GENEALOGY & RANDOM THOUGHTS **The side border shows 3 generations of my family** Twisted cliches on parade A new cousin a day keeps the boredom away. A family history shows you've really lived! Genealogists never die; they just lose their census. All right, everybody out of the gene pool! Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. Genealogy made me what I am today. Where there's a will, I want to be in it. I think that I shall never see a completed genealogy. Genealogy is relatively interesting. A great oak is only a little nut that held it's ground. Genealogy: It's all relative in the end anyway. If your family tree doesn't fork, you might be a redneck. Uh... science? A great many family trees were started by grafting. Genetic engineering: Heir styling. Genealogica Bonsai: Little family trees. Genealogy: The Theory of Relativity. Frustration! I was looking for my roots, but it was the wrong tree. I'm not stuck, I'm ancestrally challenged. Okay, so I don't descend from anyone... now what? Now that I've given up hope I feel much better. My head is sore, and there's a hole in the brick wall! My family tree is full of notholes... it's NOT him, it's NOT her! Genealogy can sometimes be a really dead end hobby! Columbus had a fourth ship - it sailed over the edge. Genealogy is like a hay stack full of needles, but I need the threads. I need not suffer in silence... I can moan, whimper and complain. I think I'm parked diagonally in a parallel universe. Genealogical bumper stickers? Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear. Genealogists live in the past lane. Just follow my roots. I'll turnip somewhere! Ankle deep in the gene pool. Vampires are blood relatives. Genealogy means chasing your own tale. It's a family affair. Fastest way to trace your family tree: run for public office. Genealogy: It keeps going, and going, and going... What Did You Say? "Any ancestors you can dig up would be appreciated." "He died at the end of the War of Disease." "I am not on the Internet but I do have E-mail." On a tombstone: "I told you I was sick." "I am looking for PLENTY." "Do any of you by chance have her in your data?" "Looking for BORING surname, anytime, anyplace." "My Heads and at least one brother moved to..." At a reunion: "I'm John Smith." "And who were you before you married?" "Looking for anything you may have." "Hunting RABBITT in NYC and elsewhere." Sign at junkyard next to cemetery: "Used Body Parts." "As he was on wife #4, I think his health was probably ok, till the very end." "If this sounds familiar, please give me a zap." "Seeking GOOD family members, any help appreciated." "Possibly she was born with a different surname." "Thank you for reading this long boring query." "Does anyone know anything about finding Crest for families?" "Yes, I came across some DYERs at a very old cemetery." "Shaver headed the 38th Infantry." "I don't wanna mails from ROOTS no more. So Please stop sending mails to me." "I... found the names of two family heads..." "The wife may have been ASKEW." "I have children for the rest and I'm willing to share." Found in Waterloo IA death records: "Cause of death: Studying too hard." "I am trying to tie him into the family." "I do not know if that address is still any good after 2 wars." "I have many dates in cemeteries, if anyone is interested." "I am looking for FELLOWS." "Subject: Revelotionary records" "If anything fits, please let me know!" "Have mush information on George's line..." "...let me know and I'll supply the rest of the children." "I am still hitting a dead end wall." "To whom it may concern, My name is **** *******. I am looking for family history." "I have been chasing this fellow for 20 years..." "No one said this is for dead people only." "Would also be interested in any links to sites specializing in BACON." "I do not have access to the Internet... just E-mail... so any help is very appreciated." "When she died, she was his widow." "I have one son named George and one named Robert. Does anyone know who the father is?" "I do recall relations with a Harold and Helen, but do not know if they are related." "(The clerk got carried away, he is not mine.)" "I have been stuck here for 20 years." "...this is probably the only way I will ever tie some of these folks up..." "If you have any... HIGH descendants... I would appreciate VERY MUCH hearing from you..." "...that more people died of the flue than from the war was one of the tragedies of the war." "...am willing to check cemeteries and take pictures of persons known to be buried..." "I'm hoping to find my way all the way back to Africa, but I need help." "...went to the Church and went threw the Microfilm." "I have 6 of their children with birth dates." "She died in Childbirth, Mississippi." "If