Chapter 3

CHAPTER THREE - THE KNIGHT BUS


Everyone leaned closer to Remus as they waited for more story. He cleared his throat dramatically and said, “Chapter Three is called-“

“James!”

Everyone in the room nearly died from having to wait to see what happened, but James found the strength in him to call back.

“Yes, Mum?”

“It’s getting rather late! Is Lily going to stay for the night, or what?”

James and Lily looked at each other and shrug. Since neither answered, Sirius took the liberty in answering for them.

“She is going to stay for the rest of the winter break!” Sirius shouted down before anyone could stop him.

“Oh? And when were you going to clear this with me?” James’ mother called up to them her voice getting closer as she came up the stairs.

“Erm-“ James looked at Sirius to see if he was going to answer for him this time. He wasn’t. So James took a deep breath and said in a hopeful tone, “Right now?”

The door to James’ room opened as his mother stepped in and looked at the four innocent teens. “That’s fine with me; let’s just clear this with Lily’s parents’ all right? Lily, darling, if you’ll come with me?”

Lily got up and followed Mrs. Potter out of the room as the boys sat there.

“Should I continue?” Remus asked as the others sat there in silence.

“Yeah, go on.”

Remus nodded as he opened the book back to Chapter Three. “This chapter is titled The Knight Bus.”


Harry was several streets away before he collapsed onto a low wall in Magnolia Crescent, panting from the effort of dragging his trunk. He sat quite still, anger still surging through him, listening to the frantic thumping of his heart. but after ten minutes alone in the dark street, a new emotion overtook him: panic.

James – Shoot. I would be panicking too.

Whichever way he looked at it, he had never been in a worse fix. He was stranded, quite alone, in the dark Muggle world, with absolutely nowhere to go. And the worst of it was, he had just done serious magic, which meant that he was almost certainly expelled from Hogwarts.

Remus – Don’t worry about it, I’ve done much worse and it came out all right.

James – What’d you do?

Remus - ::nervous laugh:: You don’t want to know.

Sirius – I do—

Remus – Reading!


He had broken the Decree for the Restriction of Underage Wizardry so badly; he was surprised Ministry of Magic representatives weren't swooping down on him where he sat.

Sirius – That’s no fun when they do that.

Harry shivered and looked up and down Magnolia Crescent. What, was going to happen to him? Would he be arrested, or would he simply be outlawed from the wizarding world?

Remus – Can’t get arrested until you’re eighteen, and you can’t be outlawed.

Sirius – Thanks for that info Mr. Dictionary.

Remus – No problem, Mr. No-Brains.


He thought of Ron and Hermione, and his heart sank even lower. Harry was sure that, criminal or not, Ron and Hermione would want to help him now, but they were both abroad, and with Hedwig gone, he had no means of contacting them.

Peter – This has really got to stink for him.

He didn't have any Muggle money, either. There was a little wizard gold in the moneybag at the bottom of his trunk, but the rest of the fortune his parents had left him

James – I was rich! Woohoo!

Sirius – I most likely lent you half of it.

Remus – And the other half was from your parents.

Peter – So, technically *you* weren’t rich, your parents and Sirius were rich.

James – ::smacks Remus/Sirius/Peter::


was stored in a vault at Gringotts Wizarding bank in London. He'd never be able to drag his trunk all the way to London. Unless...
He looked down at his wand, which he was still clutching in his hand. If he was already expelled

James – No Potter gets expelled from Hogwarts!

Sirius – Except your Great Uncle Bernie?

James – Well, yeah… but that’s different!

Remus – And how is that different?

James – He didn’t have the infamous Potter hair.


(his heart was now thumping painfully fast), a bit more magic couldn't hurt. He had the Invisibility Cloak he had inherited from his father –

James – Yay! He has it! I was hoping that it hadn’t been stolen or taken up by Filch!

Remus – I wonder if he has our newest creation.

Sirius – Keep reading and we may find out.


what if he bewitched the trunk to make it feather-light, tied it to his broomstick, covered himself in the cloak, and flew to London? Then he could get the rest of his money out of his vault and... begin his life as an outcast.

Peter – Horrible thought.

Others - ::agree::


It was a horrible prospect, but he couldn't sit on this wall forever, or he'd find himself trying to explain to Muggle police why he was out in the dead of night with a trunk full of spell books and a broomstick.

Remus - ::grimace:: I had to do that once. Except that I had potion ingredients with me instead.

Peter – What did the police want?

Remus – He was wondering why I was standing in the middle of London with a cauldron.

James – And why were you?

Remus – I was waiting for my Mum to pick me up from the Leaky Cauldron so I was standing outside it.

Sirius – And what did you say to the nice Muggle?

Remus – I told him that I was trying to learn how to make a new recipe for cooking.

Others - ::laugh::


Harry opened his trunk again and pushed the contents aside, looking for the Invisibility Cloak - but before he had found it; he straightened up suddenly, looking around him once more.
A funny prickling on the back of his neck had made Harry feel he was being watched, but the street appeared to be deserted, and no lights shone from any of the large square houses.

