You're a moron Yes you are You're the biggest one I ever met by far Your moronitude astounds & your crapness knows no bounds You're a moron A moron you are. You're a moron Yes you are When it comes to being stupid you're the star Your ignorance is clear It's incurable I fear You're a moron A moron you are. ------------------------------ Stick out that tougue and say to me, Tell me cat what do you see? I see a cat who is not afraid, To let his life get in the way, I see a cat who is weird and unqie, A little cat that will sqeak, sqeak in joy and happyness too, It so reminds me of you, SO stick out your touge, And let your voice be heard, That you too are free, Free as a bird, --------------------------- Cows say moo And so do you I like men Whos names are Ken and Ben Look at the grass It looks like a big hairy....bum I like gum But not in my bum Lets do a dance But keep on your pants Don't let them fall Or you won't grow tall Like Shaq, whos 20 feet high Look he can touch the sky Lets all sing a song And ring a gong Because they are all dead And they don't have a head -------------------------- The night before halloween and all through the house The creatures were sturring Even the mouse! The pumpkins were carved There was fog and no light Sure to give trick-or-treaters A little fright! There was a knock at the door Who could it be? But darn little kids Who want candy from me. So I open the door In my costume and scream HELLO LITTLE KIDDIES! BE MY DINNER FOR HALLOWEEN? They jumped and they scrambled To get away from the door I laughed so hard I fell to the floor! I've done the same thing Year after year You'd think the little kids Would know to stay away from here! ------------------------------ It started so slowly, it started so simply A tale of carnage, of murder and strife The tale of girl all smilely and dimply Of Salli, and her very long knife “We’ll leave you at home,” said her parents quite gladly “We’ve asked our dear neighbour to watch you tonight She’s a charming young thing, named Eleanor Shadly Oh please do make sure that you treat her alright!” And off they did go, moving so quickly Desperate to not have to spend time with her Their laughter was cruel, their attitude sickly And that was how things normally were. The sitter was young, and silly and pretty With pigtails and nail-polish and a skirt that was plaid The result of a cross ‘tween a care-bear and Britney And before very long, poor Salli was mad “Ponies and pop-stars may be your thing girly, Her eyes were ablaze and her hair was a-curly, “But I have no time for your immature ways, “So cease and desist your putrid displays!” But the sitter just giggled and said she was cute And her foolishnes never did cease So Salli got angry and went to the kitchen Hoping to find some sweet peace And in that sweet sanctuary she found something which Could fillet and sever and dice Which could, if well used, dispose of the witch A very, very, very long knife. “What have you found?” asked Eleanor brightly “And why are you hiding in here?” “A present for you,” she answered politely And slit her throat, ear to ear It worked like a charm, the sitter was quiet Except for some gurgles and gasps And after a few spasmodic displays The sitter was silent at last The rest of the night was peaceful and calm She watched DVDs and she ate But then they came home, her Dad and her Mum Who had been out until very late “What has happened?!?” Her mother cried harshly “Why is there blood on my daughter?” “Oh mother you fool, you gave me a sitter whose heart was bent solely on slaughter.” “With knives and with daggers did she come at me! With crossbows, with maces and guns. Her evil intent, it certainly seems Was to eat me with salad and buns.” “The action I took,” Said Salli quite gravely “I recall with the greatest regret.” But her parents declared she had acted quite bravely When faced with this terrible threat. And so Eleanor’s corpse was taken and buried And the blood was all mopped up and drained And Mum was delighted to see that the red-wood Was not in the slightest bit stained. Then several weeks later the papers reported A terrible tragedy in a family home Two parent had apparently murdered each other And left a cute girl all on her own. “I’m shocked and appalled,” the article quoted A distraught little girl, all in tears “They both were so loving and madly devoted At least that was how it appeared.” “In truth they were killers, not eminent pillars Of society, it’s painfully clear. They murdered my sitter, It makes me so bitter,” And Salli then broke down in tears. “They also disposed,” she hastened to add, “Of the milkman, the plumber, the cat, and