* You can achieve a "Runner's High" by sitting up.
* The sun is too loud.
* Trees begin to chase you.
* You can see individual air molecules vibrating.
* You begin to explore the possibility of setting up an I.V.drip solution of espresso.
* You wonder if brewing is really a necessary step for the consumption of coffee.
* You can hear mimes.
* You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.
* You believe that if you think hard enough, you can fly.
* Things become "Very Clear."
* You ask the drive-through attendant if you can get your order to go.
* You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.
* You begin speaking in a language that only you and Chandeliers can understand.
* The less sense matter and matter is more than sense.
* You keep yelling "STOP TOUCHING ME!!!!" even though you are the only one in the room.
* You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.
* Your heart beats in 7/8 time.
* You and Reality file for divorce.
* You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.
* You can skip without a rope.
* It appears that people are speaking to you in binary code.
* You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.
* You can travel without moving.
* Antacid tablets become your sole source of nutrition.
* You discover the aesthetic beauty of office supplies.
* You have an irresistible urge to bite the noses of the people you are talking to.
* You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before
1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.
2. While he's in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket.
3. Leave him a note, explaining that you've gone away for the holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants.
4. While he's in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to get them to fly.
5. Leave a note by the telephone, telling Santa that Mrs. Claus called and wanted to remind him to pick up some milk and a loaf of bread on his way home.
6. While he's in the house, find the sleigh and sit in it. As soon as he comes back and sees you, tell him that he shouldn't have missed that last payment, and take off.
7. Take everything out of your house as if it's just been robbed. When Santa arrives, show up dressed like a policeman and say, "Well, well. They always return to the scene of the crime."
8. While he's in the house, cover the top of the chimney with barbed wire.
9. Leave lots of hunting trophies and guns out where Santa's sure to see them. Go outside, yell, "Ooh! Look! A deer! And he's got a red nose!" and fire a gun.
10. Leave Santa a note, explaining that you've moved. Include a map with unclear and hard-to-read directions to your new house.
11. Paint "hoof-prints" all over your face and clothes. While he's in the house, go out on the roof. When he comes back up, act like you've been "trampled." Threaten to sue.
12. Dress up like the Easter Bunny. Wait for Santa to come and then say, "This neighbourhood ain't big enough for the both of us."
1. Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out of the reflecting pond.
2. Try pants on backwards at the Gap. Ask the salesperson if they make your butt look big.
3. Dial 900 numbers from demonstration phones in Radio Shack.
4. Sneeze on the sample tray at Hickory Farms and helpfully volunteer to consume its now unwanted contents.
5. At the bottom of an escalator, scream "MY SHOELACES! AAAGH!"
6. Teach pet store parrots new vocabulary that makes them unsellable.
7. Stomp on unopened tomato ketchup packets at Burger King...
8. ...but save a few to slurp on as snacks. Tell people that they're "astronaut food."
9. Construct a new porch deck in the tool department of Sears.
10. Wear pancake makeup and new clothes and pose as a fashion dummy in clothes departments, occasionally screaming without warning.
11. Test mattresses in your PJs.
12. If you're patient, stare intently into a surveillance camera for an hour while rocking from side to side.
13. Sprint up the down escalator.
14. Stare at static on a display tv and challenge other shoppers whether they, too, can see the "hidden picture."
15. Make unusual requests at the Piercing Department.
16. Ask a salesperson in the hardware department how well a particular saw cuts through bone.
17. At the pet store, ask if they have bulk discounts on gerbils, and whether there's much meat on them.
18. Hula dance by the demonstration air conditioner.
19. Rummage through the jelly bean bin at the candy store, insisting that you lost a contact lens.
20. Ask a saleswoman whether a particular shade of panties matches the color of your beard.
21. In the changing rooms, announce in a singsong voice, "I see London, I see France..."
22. Leave on the plastic string connecting a new pair of shoes, and wander around the mall taking two-inch steps.
23. Record belches on electronic sampling keyboards, and perform gastric versions of Jingle Bells for admiring onlookers.
24. Ask the pharmacist at the drugstore which leading cold remedy will "give you a really wicked buzz."
25. Ask the personnel at Pier 1 Imports whether they have "any giant crap made out of straw."
26. "Toast" plastic gag hot dogs in front of the fake fireplace display.
27. Collect stacks of paint brochures and hand them out as religious tracts.
28. Ask the information desk for a stroller,and someone to push you around in it.
29. Change every TV in the electronics department to a station showing "Saved by the Bell." Chant the dialogue in a robotic voice, and scream if anyone tries to switch channels on one of the sets.
