill him so many times.
CECIL (KNOWING) Ahh. INT. CAPE-STYLE RESTAURANT - A FEW DAYS LATER
Bob and EDNA KRABAPPEL are sharing an intimate dinner in a booth.
SIDESHOW BOB I really must thank you for this moment of tranquillity, Edna. You
know, I haven't been on a date in six years.
KRABAPPEL Oh, the pleasure's mine, Bob. It's so exciting to be dating a killer
SIDESHOW BOB To be fair, I never successfully killed anyone.
Oh? (LOSING INTEREST) I see ...
She spears a piece of asparagus and starts chewing it
At a table across the restaurant, we see someone reading a "Kid's Menu." It
lowers to reveal Bart peering at Bob.
4F14 FINAL 4 1/28/97 Page 21.
BACK TO SCENE
SIDESHOW BOB (TURNING ON THE CHARM) I did once try to kill the world's greatest
lover, but then I realized there are laws against suicide. Simultaneously:
KRABAPPEL (CHARMED GIGGLE)
SIDESHOW BOB (COY CHUCKLE) He takes her hand and leans in for a kiss.
KRABAPPEL Oh, you!
Mrs. Krabappel, nooo! That's Sideshow
Bart runs over and tries to break them up
KRABAPPEL (EXASPERATED NOISE) Well, that's the last time I announce my dinner
plans in class.
Krabappel gets up and leaves the restaurant in a huff. Bob turns angrily to
SIDESHOW BOB (PISSED) That was Edna Krabappel. You only get one chance with
Edna Krabappel. I hope you're happy.
4F14 FINAL 4 1/28/97 Page 22
BART I won't be happy until I find out what you're up to. Wherever you go and
whatever you do, I'll be there watching and waiting. Bart backs away, his eyes
locked on Bob.
WIGGUM (LEANING OVER FROM NEXT TABLE) He says that, but I bet he gives up
SPRINGFIELD DAM SITE - DAYS LATER - ESTABLISHING
Cement mixers shuttle to and from the now partially completed dam, which is
holding back water. A construction trailer sits on the overlooking bank.
CONSTRUCTION TRAILER - CONTINUOUS
A frazzled Bob examines blueprints as Cecil enters with a briefcase.
Hello, brother. All's well, I trust?
SIDESHOW BOB It most certainly is not. The workmen you've given me don't know
their asses from the hole in the ground they accidentally blew yesterday.
CECIL Come now, you speak as if they were a gaggle of slack-jawed yokels
CLETUS rushes in in a workman's uniform, PANTING.
4F14 FINAL 4 1/28/97 Page 23.
CLETUS Mr. Terwillidjer, come quick! There's trouble down to the ce-ment mixers
Sir EXT. SPRINGFIELD DAM SITE - TOP OF PARTIALLY COMPLETED DAM
Bob, Cletus and Cecil approach a group of SLACK-JAWED CONSTRUCTION WORKERS by a
turning cement mixer. CLETUS See, Cousin Merl and me was playin' fetch with
Geech, that's our ol' smellhound, and-.
We see they're gathered around the concrete-encased form of a dog. COUSIN MERL
is petting it brokenheartedly. COUSIN MERL Geech gone to heaven, Mr.
Terwillidjer. SIDESHOW BOB (EXASPERATED) Oh, Cousin Merl, really! CECIL Temper,
temper. You know Cousin Merl ain't been quite right lately. SIDESHOW BOB (ON
EDGE) I'm telling you, Cecil, I can't take much more of this! Rustic workmen
who've turned the SaniJohn into a smokehouse We see black smoke pouring out of
the Sanijohn. SIDESHOW BOB (CONT'D) Coveralls that don't quite cover all ...
4F14 FINAL 4 1/28/97 Page 24
The backflap on Merl's coveralls POPS open.
SIDESHOW BOB (CONT'D)
And a psychotic little boy who will not
stop hounding me. (NOTICES) This
little boy right here
Bob turns to a large section of pipe hanging from a crane and gives it a push.
It rotates, revealing Bart crouching mot ionless inside, glaring out stonily
at Bob. The pipe continues to rotate until Bart is once again out of view.
(QUIETLY) Sometimes I wish this dam
would burst and bury this cursed town.
The camera DRIFTS in on Bob's face.
EXT. TERWILLIGER APARTMENT - EVENING, A FEW DAYS LATER
Bart and Lisa walk into the alleyway next to Bob and Cecil's apartment. Bart
stops by the dumpster and-starts to climb in.