James – Probably is the infamous Sirius Black. Bad, Sirius. Stalking my son. Now what are you going to do? Scare him half to death?

Remus – Probably.

Sirius – ::smacks Remus::


He bent over his trunk again, but almost immediately stood up once more, his hand clenched on his wand. He had sensed rather than heard it: someone or something was standing in the narrow gap between the garage and the fence behind him.

Peter – I hate having that feeling… it’s really creepy!

Harry squinted at the black alleyway. If only it would move, then he'd know whether it was just a stray cat or -- something else. "Lumos,"

Sirius - *More* magic? This kid just wants to be expelled, doesn’t he?

Harry muttered, and a light appeared at the end of his wand, almost dazzling him. He held it high over his head, and the pebble-dashed walls of number two suddenly sparkled; the garage door gleamed, and between them Harry saw, quite distinctly, the hulking outline of something very big, with wide, gleaming eyes.

Remus – Hey. Maybe it’s Padfoot?

James – You know, it does sound like him.

Peter – Big? Wide, gleaming eyes? That just about describes him.

Sirius – Maybe I did come to rescue him!


Harry stepped backward. His legs hit his trunk and he tripped. His wand flew out of his hand as he flung out an arm to break his fall, and he landed, hard, in the gutter –

Remus – Rescue or kill? That is the question.

Sirius - ::smack Remus::

* * *

The door to James’ room opened and in stepped Lily.

“So, are you staying?” James asked, the hopefulness in his voice heard clearly.

“Yes. And tomorrow Tilly, Kaya, and Morwen are going to join us, hope that’s okay.” Lily said. At this the other three Marauders perked up.

James, with a sly look at his friends, said, “Oh. That’s fine.”

“So, since you have read on without me, what has happened so far?” Lily asked as she was also grinning mischievously at the other Marauders.

“Well, Harry has gone down the block a bit and is now thinking of living as an outcast because he thinks that he is going to be outlawed. Then he saw this big thing in an alley and it made him fall over. And now that is where we are.”

“That’s all you have read? Well, we need to read more! Continue Remus!” Lily instructed as they got situated again.

* * *

There was a deafening BANG, and Harry threw up his hands to shield his eyes against a sudden blinding light –

Sirius – Oh no! He’s being attacked! RUN, HARRY!

James – I doubt Harry is being attacked, Sirius. It’s probably a car.

Sirius – What’s a car?

James – Think of a larger version of your motorbike just with a top.

Sirius – Oooh… okay.


With a yell, he rolled back onto the pavement, just in time. A second later, a gigantic pair of wheels and headlights screeched to a halt exactly where Harry had just been lying. They belonged, as Harry saw when he raised his head, to a triple-decker, violently purple bus, which had appeared out of thin air. Gold lettering over the windshield spelled The Knight Bus.

James – I was close!

Lily – The first time I rode the Knight Bus was last year. I was so scared, but since Tilly told me how to do it, I did it anyway

Sirius – My first time was when I was eight, and I took my first trip to London.

James – My first time was too long ago to remember.

Remus – My first time was when I was six my Mum was trying to find a doctor with a cure for my, er- illness.

Peter - My first time was when I was four and I had been playing with my father’s wand. The conductor didn’t even notice that I had gotten aboard till we were in France.

All - ::laugh::


For a Split second, Harry wondered if he had been knocked silly by his fall. Then a conductor in a purple uniform leapt out of the bus and began to speak loudly to the night.

Lily – Wouldn’t that be quite the sight if a Muggle decided to look out his window right at that moment?

Sirius - ::as Muggle:: Er—Honey? Do big purple buses with funny looking men in purple travel down our street often?

Remus - ::as “Honey”:: No, Sweetie, I think you had too much ale for tonight. Time to put you do bed—come along now.

Others - ::giggle/snicker::


"Welcome to the Knight bus, emergency transport for the stranded witch or wizard. Just stick out your wand hand, step on board, and we can take you anywhere you want to go. My name is Stan Shunpike, and I will be your conductor this eve --"

James – Evening… come on, sound it out…

Marauders - ::laugh::

Lily - ::sigh::


The conductor stopped abruptly. He had just caught sight of Harry, who was still sitting on the ground. Harry snatched up his wand again and scrambled to his feet. Close up, he saw that Stan Shunpike was only a few years older than he was, eighteen or nineteen at most, with large, protruding ears and quite a few pimples.

Lily – Wait a minute! I wonder if he is the son of Trevor Shunpike!

Marauders – Who?

Lily – You know! The Head boy last year!

Marauders - *Oh*…

Lily – You have no idea who I am talking about, do you?

Marauders - ::pause:: No, we don’t. Sorry.

Lily - ::muttering:: Boys…


"What were you doin' down there?" said Stan, dropping his professional manner.
"Fell over," said Harry.
"'Choo fall over for?" sniggered Stan.

James – He didn’t do it on purpose!