30. Hang out in the waterbed section of the furniture department wearing a Navy uniform. Occasionally run around in circles yelling "scratch one flattop!"
31. Hand a stack of pants back to the changing room attendant and scornfully announce that none of them are "leakproof."
32. "Play" the demo modes of video games at the arcade. Make lots of explosion noises.
33. Stand transfixed in front of a mirror bobbing your head up and down.
34. Pay for all your purchases with two-dollar bills to provoke arguments over whether they're real.
35. If it's Christmas, ask the mall Santa to sit on *your* lap.
36. Answer any unattended service phones that ring in department stores and say "Domino's."
37. Try on flea collars at the pet store while occasionally pausing to scratch yourself.
38. At the stylist, ask to have the hair on your back permed.
39. Show people your driver's license and demand to know "whether they've seen this man."
40. Buy a jawbreaker from the candy store. Return fifteen minutes later, fish it out of your mouth, and demand to know why it hasn't turned blue yet.
41. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
42. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
43. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through say, 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
44. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the fetal position and mumble, 'It's those voices again'.
45. Go into a fitting room and yell real loud, "Hey! We're out of toilet paper in here!"
46. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
47. Hold indoor shopping cart races.
48. "Test" the tooth brushes. Afterwards, place them back on the shelves in their packaging.
1) Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.
2) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!".
3) Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
4) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
5) Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off
6) When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
7) Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"
8) Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
9) On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
10) Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"
11) When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, motion sickness!"
12) Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
13) Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"
14) Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
15) Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.
16) Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.
17) Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
18) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
19) Leave a box between the doors, and violently lash out at anyone who tries to remove it.
20) Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.
21) Start a sing-along.
22) When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"
23) Say "Ding!" at each floor.
24) Lean against the button panel.
25) Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
26) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."
27) Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?"
28) Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
29) Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
30) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
31) Wear "X-Ray Glasses" and leer suggestively at other passengers.
32) Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger."
33) Petend to get your leg stuck in the door as it closes.
34) Without letting anyone see, press the emergency stop button. Act surprised and start talking to yourself "its ok, it wasnt your fault you killed your family. It was SATAN, damm you SATAN! DAMN YOU!!!" Then press the stop button again and act as if nothing has happened.
35) Scratch yourself excessively saying "fucking headlice. They're all over me. I knew I shouldn't have played with that dog so much"
36) Start to talk about your sexlife. Tell them that all of your three children were concived in this very lift. And point and say "it was up against that wall"
37) Have sex with your imaginary friend
38) Offer to polish their shoes. When they say no, tell them you need the money to feed your ten starving children back home in Estonia.
39) Hand out booklets named - "what to do when the lift cable breaks. The ten tips that will keep your body in one pice (although these tips will not save your life, it will make the rescue a bit cleaner, and we wont have to spend ages cleaning the blood of the walls) Hope you will live to do it again!"
40) Act surprised when it starts to move and say "THE GROUND IS FALLING!"
41) Let your mobile phone ring - dont anwser it, and yell as loud as you can "answer your damn phone! God!"
42) Walk into the lift and say "this reminds me of being burried alive. Ah those were the days."
43) On entering, ask the passengers if they want to be your friend. Burst into tears if they say no.
44) Stop the lift and say "twenty years in prison for murdering the whole family, and I get stuck in a lift after being out for two hours. Just my luck!"
45) Pretend to be the pilot of the lift, speak into a headset "this is lift number 1, ready for decent to 1st floor. Waiting for permission to depart, over"
46) Announce in a computer like voice "this lift will self destruct in 5 4 3 2 .....oh heres my floor"
47) Serve tea and coffee, then stall passengers from getting off.
48) Chain the passengers to the floor.Then teach them french. Dont let them leave till they get it right. (Or gnaw off their own legs)
49) As you are coming to the end of the journey, get enmotional and have a group hug. Tell them that you will never forget them.
50) Pretend to be a flight attendant (particularly affective if you are dressed like one), instruct the passengers on what to do in an emergency
51) Bring out a magnifying glass, closey inspect the other passengers skin and say "ooh, look at your pores"
52) Sing "I know a song that will get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get, get, get on your nerves" Over and over again.
53) Ask the others "Do you mind if I do my eminem impression?", then bring out a chainsaw and a mask.
54) Try breakdancing
55) Bring out a fake toy gun and shout to the person next to you "you lookin' at me?"
