12/4/04
Mood:sad and extremely stupid
Music: mad world-gary jules
well tonight my roommate asked me if i ever get depressed. well on this sleepless night and several smallville episodes later defiantly yes. what can i say? i miss her, i know she had her reasons for the "break" and i have to accept them, i dont have a choice in the manner. i cant change her mind no matter how hard i try, i have to grin and bear it. the bright side is that im takin it better than last time, of course last time she was seeing someone behind my back and now i cant help bu suspect that but i know she is better than that and i trust her i really do. and again there is nothing i can do. ne way i just cant wait till the movie i got gets in so i write my letter and make my regards, after that there is absolutley nothing else i can do. for all you eager people who are actually reading this (congrats for being patient and really thanks for caring) its going to involve a movie i saw the night i had to leave and see pez durin the "thanksgivin' dinner even though it was the night after thanksgivin it happened.... ne way it stars john cusack and is an 80's movie, i see alot of myself in it. and the letter is an appology and an explanation of how i am and my reasons for doing things. i can see 2 things coming out of this: she actually considers me again, or it totally ends everything that ever happened. im ready for either but im expectin the later. no matter what im goina stick this out and be by myself, even when this all ends i cant see someone else, i swear im meant to be single forever not to mention school is driving me crazy. to be honest two things have passed my mind the past couple days, do some kind of minstry out here for full time, like open a coffee shop and double it as a mission for the local kids and stuff, and the ultimate stupid thing for me to do, go into the service.... but i think i need to stay in school which i will prob do. but if i would so happen to find another major that fits me more ill do that which will require to go somewhere else, of course buryubg myself somewhere mid west north wise just sounded very intriguing to me right now..... ahh im just ramblin now and congrats to those who actually read this thing now if i wasnt writin it i prob wouldnt read it either..... and for those who are please dont get freaked by this please im just thinki stuff through
Mood:tired and a bit sick
Music: more like whatchin teen titans and waitin for class
well things never quite go as your plan, but what r ya goina do? u just gotta buck up and keep goin, so thats what im goina do. ne ways in my last class the prof failed to show up so we all ditched after waiting half an hour so now im waitin for my next class and maybe even takin a nap in the hall right in front of it, so thats bout it cyas
Mood:little sore
Music: random play of my hard drive
man last night was AWESOME!!!! well i first went to church which was quite good, and then after it was over i had to board back in the rain, that was soooooo awesome, esp since it was the first rain since i got out here (it harldy rains, can u believe it, it makes me sad) ne way because of the rain i to dissasemble my board so it didnt get jacked up, so i dried it all of then dried myself off and loafed off for a while including a nap, then i had a wing activity, we were goina go 2 the beach but didnt casue of the rain, it has side effects, but we went to a nickel arcade.... aswesome!!!! DDR for only 30 cents, man kife doesnt get better, sad part... rachael tried calling me during my DDR so i didnt hear my phone, i tried callin her back later in a secluded corner but i could hardly hear the voice mail and she didnt pick up. she called me again later during another game so i couldnt hear her then either, esp since i had tons of little screaming kids, so i call her today after my comp sci class. ne way after we left round 830ish i played some halo against my RA's roomy who is a tad bit better than me, but i held my own. ne way after that i chilled then went back to my room to work on some stuff, one was trying out a mod for red faction, which was fun but i pissed everyone else off so i took it off and played 4 real, then some friends that i met through my roomy, wanted me to play in the rain, which i was debating for awhile, esp since i was DOWNPOURING!! so i eagerly said yes and switch to my crappy painted through shorts and went out barefoot, as i tried to meet them in adams field (which is right out side my dorm like 50 ft) i ran into another group who was alreadt havin fun so i joined them. we went sliding in trinity lawn, also right outside my dorm infront of the fancy dorm. every time we went there we got kicked out by campus safety, which was like 5 times. then we went and swam in smith pond, right behing my dorm, its a little koi pond thingy. we were going to start a whirlpool but campus safety started coming toward us so we bolted, after that we caused some more havok and finally we went back to there apartments down the way, so i had to walk back to my dorm from there. once i got back i ran into my friends i was supposed to meet, so we slided around till 230 but nothin as much as the other group. and gues what??!?!?! its rainin again!!!! more sliding 2night???? i dunno we'll c but i got class now peace
