2/6/03 Well haven't writen in here for a few days... I was sooo tired... Monday night I spent most of my time crying because Brett was leaving Tuesday... He called before they went to the airport after they got there and was supposed to call before they left but I was in class so he messaged me insted... I was really upset and cried inbetween classes but everyone could tell even though I tried to pretend I hadn't been crying. After my classes I came back here and went to sleep... and woke up to a phone call from Brett he had gotten to Germany... He was supposed to get to Afganistan at like 10am Wednesday our time but called me at 9 and woke me up and they hadn't left because their plane broke... and he wanted me to call his dad after I was done at class so around like 3 or 3:30 I called his dad's house and told them that they didn't leave when they were supposed to and all that stuff... I get off the phone with them and Brett calls... they still hadn't left... the second plane broke... THAT'S REAL REASSURING! but he called about 10:30 or 11 this morning and he said they were gonna leave in about an hour... so I'm jsut waiting for a call that he got there and he's still in one piece... I'm really worried and I really miss him... I just can't wait to hear from him...
2/2/03 Somethings only happen to me... Friday night some friends came out and we went to the bar... so we're at wolfendales and someone put something in my drink I don't remember much after leaving wolfendales... wake up saterday morning with a black eye and a big bruise on my leg don't know haow I got them... I felt high all day and my legs felt like jelly and I just wanted to cry all day cause I wanted the feeling to go away, after brett called well after he stopped being mad I felt a lot better and at 12:30 I finally got dressed... my roomie wanted to check on her little brother so I went with her... we came back here and downloaded lots of little kids music it was quite humorus... I think theres something wrong with us... we were singing and on occation doing the motions to the childrens songs I imagine we were quite entertaining
1/30/03 So... today I had my 3 hours of dance again... and thankfully the pain is easing up... after I was done at class I got food with sara and jay... sorry sara I highly dislike him or at least the way he's acting... then sara and I went to some thing for the vagina monologs and that was kinda fun... stopped at game for a bit... then I came back here... brett called and for some ungoddly reason my phone didn't ring it took me half an hour to get ahold of him and then he had to do stuff so he said he'd call me back in 15 minutes... an hour later he finally called me back... then we ended up fighting for a while and then he got over that and he started telling me that I need to talk to his dad and that while he's away... I hate talking to people... an dI hate calling people even more... if or when his dad ever calls me I'll talk to him but I'm not calling him unless I have no other choice... I'm not telling brett that though... anyway... in the middle of that conversation he decided that he had to go to sleep... and he was being an ass about it... pretty sure he didn't notice but I was almost crying when I got off the phone... I hate him leaving more then anything I really hope that I find a better way to deal with my head soon... I'm exausted and as soon as I lay down to go to sleep my head just goes like crazy wondering and worrying... I need to sleep... any ideas as to how to shut my brain off????... oh almost for got to mention the part where Brett asked if I want to be a military wife...
1/29/03 Alright so little sleep as I've had... and add to it that I am going to be dancing for 3 hours tomorrow... I really don't think I need to put up with my computer that is now sending Pornographic spam to people... I can't update my virus scan and I can't make it stop sending them... I'm sleepy...I'm going to bed
1/28/03 Well today was horrible to say the least... I got up at 10 went to dance classes for 3 hours... then to psych of women... got back here at like 5 and called my mother who then screemed at me because I haven't had time to eat or sleep... so then I proceded to cry for 5 hours till Brett called and that cheered me up a little then he started telling me that I don't have to deal with this and I don't have to go through this and that he would understand if I just want to walk away... I can't seem to understand why he feels that he needs to keep telling me that... I don't know how to make him understand that I don't want to... I hate dealing with this... I hate the way I feel... I hate damn near everything about him leaving... but I am willing to go through this... he means that much to me... I just wish he understood that... after getting off the phone with him I started crying again because I miss him and I just want him to be here and corny as it may sound I want him to hold me so that I can have that feeling of time standing still and I forget about all the things that are bothering me... well... I am exhausted and I want to go to sleep... eventhough I am seemingly unable to sleep... but I'm gonna try... again
1/27/03 Ok so I want to do nothing but sleep right... but I had two classes today so being the good collage student that I am I got up and went to my class to find that it was canceled... so I come back here... go back to sleep for an hour... I wake up for my next class and debate not going I mean I could have stayed in bed all day... but no i'm a good collage student so I walk down to the other end of campus to go to class... it's canceled... my only two classes... I wouldn't have had to wake up at all... then I went to lunch with Sara and debate going to the anti war rally... which turned out to be a teach-in... to see if we could find jess... we didn't and the whole teach-in thing just pissed me off emensely... half the people didn't have a clue as to what they were talking about and the one's that did just left out over half the information...my god... at least you could discuss the real facts... I really shouldn't get into that... I really have no problem with people being anti war if they are properly informed of everything that is going on... but the freaking morons that don't have a clue bitching about god only knows what trying to talk their way around the issues to get others to be anti-war just piss me off... I just have one question for all those who are anti-war... How can you live in a country and bask in the freedom that your government and your military provide for you and question the manner in which they provide that freedom?