interested in the above marriage e-mail me." "The Hasty information is still being added, a bit at a time." Genealogical insults Your ancestors were real swingers... from trees and gallows. When you were born, your mother had a bad heir day. You're the Dutch Elm disease of your family tree. You must be the fertilizer for your family tree. Every family tree has some sap in it... I guess you're it. Your ancestry must be a river, since you're such a drip. You're living proof that the gene pool should be chlorinated! Puns and other word play A little a'disk and a little a'data. Man has his will. Woman has her won't. Genealilocks and the forebears. Ghosts are merely unsubstantiated roomers. Genealogy isn't fatal, but it can be a grave disease. Microfiche: Sardines. My genes are faded and full of holes! Genealogists are like monkeys, always in trees. Searching shipping records: naval gazing. I am not illiterate! My parents WERE SO MARRIED! Uh... romance? Genealogists do it for centuries. Genealogists do it with dead relatives. Genealogists will date any old thing. Genealogy in the buff... I mean a genealogy buff! Can you relate? Friends come and go, but relatives tend to accumulate. A family reunion is an effective form of birth control. Friends may come and go, but relatives never leave. Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home. My problems are all relative. Just too many of them. Insanity is hereditary - you get it from your children. The young know how to break rules; the old know how to break them effectively. It is hereditary in my family to not have children. Old genealogists are simply chronologically gifted! Learn from your parents mistakes - use birth control! He ain't heavy... He's my brother's aunt's sister's husband. My kids will appreciate the research I've done... when pigs fly. Any family tree produces some lemons, nuts and bad apples. Heredity: Everyone believes in it until their children act like fools. Climbing my family tree was fun until the nuts appeared. Insanity runs in many families; in mine it gallops. My family coat of arms ties at the back... is that normal? Our 4 fathers? Misers are hard to live with, but they make fine ancestors. I found out that half of my forefathers were female. Ancestors can hide, but they can't RUN... anymore! Ancestors run in my family. I'm always late. My ancestors must have arrived on the Juneflower. Genealogists Only! Genealogy - where you confuse the dead and irritate the living. A job is nice but it interferes with genealogy. "Give me your tired, your poor..." Hey, they're genealogists! I bet you thought I was going to use a genealogy tagline! Research: What I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing. If you're not confused, you're not paying attention. If you spell it g-e-n-e-o-l-o-g-i-s-t, you ain't one. Whoever said "seek and ye shall find" wasn't a genealogist. To a genealogist, everything is relative and a relative is everything. I only work on genealogy on days that end in Y. Don't be afraid, cemetery ghosts are only genealogists with lanterns. Genealogist: Always in search of a good dead man! FLOOR: The place for storing your priceless genealogy records. When I'm real old, I'm gonna kick this genealogy habit! Genealogy goes on... and on... and on... A single fact can spoil a good genealogy. A well-written life is as rare as a well-spent one. Puters and the Net A computer is a typewriter with an attitude. Computer Genealogy: tracing your system's roots back to the abacus. Computers can never replace human stupidity. The truth is out there... Anyone know the URL? Synonym: a word you use when you can't spell the other. I'm not illiterate, I just type that way. My software does not have bugs... it just develops random features. All computers wait at the same speed. ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI! If you think you're confused now, just wait until tech support explains it. Random Thoughts You can't have everything... where would you put it? We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse. Don't take life too seriously... after all, it won't last forever. Dead people like to hang around cemeteries. Adam and Eve probably found genealogy boring. I wish Noah had swatted those two flies. Life is only as long as you live it. Can a first cousin once removed come back? If at first you don't succeed, redefine success. To err is human; to moo is bovine. May I please be excused? My brain is full. Some mornings it's just not worth gnawing through the straps. It is fatal to live too long. Mother is the invention of necessity. Life is too short and you're dead too long. Does killing time damage eternity? Time is the thing that keeps stuff from happening all at once. HOME Border by Mountainwinds