Mood:wakin up
Music: cranberries
man i am getting lazy w/ the site, i hardly update and i havent added ne thing in a while, poop on me.... well things are goin pretty well i had guys night out last night which kindof crashed and burned since we couldnt decide where to eat and half of us missed the movie since they decided they didnt wanna go since we wouldve missed the first couple minutes, and the other half still went, i missed it cause they laeft while i was in the bathroom, so we all compisated by playing halo till late in the night. so likewise i am tired now and woke up real late today thats bout it
Mood:alright
Music: again silence cause in library
ok everythin is worked out, just some misscommunication is all, well im waitin for my bible class to start then im done for the day cept for my alpha group meeting at 11 which is alsways fun, oh yeah funny note i go back to the dorm at lunch to trade off books and as soon as i step into the hall i hear this rap music blastin and im like "crap thats prob comin from my room isnt it" n sure enough it was, my room mate decided to blast some of his rap, which he wanted to do last night but i dont have ne on my comp so he didnt get ne last night, (just so u all know hes white and from chile cause hes a mk) but it was interestin and my RA also shared my insite on the matter, we both just walked away shakin our heads, ne who i gotta go to class in less than 5 mins cyas
oh and ill be addin stuff to the site like pics, stuff to read new counter that kind of stuff kk cyas
Mood:confused and mournful
Music: again silence cause in library
ok i def have no clue what is goin on all i know is that everyone is pissed at me esp the one person that i care 4 most, my girl back home, and i am like ready to cry my eyes out.... i just dont know what to do or what is even goin on, but now i have to go to class and i know nothin is goina get done cause i cant concentrate right now,, gosh what did i do?? im sorry for whatever is was i feel like a complete jerk....
Mood:little tired but really good
Music: whatever comes on itunes
hey ya'll im finally back and settles enought to sit down and type out my lovely journal thingy yippee!! ok man do i have alot to catch up but right now i can remember the mental checklist ive been makin so i give a basic run down.. uh im usin pyromstr so obviuosly im not alone, uh hu oh yeah. n im happy as a bird or that good stuff. uhh im out on cali and havin fun, i had a small fam vacation before i officialy got in the dorm, stuff like universal, disney land, that kindof goodies. by the way disney world is way better!!! uh i miss alot of my friends back home so yeah u all r missed. ive been ok here though the average bed time is 2 am after the midnight halo matches. now those babies r fun stuff, ne where from 8 to 16 guys playin halo man thats good times, kindof reminds me of the halo nights my junior yr. also good times. i finally got my comp so yeeehaaaAa!!! my classes r goin well, im in the process of dropping my college alg class since its drvin me mad cause its so easy!!! so yeah im doin that tomorrow. i bought a new skateboard and im doin quite well surprisingly since i hadnt touched one in 2 yrs and when i did 2 yrs ago i stunk majorly, so yeah im doin good. and despite of the 3:1 girl guy ratio and the fact that im in hot girl cali im behavin and stickin to my girl cause shes awesome!! but yeah i miss all the joy peoples and some of my bhs gang, i dont miss the crappy enviro of the school though esp the dorks that cause it, like the imbeciles that cause the drug hunt last yr, yeah those people suck.... uhh roomy goin well i dont c him too much cause hes either at class since hes pre med or flirtin (even though he doesnt look the type that would) but yeah its all cool. however im a little pissed cause i lost my id card and have no clue where its grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!! so im eatin my roomy's chimichangas, u know eatin one of those hot suckas and boardin is very very interesting. well thats about it 4 now, oh n i love my alpha group... thats where the freshman get put into so the adapt better, but i love mine, n i wanna b an alpha leader next yr n my alpha leader thinks i can do it quite well... kk cyas!!!!