Hey, you said we were going to Dairy
I lied. Now help me rummage through
Bob's trash for clues. Then I promise
we'll go to the water slide
As Bart starts RUMMAGING through the garbage, a shadow falls across the
dumpster. (It is that of Bob.)
BART & LISA
4F14 FINAL 4 1/28/97 Page 25.
You again! (OMINOUS) Well, that's it.
I'm going to do what I should have done
a long time ago
INT. SIMPSON HOUSE - FRONT DOOR - LATER SCENE 9
Homer and Marge answer a fierce KNOCK to find Bob scowling
Madam, your children are no more!
than a pair of ill-bred troublemakers.
WIDEN TO REVEAL he's holding Bart and Lisa by their
Especially Lisa. But especially Bart.
(SUPPRESSING RAGE) If he crosses me
one more time, just once more ... well,
I can't be held responsible for my
He drops Bart and Lisa, turns and SLAMS the door
I hope Bob fed you, cause I ate your
INT. SIMPSON HOUSE - UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - A MOMENT LATER
As Lisa and Bart head into their rooms, Bart looks grim.
4F14 FINAL 4 1/28/97 Page 26
I know it's hard to accept, Bart, but
face it: Sideshow Bob has changed.
he hasn't. He's more the same than
ever. And I know where the evidence
There's only one place it could
Bob's trailer at the construction site?
That's even better. Let's go there
What were you thinking?
(ASHAMED) The Haunted Mine.
EXT. SPRINGFIELD DAM SITE - MIDNIGHT
The dam is largely complete; it's holding back water from
the gorge. There's a door to its interior near Bob's
trailer, some way below the top of the dam.
INT. CONSTRUCTION TRAILER - CONTINUOUS
Bart and Lisa climb in through an open window, turn on the
lights, and start searching haphazardly through the
Blueprints ... concrete invoices.
4F14 FINAL 4 1/28/97 Page 27.
(DRY) It I didn't know better, I'd
swear Bob was building a dam.
Oh, yeah?' Then explain this!
Bart holds up an open briefcase so Lisa can see.
(GASPS) Bart, there must be millions of
What is Sideshow Bob doing with
The locked doorknob suddenly RATTLES VIOLENTLY. Through
the frosted glass of the door window we see Sideshow Bob's
SIDESHOW BOB (V.0.)
(INSANE ROAR OF RAGE)
His fist SMASHES through the glass and reaches for the
inside knob as we
END OF ACT TWO
4F14 FINAL 4 1/28/97 Page 28
FADE IN: SCENE 10
INT. CONSTRUCTION TRAILER - CONTINUOUS
Bob enters. Bart and Lisa have vanished
(ANGRY) Who left the lights on?!!
Who's in here? Cletus? Cousin Merl?
Big Hungry Joe?
Bob looks across the room and sees Bart hiding behind a water cooler, his face
distorted and greatly magnified by the bottle.
(TIGHT-LIPPED) I hink he nay have
The water cooler BURBLES drawing Bob's attention.
Lisa and Bart dart out from behind the water cooler and head for the door,
Bart grabbing the briefcase.
(GASPS) You two!
EXT. DAM SITE - NEAR TRAILER - CONTINUOUS
They emerge, Bart still clutching the briefcase, and dash through the door
into the dam's interior. Bob chases after them.
Be careful! There's hydroelectricity
4F14 FINAL 4 1/28/97 page 29.
INT. DAM - CONTINUOUS
still Pursued by Bob, Bart and Lisa run along a series of dizzying staircases
and catwalks to ... INT. DAM - TURBINE ROOM - CONTINUOUS
The room is dominated by three huge hydroelectric TURBINES turned by massive
CASCADES of water that collect in a huge drainpipe at the bottom. Bob appears
in the doorway. Bart and Lisa are cornered.
SIDESHOW BOB Will you children stop tormenting me? I've done nothing wrong.
BART Give it up, Bob. We found the money Bart opens the briefcase.
SIDESHOW BOB (SHOCKED) Where did that come from? I've never seen that money
before in my life.
LISA Then you must have had your eyes closed when you embezzled it
SIDESHOW BOB (BUILDING ANGER) I told you, I'm not a criminal anymore. You want
to know what I've been up to? Here's a clue for you, Jack: (GESTURING AROUND
HIM) One hundred thousand tons of reinforced concrete
4F14 FINAL 4 1/28/97 Page 30.