"I didn't do it on purpose,"

James – See?

said Harry, annoyed. One of the knees in his jeans was torn, and the hand he had thrown out to break his fall was bleeding. He suddenly remembered why he had fallen over and turned around quickly to stare at the alleyway between the garage and fence.
The Knight bus's headlamps were flooding it with light, and it was empty.

Remus – You get scared easily, don’t you, Sirius?

Sirius – No! I probably just didn’t want to get caught! I mean… hello! I’m on the run from the law!

Remus – But if you were a dog, why would you need to run?

Sirius – Er… maybe it wasn’t me?

Lily – Why would Sirius be a dog?

Marauders - ::nervous looks:: Er—no reason.

Remus - ::muttering to Sirius:: I keep forgetting she doesn’t know.

Sirius – ::muttering back to Remus:: I know me too. Don’t worry about it.


"'Choo lookin' at?" said Stan.
"There was a big black thing,"

James – You’re black, Padfoot.

said Harry, pointing uncertainly into the gap. "Like a dog...

Remus – You’re a dog, Padfoot.

but massive..."

Peter – And you’re massive, Padfoot.

Sirius – All right already! Jeesh!

Lily - ::blank look::


He looked around at Stan, whose mouth was slightly open. With a feeling of unease, Harry saw Stan's eyes move to the scar on Harry's forehead.
"Woss that on your 'ead?" said Stan abruptly.

Sirius – It’s a scar! Are you blind?

James – Probably.


"Nothing," said Harry quickly, flattening his hair over his scar. If the Ministry of Magic was looking for him, he didn't want to make it too easy for them.
"Woss your name?" Stan persisted.
"Neville Longbottom,"

Peter – But I thought it was Harry!

Lily – It’s an alias, Peter, so they don’t know who he is.

Peter – An alien?

Lily – No, it’s an alias!

Peter – Oh! Alias! What’s it do again?

Lily - ::sigh:: Nothing, Peter, nothing.


said Harry, saying the first name that came into his head. "So -- so this bus," he went on quickly, hoping to distract Stan, "did you say it goes anywhere?"
"Yep," said Stan proudly, "anywhere you like, long's it's on land. Can't do nuffink underwater. 'Ere," he said, looking suspicious again, “You did flag us down, dincha? Stuck out your wand 'and, dincha?"

James - ::as Harry:: Yes I did, but it wasn’t to flag you all down! It was to see if I was about to be eaten by a big black dog or not!

"Yes," said Harry quickly. "Listen, how much would it be to get to London?"
"Eleven Sickles," said Stan, "but for thirteen you get 'or chocolate, and for fifteen you get an 'ot water bottle an' a toofbrush in the color of your choice."
Harry rummaged once more in his trunk, extracted his moneybag, and shoved some gold into Stan's hand.

Remus – Why are the Knight Bus attendants always a bit slow?

James – I don’t know, maybe because slow people can take the job?

Sirius – Then it would be a perfect job for Peter!

Peter – Hey! It would be!

Others - ::helpless sigh::


He and Stan then lifted his trunk, with Hedwig's cage balanced on top, up the steps of the bus. There were no seats;

Sirius – Why would there be seats?

Lily – Muggle buses have seats.

Sirius – Really? Weird….


instead, half a dozen brass bedsteads stood beside the curtained windows. Candles were burning in brackets beside each bed, illuminating the wood-paneled walls. A tiny wizard in a nightcap at the rear of the bus muttered, "Not now, thanks, I'm pickling some slugs" and rolled over in his sleep.

Peter – Pickling some slugs?

James – Pickling some slugs.


"You 'ave this one," Stan whispered, shoving Harry's trunk under the bed right behind the driver, who was sitting in an armchair in front of the steering wheel. "This is our driver, Ernie Prang. This is Neville Longbottom, Ern. "
Ernie Prang, an elderly wizard wearing very thick glasses, nodded to Harry, who nervously flattened his bangs again and sat down on his bed.

Sirius – Dang this kid really doesn’t want to be noticed, does he?

Lily – He just wants to live a normal life, is that too much to ask for?

Sirius – When you are a Potter, yes.


"Take 'er away, Ern," said Stan, sitting down in the armchair next to Ernie's. There was another tremendous BANG, and the next moment Harry found himself flat on his bed, thrown backward by the speed of the Knight bus.

Sirius – I *hate* when that happens.

Peter – I think it’s fun.

Sirius – You would.


Pulling himself up, Harry stared out of the dark window and saw that they were now bowling along a completely different street. Stan was watching Harry's stunned face with great enjoyment.
"This is where we was before you flagged us down," he said. "Where are we, Ern? Somewhere in Wales?"
"Ar,"

Peter – Sounds like a pirate!

Sirius – I hate pirates.


said Ernie.
"How come the Muggles don't hear the bus?" said Harry.
"Them!" said Stan contemptuously. "Don' listen properly, do they? Don' look properly either. Never notice nuffink, they don'."

All – Course they don’t. They’re *Muggles*.

"Best go wake up Madam Marsh, Stan," said Ern. "We'll be in Abergavenny in a minute."

Peter – Where’s that?