Mood:frustrated
Music: silence cause im in the library
grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr I WANT MY FRERAKIN COMPUTER LIKE RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!! yeah im mad cant ya tell, cause my laptop that i ordered like forever ago still isnt here at college (yeah i moved in and started classes but i didnt get to say that cause i dont have my comp!!!) ne way the only tim ei get to c a comp is if i go to the lib or the dorm comps, but that room has no ventilation so mad hot. ne way as sooon as i get my comp ill update more and i got stories to post so u all can read, but right now more gripin bout my comp!!!! kk i called alienware 2day bout my comp right after my calc class, and they wouldnt tell me a freakin thing!!!! i mean i called last night but a diff guy and he was tryin to help me out but couldnt cause he didnt have acces, but this new dude was a major jerk!! he didnt even try, grrrrrr cant tell me my trackin # my eye. grrrrrrr ne way im mad and got another class but it should b my fav cause it my comp class so i go to that now, classes r goin fairly well cept 4 the few im goina hate... like my freshman writing class grrrrrr on that too. whatever i g2g cyalls laters
Mood:tad but tired
Music: vindicated-dashboard
hmmmm its been a bit long since i updated sorries, i dont much time to update really so this is a more of an apology thingy, yeah theres been alot goin on so once i get time to sit down and do this i will, and also think what needs to go down.... yeah so yeah, cyas
Mood:little disapointed
Music: anthem of our dying day- story of the year
ok so i had a GREAT weekend, i went up to my sisters house and had mad fun. then i had drama team performances sunday mornin and night. then to wrap it up sunday night i didnt want to go home so i hung out w/ jess and toni at the school. it was fun i climbed the roof of the school sunck back into the school by aqueezing into the gym window wich is like mad small, then jess and toni toilet papered jeffs broke down car, then in retaliation he got my car, goodness... after jess and toni left i stayed like another hour and half talkin w/ jeff, it was interestin and fun, the stuff that comes up goodness... ne way now he is pestering me to ask someone to the junior/senior. but i wasnt sure if i was even goin let alone ask HER. so i told him it would depend on this week, and i have no decided. i am NOT goin. yup my decision is final, only some weird miracle can change my mind now. but i put a little more on tonight, i am now really looking toward cali and startin anew out there, and im and goin to try and put what i thought might have happened in the past, it wont be easy but i think i have to, i think everythin that happened was a fluke, that seems to happen to me alot, maybe thats why im "negative" as some people put it, well this does seem kindof depressin and negative but im not that bad really, just the realization of whats needed does seem down and bleak, u get used to it after awhile. it would deff be easier if something in life could give u a direct answer, even if it was no, but nope its gotta let you feel things out and let you dream then it later crushes em. im judt defiantly glad i didnt let myself get too caught up in this one, but it deff was a different journey, one that i thought might have worked, but then again its me and nothin too much works w/ me, whatever this keeps gettin bleaker, sorry... im not really depressed just more statin the facts, well ill give u relief and stop talkin, cyas
Mood:frustrated
Music: memory-sugarcult
???????????????????????????????????????????????????
???????????????????????????????????????????????????
???????????????????????????????????????????????????
???????????????????????????????????????????????????
???????????????????????????????????????????????????
???????????????????????????????????????????????????
???????????????????????????????????????????????????
???????????????????????????????????????????????????
???????????????????????????????????????????????????
???????????????????????????????????????????????????
???????????????????????????????
4/12/04Mood:little perplexed
Music: ataris- saddest song (acoustic)
hmm i havetn updated in awhile, maybe cause its been an interesting rough time, funny i find it when im havint he roughest times i dont update... funny, well things arent as rought now but still weird and awkward, i liked my quote i came up from the other day, well its not really a quote since i made it up but whatever.... why do we need to watch tv life drama when we got too much drama in real life then we can handle?.... i liked it very true. maybe thats y i watch shows that have to do w/ super powers or stuff like DBZ, great show or stuff about space, like cowbobebop, another great show, if u dont know what im ramblin bout u need to watch some, or give me a yell and ill put a couple on a cd 4 ya. ne way it all really boils down to w/ this weirdness is that i am really bad in readin girls, like interest wise, i can read people in other ways like anger stuff or i dunno emotional wise i guess, but who they like? nope i am awfull maybe thats cause im so cenile? i guess thats the right word. i just kindof ignore somethin that might be an interest toward me, ive been rejected soooo many times i jsut lack the self confidence i guess. and u can call me a retard for sayin all this go ahead its just my take, and im prob frettin over junk stuff like i aways do, and what im frettin over is nothing and i what keeps me spurred on is nothin more than my imagination. i wish i could somehow end my wonderin in a way where i am bein a complete goof but not get hurt or make things weird. im surprised i havent