Harry: Uncle Vernon? Aunt Petunia? Dudley?
Nagino: Face it, kid! They flew the coop! I mean, they aren't exactly rocket scientists.
Harry: Nagino...they're Muggles...
Nagino: Exactly!
Harry: Hey, Ron and his family are coming to pick me up soon. Do you want to wait by the fireplace?
Nagino: Why the fireplace?
Harry: Well, usually they use Floo powder.
Nagino: But what if they mispronounce the name! And then they end up in some...Top Secret Agent building! Or...the zoo! Actually, they'd blend in quite well...
Harry: Nagino!
Nagino: What? I'm serious!
Harry: Why don't we watch some TV?
Nagino: Good idea.
Harry: Hey, now that the Dursley's are out, I can install the wizard channels.
Nagino: But isn't it illegal to use magic outside of school if you're underage?
Harry: Hm...you're right about that. *Pause* OH WELL!!! BWA HA HA HA HA!!!!
Nagino: Harry, are you okay?
Harry: Yes...yes...I just lost my mind. Well, I was just...erm...kidding about installing the channel. I guess we'll just watch the Muggle channels.
Nagino: Watch the news! The news! I've never seen the news before!
Harry: All right. *Turns the news on*
Reporter: This morning, three raving lunatics were found running amok through a park, screaming that somebody was going to kill all of them. The boy looked about sixteen, and the others are said to be his parents. Witnesses say that they were screaming that a boy plotting against them with snakes, and then something about elephants in the living room. Sadly, these loonies were not caught. If you see them, or have any information about them, please contact the news.
Harry: Should I call?
Nagino: Definetely! Hey, wait a minute, Harry! Look at the screen.
*On the screen, the Dursley's are running across the street screaming about snakes, elephants, derranged cops, and candy machines. They stop, and run up to the camera*
Vernon: Harry, we know you're out there at home making a mess of the whole house!
Petunia: But don't think you can get away that easily! And we're especially mad at you for knowing what Dudley did last summer!
Dudley: It was an accident!
Harry: Yeah, right!
Vernon: We'll get you, Harry! Someday! Someday!
Petunia: We're watching you...watching you! Watching...watching...WATCHING!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
*All of the Dursley's run across the street screaming MUAHAHAHAHA!!! Actually, only Petunia and Vernon were saying that. Dudley was screaming about gumballs being rigged, and Britney Spears*
Reporter: Catch them! Quickly!
*The camera man drops the camera, and the screen breakes. Now back in the newscast room, where two newscasters are sitting*
Newscaster: Since there's nothing more to show over there, lets have a little talk from our newscasters!
Newscaster: I have to admit, that was very...strange.
Newscaster: I hope they get caught.
Newscaster: Oh well! Back to the sports!
*The camera goes to last nights soccer game*
Reporter: Last night, the visiting team won by a landslide. Everyone was disappointed, but I say that this fifteen year old boy was the most disappointed of all. Lets see if we can have a word with him. *The camera switches to a boy* Can you tell us your name?
Harry: Hey, that's...
Boy: I'm Dean Thomas.
Reporter: And how disappointed about this loss were you?
Dean: Those freaks weren't even trying! All of them should either be fired, or sent to some kind of camp!
Reporter: We seem to have a clip of you at the game. Would you mind if it was shown on live TV?
Dean: Show on.
*Now the camera goes to the video*
Dean: What the? You could have blocked that! You bunch of losers! I'll zap you all to bits! Avada---
*At that moment, somebody pushes Dean over*
*The doorbell rings*
Harry: That must be Ron and his family! Strange, I thought they would use Floo Powder for sure!
*Nagino slithers onto Harry's shoulder, and Harry opens the door, where Ron, Molly, Arthur, Percy, Fred, George, and Ginny are standing*
Harry: Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley. Hi...Ginny.
Ginny: *Blushes, and tries to play 'hard to get'* YOU CAN'T HAVE ME! YOU CAN'T HAVE ME! YOU CAN'T HAVE ME!
Harry: Sure, whatever, Ginny. Now go play somewhere.
Ginny: Try as you might!
Harry: Whatever, Virginia.
Ginny: DON'T CALL ME VIRGINIA! I HATE THAT NAME! *Storms off to the couch, sits down, and crosses her arms*
Molly: Harry, dear, I brought you a present! *Molly takes out a sweater* It is getting a little chilly around here. Besides, you'll probably have lost it or grown out of it by Christmas.
Fred: Hey, where's the riff raff?
Harry: I think they ran away...they were on the Muggle news today. The cops all think that they're raving lunatics. Dudley's been in trouble with them before.
George: Why?
Harry: *Whispers to George*
George: OH MAN!!
Harry: Hey, Ron.
Ron: Harry...is that...is that...
Harry: What, you mean my snake?
Ron: *Faints*
Arthur: Ron's fainted! *Pause* Oh well.
Percy: Yes, lets check out the house!
Molly: Lets all run amok!
Nagino: Are they crazy?
Harry: No, no. Everybody's been acting like this lately for one reason or another.
Arthur: He's...he's talking to snakes!
Percy: Ah! Salazar is coming back!
*The Weasley's scatter*
Harry: Is there something wrong?
*Ron wakes up*
Ron: Harry...where's my family? *Looks around, and gets up* Oh no...the walls...they're closing in! They're watching me! THEY'RE ALL WATCHING ME! AAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Harry: OMIG! Ron's gotten paranoid!
*Harry and Nagino start screaming*
Molly: Harry, dear, is it safe?
Harry: Mrs. Weasley, it always was safe!
