Jack & Karen
So I was watching last night and in between bouts of hysterical laughter it hit me. Debra Messing is bringing down this show. Ordinarily it?s only funny because of Jack and Karen. But last night Will was even watchable. The problem? Grace has NEVER been watchable. In every single seen with a punchline you can actually see her trying not to laugh. That?s fine for SNL, but dude, it?s called ACTING. Perhaps you?ve heard of it? It?s when you control your own emotions so that you can then project your character?s emotions.

The continued onslaught of guest stars (J. Lo next week? Can I shoot myself now?) only adds to the craptacularity, but last night it was just Will, Jack and Karen with a smattering of Rosario and I was laughing my ass off.

Maybe someone could knock Debra up mid-season next year, too? Pretty please?

Lil
Heh. I'm glad my pain amuses you so.

Thieving Asshats
I realized last night quite suddenly that I don?t remember unpacking my Bend It Like Beckham DVD. I do, however, remember packing it. I had taken it with me because neither my mom nor my sister had seen it. On both the flight to Minnesota and back to New Jersey we were told not to lock our bags as they were subject to search at any time. When I went to pick up the bag at the carousel in Newark there was a blue tag attached and a little note saying that it had indeed been searched. So I guess whoever went through it decided to help themselves to my movie.

Why do people suck so bad? Wait, I know this one. Because they?re thieving asshats!

Sappy
So now that I?m all settled in again I have to say that it?s nice to be back home with Kevin. Last night we were all huddled up under the duvet and Pumpkin decided to join us. The three of us slept all warm and soft. My little family. It was wonderful.

After-Thought
What is the deal with those airline-shopping magazines? Does anyone really look through it and go, ?Wow, this tan-through swim suit? I?ve gotta have it! Let me whip out my handy cell phone and throw it on the credit card right now!?? Or the lap pillow. That thing is huge. I can understand the appeal, but it?s so freaking big I have to wonder if it would be considered your carry-on item. It certainly wouldn?t fit under the seat in front of you. It?s meant to take up your entire lap. How is it possible that people are allowed on with them??

Home
I?m back at work today, trying to settle back into the grind of life. I had such a great time in Minnesota, though. I arrived on Friday morning at about nine am. The flight was more than half empty and my bag was already at baggage claim when I got there. So I headed for the curb and hadn?t been standing there five minutes when my mom pulled up. From the airport we went to breakfast, then to see my dad and aunt at work, and then we ran errands and shopped all day. I found a pair of slacks (hi, Kim!) at Sears for SIX BUCKS. No hemming required. Awww, yeah.

Friday night I just hung out with the fam and ate great food. Saturday morning I drove down to Red Wing to meet a friend from college (hi, Mike!). We had lunch at Perkins and had a great time catching up. Saturday night was girls night and we went to Buca de Beppo?s for dinner where they embarrassed me thoroughly before heading out for some karaoke. We had a rocking good time.

Sunday was the shower and that was so much fun. I got to see people I haven?t laid eyes on in YEARS! Friends from college and even high school came (hi, Molly and Kristen!), and even a girl I used to baby-sit who is now a Junior in high school (hi, Katie!). I can?t believe how old I am.

That night we celebrated my sister?s birthday (hi, Colleen!) and ate the best pizza in St. Paul. Then it got stormy and I stood out on my parent?s deck and let the rush and roar of the wind hit me. The sky got dark and my brother joined me out there (hi, Michael!) and we had a good talk. When it started raining we went back inside.

Monday morning I got up and my dad made me French toast and sausage with real maple syrup. I gorged myself and then we took a walk up in the woods. Everything smelled damp and earthy and it was wonderful.

After our walk I got my suitcase together and he took me to the airport. I was sad to go, but it?s good to be back in Jersey again. The bustle and the noise and the traffic and the funky smell in the air all say home. Hello funky smell!

Bitch And Goodbye For Now
I was in the car today (stuck in traffic, as usual) and while so occupied this sentence escaped my mouth: ?Dammit, bitch, grow a pair and just merge!? You?ll note that something doesn?t quite make sense here. The thing is this, though, as a woman, it is incredibly empowering to call a man, ?bitch?. In fact, it feels supremely wonderful. Just thought I?d share.

I?m leaving for Minnesota tomorrow morning and will be away until Tuesday. I?m going to hang out with my mom and dad, go shopping, eat rockin? food, meet a friend for lunch, see my sister and brother, attend my bridal shower and in general, be on vacation. I can?t freaking wait. Four whole days, just for me.

People Suck
The other day I was following a car with a ?Conquer Cancer? license plate. Can you guess what came flying out of the window at the next light? That?s right! A cigarette butt! It was almost as infuriating as the time I saw someone with a ?Save the Earth? license plate toss a cigarette out the window. I mean, seriously. What the hell? It?s not enough that you?re polluting yourself and your car, but you also feel that polluting my world is acceptable? People suck.

Snacks
You know what I miss? Pudding pops. I used to love those things. What is better than frozen pudding on a stick? I can?t think of anything. Well, okay. Maybe chocolate covered frozen cheesecake on a stick, but in a pinch, a frozen pudding pop makes a damn good snack.

Massage?
So, I was at the mall yesterday (I know, I know. I?m always at the mall. But I don?t enjoy it, so doesn?t that count for something?) and as I?m heading into one of the department stores I see one of those massage place things. There?s a guy with actual massage chairs and you can pay him fifteen bucks for a ten-minute massage.

And it occurred to me: any relaxation I might get from a nice little ten-minute massage will be instantly negated by the knowledge that some stranger is touching me. It?d be like, ?Oh, nice, I like that. Wait, bad touch! Bad touch!?