Lily/Remus – I don’t know.

Others - ::surprised:: Oh. My. Gosh. You don’t *know* something!


Stan passed Harry's bed and disappeared up a narrow wooden staircase. Harry was still looking out of the window, feeling increasingly nervous. Ernie didn't seem to have mastered the use of a steering wheel. The Knight bus kept mounting the pavement, but it didn't hit anything; lines of lampposts, mailboxes, and trashcans jumped out of its way as it approached and back into position once it had passed.

Peter – I love to look out the window and watch that.

Sirius - *I* don’t. It makes me feel sick.


Stan came back downstairs, followed by a faintly green witch wrapped in a traveling cloak.

Sirius – Sounds like me when I finally get off it.

Remus – Except you aren’t a witch?

Sirius – Exactly.


"'Ere you go, Madam Marsh," said Stan happily as Ern stamped on the brake and the beds slid a foot or so toward the front of the bus. Madam Marsh clamped a handkerchief to her mouth and tottered down the steps.
Stan threw her bag out after her

Lily – Something valuable and breakable could have been in there!

Sirius – Why would you take something valuable on the Knight Bus?

Lily - ::pause:: Good point.


and rammed the doors shut; there was another loud BANG, and they were thundering down a narrow country lane, trees leaping out of the way.
Harry wouldn't have been able to sleep even if he had been traveling on a bus that didn't keep banging loudly and jumping a hundred miles at a time.

James – I never figured how people could actually sleep on there!

Remus – I always sleep on the Knight bus.

James – How exactly?

Remus – I’m a heavy sleeper.


His stomach churned as he fell back to wondering what was going to happen to him, and whether the Dursleys had managed to get Aunt Marge off the ceiling yet.

All - ::laughs::

Stan had unfurled a copy of the Daily Prophet and was now reading with his tongue between his teeth. A large photograph of a sunken-faced man with long, matted hair blinked slowly at Harry from the front page. He looked strangely familiar.
"That man!" Harry said, forgetting his troubles for a moment. "He was on the Muggle news!"

James – Finally! More on Sirius! We will be able to see what he did to end up wherever he was!

Stanley turned to the front page and chuckled.
"Sirius black," he said, nodding. "'Course 'e was on the Muggle news, Neville, where you been?" He gave a superior sort of chuckle at the blank look on Harry's face, removed the front page, and handed it to Harry.
"You oughta read the papers more, Neville." Harry held the paper up to the candlelight and read:

BLACK STILL AT LARGE

Sirius Black, possibly the most infamous prisoner ever to be held in Azkaban fortress,


Sirius - ::suddenly pale:: Azkaban? I was sent to Azkaban? I don’t want to go to Azkaban!

Remus – Maybe if we keep reading we’ll find out why you are in Azkaban and we can prevent it?

Sirius - ::nods::


is still eluding capture, the Ministry of Magic confirmed today. "We are doing all we can to recapture Black," said the Minister of Magic, Cornelius Fudge, this morning, "and we beg the magical community to remain calm." Fudge has been criticized by some members of the International Federation of Warlocks for informing the Muggle Prime Minister of the crisis. "Well, really, I had to, don't you know," said an irritable Fudge. "Black is mad. He's a danger to anyone who crosses him,

Sirius – No I’m Not!… Am I?

magic or Muggle. I have the Prime Minister's assurance that he will not breathe a word of Black's tTilly identity to anyone. And let's face it- who'd believe him if he did?" While Muggles have been told that Black is carrying a gun (a kind of metal wand that Muggles use to kill each other), the magical community lives in fear of a massacre like that of twelve years ago, when Black

Sirius – Here’s the moment of truth! What did I do?

Remus - ::reading ahead:: You sure you want to know, Sirius?

Sirius – Yes.

Remus – Okay…


murdered thirteen people with a single curse.

Sirius - ::going paler:: I-I wouldn’t… I’d never! No… I mean… I just… No! I wouldn’t do something like that… No…

James – You- you killed thirteen people with one curse??

Sirius – I- I would never! I- just wouldn’t!

Peter – Maybe you changed?

Sirius – I WON’T EVER DO THAT!

Remus – Sirius! Calm down! Maybe we should just stop right here for now and go for a walk to cool off, okay?

Sirius - ::nods::

All excluding Peter - ::stand::

Lily – Coming Peter?

Peter – No. You go ahead.

Lily - ::nods::

Remus - ::takes book with him on the walk so Peter can’t read ahead::

20 Minutes Later…



Remus - ::leading them all back into James’ room:: Ready to continue?

All excluding Peter – Yes!

Peter - ::snore::

Lily – Should we wake Peter up first?

Sirius – Nah. Let's just go on.

Harry looked into the shadowed eyes of Sirius Black, the only part of the sunken face that seemed alive. Harry had never met a vampire, but he had seen pictures of them in his Defense Against the Dark Arts classes, and Black, with his waxy white skin, looked just like one.