He BANGS THE WALLS, which EC-') with a WEIRD THUD-CLANG. Then pieces of
concrete fall from the ceiling. One large chunk SMASHES open, freeing Cletus's
dog, Geech, who BARKS HAPPILY. More walls and part of the ceiling COLLAPSE,
revealing the inside of the dam looks like a flimsy Hollywood backdrop.
SIDESHOW BOB (CONT'D) (SHOCKED) My God, it's completely hollow What happened to
all the concrete?
LISA You cut back on building materials and kept all the money for yourself!
That's what happened.
BART Get 'im
Lisa charges toward Bob. He holds her at bay with his hand.
SIDESHOW BOB (PLEADING) But I wasn't in charge of the money. Cecil was. Now
let's stop bickering and get out of here. This dam could collapse at any
CECIL (V.0.) One minute past sunrise, to be precise.
They whirl around to see CECIL standing in the doorway with a gun, tossing a
bundle of dynamite and grinning evilly.
4F14 FINAL 4 1/28/97 Page 31.
CECIL Once I blow up the dam, there'll be no evidence of missing concrete, and I walk away with
LISA everyone will know you did this!
CECIL (IRONIC) Perhaps. Or perhaps they'll blame the master criminal. You know, the one who's been
working at the-dam and has a grudge against Springfield.
SIDESHOW BOB Now I know Cousin Merl has had his troubles with the Revenuers, but he's hardly a
master crim -- oh, you're referring to me.
CECIL Yes, I'm framing you and I'm doing a really excellent job, too.
BART He's right, Bob. I'm hearing him confess and I'm still not sure you didn't do it.
CECIL the whole thing is classic Sideshow Bob. (SNIDE) Except of course that this plan will work.
4F14 FINAL 4 1/28/97 Page 32
SIDESHOW BOB Wait a minute. This is all because I got to be Krusty's sidekick
instead of isn't it?
CECIL Off the record -- yes. But officially, I did it for the money. Speaking
of which... hand it over. Cecil motions with the gun. Bart hands over the
Cecil SLAMS the door. A second later it REOPENS and Cecil pokes his head back
CECIL (CONT'D) I forgot to mention -- I'm planning to blow up the dam with you
SIDESHOW BOB obviously.
Cecil SLAMS the door and BOLTS it. Bart runs over and STRUGGLES with the knob.
LISA It's hopeless. Utterly, utterly hopeless.
4F14 FINAL 4 1/28/97 Page 33
SIDESHOW BOB (HURT) Oh, I see When it's one of my schemes, you can't
foil it fast enough But when Cecil tries to kill you, it's (MOCKING)
"Hopeless, utterly utterly hopeless." (RESOLVED) Well, if you kids
aren't going to foil him, I'll have to do it myself
Bob runs to-the turbines and JAMS one with a two-by-four, stopping it.
As pressure builds up, the beam CREAKS ominously. He leaps to the edge
of the huge drainpipe.
SIDESHOW BOB (CONT'D) Come on, quickly now! Lisa follows, but Bart
SIDESHOW BOB (CONT'D) Bart, for once I'm not trying to kill you. I
know it's an awkward situation, and I don't like it any more than you
do. But you've got to trust me.
Bart and Bob share a meaningful look as the CREAKING builds.
BART Ah, what the hell.
He joins them. Bob tucks one kid protectively under each arm. They
take DEEP BREATHS, then Bob leaps into the drainpipe just as the twoby-four SNAPS. The force of the turbine blade and the CASCADING water
catapults Bob and the kids downward through the pipe. INT. WATERFILLED DRAINPIPE - CONTINUOUS They shoot excitingly through the pipe.
4F14 FINAL 4 1/28/97 Page 34
EXT. DAM - CONTINUOUS - DAWN
From outside, we see the water ROARING out of the end of the pipe, which
emerges high up the side of the dam.
WATER PIPE - CONTINUOUS
Bob, Bart and Lisa HURTLE toward the mouth of the pipe Daylight looms beyond.
(UNDERWATER BUBBLY SCREAM)
Suddenly, they SLAM to a halt, lodged against a filter grate at the mouth of
the pipe. Bob struggles upwards, unscrews a circular pressure hatch, and drags
the kids up into
DAM - MACHINERY ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Covered with leaves and crud, they clamber to safety,
(COUGHS WATER, THEN) Let's go again!