that boy who would always tease me at school, And my aunt with the ridiculous hat.” And as the town wept for the poor helpless girl, Who seemed so defenceless and nice She smiled and playfully stroked her new friend Her very, very, very long knife. ------------------------------ Aladdin’s story has been told For so long and now it’s old But all the tales were incorrect They told you just what you’d expect A few things in them remain true The lamp, the genie and Aladdin who Was good and brave and kind and strong Full of valour, could do no wrong The princess though, they botched it up She really was a total slut So here it is, as soon you’ll see Aladdin’s tale told properly. Aladdin was raised upon the street He never had enough to eat He lived in dirt and grime and damp And only owned a battered lamp Though our hero was often wise He had been fooled by many lies For he was told that the princess Was full of grace and tenderness Princess Lilly was her name Her gorgeous looks had brought her fame But her beauty just reaches skin Her soul was ugly from within This spoilt brat only ever thought Of the riches her suitors brought Al felt worse than ever before He threw his lamp upon the floor Then a cloud of smoke appeared Aladdin thought that this was weird A genie rose up from the smoke He turned to Aladdin then he spoke ‘Wishes I shall give you three Just make em good and then you’ll see That you’re life can turn around And get you up and off the ground” ‘Bloomin Hell!’ Aladdin declared He was brave, he wasn’t scared ‘Genie I have just the thing I want to be richer than the King, With all that gold and fancy clothes The princess will just love me loads!” Aladdin watched and he could see His tattered rags became guchi! ‘Wow!’ he said with a great big smile ‘But now I need a ride with style…’ He looked around and he did see A carpet that was quite dirty ‘I wish this carpet here could fly And carry me into the sky!’ No sooner had he made this prayer Then he was flying through the air He landed with such poise and grace Just outside the princess’ place She opened her door and began to shout ‘What the hell’s the noise about!?’ ‘Dear princess you are so pretty Won’t you come and fly with me?’ She glanced and saw his golden clothes And guessed he must have more of those She said ‘I guess I’ll go with you But just where will you take me to?’ Aladdin’s heart lept with glee ‘We could just fly over the sea’ The starlit sky, the ocean view Something inside was telling him to ‘Tell the truth, she’ll understand Honesty will show that you’re a man’ So he said what had happened before About the lamp, that he was poor Then stopped talking and held his breath He wondered what would happen next He looked at her right in the eye Where angry sparks began to fly “You dirty common lying tramp! All along you had this lamp? Made me believe that you were rich? That’s really gross, it makes me sick! Bet you thought your dream came true That I had fell in love with you? Guess again, you’re out of luck I don’t love you, you’re common as muck!” Hurt by her words that were so cruel He could now see he’d been a fool Forgetting all his chivalry He shoved her out into the sea She went head first, the spoilt cow Her noble blood can’t save her now She screamed and screamed to no avail And then got eaten by a whale Whilst good Aladdin soon took flight And disappeared into the night Then rubbed the lamp for the genie Who appeared and said ‘what shall it be?’ ‘I want to make my last wish now I want to find, I don’t care how Something that will bring delight And always make me feel alright.’ The genie said ‘now that’s easy’ Then handed him a new TV. -------------------------------- I felt a rumble in my bowels, And my guts were making growls: Diarrhea, Diarrhea. I was climbing up a tree, When it dribbled on my knee: Diarrhea, Diarrhea. I went to tell my mum, When it spalatered on my bum: Diarrhea, Diarrhea. I sprinted for the can, But the downward surge began: Diarrhea, Diarrhea. It gushed down my leg, Like a brown, runny egg: Diarrhea, Diarrhea. It sludged round me ass, as a heavy, gooey mass: Diarrhea, Diarrhea. Some was compact lumps, Whearas some was stringy clumps: Diarrhea, Diarrhea. There was bits of intact corn, Undigested and adorn: Diarrhea, Diarrhea. it was making a viscose pool, the height and width of istanbul: Diarrhea, Diarrhea. So remember one thing kids, Don't eat curry or you'll get the skids: Diarrhea, Diarrhea. ---------------------------- July twenty-third, 1522 I grabbed up my axe to go do what I do On my way to the forest to cut me some wood One of the king’s messengers in my way stood He said “Put this sack