I'm finding my way back to sanity again.
Though I don't really know what I'm gonna do when I get there.
He heard the screams of joy and of excitement as he stepped up further, pausing every two steps to get that feeling of suspense and anticipation to fill the building. He knew damn well that when he finally reached the top, the sensation would be like nothing before and the world would seem to stop completely for a split second. It was like that every time. Every single time felt like the first. After that first time, no one could save him from this feeling, this addiction.
‘I’m addicted. That’s exactly what I am…addicted.’
Take a breath and hold on tight.
Spin around one more time and gracefully fall back to the arms of grace.
Continuing his steps further and closer to fulfilling that need in the depths of his very being, he stared up, gazing at the lights and how they seemed to float down from the ceiling and close in around him. He wanted to bathe in that light; pause and remember the moment that the lights seemed to come alive and attempted to hold him back. Nothing could hold him back anymore and he easily broke free of the feeling of imprisonment.
'Cause I am hanging on every word you say.
And even if you don't want to speak tonight, that's alright, alright with me.
'Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside Heaven's door and listen to you breathing, is where I want to be, yeah.
She watched, with fear and panic coursing through her veins in the place of her blood, as he neared the last two steps that would bring him to that bittersweet numbness. He stepped one, then two, and finally he was where his craving had taken him.
The feeling started, it ran through his body, coursed through his veins, and held its constricted hold on his heart. He slowly lifted his head and stood to confront the many faces. All their features a blur in his vision as the overwhelming sensation choked and gagged his mind.
I'm looking past the shadows in my mind into the truth and I'm,
trying to identify the voices in my head.
God, which one's you?
She willed him and begged him silently. Keeping her tear filled eyes locked as she watched him stand above all and look out to the crowd, she knew her wordless pleading would do nothing but fall listless underneath the screams of encouragement.
With one last look, he gave into the dizzying spin of the voices. He descended slowly, almost as if it was torturing his mind, making him think he wasn’t going to feel the one last thing he feigned for.
Let me feel one more time what it feels like to feel.
She watched as he almost fell instead of jumping, as if he was graced with wings and could soar above all forever.
As he fell, a tear slowly rolled down her cheek. Her last silent plea going out with all the emotion she could muster inside.
‘Please…’
He heard it. Faint and whispered, barely audible, yet he heard it as he finally came crashing down on what was once an occupied table, but was now empty.
‘Just like me…empty.’
And break these calluses off of me one more time.
'Cause I am hanging on every word you say.
And even if you don't want to speak tonight, that's alright, alright with me.
'Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside Heaven's door and listen to you breathing, is where I want to be, yeah.
She waited at the car, not wanting to hear the many different voices in the back, congratulating him on a job well done and telling him how amazing it was. She wondered how the hell they could tell him how great everything went when they all knew what he was doing to himself.
“Dude, that was a great match out there!” His friend said, being one of the only few left.
“Thanks man. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Yea, see ya, and again, awesome match!”
He smiled as him and his co-worker went their separate ways in the dimly lit parking lot. He walked on further until his car came into view.
She leaned against the black sports car, the cold metal somewhat easing her headache. She turned her head just in time to see his smiling face a few feet away. She lifted her head quickly, shutting her eyes immediately when the pain came back in a rush. When she re-opened her eyes he was taking his final steps towards her.
He walked up to stand directly in front of her and pressed his body forwarded, capturing her lips and feeling his body flush against hers. It came back full and head on; that beautiful sensation that filled him to the core was restored. His lips, acting completely in sync with hers, gradually parted and coaxed hers to do the same. Her soft tongue slid out to lick his lips and intertwine itself with his. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer to him as she draped her arms over his shoulders.
She ran her fingers up the back of his neck, one delicate hand remaining at the base of his head and the other tangling itself within his bright, blue and purple toned hair. She tilted her head and locked her hand so he could gain better access to her lips.
He gladly adjusted, and then realizing their surroundings he reluctantly pulled away. He kissed her lightly one last time and lifted his head to look at her. Her eyes opened little by little until she was staring back into his smiling green eyes. Still keeping their eyes lost in the others, he reached behind her and unlocked her door.
When she heard the click of the door, she sighed and unwillingly let him go. She climbed into the car as he ran to the other side and hopped in.
When he turned his head to look at her, he came within a few inches of her distressed sapphire glare. He continued to watch the many emotions flow through her eyes; anger, sadness, nervousness, grief, and most importantly, love.
“Why? Why do you do it?” She asked, tears immediately coming to her eyes though she willed herself not to cry.
“I don’t know,” he answered simply. He did know, although he wouldn’t say it, he knew. He was afraid. Scared she wouldn’t understand or scared that she would understand exactly, he didn’t know, but he wasn’t going to take the chance of having her know of his addiction.
“I love you, and I refuse to just sit by and watch as you destroy yourself because of reasons you think I won’t understand!”
‘Damn. More and more each day I believe she can read minds.’ He thought to himself in shock that she had just expressed his feelings aloud.
“And I refuse to sit by and watch as my life passes me by. What can I give you to ease your fears?”
I don't want a thing from you.
Bet you're tired of me, waiting for the scraps to fall off of your table to the ground.
'Cause I just want to be here now.
“Nothing. I will always worry and nothing can stop that. I hate it so much. Watching you put yourself on the line for all of this tears me up, but it’s your choice whether you are going to open up to me and talk.”
'Cause I am hanging on every word you say.
And even if you don't want to speak tonight, that's alright, alright with me.
“No matter what you say though, it will never change the fact that I love you. Dammit, don’t you get it Jeff?” She cried, tears streaming down her face.
He leaned over and enveloped her in his arms. He rocked her gently until her tears subsided and held her tight there after.
“I love you too, and nothing will ever change that baby,” he whispered softly to her.
She breathed deeply, his essence filling her senses and completing her once again. She exhaled in a sigh, feeling as though she had been holding that one breath for all eternity.
'Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside Heaven's door and listen to you breathing, is where I want to be, yeah.
He pulled back and turned the key, starting the car with a low roar. He then smiled and turned his eyes in her direction.
“At least I’m still breathing.”
-THE END-