Let's go again!
(IMPATIENT) Come on, children Let's
go thwart my brother!
TOP OF DAM - CONTINUOUS
Cecil backs up along the top of the dam, UNSPOOLING, a wire behind him and
carrying a dynamite plunger under his arm. He stops to anchor the wire around
a railing post, then continues on. The sun rises over Springfield far below.
4F14 FINAL 4 1/28/97 Page 35
SINGING) I'm on the / top of the world, looking / down on
creation, and the / only explanation I can find Boo-boo-boo
EXT. DAM - BY CONSTRUCTION TRAILER - A MOMENT LATER
Bob and Lisa crawl along a catwalk toward the dynamite, which Cecil has placed
near the center (top) of the dam. Bob cautiously begins to examine the
Um, do you know what you're doing?
(SUPERIOR) Lisa, you don't spend ten
years as a homicidal maniac without
learning a few things about dynamite.
EXT. DAM OVERLOOK - CONTINUOUS
Cecil now stands a safe distance from the dam.
Plunger? Check. Hardhat? Check.
(PUTS ON HARDHAT) Fifteen million
dollars and a gun? (OPENS CASE)
Check-mate. Goodbye, Bob.
Meanwhile, we see Bart circling around to hide in the bushes above. Cecil
grabs the dynamite plunger and is about to press it, when suddenly, Bart leaps
onto his shoulders chicken-fight-style, covering his eyes, pawing at his
BART Guess who!
4F14 FINAL 4 1/28/97 Page 3(
Bart grabs Cecil's hardhat and starts BONKING him with it Cecil swats
at Bart with the suitcase, which flies open; the gun sails over the
edge, followed by the money, which blows away and FLUTTERS down the
face of the dam.
(MOAN OF RAGE AND DESPAIR; THEN:
FOOT OF DAM - CONTINUOUS
The gun falls in front of a small house by the river bank where HANS
MOLEMAN is trimming a hedge. Then the cash RAINS down on him in a
huge pile. He pokes up through it
(LOOKS UP) Thank you, God! (POINTS
GUN AT SKY) Now hand over the rest of
it. Nice and easy.
Moleman points the gun at the sky and motions with his other hand.
One more bill FLUTTERS down.
That' s it
EXT. CENTER OF DAM
Bob and Lisa are working on the dynamite with pliers.
points to the struggle going on on the far bank
EXT. OBSERVATION POST - CONTINUOUS
Bart continues to cling to Cecil's head in an effort to hold on.
Cecil's head jerks up and his eyes go mad. In a maniacal BURST OF
RAGE, Cecil overpowers Bart and lifts him high overhead.
4F14 FINAL 4 1/28/97 Page 37
At last, I'm going to do what Bob never
could -- kill Bart Simpson!
By throwing me off a dam? Isn't that a
little crude for a genius like you?
(ABACK) Ooh, I suppose it is.
He lowers Bart, then promptly lifts him overhead again.
Heh. If anyone asks, I'll lie.
He hurls Bart over the edge of the dam
EXT. CENTER OF DAM - CONTINUOUS
Bob sees Bart falling, grabs the dynamite pack, and leaps off his perch.
Swinging on the wires, he arcs down across the face of the dam just in time to
catch Bart. Bart slips out of his grip, but grabs Bob's ankles. They dangle,
hundreds of feet above the ground.
Their weight yanks the plunger away from Cecil's safe overlook. It slides
across the top of the dam and LODGES in the railing post, causing Bob and Bart
to lurch down another fifty feet.
SIDESHOW BOB & BART
Far above, Cecil's maniacal face appears over the railing with the plunger.
4F14 FINAL 4 1/28/97 Page 38.
SIDESHOW BOB (SHOCKED) Cecil!
CECIL And now to kill you. There may be a slight ringing in your ears
Fortunately you'll be nowhere near them. (STARTS TO PRESS PLUNGER)
BART (TO BOB) I guess this is it. Thanks anyway.
SIDESHOW BOB You know, I could snip the wires. We'd fall to our deaths,
but we'd save the entire town. (HOLDS WIRE-CUTTERS TO WIRES) Bart, how
would you like to do something incredibly noble?
BART Do we have to?
SIDESHOW BOB Yes.
Bob SNIPS the wires with his pliers. He, Bart and the dynamite plummet
down the face of the dam.
