Don't make me open this!
Don't make me open this!
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1. Ship all anti-war protesters and leftist unpatriotic scum to the very places we want to bomb.. just let 'em stay there for a while and see how "wonderful" it is, and then ship 'em off to France to kiss Chirac's pimply, hairy butt.
2. Trap all illegal immigrants that are in this country by putting on a "Free Tequila Day" ruse. The bouncers at the bar would be military and INS personell and ask for a Green Card for ID. If not, they get put on a great big bus back to Me-hi-co. If they're legal, then they get to drink all they want for free that day. Quite an incentive for them.
3. Overturn Roe V. Wade and initiate a program that all female pro-abortion advocates hold an asprin between their knees and keep it there until they assume sexual responsibility.
4. If gays want to get married.. that's fine. Let 'em do it on their own country though. Annex from San Fransisco, Fire Island, and West Hollywood.
5. Anyone wishing to come over here from overseas will be thouroughly searched, fingerprinted and photographed. If you don't like the inconvienence, stay the hell out. If ya REAAAAALLY wanna be over here that bad, allow at least an hour to an hour and a half.. and prepare for a deep-cavity search. There's bound to be a "Butt Bomber" coming around soon. Also on this, racial profiling will be a must. All of the 9/11 bombers were Muslim immigrants. Not little blue-haired old ladies on their way to see their grandson, Timmy.
6. PBS would be forced to end it's tax-payer funded leftist propaganda such as "NOW with Bill Moyers" and air nothing but Sesame Street (sans the HIV positive muppet), and that freakish overly happy white dude with the afro that likes to paint "fluffy, white clouds".
7. Rename the Department of Defense, the "Department of American style Ass-Whippings". Just the name alone oughta scare the hell outta anyone who dares messes with the U.S. Also in this act, increase military pay by at least 30%. They sure as hell deserve it for protecting our asses.
8. Outlaw Ricky Martin or any other dumb "flavor of the month" pop-star from playing at the inaugural party for the president. No more presidental "bon-bon" shaking.
9. Get rid of that old racist policy, Affirmative Action. Well, unless you look like Jaleel White's character from "Family Matters", Urkel. Then you deserve our sympathy.
10. My education platform? No school vouchers (even though I fully support them) and no more raises towards public schools. Just bring back the DUNCE cap. Notice kids back in the 50's who were subjected to this humiliation worked their butts off and studied as to not be percieved as the dumbass that they are? Bring back the DUNCE cap, and make it mandatory for anyone who can't locate Uzbekistan on a map, or can't divide 746.481 by 1,549.46.
By the way, the answer is 2.075685784.. incase any libs ponder onto this page.
11. Inflict harsh trade restrictions with France, Germany, Russia, and any other Euro-trash nation (or 3rd world despot country) that is pro-UN, and hardcore anti-US. Ya like Nike basketball shoes and Oreo cookies that much? Better get on the right side then!
12. ANWAR will be drilled. No exceptions. I don't give a damn about the migratory patterns of the Porcupine Caribou.. we need to kick our dependency of foreign oil. Drilling in ANWAR.. even 20% of the 20 million acres, will supply us with 4 trillion barrels of oil.. enough to last for about 30 years. After that, on to the shores of Nantucket and Martha's Vineyard. If the rich beyotches wanna unobstructed view of the Atlantic from their million-dollar beachfront mansions, let 'em move. "No Blood For Oil"? Believe me, I'd have it covered.
13. Get rid of the stupid Designated Hitter rule in Major League baseball. Hey, I'm the president, dammit! I can do what I want! Besides, the DH rule sounds kind of like socialism to me.
14. The Death Penalty: Make it nationwide. And as soon as some vile freak is given the death penalty, strap 'em in the chair right away. We'd save 15 grand per year per prisoner if we executed them right away (Most sit on Death Row for at least 5 or 10 years). Give 'em the chair, and let the victim's family pull the switch. This includes murderers who commit pre-meditated killings, political assassins, cop killers, serial rapists, serial child molestors and also those who still do the Macerena.
15. Every 2nd Wednesday of each month would be "Free Chocolate Chip Cookie Day".
Maybe I'll have a chance in 2016, after the Giuliani/Rice administration ends. For now, just be happy with Bush, Ya might not agree with him 100% on his policies, but he has been kicking ass and taking names (and the names are LONG!) on the War on Terror. Think Kerry or Edwards is intertested in that?