By: Blowe Nitup
1.If you don’t get it, I won’t explain it.
2.Write a best-seller with an obscure title, and use it as an excuse to create a dictatorship in a worn-out country. Then with the ‘undivided’ power of the people, I invade neighbouring countries and say that my people are a ‘master race’.
3.Walk around the world telling people that I am their only true leader and that anarchy and democracy are the same thing.
4. Go to the worlds largest repository of gold, proclaim diplomatic immunity, nuke it and leave behind a subliminal message that convinces the world leader that I am a martyr, that I represent every racial group and that the only successful war is one with no survivors to say that it was a bad war.
5. Say that I know the secrets of the universe and that I have a way to sent people into the afterlife and back, and will ‘not’ leave them there.
6. Go to the remains of the Ottoman Empire, rebuild it, and say that it doesn’t matter, we all die anyway.
7.Repeat no. 6 except saying that “I swear, I will not kill anyone,” with a Terminator accent.
8. Build a nuclear Tylenol and detonate it over the UN. Bingo, one group of drowsy and incompetent leaders who will accept the slightest suggestions concerning world domination.
9. Clone an army of Tareks and spread them over the world. I should not forget to put myself into orbit less I fall victim to Tarek’s annoying chatter.
10. Cytogenetically freeze myself until the world has fallen into perfect socialism and then defreeze. Please refer to ‘Demolition Man’ to indicate how easy the world will be to convert to dictatorship.
11. Clone Dawn, supply them with ‘War and Peace: the unabridged and extended version’ and set them lose. (Memo: perhaps the hardcover copy would work better)
12.Use the hardcover version of no. 11.
13. Create a multi-dimensional vortex to the alternate plane of existence where I already control the world and ask myself how I did it. Copy how I / he had done it.
14. Cause a nuclear winter (follows total nuclear war), hide in an underground bunker for 10 years, emerge and claim domination over the land as the only surviving member of the human race.
15. Tell the people of the world to “obey the spatula”.
16. Cause the Ender’s Game scenario by causing a massive, “bugger” conspiracy.
17. Manage to find a way to channel energy and not go mad. Find all the delicate rifts in the crust and poke them with the equivalent of 10 megatons. Then build a paradise on-top of the Himalayas.
18. Engineer and release a smart virus that eats away at technology and building materials. This would make creating an antivirus impossible. and the world would be stuck with creating everything out of continuously living materials.
19. Genetically engineer a dragon race that would wipe out all living things, hide in a protected location, emerge and claim domination over the land as the only surviving human with any leadership skills.
20. Publish this as a book and indicate how hard I planned to take over the world.
