20 Ways To Make A Menthol King Happy!!
Yes, we know how you all want to please the Kings and get on their good side so after countless letters asking "how can I make a Menthol King like me?!" we have finally decided to help you all out and tell you how its done. Quite simple and we hope you can follow commands.
HOW ITS DONE
1. Purchase alcoholic beverages for our consumption.
2. Tell us why every other band in Atlanta (or the USA for that matter) is inferior.
3. Give us shelter.
4. Tell us your detailed plans on how you are planning the assassination of Whippersnapper.
5. Tell us how you hate new school punk rock and all the people involved in its sick existance.
6. Beat up people that go to the Warped Tour.
7. Do not talk back to any member of the Menthol Kings.
8. Assume all sexist and mean comments directed towards you as "jokes".
9. Buy us drugs.
10. Feed us at any Dennys, Waffle House, or Crowes Chicken restaurant.
11. Girls, fight over us.
12. Follow any demand given by a member of the Menthol Kings.
13. Trash Dotties for fun.
14. Make fun of every band that you see live, excluding the Menthol Kings.
15. Have sex with Mike Muir's mom.
16. Give bums cigarettes laced with Raid and other harmful products when they "demand" a cigarette from you.
17. Do not go inside Junkmans Daughter.
18. Beat up any member of the following musical combos:
b. Good Riddance
d. Blink 182
e. Earth Crisis
g. Strung Out
and anyone else who sounds like these assholes
19. Hook us up with a contract on Grand Royal.
20. Above all, ALWAYS pay to see us.
Check in later to find even MORE ways to make us a happier, more productive, musical combo.