Sirius – Ugh. I must look like Snape! ::shudders::

"Scary-lookin' fing, inee?" said Stan, who had been watching Harry read.
"He murdered thirteen people?" said Harry, handing the page back to Stan, "with one curse?"

Sirius – No I didn’t!

"Yep," said Stan, "in front of witnesses an' all. broad daylight. big trouble it caused, dinnit, Ern?"
"Ar," said Ern darkly.
Stan swiveled in his armchair, his hands on the back, the better to look at Harry.
"Black woz a big supporter of You-Know-'Oo," he said.

Sirius – I WASN’T!

Remus – Do we need to go for another walk?

Sirius - ::timidly:: No.

Remus – Good.


"What, Voldemort?" said Harry, without thinking. Even Stan's pimples went white; Ern jerked the steering wheel so hard that a whole farmhouse had to jump aside to avoid the bus.

Sirius – What’s so wrong with saying “Voldemort”?

Remus – Don’t know. I thought he was dead.

James – Me too… And people are still afraid. Weird.

Lily – You aren’t, I see.

Marauders (well the ones awake) – Nope. Voldemort. It’s just a name after all.

Lily – Me neither. Voldemort.

Remus – I think I’ll continue now.


"You outta your tree?" yelped Stan. "'Choo say 'is name for?"
"Sorry," said Harry hastily. "Sorry, I -- I forgot --"
"Forgot!" said Stan weakly. "blimey, my 'eart's goin' that fast ..."
"So -- so Black was a supporter of You-Know-Who?" Harry prompted apologetically.

Sirius – No, he wasn’t. He was framed, I tell you! Framed!

"Yeah," said Stan, still rubbing his chest. "Yeah, that's right. Very close to You-Know-'Oo, they say. Anyway, when little 'Arry Potter got the better of You-Know-'Oo --" Harry nervously flattened his bangs down again.

Lily – Shouldn’t Stan be wondering why Harry keeps flattening his BANGs by now?

Remus – No, he won’t find out until someone comes up behind Harry and says his name.

Sirius – And you know this how, Remus?

Remus – It’s my inner-eye!


"-- all You-Know-'Oo's supporters was tracked down, wasn't they, Ern? Most of 'em knew it was all over, wiv You-Know-'Oo gone, and they came quiet. but not Sirius Black. I 'eard he thought 'e'd be second-in-command once You-Know-'Oo 'ad taken over.

Sirius - ::glare/sulk/growl/scowl::

Anyway, they cornered Black in the middle of a street full of Muggles an' Black took out 'is wand and 'e blasted 'alf the street apart, an' a wizard got it, an' so did a dozen Muggles what got in the way. 'Orrible, eh? An' you know what Black did then?" Stan continued in a dramatic whisper.

All - ::lean in:: What?

"What?" said Harry.
"Laughed," said Stan.

All – Laughed!?

Remus – That’s what it says.

Sirius – Maybe I went psycho after I saw what I did?

James – Maybe…


"Jus' stood there an' laughed. An' when reinforcements from the Ministry of Magic got there, I 'e went wiv em quiet as anyfink, still laughing 'is 'ead off. 'Cos 'e's mad, inee, Ern? Inee mad?"
"If he weren't when he went to Azkaban, he will be now,"

Sirius - ::shudders:: I don’t want to think about Azkaban.

said Ern in his slow voice. "I'd blow meself up before I set foot in that place. Serves him right, mind you ... after what he did...."

Sirius – I didn’t do it!

James – We believe you, Sirius.


"They 'ad a job coverin' it up, din' they, Ern?" Stan said. "'Ole street blown up an' all them Muggles dead. What was it they said ad 'appened, Ern?"
"Gas explosion," grunted Ernie.

Lily – Now that is *sort* of believable…

"An' now 'e's out," said Stan, examining the newspaper picture of Black's gaunt face again. "Never been a breakout from Azkaban before, 'as there, Ern? beats me 'ow 'e did it. Frightenin', eh? Mind, I don't fancy 'is chances against them Azkaban guards, eh, Ern?"

Sirius – I’m the first person to ever escape from Azkaban? I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

James – Lets go with good. because if you were guilty, then you would have gone mad, but if you got out, maybe you were sane so maybe you *were* innocent.


Ernie suddenly shivered. "Talk about summat else, Stan, there's a good lad. Them Azkaban guards give me the collywobbles."

Remus – I wouldn’t put it like that, but me too.

Others - ::agree::


Stan put the paper away reluctantly, and Harry leaned against the window of the Knight bus, feeling worse than ever. He couldn't help imagining what Stan might be telling his passengers in a few nights' time.
"'Ear about that 'Arry Potter? Blew up 'is aunt! We 'ad 'im 'ere on the Knight bus, di'n't we, Ern? 'E was tryin' to run for it...."
He, Harry, had broken wizard law just like Sirius Black.

Lily – Actually, not just like Sirius…

Sirius – Actually, I have blown up my aunt once… twice… three times…


Was inflating Aunt Marge bad enough to land him in Azkaban? Harry didn't know anything about the wizard prison, though everyone he'd ever heard speak of it did so in the same fearful tone. Hagrid, the Hogwarts gamekeeper, had spent two months there only last year.