made things weird already, i mean i have said some reeeeeeeeeeeeeeal dumb things. and have done som dumb stuff, not as dumb but still dumb. i dont even know if she reads this, it would b neat if she did but who knows. but like i told someone before right now im between excited to be goin to cali and wantin to regret goin, it would be awesome to leave a girl behind, knowin that there is someone here that will miss me, and havin some contact back here.... but i doubt that will happen cause i still am failin why a girl would want to go out w/ me, yeah yeah theres my low self esteem i know i know... but im still tryin to fig out why the events that started this happened in the first place, i mean she must have felt somethin to do what she did, but i dont know y she did, let alone if she still does... i prob wrote too much now but maybe this is a way to bring this to a point, ill just hafta c too what side it falls... but either way this has been the most interesting course i have ever been on w/ likin a girl, so many weird thigns have happened and likewise kept this goin and fuelin it, i fig it could either be a snare, or somethin real good, maybe if i just stook closer to my promise i wouldnt be writin all this, but like i said/confirmed ill hafta c where God takes it, hmm this entry could be good or it could get rid of emoskater17 and put me back on pyromstr, i dunno we'll hafta c
Mood:in pain
Music: well right now, the reason by hoobastank
well i guess its time to bite the bullet and update, lets c this week has been soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo interestin (i cant add enough o's) just catchin up w/ things from spain and false presumptions w/ friends and bein borderline sick. its all been interesting. but w/ that friend thing yeah thats a tad bit interesting. yeah at first i thought certain people hated me and never wanted to c me again, but that was later put to rest, so now im jsut not quite clear on that..... its complicated and im not sure if i can explain it right. but yeah. oh and rachael was actin a bit out of the ordinary on wens i think it was... yeah she was like simpithetic w/ me and then gave me a hug cause i needed one, um yeah i got caught off guard w/ that... oh well, but ne way i got my work caught up w/ so thats done. but to wrap it up i am in an enormous amount of pain, ya wanna know y? well if i told ya i would have to kill ya hehe naw ill tell ya, i was helpin my half bro fix his motorcycle today then afterward he was teachin how to drive the sucker around, well im not very good at cluches and the such so once i finally got it in gear i kindof got caught off guard and went careening into a dumpster.... yeah im a complete goof i know. but let me say this (as if it wont add ne more moronicness to the story) i am very lucky to be alive. i escaped with a bad skinned up chest, so that it hurts to move my right arm, and a cut up chin and a skinned left wrist. but my hoody that i was wearin took the brunt of the damage. it is ripped from neck line to the pocket, that shouldve been my chest. simply cause on the corner of the dumpster there was a peice of metal, lets say an inch long, stickiong out. i jsut barely missed it and my hoody took it. so i shouldnt be typin this i should be lyin outside w/ my entrails leaking on the pavement. hows that for a story? heh well ill cya'll later i just hope i can do drama team tomorrow, like i have a choice? whatever cyas
Mood:excited
Music: hmm, the new offspring song i guess
well greetings from spain, yeah i made it and survived the plane, but i still got the terrosim, it goin pretty well, im in barcelona and thats where we've been the past couple of days. im actually surprised i somehow managed to stay up for past 24 hours, w/ the time diff and all i had to, but its cool cause i did it. its a blast over here, im almost out of film for my camera cause theres so much to c, and i gotta pick the good ones 4 my site, oh and the best part is that the dunkin donuts are run by indians here 2!!!! i got a pic and its goin on my site, oh yeah... um well im not sure what else to put yet but ill try to hit another internet cafe before i come back, k cyas
Mood:excited
Music: hmm, the new offspring song i guess
yeah just had the cast party and that was, and apparently my bed jsut recieved its first make out session, come on now why would it be me? i mean its me, it was melissa molas and ethan mcmanus, hahaha i find it funny, i really do. ne way the party was great but this is goina b the last time i will write u all before i go to spain cause i simply wont have time tomorrow. welll if i die in the plane crash or the al quaida get me this will be my last words, sniff sniff
well thanx all u friends out there, uve been good friends (that seems redundant), yo fi u go and make sure u get em washed, hehe um zak ur cool keep up the crazyness, all u joy people ur awesome thanx for everythin, ill prob c a couple tomorrow night at the pitman play, well at least victoria if no one else, but thanx for the great time and ant u rock keep it up and GOd bless ya, and maybe we'll all take a big splash into the crystal lake and maybe God will make it cold for a bit for the jump, :P . pez ur awesome thanx a billion, do good at college, and we'll meet up eventually and maybe even have a halo night? mmm actually im not sure bout that but we'll do somethin up there. man what do i say? i really dont know, um to the rest of ya ur great thanx for readin this, i guess.... and sign the shout out page so they'll have somethin to read at my fake funeral thing. peace ya'll
Mood:relieved
Music: brand new