on top of your head The king wants you to make people dead Henry the Eighth, in his ascent to the throne Has dirty work that he needs to be done” I asked him “Sir, tell me does it pay good?” He said it was better than chopping up wood I figured that this must be my lucky day So I just said to him “Sir, lead the way.” My first job was some guy the king charged with treason A traitor to England, seemed a good enough reason When I hefted my axe the crowd gasped in anticipation And when I brought it down the crowd cried in elation Blood fountained, drenching an infant in the street And the head came to a stop at an old lady’s feet Later Henry told me that it was a work of art And I thought I was off to a pretty good start Years down the road I was master of my craft When I went to work my audience cried and laughed I was a showman, I’d put on the best for my fans Nary a better executioner in all the king’s lands In ’27 Henry divorced Catherine, his wife For failing to bring a son into his life The streets were soon abuzz with the word He’d married Anne Boleyn, of whom you may have heard By ’36 I’d axed fourteen years And Anne was causing good Henry some tears A boy child, you see, she’d failed to pop out Though Henry had tried his best I don’t doubt I was sharp’nin’ my axe, ‘twas about five o’ clock When Henry sent Anne Boleyn to the block I had long known about Henry’s problem in bed So it was no surprise to hear “Off with her head!” It took a few swings to cut off the appendage But the crowd always loves a messy unendage It took Henry a month to get rid of the stain And only a year to marry a lady named Jane Within months Jane had borne child and died And historians were paid off, so in textbooks they lied Jane had produced a female youth She died giving birth is the record, but we know the truth At Cromwell’s advice he married Anne number two Hoping she could handle what the first couldn’t do But Henry was destined to again be alone The child still lacked a Y chromosome For his advice Cromwell was introduced to my axe And Jane was “divorced”, let’s just leave it at that Later that year, much to my chagrin Henry married a second Catherine Failing to produce an heir to the crown... I won’t get into details this time around Four wives now have been unended And it’s getting dull, no pun intended Henry married a third Catherine then And I was beginning to notice a trend When she was sent to me to remove her head “I’ve had enough”, to Henry I said “You sir, are an axehole; you sir, are a jerk And I think I’ll find me a new line of work” Needless to say he was unhappy with me “Cut off your own head” he chose to decree I declined for reasons obvious to all So he sent me to trial in a court of the law They offered an attorney at the state’s dispense But I decided to axe in my own defense I said “Axe me no questions, I’ll tell you no lies Everytime I go axin’ it seems some poor lady dies I’ve axed with the best and I’ve axed with the worst But to axe myself, that would be a first I’ve axed by night and I’ve axed by noon But perhaps I may have axed too axin’ soon When I bring out my axe people soon wind up dead But Henry axed me to axe off my own head” But the judge ruled against my eloquent plea To my own axe, the verdict sent me Knowing I had left only one chance I axed my way out of there, all the way to France In France I knew I could axe in peace For all of the Frenchmen were cowards who flee At the sight of an axe, and for what it’s worth I got a wife who to an axin’ boy gave birth Now it’s been a bit long and perhaps a spot gory But we’re finally to the moral of my axin’ story It’s “He who axes and runs away Lives to axe another day” -------------------------------------- There once was a leather mini skirt Short and little, it was hardly even there Mustang had insisted, the stupid little flirt He said it looked nice, he said it added flare The colonel said if it wasn’t worn he would be very hurt But his true intentions, insisting the sight would be so rare And nobody could deny the correctness of the pervert The fact of the matter is: Ed looks good in a skirt. -------------------------- Theres a place not too far away Where girls can chat and play It doesn’t have much of anything And at the same time it has everything A place to sit and cry To tell ur friends gossip and lies A place one can call home Or just be alone Where one’s heart can be broken Where one can find a tampon token Here u can get advice Find things at lower price So many things can be done here Never fear! You shall leave ur gloom When u reach the women’s restroom! ----------------------------- You see him coming toward you And