James – Poor Hagrid!

Harry wouldn't soon forget the look of terror on Hagrid's face when he had been told where he was going, and Hagrid was one of the bravest people Harry knew.

Sirius – Bravest person I know as well.

James – I don’t know… I think that Dumbledore is the bravest…

Sirius – But everyone knows *that*… I’m saying that Hagrid is really brave as well and not a super wizard or anything…


The Knight Bus rolled through the darkness, scattering bushes and wastebaskets, telephone booths and trees, and Harry lay, restless and miserable, on his feather bed. After a while, Stan remembered that Harry had paid for hot chocolate, but poured it all over Harry's pillow when the bus moved abruptly from Anglesea to Aberdeen.

Lily – At least he wasn’t tired and wanted to sleep on it.

One by one, wizards and witches in dressing gowns and slippers descended from the upper floors to leave the bus. They all looked very pleased to go.

Sirius – I would be pleased too!

Finally, Harry was the only passenger left.
"Right then, Neville," said Stan, clapping his hands, where abouts in London?"
"Diagon Alley," said Harry.
"Righto," said Stan. "'Old tight, then."

James – Bang?

Others – Bang.


BANG.
They were thundering along Charing Cross Road. Harry sat up and watched buildings and benches squeezing themselves out of the Knight bus's way.
The sky was getting a little lighter. He would lie low for a couple of hours, go to Gringotts the moment it opened, then set off -- where, he didn't know.

James/Lily – You’re making a HUGE mistake, Harry!

Sirius – Hey! He could hide out with me! And I could take care of him! And then- ::sigh:: that would be cool.


Ern slammed on the brakes and the Knight bus skidded to a halt in front of a small and shabby- looking pub, the Leaky Cauldron, behind which lay the magical entrance to Diagon Alley.
"Thanks," Harry said to Ern.
He jumped down the steps and helped Stan lower his trunk and Hedwig's cage onto the pavement.
"Well," said Harry. "'Bye then!"
But Stan wasn't paying attention.

Lily – Distracted easily, isn’t he?

Still standing in the doorway to the bus, he was goggling at the shadowy entrance to the Leaky Cauldron.

James – Wonder if the massive dog is back?

Lily – Probably not.


"There you are, Harry,"

Remus – Told ya’.

Sirius – Yeah… yeah…


said a voice. before Harry could turn, he felt a hand on his shoulder. At the same time, Stan shouted, "blimey! Ern, come 'ere! Come 'ere." Harry looked up at the owner of the hand on his shoulder and felt a bucketful of ice cascade into his stomach -- he had walked right into Cornelius Fudge, the Minister of Magic himself.

All - ::groan:: He *had* to run into the Minister himself, didn’t he?

Stan leapt onto the pavement beside them.
"What didja call Neville, Minister?" he said excitedly.
Fudge, a portly little man in a long, pinstriped cloak, looked cold and exhausted.
"Neville?" he repeated, frowning. "This is Harry Potter."

James - ::as Harry:: No I’m Not! I only have this scar because I was dropped as a child!

Lily – That’s enough, James.

James - ::pout::


"I knew it!"

Lily – How did he *know* it?

Remus – He didn’t. He’s just saying that to look smart.


Stan shouted gleefully. "Ern! Ern! Guess 'oo Neville is, Ern! 'E's 'Arry Potter! I can see 'is scar!"
"Yes," said Fudge testily, "well, I'm very glad the Knight bus picked Harry up, but he and I need to step inside the Leaky Cauldron now..."

Sirius – Maybe he *is* going to be expelled…

Fudge increased the pressure on Harry's shoulder, and Harry found himself being steered inside the pub. A stooping figure bearing a lantern appeared through the door behind the bar. It was Tom, the wizened, toothless landlord.
"You've got him, Minister!" said Tom. "Will you be wanting anything? Beer? Brandy?"
"Perhaps a pot of tea,"

James - ::as Harry:: And I think I’ll go with a brandy seeing how that I’m in quite a lot of trouble at the moment.

said Fudge, who still hadn't let go of Harry. There was a loud scraping and puffing from behind them, and Stan and Ern appeared, carrying Harry's trunk and Hedwig's cage and looking around excitedly.
"'Ow come you di'n't tell us 'oo you are, eh, Neville?"

Lily – Because he didn’t want the publicity! Duh!

said Stan, beaming at Harry, while Ernie's owlish face peered interestedly over Stan's shoulder.
"And a private parlor, please, Tom," said Fudge pointedly.

Sirius – Smart move.

James – But not for Harry.


”’Bye," Harry said miserably to Stan and Ern as Tom beckoned Fudge toward the passage that led from the bar.
"'Bye, Neville!"

Sirius – I thought that we had already established that he is *not* Neville.

Remus – We did. He’s just slow.

Sirius – Ah.


called Stan.
Fudge marched Harry along the narrow passage after Tom's lantern, and then into a small parlor. Tom clicked his fingers, a fire burst into life in the grate,

Sirius – I’ve always wondered how people do that.