ok the play was great. sorry to those who wouldve liked to go, but i was hardly home so i didnt get a chance to invite people. and a big thanx and hug to my mom and mrs web 4 my costume, ill eventually get pics up of it. well the play is over and my scheldule somewhat calmed down but itll jus pick back up again since i go to spain on sat. ill make sure i update again before i go therefore if the plane crashes or i get blown up by the al quada ull have another memento from me. well cyas
Mood:tired
Music: uh, whatever i can find
well i just got in from my play practice that started at 6 and it now 11, thats not too bad, ive done worse and the poor stage crew had been there 4 twelve hours workin their butts off, well the play seems to b goin good, act 2 still seems to need alot of work so its crammin time tomorrow, that means more time 4 me to b dragon, woohoo! i love my part, and my costume is soooo stinkin cool, hats off to my mom and mrs web for makin it from complete sratch and my twisted ideas, hee hee. but its good they should get paid, but im broke, so ill give em my deepest regards and love. well i gotta do hmwrk so peace to u all
Mood:bit better but not perfect
Music: blink 182
hmmm what do i say? im not sure really, um mostly i guess im tired of all the irony thats been goin on. like in english class a word reminds me of somethin, then it happens again in geography, then in the music i hear on the radio. name it, its come up. i want it to stop, cause its drivin me nutty, not that im not already : P well overall im doin good and ill keep gettin better as time goes on, i just wonder how everything will work out, peace y'all
Mood:not sure, little down
Music: 80's
2/23/04Mood:sobered
Music:newsboys worship
ok i just saw Passion, and wow, its powerful i wish everyone could see it benefit from it, great stuff. this has been an interesting day, i had two people apologize to me today, both tryin to get their life back on track, and some friendship growin on both of em, one restoring the friendship. im sorry for ne anger that was written in the lower entries. well rember all Christ did 4 u and live totally 4 Him
Mood:ok
Music:thing called love, the darkness (cause i heard it twice today)
yay happy birthday to me, ah it was alright, didnt do much i was sick so i got to stay home and sleep till one, i dunno what was better goin to school and have it announce on the pa or have what happened, i dunno what it was i wasnt exactly lookin forward to it, i had a lot of people tell me happy birthday though, i was surprised so many people actually rembered, but hey whatever. i got a new cd player adn some cash, even though i cant really spend it cause i need to for the spain trip. um i got to c perfect score, it rocked!! and i saw butterfly effect, that also rocked!! very good but also very weird, exaclty how i like it, well im not sure of what else to do, cyas
Mood:awesome!!
Music:thousand foot krutch-this is a call
yee-ha! yay i had a good weekends. i went to hhbc snow camp 04 it was great. i got some good hangin time w/ the guys, even though steve totally defied what he said what he was goina do and got a girl, but hey whatcha goina do besides laugh? :P oh well it was good, boardin was great and i got some mad air goin so that was fun, the sessions were good and got me thinkin and reconfirmed me bout my promise of givin God my entire life even my girl stuff, so yeah it was fun. i had a rough ride back but i reconsidered on y that was and realized i was wrong and im cool now. but yeah im feelin a little sore from boardin but its worth it, i had some revelations recently and im trustin all the more on God. well i need to do some studyin and hmwrk so ill cyas later
Mood:great but tired
Music:thousand foot krutch (i wish i had the cd :\ )
well guess what the sites not comin down yeah im feelin pretty good, went to joy's winter retreat and LOVED IT!! came close to God it was great, refocused parts of my life and gave them to Him, it was good lessons good fellowhips good worship good everything, the Lord gave and He took away but i will trust Him in everything, His plan is better than mine for sure, yeah some things i was kindof excited about didnt quite work out but God's plan beats mine, cant say that enough. im not goina mention ne more bout i cause theirs no need, y contemplate on somethin that isnt necessary, it prob just cause me to stumble if i do, but i dunno maybe God has it in store for later, but thats God's plan and i dont know and im not gonna wish for it cause ill b puttin my focus on the wrong place. well thats bout it for now, ill cyall later and boast in the cross cause of it u have everything u have peace
Mood:brain fried
Music:brand new
ok my weekend was sooo good, i went on my youth groups winter retreat and it was fun, i stayed in the cabin w/ my best friend and some of my other close friends to it was crazy. we had 2 on one pillow fights, rubber pellet gund draws and all out fights, and other crazy stuff, oh and before that me, jeff, speir, burrows, and jim, all wrapped steves car in saran wrap, it was great and i got my pics back so they will b up soon, but back to the weekend. boardin was great sat, i was a rasta dude in the costumes me and friend did, he was a 60's dude w/ a big fro, it was great. i also tore up the slopes cause i retained everything from last year and just kept improvin. i also went to my sisters house in bloomsburg to go boardin again on mon, that was fun i got to c the eagles get creamed and i also just got to hang w/ my sis, so mon i went boardin again, again i tore up the slopes i even started workin on the jumps, i got some mad air that i landed so im getin there. so that made my weekend great, but now school started again and midterms r tomorrow and im not feekin the best, i dunno exactly y but im not, but i do know that if i dont start feelin better the site will hafta come down again, dunno how long hope it isnt long but we'll hafta c well cyas oh and if want a really really cool game go here super cool game