Percy: So we can come out of hiding?
Harry: Yes. If you don't, I'll never get to the train station!
Nagino: And that guy was actually a Prefect?
Harry: Nagino!
Nagino: What?!
Harry: Nevermind!
*The Weasley's come out from behind couches and chairs*
Ron: Harry...are they still watching me?
Harry: No one was ever watching you.
Ron: Oh. *Brushes himself off* Should we go, now?
Arthur: No! I need to look around first, and look at all the Muggle appliances. Oh, and Harry...I think you should know this...
Harry: What is it?
Arthur: Harry...I am your father...
Harry: Really?
Arthur: No, not really. It just sounded good.
Harry: Oh...
Ginny: THANK GOD!!!
Molly: Excuse me?
Nagino: What?
Ginny: Nevermind.
Fred: Want a candy while my dad is looking around?
Harry: Uh...no thank you...I...er, think I'll just look around with your dad. You know, in case he needs any references.
George: Whatever.
Molly: Arthur, please be careful with the items.
Arthur: Oh, don't worry, Molly, I won't.
Molly: Arthur!
Arthur: Just kidding, Molly. *Looks up at the clock* Harry, what are those weird numbers on that appliance?
Harry: Well, Mr. Weasley, since the little stick thingie is pointing to the 6, and the long thingie is pointing to the 3, that means that it's 6:15.
Arthur: How is the 3 a 15?
*Now the door opens, and Hermione is standing in the doorway. How did she get there? Well, maybe we'll find that out in the Twighlight Zone! Doo doo doo doo! Doo doo doo doo! Ehem, moving along*
Hermione: Well, Mr. Weasley, for the big hand, each of the numbers goes by five. The 1 is a 5, the 2 is a 10, the 3 is a 15, and so on.
Arthur: Very interesting...Wait a minute...
Ron: Hermione, how did you get here?
Percy: I would like to know that as well, Ms. Granger.
Hermione: Oh, PLEASE, Percy! I went to your house, and saw a bunch of gnomes throwing beer against the side of the house, so I could tell you weren't home.
Harry: Excuse me, Hermione, beer?
Molly: Hermione, explain.
Hermione: Well, when I got over there, there was all these gnomes running around the lawn, with Millers Lights in their hands. They were throwing it against the house...actually, they were throwing themselves at the house, too, but...
Arthur: But I had Fred and George de-gnome the lawn today...
*This is the part with the akward silence that Donkey was talking about in Shrek. UH OH! No, not really. I mean, there IS an akward silence...OH, FORGET IT! Back to the story*
Molly: Fred...George...
Fred: We did, mum!
George: Honest!
Fred: I don't know HOW they got back!
*But everyone can tell that the twins are obviously faking, thanks to their eyes being wider than necessary, and Fred's emphasis on the word 'how'*
Nagino: Oh, please! These guys are fruit cakes!
Ginny: What did that thing say?
Harry: It said that Fred and George are fruitcakes.
George: Hey!
Nagino: Well it's true!
Harry: Forget it, Nagino! I'm not going to translate every solitary word you say!
Nagino: How about every sentance I say?
Harry: Trust me, if that was so, you would never FINISH a sentance.
Arthur: What are they SAYING?
Molly: I don't know, dear! But Fred, George, do you have any idea how the gnomes got back, and drunk?
Fred: I don't know how they got drunk! We don't hide Muggle Beer in the lawn!
George: But, how they got back? Well, I might have a clue...
Molly: Spill it, boys!
George: Well, our wrists were reeeallly hurting this morning, so...
Fred: I reckon we just didn't spin them enough.
Molly: Boys!
Fred and George: What?!
Hermione: Hey, guys! We really need to get to Kings Cross Station NOW!
Harry: By the way, Hermione, how DID you get here?
Hermione: Maybe I got sick of you getting to do all the fun stuff all the time...
Harry: Hermione, did you really...?
Hermione: Yep, Harry! Guess who actually got a broomstick! My parents didn't want me spending to much on it, so I just got a Bluebottle. But I've heard those were really nice, and...
Harry and Ron: Hermione, I'm so proud of you!
*Harry and Ron both run up to hug Hermione*
Hermione: *Waves them away* Whoa, no touching! No touching! No touch!
Ron: SHE'S A DEMON LLAMA!
Harry: Ron, shut up.
Ron: DEMON...okay.
Nagino: All of these people are nuts!
Harry: Calm down, I'm sure they're just having an off day.
Percy: Do you know what it...
Harry: FORGET IT!
Hermione: Come on, guys! We really need to get to that train.
Harry: Yeah. *Turns to the Weasleys* So, how did all of you get here?
Arthur: We decided to take a chance, and ride our broomsticks!
Harry: Mr. Weasley, you work at the Ministry! You...
Arthur: Oh, don't worry, I have permission from Fudge.
Harry: You DO?
Arthur: Oh, yes. Shall we go, now?
Molly: Oh, and no worries, dear, Percy will apparate with your luggage, and load it onto the train.
Harry: EEEK! SHE READ MY MIND!!!
Ginny: Harry, she was just suggesting...oh, Harry GET that gross snake off your shoulder!
Nagino: Hey, you mess with me, you're messing with...me. Okay, so that didn't work!
*So Harry, Hermione, Ron, and the rest of the Weasleys (except Percy) go outside, and ride their broomsticks to the train station, singing songs like "On Top of Old Smokey", "On Top of Spaghetti", "The Song that Never Ends", and "The Song that gets on Everybody's Nerves". Next time, 'The Trip to Hogwarts'!*
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