56) Explain your ideas of world domination to the wall.
57) Dress up in a long, black cloak with a hood, stare and in a deep voice ask "okay, which one of you was the smoker?.."
58) Pretend to see a spider, repeatedly and violently stamp on the floor while screaming "Die you bastard, die DIIEEE!"
59) While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper to your own body (any part) "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently.
60) If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"
61) Wave hands wildly at invisible flies buzzing around your head.
62) Tell people their clothes are stuck in the lift door, when the look round and see it isn't, apologise, then 5 seconds later say it again in exactly the same tone of voice (repeat)
63) Release cockroaches and rats or doves.
64) Ask people which floor they want, say in 'Who wants to be a millionaire style,' is that your final answer.
65) Point a fire extinguisher at the door as it opens and a passenger tries to enter, ready, aim, and bend the nozzle round and cover yourself with foam.
1. Even if you miss totally- at the top of your lungs scream "STEEEEEEEEEEERIKE!!!"
2.Ask people to tie your shoes. Cry if they say no.
3. Everytime you throw the ball, yell "TAKE THAT, YOU!!!!!" continue this behaviour until you're forcefully thrown out.
4. Bring a foghorn, use it at crucial moments.
5. Bring full angling gear, ask how the fish are biting.
6. Rent all the lanes, don't bowl.
7. Rent all the shoes, and sit them in every chair, and lash out at anyone who tries to remove them.
8. When ever the strike "X" appears on the screen, start yelling about how this is a Black Panther conspiracy.
9. Wrestle with your ball (WWF style). Ask someone to ref.
10. Attempt to juggle the bolwing balls, be careful to avoid broken toes.
11. Pray to the pins, leave scarifices.
12. Hide behinds the pins. Stick your head up, LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY.
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1) At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2) Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
4) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
5) *Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronised chair dancing.
6) *Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN."
7) Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
8) *Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
9) In the memo field of all your checks, write 'for sexual favors.'
10) Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."
11) Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."
12) Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire work area. Insist to others that you like it that way.
13) Dont use any punctuation
14) As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
15) Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
16) *Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
17) Sing along at the opera.
18) Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
19) Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is of the opposite gender.)
20) *Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example, "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom, in Stall #3."
21) *Put mosquito netting around your cubicle. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
23) *Call the psychic hotline and don't say anything, then when they get mad, call them back and insist you thought since they were psychic that they could tell what you were thinking of saying.
24) Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.
25) *When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won!", "I Won!""3rd time this week!!!"
26) **(Make sure your clothing is ripped/torn) When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives, they're loose!"
30) UsE RAnDoM cAPiTaliZaTiON iN EvEryTHiNg YOu wrITe
31) Arrive at a meeting late, say you're sorry, but you didn't have time for lunch, and you're going to be nibbling during the meeting. During the meeting eat 5 entire raw potatoes.
32) Put a chair facing a printer, sit there all day and tell people you're waiting for your document.
33) "Hi-lite" your shoes. Tell people that you haven't lost your shoes since you did this.
34) Slap the boss's face every time he interrupts your afternoon nap.
35) Pee up your office door, your desk or your cubicle and growl at anyone that comes near.
36) *Follow delivery men around in pure James Bond style, but make it very obvious.
37) Persistantly call your bosses 'sweetcheeks' and wink at them in front of everyone.
38) *Whenever you answer the phone, do so in a french accent, and slowly change it to a japanese accent.
39) Belch loudly over the intercom, then ask if anyone wants to hear a fart.
40) When the boss starts talking to you, open and drink a bottle of ketchup.
41) Put those hole reinforcing circles on the center of you eyeglasses. Now go to that executive meeting.
42) Turn your monitor facing the wall, if anyone asks what you're doing, say that this is the most interesting side of the monitor
43) *Have races in the corridors with chairs that do/don't have wheels on them
44) Hold open automatic doors for people.
45) -Threaten to jump out of a ground floor window.
46) Bring empty crisps and buscuit packets and sandwich bag to work in your packed lunch box and pretend to eat it. Make sure the wrappers are different each day, you need variety in life.
48) Delibrately get colleagues names wrong.((example-werner= weiner))
52) -Ask to borrow a pencil from someone, snap it infront of their face, then point at the car parking lot and ask which one is theirs.
53) Wear socks on the outside of your shoes.
54) End all sentences with "uh-yuk,yuk!".
55) Play a recording of bagpipes in meetings.
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