your heart starts beating fast He looks to you, your eyes meet his You want this feeling to last He smiles at you, you smile back You're feeling weak in the knees He says "hello" and you get tongue tied You think "this can't happen now, please!" He asks you out for friday night And your heart takes to the sky You're certain that it's love at first sight He asks "what time should I stop by?" You think "oh wow, he noticed me!" As he smiles, your pride is beaming Then your mom suddenly wakes you up And you find you were only dreaming... ------------------------------------ Moonlight dancing Atop the trees As I sit crying Upon bloody knees Regretting everything that happened Making my head spin Silence surrounding me In a battle I can't win Pouring from my eyes Are the icy tears of pain A pain of frustration Now that I've gone insane A stained blade by my side Red as roses liquid all around No where to go Not wanting to be found I can't see anymore Because they aren't there Blue eyes gone At me, they stare Slit wrists dripping Alone will I die No warmth for me Blood do I now cry My only company Is now only the moon Death awaiting me May it come soon Feeling for the steal I pick it up and aim Driving it through my stomach As more blood came Shriveled into a ball I scream my last unworthy screams And lay my head down slowly Trapped in a forever dream Moonlight dancing Atop the trees And the wind whispering a song Just and only for me ------------------------------- What lies beyond the dark of night? Beyond the human eye's own sight? Where no one, nothing, can be seen, Moonbeams cast an eerie sheen; Reflections caught in liquid stone, Forever to flicker, lost and alone. Trapped in the dark, forever to be Leaving mortals to wonder at such mysteries. Mystery of dark's cold glare, glance Caught in the stare without a chance. Demons lying in wait, hiding behind The sound of bells; Armageddon's chime. Not meant for mortals to see or hear, Announcing, Darkness' triumph is near. Death to light and love, bring peace As bells of darkness chimes cease Hush now, be silent, deadly calm Lest you be caught in dark's palm. What lies out there, beyond the deep? Darkness, forever, the secret will keep. ------------------------------ you should know not to fuck with me I've warned you before but you thought that you'd win this you're one stupid whore don't lock the door I'll kill you, whore I'll knock the door down I'll find a way in I'll throw you to the ground and I'll kick your face in I see through your lies I see the fear in your eyes I'm gonna make this last cuz you fucked up in the past yeah, you fucked up, bitch you fucked up bad I warned you, kid not to make me mad but you didn't listen you didn't care now you're learning your lesson I'm just making things fair I'll fuck you up, bitch I'll kick in your head when I'm finished with you you'll wish you were dead cuz I may not kill you I just want you to suffer I'm just gonna torure you cuz I'm a sick motherfucker cry, bitch, cry you know your in pain I'm one sick twisted bitch cuz I'm lovin' this game I can see through your lies I can see the fear in your eyes I'm gonna make this last cuz you fucked up in the past yeah you fucked up, bitch you fucked up bad I warned you, kid, not to make me mad but you didn't listen no you didn't care now you're learning your lesson I'm just making things fair watch your back I'm everywhere I'm in your dreams and I'm in the air if you breath me in I'll suffocate you I'll choke you to death than recreate you into my bitch you close your eyes and you see me there you open your eyes and you see me where? behind you, bitch ready to attack I warned you, bitch to watch your back but now it's too late cuz now you're dead you were given your warnings but you ignored them instead -------------------------- Crying on the phone again Screaming I lvoe you I trace my love out with pen Wondering if you love me too I'm freaking out with out you here I'm ready to go DIE! Look at this, a single tear Yo really made me cry I'm so gothic that I'm dead I can't handle normal pains in life Might as well go drink some lead I can no longer take this strife The emu side of me is taking over I'm so alone and need to whine All I want in life is a four leaf clover.. And someone to take me out to dine. My girl friend dumped me last week And my new boyfriend did today Why does god make me never find what i seek? Damn, i just want a good lay. I'm ugly everyone hates me I have no friends at all Why can't anyone see I get back up only to fall. again. - hahha. that was a real poem. i enjoyed writing it. very much. ------------------------- You seem so fake