sparksm11: no napier is a dorm here on campuse
sparksm11: campus
sparksm11: how was running?
jxcxhxcx78: oh, I see
jxcxhxcx78: it hurt
sparksm11: :-)
jxcxhxcx78: : )
sparksm11: yeah just wait till tomorrow
sparksm11: then you'll hurt
sparksm11: it's a good hurt though
jxcxhxcx78: haha, awesome
jxcxhxcx78: yeah, it feels pretty good
sparksm11: how was your day?
jxcxhxcx78: really really good!
jxcxhxcx78: I was a little tired
jxcxhxcx78: I woke up about 9
jxcxhxcx78: I am going to sleep in a few minutes
sparksm11: me too
sparksm11: i'm tired
jxcxhxcx78: what are your plans for tomorrow?
sparksm11: busy
sparksm11: i have a relay for life table and a couple
meetings to go to
jxcxhxcx78: like, pro-life relay?
sparksm11: cancer
jxcxhxcx78: oh, I see
jxcxhxcx78: anything else you are doing?
jxcxhxcx78: you talking to kenny?
sparksm11: yeah
sparksm11: but relay and school are really it
sparksm11: you've never heard of relay for life
jxcxhxcx78: yes, I have
sparksm11: oh ok
jxcxhxcx78: I just had a brain fart
jxcxhxcx78: sorry
jxcxhxcx78: i am a little tired
sparksm11: :-Pit's ok
sparksm11: so go to sleep silly
jxcxhxcx78: i am about to
sparksm11: good
jxcxhxcx78: but I am having too much fun talking to
you
sparksm11: awe
sparksm11: kenny is pretty down about not having a
girl why are guys like that>?
jxcxhxcx78: want to go home on Thurs. and come
pick me up?
jxcxhxcx78: we decided to give up on girls
sparksm11: sorry no can do
sparksm11: why>? that's silly
jxcxhxcx78: what is he saying?
sparksm11: you act like we are scum sometimes
jxcxhxcx78: i don't think that it is silly
sparksm11: why have you given up on us?
jxcxhxcx78: i don't think that I have ever had
anything come of my relationships/friendships with
girls but hurt
jxcxhxcx78: I have never been hurt like that from a
guy
jxcxhxcx78: I have been in fist fights with my best
friends before and we make up and are best friends
again the next day
jxcxhxcx78: girls are always looking for the next
best thing
jxcxhxcx78: like they are working their way up or
something
jxcxhxcx78: and they are never content with
friendships
jxcxhxcx78: that's all I want
jxcxhxcx78: and that's all guy friends want
(hopefully)
jxcxhxcx78: so it works out well
sparksm11: well i guess. it just sounds depressing. alot
of females are going to miss out on good friendships with
you and the guys.
jxcxhxcx78: yeah, but even if they did, they would
leave after a while
jxcxhxcx78: that's my experience anyway
sparksm11: well i guess we're just all bad people then
jxcxhxcx78: sorry
jxcxhxcx78: I don't mean to be rude or mean or
anything
jxcxhxcx78: I don't really have any girlfriends right
now though
jxcxhxcx78: minus this girl in Tenn.
sparksm11: i know i screwed up i just don't really like to
be reminded
jxcxhxcx78: who I need to call in a sec
jxcxhxcx78: she is the only girl that I talk to much
sparksm11: ok well i don't feel too good so i'm going to
bed i think
jxcxhxcx78: I wasn't talking just about you
jxcxhxcx78: wait!
jxcxhxcx78: I am really sorry mindy
sparksm11: i'm still here
jxcxhxcx78: I just kind of went off
sparksm11: it's ok justin
jxcxhxcx78: I shouldn't have done that
jxcxhxcx78: I don't want you to be mad at me
sparksm11: i'm not mad just upset
jxcxhxcx78: I think that we were mad at each other
for a long time and I don't want us to be anymore
sparksm11: and not even really at you
sparksm11: it's kind of hard not to be when you have
been for so long and when you don't ever see eachother
jxcxhxcx78: I just don't know what to say to you
sometimes... you must have known that would be a
big reason that we would feel that way
sparksm11: if there is any one that i am upset with it is
me. so we're ok. i just have to deal with my actions and
hope that i behave better in the futer
sparksm11: it's pretty obvious
sparksm11: i guess i'm the one who's bad huh? ruined it
for everyone else?