James – Me too, but I’ve never taken the time to figure it out.

Sirius – Me neither.

Lily – Well, if you really want to know maybe you should take the time?

Sirius/James – Why? It would be easier to just *not* take the time.

Lily - ::sigh::


and he bowed himself out of the room.
"Sit down, Harry," said Fudge, indicating a chair by the fire. Harry sat down, feeling goose bumps rising up his arms despite the glow of the fire. Fudge took off his pinstriped cloak and tossed it aside, then hitched up the trousers of his bottle-green suit and sat down opposite Harry.

James – He really needs some fashion sense.

Sirius – Why? That sounds like the way I dress.

James – *You* need some fashion sense.


"I am Cornelius Fudge, Harry. The Minister of Magic."

Sirius – Doesn’t Harry already know this.

Lily – Yes.

Sirius – Then why does he need to be told again?

Remus – Let me read and you may know.

Sirius – Right. Go on, Moony, read.


Harry already knew this, of course; he had seen Fudge once before, but as he had been wearing his father's Invisibility Cloak

James – Which is ace by the way.

at the time, Fudge wasn't to know that.
Tom the innkeeper reappeared, wearing an apron over his nightshirt

Sirius – Oh. I forgot that it was night.

Remus - ::muttering:: You would.


and bearing a tray of tea and crumpets. He placed the tray on a table between Fudge and Harry and left the parlor, closing the door behind him.
"Well, Harry," said Fudge, pouring out tea, "you've had us all in a right flap, I don't mind telling you. Running away from your aunt and uncle's house like that!

Sirius – I would have too!

James – Me too!

Remus – And me!

Lily – Don’t forget me!

Peter - ::snore::


I'd started to think... but you're safe, and that's what matters."
Fudge buttered himself a crumpet and pushed the plate toward Harry. "Eat, Harry, you look dead on your feet.

Lily – Of course he does! With the Dursleys not feeding him right, how’s he suppose to look healthy at all?

Now then... You will be pleased to hear that we have dealt with the unfortunate blowing-up of Miss Marjorie Dursley. Two members of the Accidental Magic Reversal Department

James – They’ve had to come to my house five times.

Remus – Three times for me.

Sirius – Ten times for me.

Lily - ::blushing:: One time for me.

Others - ::shocked::

James – Really?

Lily – Yes.

James – No wonder I love you!


were dispatched to Privet Drive a few hours ago. Miss Dursley has been punctured and her memory has been modified. She has no recollection of the incident at all. So that's that, and no harm done."

Remus - ::muttering:: Except for the fact that the Dursleys will remember…

Fudge smiled at Harry over the rim of his teacup, rather like an uncle surveying a favorite nephew. Harry, who couldn't believe his ears, opened his mouth to speak, couldn't think of anything to say, and closed it again.
"Ah, you're worrying about the reaction of your aunt and uncle?" said Fudge. "Well, I won't deny that they are extremely angry, Harry, but they are prepared to take you back next summer as long as you stay at Hogwarts for the Christmas and Easter holidays."

All – Why wouldn’t he?

Harry unstuck his throat. "I always stay at Hogwarts for the Christmas and Easter holidays,"

All – Of course he does!

he said, "and I don't ever want to go back to Privet Drive."
"Now, now, I'm sure you'll feel differently once you've calmed down," said Fudge in a worried tone. "They are your family, after all, and I'm sure you are fond of each other –

All - ::snort::

er -- very deep down."
It didn't occur to Harry to put Fudge right. He was still waiting to hear what was going to happen to him now.
"So all that remains," said Fudge, now buttering himself a second crumpet, "is to decide

Sirius - ::as Fudge:: How much reward money you should receive for getting revenge on that awful woman!

Others - ::snicker::


where you're going to spend the last two weeks of your vacation. I suggest you take a room here at the Leaky Cauldron and-“
"Hang on,"

All – Shut *Up*, Harry!

blurted Harry. "What about my punishment?"
Fudge blinked. "Punishment?"
"I broke the law!"

All – Just Shut *Up*!

Harry said. "The Decree for the Restriction of Underage Wizardry!"
"Oh, my dear boy, we're not going to punish you for a little thing like that!"

Remus - ::frowns:: But I always get in trouble when I accidentally do magic… no matter how small. Why is he being let off?

Others - ::shrugs::


cried Fudge, waving his crumpet impatiently. "It was an accident! We don't send people to Azkaban just for blowing up their aunts!"
But this didn't tally at all with Harry's past dealings with the Ministry of Magic. "Last year, I got an official warning just because a house-elf smashed a pudding in my uncle's house!"

Sirius – What is a house-elf doing in a Muggle house?

Others - ::shrug::


he told Fudge, frowning. "The Ministry of Magic said I'd be expelled from Hogwarts if there was any more magic there!"
Unless Harry's eyes were deceiving him, Fudge was suddenly looking awkward.
"Circumstances change, Harry... We have to take into account... in the present climate... Surely you don't want to be expelled?"