with your arms wrapped around constrict my chest so tightly I’ve fall to the ground. Replace with black the stars and memories of ours. You have given birth to our darkest hour. You gave it all away just to feel better now all you have is a fucking love letter. The things you’ve replaced have all blown away and you wish to go back to feel those days. You wanted all the answers without all the questions the quickest solution to cure what has happened. You pushed me out and pulled me back in and I just can’t wait to see you dying in my arms again. And I just can’t wait to see, see you dying again ------------------------------- Lay her down now So she can sleep in peace Final approach now See her lying and I weep Follow a process A 5 step way of Dealing with loneliness And the reasons to leave have come to this So take away the saddest day So I can not weep I cannot take it alone I need you here with me right now I can’t stay here and wait Broken and gone now A single rose to show my love It’s gone now And I cannot stay, so you can sleep It won’t be long Til I am back again The reasons to see you are so strong It won’t be long Til I am here again I feel bad for those who never knew you So take away the saddest day So I can not weep I cannot take it alone I need you here with me right now I can’t stay here and wait She’s gone now, I’ve noticed I cannot say that I never cried Everything is so bad now I need her here with me again It won’t be long Til I need you again The reasons you left weren’t good enough Don’t forget about me now I feel bad for those who never knew you So take away the saddest day So I can not weep I cannot take it alone I need you here with me right now I can’t stay here and wait Letting go so she’s happy again Letting her know that I love her I didn’t know it had to be shown By leaving her tonight I would do anything to see her smile Even if I can’t be there to see it… It won’t be long Til I need her again Say that I meant something It won’t be long We’ll be together again God played a trick on me It won’t be long… ------------------------- i make up lies to cover up the sorrow i cut myself to prepare for tomorrow i cry these tears to ease the pain im in love with you for reasons i cant explain i hide the way i feel so you wont leave me i put a mask on so you cant see me i hate myself because i keep messing up im giving up now because i keep fucking up i hurt inside from you pushing my away im dying more and more with the passing of each day i make wishes for things that wont come true i pray everynight just to be with you i want you to save me from this disaster because im broken into pieces as my heart beats faster bloody wrists wet face please save me from this place... ----------------------- it's pudding time oh yummiest of chocolately desserts (: tastier than vanilla or butterscotch pudding the most delicious of all puddings thou most certainly drools just thinking about the chocolately chocolateness that comes in such a pudding like form i (heart) chocolate pudding oh no can it be the bowl is empty oh chocolate pudding why doth thou have to leave me at such a time why can't the bowl be like a bottomless pit of chocolate pudding you were tasty while you were still there but now i must move on hello cheesecake, tastiest of dessert like pies and cakes ---------------------------- this bunny was hopppin in the purple flowers then he saw a plant he didn't know what kind of plant it was soo.. he decided to roll it up and smoke it when he tasted it he yelled holy marijuana thats how marijuana got it's name then this dude came and gave the bunny these awesome powere he was suppose to make the word happy but since he was so stoned and thought that saving the world is crappy he decided to use his powers for evil Even thou he knew it was decetful so he kills everyone and is happy the end -------------------------- Lean Back in this game of trust... You can bet I will be there to catch you Fall back off the edge of this cliff... Friends, since the day I met you. Don't bleed when you’re feeling lonely For I'm your neighbor, and your prayer The only one who can make it possible...? To wear your HEAD on you’re UNDERWEAR. Have you wondered why you don't cry? I’ve caught every tear, you've never known Have you wondered why you can't sit in silence? Because I’m there, when you think you’re alone. I'm all the things that you live for, I'm your nightmare before Christmas I’m all the words you can't pronounce You can just call me isthmus... We lost our first sin together... And we've made them on are own If I never knew you existed Then who would hold my phone? ---------------------------