sparksm11: sorry
jxcxhxcx78: you are the only girl that I ever really
trusted, and I know that must sound weird b/c I
never showed it much, but you meant a lot to us,
you still do, and I wish that things were the way that
they used to be, but I know that is way to much to
ask, and don't know if I would do that if I even had
the right
jxcxhxcx78: please don't think that I am placing any
blame on you! it isn't your fault Mindy, I promise, I
regret so much the way that I would push you away,
and how I would pick on you, and how I would talk
about other girls and stuff, I am really sorry for that,
and it isn't your fault
jxcxhxcx78: that isn't what I am saying
sparksm11: i guess that's part of why i did what i did. i
never felt "in" i didn't know you trusted me or even really
wanted me there all the time. you had this real iffy way of
actin
jxcxhxcx78: i was scared
sparksm11: well you need to work on that Justin bc i
couldn't have tried harder.
jxcxhxcx78: I know Mindy
sparksm11: i admint that i wanted more than friendship
and i guess that is where i went wrong, that is my fault. but
i really did want to be friends
jxcxhxcx78: I was just a kid, i didn't know what
was going on, and I had never been in a serious
realtionship, and I never really felt for a girl like that,
and it was just scary for me, b/c I felt like I was
supposed to know what to do, but I didn;t
sparksm11: i guess i was scared too. i don'tknow i wish
sometiems i could do it all over and see how it turned out
sparksm11: then again i wouldn't change it cuase then i
wouldn't be e
sparksm11: me
jxcxhxcx78: I am not really sure what that means
sparksm11: what what means?
jxcxhxcx78: those last two statements
sparksm11: you don't ever wish you could go back and
change things just to see what would have happend. like if
you could see where you are now vrs where you could or
would have been
jxcxhxcx78: I wish that I hadn't acted that way to
you
jxcxhxcx78: I wish that you would have stayed with
us and hung out with us everynight
jxcxhxcx78: I wish that we were still friends
jxcxhxcx78: I still call you my friend, and I would
still die for you, but I am not sure if we are really
friends, I only see you about every 3 months or so
sparksm11: you don't think we are friends. that is kind
of what i keep feeling from you
jxcxhxcx78: I really don't know what to say though
jxcxhxcx78: I don't think that our online
conversations qualify us as friends
sparksm11: it makes sense
jxcxhxcx78: we keep in touch
sparksm11: it won't be the same, this summer i mean, it
wont be like before
jxcxhxcx78: I don't expect it to be
sparksm11: you and kenny talk like it will be
jxcxhxcx78: when?
sparksm11: on the IM
jxcxhxcx78: I talk like I wish it was, I never
expected it to be
sparksm11: oh ok
sparksm11: i really dont' feel too good. i'm goign to
have to say good night justin i'm sorry to have to cut this
off so early.
jxcxhxcx78: I am sorry if I made you upset
sparksm11: no it's ok
sparksm11: i deserve to be upset
jxcxhxcx78: why do you say that?
jxcxhxcx78: you aren't feeling good b/c of our
conversation?
sparksm11: no b/c i didn't go to bed till 430 this morning
sparksm11: i normaly go to bad at 11
sparksm11: good night justin.
jxcxhxcx78: don't put this all on you mindy, don't
make out like what happened is your fault, you don't
need to be upset, things happened, and we can't do
anything about it, and I hope that everything turns
out for the best, and I hope that you are happier this
way, but don't be angry, I miss you to death, but I
think that would all be justified if you were happy
jxcxhxcx78: good night mindy
jxcxhxcx78: sleep well
sparksm11: but how is it justified if you are not happy
also? i dont' understand why i have such an impact or am i
misunderstanding??? i'm not sure. good night justin sleep
some
jxcxhxcx78: I am soo happy mindy
Auto response from sparksm11: dreaming...
jxcxhxcx78: misunderstand about what?
jxcxhxcx78: I do hope that you sleep well Mindy, i
am terribly sorry for this, I am a very happy man,
Mindy, there aren't many ways that I could be
happier right now, and I don't need to have a
girlfriend or anything right now, I just go through
little phases where I am kind of lonely, I know that
you are happy now, and I am happy for that too, I
think that I am just jealous sometimes b/c I couldn't
make you as happy as him... and I apologize for
talking to you about this, or ever for talking to you
about this, maybe it only brings up more pain, but
sometimes I don't know what to say to you b/c
sometimes you say things that sound like you regret
what has happened, and I don't know what to say, I
just kind of went off this time and got us in a huge
discussion, I hope that this wasn't a fight... you mean
a lot to me Mindy... do you consider us friends? I
would love to consider you one, and I guess that I
qualify for the biblical definition, but I don't know if
that means that we are friends. I hope that we are.
And I wish the best of everything this life has to
offer, and if you experience anything less than you
would be cheating yourself Mindy, you deserve the
best this life has b/c you are one of the best people
that I have ever met, and you mean very very much
to me. I hope that your dreams are much happier
than this conversation. I send my love.