Mood:tired
Music:starting line
what a weekend!!! i was at new attitude in louisville kentucky, it was sooooooooooooooooooooo much fun and so good on teachin, this year it was about relationships an all and how to be christ centered in all of it and so on, josh harris runs it so that kindof makes sense on the topic, if u dont know who he is let me yell at u for not readin his great wonderful books, moron. ne way i learned alot and got some more of my priorities ack in order, even got a little confidence under my belt ;) but yeah, i hardly got ne sleep the entire time cause u get out at like 12:30 then socialize till like 3 so ur dead when u gotta get up at 8, do that 4 4 days straight and u get to where i am now, exhausted... but it was great i even got 2 marriage propasal by putting a marry me? sign in my window, yep... ull hafta talk to me bout that one for more detail, oh if ne one wants to further their spiritual life talk to me and ill get u some of the cds of the conference, but yeah its greatoh before i forget one of the last nights me and my friend zak got REALLY bored, its like 3 when we started this cause nothin was on the tube, well we decided to c if we could go on the roof of the hotel we were stayin in. so we go to the elevator and i press 18, nothin. so wi hit it a little harder, again nothin, so we both go crazy and start hitting it as hard as we can about 20 times each, then we realize its not workin, so we try the same with the 17, same results, then we try 16. BINGO!! the doors close and we brace ourselves for the ride to the top, so we reach the floor then run out looking for the stair so we can get to 18 after going to some wrong doors we finally find the stair, now these stairs are like metal and very loud so we barge into the stair well and make alot of noise, then im like "WAIT!! be wuiet cause we're supposed to b in our room at 2" so we creep up the stair waitin for some scary cranky janitor work dude to get us, we finally make it up to the top and the door is lock despite the constant dugging of it. so we give it up and go back down cept we get off at 18, now when we first got their on fri, one elevator didnt work and we debated what was worng w/ it cause no one ever saw it, well we found it, it was on floor 18 w/ the doors open and paint splattered all in it. we go in it and we both picture the doors like closing on us a red light turning on then dropping all 18 floors to our deaths, so we bolt out of it as fast as we can, we decided to look for another stair well. we have to go to the other side of the hotle for the stair well, in the meantime all these lights in these rooms are on so we creep past them to avoid the janitor dude. we find the other stair well and creep up the stair again cept these stair r super steep so its real hard, and we both almost fell throught the stair cracks. we reach the door and again its locked. cept there is this key holder and despite my attempts to pry it open it didnt open. so sadly we go back down to 18, cept this time we're spies. every door and corner we back each other up by checking for the evil janitorian squad, we make guns out of our hands and run around, it was fun. we make it to the elevator hit it and wait anxiously for it to come. it comes up and i start hitting every floor button. so at every floor we stop and we would run out looking for people, the first couple times we almost missed the elevator, so we decided one would go while the other stayed and alternate this. it was mad fun, then we hit floor 4 one above our floor, and this time there are four people waitn for the elevator, so we like almost ram our guns into their ribs, these people are like "ummm....." and we stumble back into the elevator laughin our heads off. we get to our floor and still luaghin hysterically. then run to our rooms. that pretty much ended our night cept for a little bit of tv but nothin more than 10 mins. fun times
Mood:amazed
Music:starting line
all i hafta say right now is that this has been an interesting day. my hopes are so high that ur kiss might kill me.... so ill die happy oh that's so GREAT!!
Mood:bewildered
Music:right now, dashboard and chick magnet :p
ok its been a while, sorries. but i had a super cool party tues except not many people came, u dorks!! im not mad just i dunno, i guess mad, lol well when people say they r comin to somethin they should come, not diss the thing. well its their loss cause they party was AWESOME!!! yeah in response to the last entry, im gettin up but im confused on where to walk, its kindof like gettin all dizzy then jumpin in a pool, u dont know where up is all u c is a light but u dont know how to get there... yeah and i was goina go boardin mon-wens but that aint happenin ne more, dumb essays, dumb mornings..... well christmas came and went, it was fine got some presents but not much cause my board is my big gift, but i got some neat-o stuff like on of those police lights, flame boxers :p, 2 $10 gift cards for hot topic, a best buy gift card, a new beenie, a gift card 4 LL bean that im tradin in 4 cash, and some other small stuff. but yeah its been a fairl good holiday, next is new years and new attitude, its goina b hot, so till i c u alls again, peace
Mood:dunno
Music: Linkin Park
lying here broken and shattered
you see the world fly past as if no one cares
lost in the dark; searching, yet not wanting to move
each step brings back pain from long open wounds
and to receive any more would be the end.
