Napalm and Silly Putty, you can buy it
George Carlin's site
These are quotes from Napalm & Silly Putty by George Carlin.
*all my words are in stars like this sentence*
fuck rational thinking
*the next two are definitely something i do*
Do you ever look at your watch and immediately forget the time, so you look again? And it still doesn't register, so you have to look a third time. And then someone asks you what time it is, and you actually have to look at your watch for the fouth time in three minutes. Don't you feel stupid?
Do you ever fall asleep in the late afternoon and wake up after dark, and for a moment you can't figure out what day it is. You actually find yourself thinking, Could this be yesterday?
Have you ever noticed that when your head is on the pillow, if you close one eye the pillow is in one position? But when you switch eyes the pillow seems to move? Sometimes I lie awake for hours doing that.
*this one is for dionne...for more reasons than one*
Do you ever reach the top of a staircase and think there's one more step? So you take one of those big, awkward steps that doesn't accomplish anything? And then you have to do it a few more times, so people will think it's something you do all the time. "I do this all the time, folks. It's the third stage of syphilis."
Have you ever noticed when you look in the top drawer of someone's desk there are always a few pennies in the pencil tray? I take them.
The best thing about living at the seashore is that you only have assholes on three sides of you. And if they come at you from the water, you can usually hear them splash.
I never worry that all hell will break loose. My concern is that only part of hell will break losse and be much harder to detect.
*i'm a little over 200 pages into the book so there'll be more coming*
