A Day in The Life of Ragnar

6:30am - Train

This is an actual day in my life (date December 11th 2002). I am not making any of this up and if you are easily disturbed, then keep reading because this isn’t all that bad. Anyway, my day started off with me waking up at 6:30am to catch the train to go to school to write my exam to….you get the picture. I wake up and the sun wasn’t even out, I mean, I am a sun person which means if the sun isn’t out, neither am I. So I get to the train station and being scoping for hot girls to sit beside. Problem is that they are all in bed so looks like I’m riding solo today. I manage to have a two seater all to myself until the seat next to be is the only one free. Judgment day folks. I cross my fingers and pray for a hot girl…no such luck. Instead, I get a 200+lbs black woman that smells like anus (I wish I were kidding). I curl up into a ball as she tries to crow bar her booty into the small seat next to me. At this point I am truly frightened and just close my eyes and find my happy place. Once again, no such luck. The smell of black ass burns the inside of my nostrils like acid on metal. At that point I knew this was going to be an extra special day.

9:00am – Exam

So I finally get to my exam and my Professor informs the class that he’s having trouble setting things up (staples come undone again?) So I find myself sitting and surveying the class for the first time (awake anyway). At this point I realize that I am surrounded by three fags and a handful of the ugliest girls I have ever seen. Then I start hearing the exam talk. Maybe you’ve heard it…recognize any of this?

“Oh I am SO dead for this exam!”

“I’m going to fail this exam!....just give me a zero” (why show up then you hag!)

“I am SO tired cause I stayed up till (insert some fake time) studying”

The first thing that pisses me off about this situation is that these are always the girls that are getting 250% in that class and are going to ace it even if they don’t show up cause the Prof knows if he gives these sluts a bad grade, he’ll be getting a shit load of emails. The girls know this but they have to act like everyone else and fool themselves into thinking they are “cool”. The other thing I notice is that they have about 7-10 pens with them for the exam. How much are you planning to write in a fucking 2 hour ART exam you fat whore? Not only do they have a shit load of pens, but they have ERASERS too! I also love the morons that bring their lifetime supply of HB pencils and a HAND sharpener. These are the same fags you hear sharpening their pencils every 3-7 seconds. NOT a fan. So obviously I do amazing on the exam because I am the king of the world and I proceed to leave, but then I hear “you can’t leave until the all the papers are collected”….eat my shit! I left before she even finished her sentence. After my exam is when things really got wierd...

11am – 3pm

Nothing really happened from 11 – 3. I just dicked around for a little while and then caught the train back home. Granted, I did almost sleep through my stop….but since I didn’t, that point now becomes irrelevant.

3pm – The Pick Up

So I’m standing at the train station waiting for my sister to pick me up. 3:15 rolls around and I am actually getting pretty pissed. Real pissed actually. You also find out the dirtiest people hang around the train station AFTER the train has left. Plus for some reason the station smelt like urine that day. Anyway, I phone home and it ends up that my sister ran out of GAS on the way to pick me up and is WALKING to come get me. At that point I piss my own pants out of rage and start walking. I meet up with my sister have way and swear at her a bit but not too much since she can see that I just wet myself. So then I ask “where is the car????” and she says “just down the street”. The “street” ends up being 5 blocks and at that point the anger is at a point where murder is now an option. So then I finally see the car in the distance but wait!...Not only do I see one tow truck, but I see another tow truck. Two tow trucks? And then I see a cop car….hmmm…what the fuck?! The closer I get, the more clear it becomes. Evidently some huge ass bitch was driving and totally SLAMMED into the back of our car. Mind you the car had no gas and had its hazards on. At this point I’m laughing my ass off because the car is WRECKED! For some reason I found it funny that my car was smashed. Then I see the girl who hit my car and she’s HOT! Ok, now what the hell was I supposed to do here? I was pretty confused. I mean, for one thing my car is now useless to me because of the stupidity of the human mind. But this human mind was in the head of a hot girl. I regret to inform you that I did NOT hit up this girl. I know but let me explain….ok I got nothing. Anyway, ends up that she pays for everything and I get to rent a car for free. I enjoy anything free….mostly a free laugh at other peoples failures.