So shot me in the head and leave me for dead
this i do not dread as i lie here in my bed
the heart beats slowly, less and less as time goes on
shattered into peices it falls to the floor
gathering it slowly, its ground into dust
the darkness swallows everything
calling out hoping for a response
listening, yearning, only silence is there
so here i sit broken and bruised
in the ravine never moving
11/15/03Mood:lost
Music: Linkin Park, AFI
ok i dont have too much new other than this, im in this ravine in which ive been pushed, slowly surely slipping into endless sleep, nearer nearer it aproaches, soon it will be gone, it is ending.... read the previouse entry to understand
Mood:perplexed
Music: Linkin Park
ok i know its been awhile so now ur patience is finally paying off, like ne one really reads this every day but for those of you who may actually do, im back!!!! yeah woohoo, yeah ok enough of that. its been a month and lots of stuff has happened but heres the run down, i was havin some probs gettin over different stuff, like not wanting to care for someone yet u still do kindof stuff, i basically came to this. i will never stop caring as a friend because i had a connection and it will never b fully severed, just partially which it has. and i need to b a friend through whats left of the connection, even if that friendship isnt recognized by the other side mine still needs to be there, also i realized i wasnt bein nice by bein down about it, i was bein selfish. so i apologized about how i acted and said i will always b a friend, i havent got a response but im really not expecting to, ive done all that i can the ball is in her court now. Throughout ths month my comp died, so i had to use my moms (i got it back now), i visted RITin NY, mad cold but good school (2nd choice), and i visited UAT in AZ last weekend, mad fun and mad warm (first choice), AZ was great. great school great area great movie theaters and mall, great climate great everything. yeah. other than that not much else, ok heres the recap, i feel like im in the bottom of a ravine that i was pushed into and feel broken and dont know what to do, i try to get up only to give up and plop back down into unsertanty (otherwords i dont know if i want a gf, like not a clue ever), and AZ is great and NY is cold, oh and Jer and Burke if ur readin this EMAIL PEZ BACK LIKE NOW!!!!! peace y'all
Mood:tired
Music: um im guessin some taking back sunday but havent listened to ne thing all day
ok i told some poeple i was goina update thurs but im sorry some stuff happened and i got distracted, ok im doin it now. ok lets start w/ thurs, im comin home on black horse pike right, ok when im passin the turnpike i c a lambogini murcialgo comin off it, it was the hottest thing goodness i was screamin cause i was so excited it was unbelievable. ok that was thurs, yesterday i came home and went to the game at gloucester, it was k byut after ward i had the guys over so that was fun we watched malibu's most wanted and got our wigger on, and today went to lancaster to c sight and sound, it was k not too much happened, and u know whats hard, when u wanna tell someone somthin but ur too afraid to cause that thing could ruin ur friendship, yeah well im feelin that, yeah its broad but hey, peace
Mood:crazy and phsycotic
Music: yellow card- ocean avenue, track 4
ok, lets face it folfs, im crazy, i mean mental hospital crazy. ok ill tell ya y. ok yesterday pretty much the same old same old, cept i went to the game against calvary and met up w/ some graduated seniors, and saw my school soccer team get killed, like playing wise and being hit by the ball wise, yeah 2 people went to the hospital, i shouldve taken that as a sign to not go to the big jail break planned 4 later that night, but hey isnt foreshadowing just 4 books and movies? WRONG! its 4 real life 2!! ok. the beginning of the jail break was great, we met and ate a ralph's pizza, almost got kicked out but hey it was great, then we met down by the cannons in the park, it was fun all the guys tried to get on top of the cannons by climbing up after ur hangin down on em, sounds easy but very hard, no 1 could do it. well we just hung out and waited 4 everyone to get there, and they did, even some people, or person i really cant b around (read previous entries, or ask later for descriptions of person) yeah it sucked, so i tried not lettin it get me but all 2 no avail, it got me adn hard. it started ok i first thought it would be beneficial cause it would help me hide better but nope, it actually made me wanna walk around, so i volunteerly got captured, then when it was my turn to look it came down hard, i just simply lost all sense of normalness and went crazy, i mean shoutin girls suck! they're of the devil! they're evil!! then