SIDESHOW BOB & BART (LONG SCREAM, DEEP BREATH, LONG SCREAM)
At the last second, Bob SLAMS crotch first into a long, protruding pipe
projecting from the dam.
SIDESHOW BOB (VERY PAINED SOUND)
4F14 FINAL 4 1/28/97 Page 39
Bob reddens in pain, then slowly rotates 180 degrees around the pipe
so Bart, who is still holding onto his legs, is elevated. Bart reaches
for a nearby catwalk and yanks himself onto it, then helps Bob to
safety as well. MUSIC: CLIMACTIC STING
SIDESHOW BOB you saved my life, Bart.
BART Yeah... I guess this means you can't ever try to kill me again,
SIDESHOW BOB *(SINISTER) Oh, I don't know about that. (OFF BART'S
LOOK) Joking! Joking!
They start climbing up a series of inset rungs. In the
background we hear approaching police SIRENS.
EXT. DAM OVERLOOK - A LITTLE LATER SCENE 13
Cop cars are parked along the overlook. Eddie and Lou are handcuffing
Cecil. Bob, Bart and Lisa are standing nearby.
SIDESHOW BOB (RE-READ)
You've brought shame to this family,
Cecil. Oh, I don't relish having to
write the Christmas letter this year.
I to read it. You know, Bob, all this time I thought you were a
bungler, but destroying a city is far tougher I thought. Wiggum DRIVES
UP and gets out of his car
LOU Here's your man, Chief.
4F14 FINAL 4 1/28/97 Page 40.
Cecil? I think not. This looks like
the work of crazy old Sideshow Bob.
No, Chief, Bob's innocent! It's the
The truth, huh? That sounds like the
testimony of crazy old Lisa Simpson.
Uh, Cecil just voluntarily confessed,
That's some good work, Lou. You'll
make sergeant for this.
Uh, I already am a sergeant, Chief.
Perhaps you are. But I say Bob goes
back to jail.
Wiggum SLAPS cuffs on Sideshow Bob.
But surely- I mean, I caught Cecil ...
Maybe so. But Lou here says you were
4F14 FINAL 4 1/28/97 Page 41.
No I didn't, Chief
WIGGUM Quiet, Lou. Or I will bust you down to sergeant so fast it'll make your
head spin. Bart turns to look out over Springfield
BART Heh, funny, isn't it, Lis? Those people down there have no idea how close
they came to complete destruction.
PAN DOWN to the face of the dam. A thin crack forms, then the entire dam
COLLAPSES, unleashing a COLOSSAL TORRENT of water that shoots through the gorge
and towards town. EXT. SIMPSON HOUSE - A MOMENT LATER Homer exits the house.
Marge, I'm going to look for the kids
He turns to see a giant wall of water SURGING down the street.
Homer dashes back inside the house.
INT. SIMPSON HOUSE - FOYER - CONTINUOUS
Homer quickly SLAMS THE DOOR and PANTS IN TERROR as we hear the water RUMBLE
past. After a beat, HE OPENS the door. Outside on the lawn is a wet bed
containing RALPH WIGGUM. Ralph sits up and looks at Homer.
4F14 FINAL 4 1/28/97
I think I wet my bed.
MEANWHILE - BACK AT THE OVERLOOK
Eddie and Lou put Bob and Cecil into a police car. As it begins to
pull away, Bob turns back to the crowd.
SIDESHOW BOB But you can't do this! I saved the children's lives I'm
CECIL (SOTTO) Tell them they'll live to regret this
SIDESHOW BOB You'll live to regret this! (TO CECIL) Oh, thanks a lot.
Now I look crazy. The car
WIGGUM There they go. Two criminal geniuses, locked away together
.... Who knows what diabolical scheme they might concoct?
SMASH CUT TO:
INT. SPRINGFIELD PRISON - SMALL CELL - ONE WEEK LATER
The cell door SLAMS shut on a grim Bob and Cecil; a guard walks away.
They immediately race for the top bunk and,
(TEETH CLENCHED) But I'm older I get
the top bunk!
4F14 FINAL 4 1/28/97 Page 43
(TEETH CLENCHED) Oh, poppycock! I
called it at the arraignment!
Bob shoves Cecil down onto the floor; Cecil lands with a
THUD. Bob hops victoriously up onto the top bunk. Cecil
gets up and DUSTS HIMSELF OFF.
(CHIPPER) So ... when do they bring us