bad poem. some stupid boy mad me feel bad.
If girls just want to have fun
Then boys just want to fuck
And if I’ve learned anything
It’s that boys really suck
They’d betray their best love
For some super-hot chick
There’s no use in trying
They only think with their dicks
When I learned all this
I was ready for war
I knew what they were thinking
And I could even the score
But even though they’re wrong
I knew I wasn’t right
You can’t possibly make peace
When you are starting the fight
So I haven’t lost my faith
One might still exist
A boy who’s smart and sweet
Whom I cannot resist
mes amis 3/10/02
man. i started visiting my friends from high school at college. and made friends with their friends. and it got so i was there every weekend. and this poem sounds kind of creepy i guess. kind of codependent. maybe i was.
i want to kiss all of you
put your essences in bottles so i can
always have you with me
sleep with you for the rest of my life
fulfillment is mine in your arms
and your words
we can drive
we can talk
we can listen
we can watch
i will do anything with you as long as it's with you
i hardly even need food or sleep when i'm with you
i'm so... i'm so glad i know you all.
even though this isn't real
and in a year or two it won't matter
but i love you so much.
i need you so much.
with you, i am safe.
3/11/02
boys. oi.
i always fall so fast
like a tree in a forest
like a boulder from a cliff
i do not think it is good
to always fall so fast.
how do i know i'm right?
how do i know the feeling is real?
i don't because it's just an emotion
an emotion that feels good
but i don't know that i'm right
one does not truly love in a few days
i may really like you
i may think you are special
like a rare demo
but one does not truly love right away
love is more than just a warm fuzzy
it is devotion
it is a lack of selfishness
love is more than emotion.
4/6/02
*thinks* i remember sitting on my cushions in my dorm room and writing this. it was on a saturday. i think. i was in a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad mood.
fuck.
every fucking time.
i realize that i suck.
and i am full of shit.
it's even in my spit.
i'm never what i've thought
but only what i've bought.
a puppy being led
i spit out what i'm fed.
i'm just another bitch
for just another itch
such a blinded schmuck
and now i'm out of luck.
fuck.
4/16/02
there's something about the elements that is so romantic. (in the ruled-by- emotion sense not the candlelit-dinner sense.) just the essences of life. water fire earth wind. but anyways.
you're the sun and the sky
and the water in a river
that's pure like crystal
and sweet like fruit
you're the breeze and the whisper
and the depth of the ocean
that's light like a smile
and dark like a mystery
you're the boy and the man
and the love in my soul
that's hot like fire
and strong like need
4/23/02
i'm kind of obsessed with people leaving me. lol.
you're like the wind
the breeze in summer
that touches me and soothes me
but i could never catch
never hold in my hand
you're like my tears
warming my face on the way out of my life
leaving a trail on my skin
and then disappearing
you're the water i put to my lips
dripping through my fingers so fast
that i only get enough to want more
but please stay just a little longer
please don't leave
4/24/02
i was thinking about how... someone who you think you have a lot in common with might just be a mirror. so what you see is really just your own reflection.
maybe it's not you
maybe it's really me
maybe i just have a general need
maybe i just formed it in you
maybe what i see isn't you
maybe it's my own reflection
maybe you are a mirror
maybe you just reflect back to me
maybe i just see what i want to see
probably.
cornerstone '02 7/8/02
another cornerstone poem. when i say it's the best thing in the world, i mean it. the first line is lyrics from a further seems forever song.
new year's will bring me to you
or next july
i will once again be where i belong
in the arms of music
of heat
and water
listening happily to each note from the stage
each story from a friend
tasting each scent like wine
making me drunk
every time this is familiar and new
the dust flies and water is gold
wind is a blessing and night is relief
and the music carries my soul on its back through the clouds
but most important
freedom
safety
acceptance
i am what i am
i believe what i believe
and i am not ridiculed
save me
will You not save me?
no. i am so weak.
so dirty
filthy
and lukewarm
to be spit out. yuck.
as if somehow writing a "poem" about how i feel will help me discover the truth of You.
i can call it an act of worship
but the object is me.
tell me the truth.
i need to be saved.
crushed
i just want to lay in bed and ignore the world
i want to be the important one again
i hate being relegated to second class
can i just commit suicide?
it's not like i have a chance of ever
really being happy
cause i'm so messed up
so flawed
always wrong
always stupid
i deserve better than that.
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