Congratulations! You have picked King Rex as your choice! Rex has many plans that are designed to fit any budget and intentions! So read on and see which plan is right for you and "Make Yours A Menthol!"
Package one: "Meet The Folks" ------Weekday evening (6pm-9pm)
This package gives you the opportunity to bring Rex home to your parents and show them that you are dating one of the greatest musicians in the world. You can explain the exciting chemsitry he emits while performing and how it was by "fate" your paths crossed and you think that you and Rex are "soulmates". Yes, show your folks true stardom and an evening they will be discussing at the country club, at the weekly card games, and at Sunday dinners for months to come. Rex's personality and charisma are unmatched and guarantees to make your parents very proud of you. Here's what the package consists of:
One 3 hour session with family. Inlcudes anictodes, observations, discussions of politics, and humorous company. (photo album observing may cost additional, depending on the severity of the cheesiness of the photo book)
Following this session, Rex must be pampered at YOUR house (not your parents) with wine, music (approved by Rex), and shall be shown respect for his lifestyle. Massages, hair stroking, and joints are all acceptable forms of pampering. Allow Rex to sleep and keep his creative genious alive and fresh.
Mornings are a prime time for you to become intimate with Rex. He enjoys early morning action. Take advantage of this.
This package is only $71.99 cash plus expenses!
Package Two: "Grope Across America....A Roadtrip With Rex!!!"
(3 month advance notice prior to booking) 4 week cross-country auto trip
Oh yes! You CAN take it with you this time. Rex loves a good road trip and is happy to share your experience with you. Of course conditions apply as you will see below. This 4 week package is one of our most exciting deal you will encounter!
This four week road trip will take place in your car. gas fare is NOT covered by MKIPS nor is alcohol purchases. these will be paid in full by the party agreed upon at purchace date.
rex will decide where you will drive to, how fast you will drive, and how long you will spend in a particular location.
All music must meet rex's requirments. your music is subject to rejection and all disagreeable tapes or cds will be subject to immediate destruction via being thrown out the car at a high speed. (cure and phish fans, please take note)
roadside sex sessions will be mandatory for each state crossing and may include more according to the mood of Rex. Please comply with this rule, we feel it is not an unreasonable request.
While on road trip, stops will be authorized by Rex. all food, alcohol, and drugs will be paid by you.
this package is only $172.99 cash and prices are subject to change depending on your personality.
Package Three: "The Basic"-------weekends 9pm-10am
The Basic plan is desinged for the girl on the go who may not have time to indulge in drug induced roadtrips or late light shady sexual encounters.
Rex is to be picked up at 9pm sharp and driven directly to a bar approved by the MKIPS board of directors for immediate cocktails. By 9pm, Rex tends to become shaky and irritable if an alcoholic beverage has not been consumed.
If the Menthol Kings have a show for the particular night you have booked, consider yourself lucky. You can experience the glitterati and pagentry that accompanies a Menthol Kings performance. You will be Rexs personal girl for this evening and all other ladies will eye you in jealousy and anger. You may be asked to haul equipment by one of the members of the Menthol Kings. If they seem serious about it, please do all you can to insure the safe transport of equipment into car.
If there is no show, Rex will be taken to the bar of his choice. You will be required to give him dollar bills to play his favorite songs on the jukebox. this is a mandatory clause. drinks will be paid by you unless specified by Rex.
After Rex has finished his heroic consumption of cocktails, you will transport him to your house and baby him. Shower with him, take a jacuzzi with him, feed him cheese and Triscuits and Tom Collins' must be at the ready by tub-side. After this has occured, please escort Rex into your bed. (fresh sheets, dog outside and out of view, and bedtime music selected by Rex)
Enjoy your sexual encounter!
This package is only $39.95 cash