sertain people walkin right infront of me only to obviouls walk the far way to avoid me, yeah... and then screamin nonstop like "la la la, connect the dots" and other catchy lines, also playin dead and scarin the crap out of the locals, well that was insane and rational and hilarious at the same time, yep, well it all ended w/ me after scarin the locals, goin off down further in the park and just sittin and thinkin for like an hour and a half, while im doin this everyone else decides 2 regroup and guess what im no wheres to be found cause im tryin to get sane, so they all freak out cause im lost in the dangerous haddon heights park, oh no!!! :P well yeah the go off screamin 4 me and honkin horns, i dont hear em till my way back and they r all freakin out scared, it cheered me up 2 c people honestly concerned 4 me, but it was funny 2, well a couple of the girls decide to get even w/ me and say the called the cops bein worried, well it didnt startle me cept that i was goina leave right away to go back to school, i didnt get to go cause no one was leavin so i stayed and got to talk to drew, he asked me if i had ne thing against him, and i told him what ive been sayin for so long now "no ive got nothin against u, i just cant be near rachael" yep so maybe well be somewhat friends, who knows and im only here for this year, so yep, that was the basis of my night last night, and i am totally insane peace 2 u all from this straight jacket
Mood:Pretty Good
Music: um i guess "hands down"-dashboard
ok its sunday, i just got back from joy's youth group. its mad fun, and i foudn out one of my best friends knows a bunch of the people there... yep, ok yeah friends r great, just keep a hold of em and dotn rush into relationships, no matter what, seriously it just bad if u do, um i cant say 2 much more so ill keep u in supense, ok have fun, c yall later
Mood:Blah
Music: Some yellow card, and some music i just heard from the farewell tour concert
ok, its about 11:30 and i promised to burn the bleach cd that i just bought 4 pez's sis and jer's sis, so when i went to sleep i rembered so im burnin and updating, ok i just got back from the five iron frenzy concert of their farewell tour cause their breakin up, it was a good concert, not as good as the relient k one but hey thats hard 2 beat, yep things r crazy, i got what my emotions want and then the sensible logic that i know i need to follow, its confusing... well all i have to say is that i need to be very careful w/ certain thins or else im gonna have a repeat of last year and that just wont be good. Yep oh when i mean last year i mean the first part of the last year, like some what around this time and few months later, yeeeaaah...oh and to close ill say this, this hurricane sucked big time, it like totally missed us, well i knew it wasnt gona be 2 big cause its jersey but by the way the news is talkin bout it u think it be devastating, well it wasnt, its sad... oh and i got school tommorrow, thats even worse, i mean all of nj is in a state of emergency adn i got school!?!?!?!?!? whats w/ that?!?!?!? whatever c yall later..... rock on!! (u happy pez?!?!)
Mood:Blah
Music:"Hands down"-Dashboard Confessional
yep, ok not much has changed, other than im learnin the power and importance of friends, seriously they help u out w/ soooo much, um oh wait yeah this past weekend all my plans turned to crap, fri people over-no the the game bus which most of the people were on broke down, so no one came; sat go ut w/ some friends bowlin-no last minute plannin everyone busy; c cabin fever sat night-no movie supper horrible bad plot and not good social content, if u know what i mean, it was dirty yep thats my weekend, but ne way friends rock!! oh and ive cam to the realization that all i hafta do is graduatet then i never have to c certain sophmore girls again, yeeeeeeeep, but im doin alot better, until then peace out and enjoy life
Mood:Sad, Angry, Confused
Music:"She's gonna break soon"-Less Than Jake
ok i started school yesterday and lets just say its goina be interesting... im a senior "whippee!" and so i get a butt load of hard classes... also i get to go to school w/ rachael... yeah :\ well its been ok so far cause i havent seen her too much only quick glimpses, well i have been avoidin her but its cause i would be a wreck if i ran into her, but oh well im prob better off w/out her and i can look forward to my graduation since im not leavin behind ne girlfriend. yep so thats bout that 4 that, yep well i wanna go to uat in tempe arizona 4 college, it be good, and i got a bunch of trips goin on 4 my senior year and i got the senior guys campin trip in 2 weeks so it should be a good year. ok peace out and watch cowboy bebop
people have accessed this site
9/18/03
9/14/03
8/19/03
