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"Without Dreams of Emotion"

(A series of poems to a special friend)

C.J. Ingerson
3/9/99

"Beyond My Realm"

Verse 1
********

Shouting never paid mind
or the nearest of another
for when you are enclosed
what matters if your cold?

Verse 2
********

Hours are nothing in timeless
land and beating are harmless
to one who refuses to hurt,
besides someday you won't
anymore, anyway I'll be gone.

Verse 3
********

My mind is beyond your realm
of thoughts or beliefs or creeds
for I've been before you
and seen you're weakness
while you seek to find
only my strengths of empty.

Verse 4
********

Forget another day
it will not change one iota
of the who or what you want
of me to become to you.

Verse 5
********

It must be nice to have a gun
you wave it at me as in fun
but I don't care for what is death
that I don't already know alive.

Verse 6
********

So do your best whatever
that means to you and yours
someday I'll be back
but not for any revenge
only to look you in the eye
and say you will never
understand my realm.

"An Emotion"
Verse 1
*******

You thought you saw
a tear just now
but you are mistaken
it will be years
before you'll
ever see a tear
upon this cheek
it was only
something in my eye.

"You Ask Why"

Verse 1
*******

These poems now flow
as easily they seem
to come from within?

No these are painful and hard
feelings which are deep beyond
the human grasp
of another's emotions
- I'm no wonder -
not at all;
just another
who has been
seen against the wall;
with head bended
asking why
not really caring
if anyone answered
because the answer
would be without
emotion and that
would tell me all
I would ever
need to know.

"Why Don't You Give Up?"

Verse 1
*******

These are hard and lonely
as the night in darkness
becomes a friend
to the harshness
of another day
to sit alone
not to give in
never, NEVER
why don't you leave
me where you found me
why do you not give up?

Verse 2
********

Everyone gives up lost causes
but each morning you don't
you are there waiting
why, don't you give up?

"Love, laughter . . ."

Verse 1
*******

You think you can love me
I'll teach you that you can't
for when you find me
I'll become someone else.

Verse 2
********

Yet would you explain
to me this word
you so freely use?

You say you love me
yet each day I make
you mad and sad
what is a word
that causes this
that you tell to me?

"I've No Parents"

Verse 1
*******

Yet you wonder
if I miss someone
I don't acknowledge?

I've none who want me,
yet you say you do
but how do I know
you aren't lying
just to see
what I'll do?

I've no parents
none who want me
anyway what is
a parent?

"Then You Kissed Me"

Verse
*******

Why did you do that?
I didn't ask you too.
You're just trying
to be different
so you can claim
me as someone who
you in someway helped;
but it won't matter
because you don't know
who I am.

But why did you kiss me
this I really need to know?

"What Does it Mean to Care?"

Verse
*******

You hold be close,
you're warm.

You're different
who are you?

Why do you say
you care for me?

Anyway what does it mean
when you say you care?

"I've Wandered in This Private World"

Verse 1
*******

For some it ended in death
and others in loneliness;
yet you never quit
even though I fought
with you each
and every day.

Verse 2
********

You came and came back
until you found this world,
this private world of mine
and now you are in it;
are you going to stay?

Verse 3
********

I've wandered in it
with no way out
in this private world
of mine today;
it is lonely and cold;
all feeling left out,
and emotion not allowed.

Verse 4
********

Now upon my cheeks
tears of mine are mixed
with some of yours;
why did you come in
I never wanted to hurt
you or any other?

Verse 5
********

Why didn't you stay out
and you wouldn't be crying
for in my private world
tears are not allowed.

Verse 6
********

So have you come
into my world
or have I come out
into yours?

Verse 7
********

These tears upon
my cheeks mixed
in with yours;
what do they mean
it is a feeling
I've never had before?

Verse 8
********

Grandma why did you come
when no one else did?

And why did you let
another know of me
and this world of mine?

Verse 9
********

Forgotten now,
no pushed aside
lets say behind
do you think
my mother really
loves me?

Verse 10
********

Whose world
am I now in to know
of an emotion or feeling
I've never known
and why are you so warm
when now I cling to you?

"There Are More"

Verse 1
*******

But we'll stop here
for when the roll
is taken from above
and you wonder
of honor students
and other children
of Heavenly Father
don't ever forget
or push to the side
those who found
the entrances to
private worlds
where little children
hurt, abused, frightened
most often hide.

Verse 2
********

They too will
be counted beyond
the mortal deeds
of rusty old knight
and bishops or kings,
for they are the one
who stopped
the shedding of a child's
most innocent blood.





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