James/Lily – Of course he doesn’t!

"Of course I don't," said Harry.

James/Lily – See?

"Well then, what's the fuss about?" laughed Fudge. "Now, have a crumpet, Harry, while I go and see if Tom's got a room for you." Fudge strode out of the parlor and Harry stared after him. There was something extremely odd going on.

Sirius – ::sigh:: There’s always something going on in the Ministry.

Why had Fudge been waiting for him at the Leaky Cauldron, if not to punish him for what he'd done? And now Harry came to think of it, surely it wasn't usual for the Minister of Magic himself to get involved in matters of underage magic?

Sirius – Nope, even in all my times that I’ve done magic out of Hogwarts, I’ve never met the Minister of Magic because of it.

Fudge came back, accompanied by Tom the innkeeper.
"Room eleven's free, Harry," said Fudge. "I think you'll be very comfortable. Just one thing, and I'm sure you'll understand... I don't want you wandering off into Muggle London, all right?

All – Who would want to?

Keep to Diagon Alley. And you're to be back here before dark each night. Sure you'll understand. Tom will be keeping an eye on you for me."
"Okay," said Harry slowly, "but why?"

All – Yeah, why?

"Don't want to lose you again, do we?" said Fudge with a hearty laugh. "No, no... best we know where you are.... I mean..." Fudge cleared his throat loudly and picked up his pinstriped cloak. "Well, I'll be off, plenty to do, you know..."
"Have you had any luck with Black yet?"

Sirius – No. I’m too smart for that!

Harry asked. Fudge's finger slipped on the silver fastenings of his cloak.
"What's that? Oh, you've heard -- well, no, not yet, but it's only a matter of time. The Azkaban guards have never yet failed... and they are angrier than I've ever seen them." Fudge shuddered slightly. "So, I'll say good-bye."

Sirius – Good-bye and good riddance!

Lily – Sirius!


He held out his hand and Harry, shaking it, had a sudden idea.
"Er -- Minister? Can I ask you something?"
"Certainly," said Fudge with a smile.
"Well, third years at Hogwarts are allowed to visit Hogsmeade, but my aunt and uncle didn't sign the permission form. D'you think you could--?"

Sirius - ::snort:: No.

Lily – Why wouldn’t he?

Sirius – The Minister of Magic is always a git who has no idea what he is doing and won’t do anything that doesn’t make them look good.

Lily – But Fudge was waiting there just to make sure that Harry was safe!

Sirius – Yeah, and I’m sure that Fudge wouldn’t have looked so good if the Morning’s Newspaper read “Harry Potter Missing” now would it?

Lily – Er… Guess not.


Fudge was looking uncomfortable.
"Ah," he said. "No, no, I'm very sorry, Harry, but as I'm not your parent or guardian --"

Sirius – See.

Lily – So much for wishful thinking.


"But you I are the Minister of Magic," said Harry eagerly. "If you gave me permission-“
"No, I'm sorry, Harry, but rules are rules,"

Sirius – Rules are only rules when they make the *Minister* look good.

James – Since when did you hate the Ministry?

Sirius – Since I was put in Azkaban apparently. I must have not gotten a trial, because I know that I am innocent!


said Fudge flatly. “Perhaps you'll be able to visit Hogsmeade next year. In fact, I think it's best if you don't... yes... well, I'll be off Enjoy your stay, Harry.”
And with a last smile and shake of Harry's hand, Fudge left the room.
Tom now moved forward, beaming at Harry.

James – People like beaming at Harry, don’t they?

Remus – Apparently so.


"If you'll follow me, Mr. Potter," he said, "I've already taken your things up..."
Harry followed Tom up a handsome wooden staircase to a door with a brass number eleven on it, which Tom unlocked and opened for him. Inside was a very comfortable-looking bed, some highly polished oak furniture, a cheerfully crackling fire, and perched on top of the wardrobe -
"Hedwig!"

Remus – Wow. Very smart owl.

Harry gasped. The snowy owl clicked her beak and fluttered down onto Harry's arm.
"Very smart owl

James – That’s exactly what Remus said.

Remus – Like I said before, it’s my inner-eye.


you've got there, chuckled Tom. "Arrived about five minutes after you did. If there's anything you need, Mr. Potter, don't hesitate to ask."
He gave another bow and left.

James – And what’s with the bowing! It’s not like he’s some sort of king or something!

Harry sat on his bed for a long time, absentmindedly stroking Hedwig. The sky outside the window was changing rapidly from deep, velvety blue to cold, steely gray and then, slowly, to pink shot with gold. Harry could hardly believe that he'd left Privet Drive only a few hours ago, that he wasn't expelled, and that he was now facing two completely Dursley-free weeks.

Lily – I could hardly believe that I was Petunia-free for the summer last year as well.

"It's been a very weird night, Hedwig," he yawned.
And without even removing his glasses, he slumped back onto his pillows and fell asleep.

James – Just a bit of advice, Harry. It’s very uncomfortable to go to sleep with your glasses on.

Sirius – Thanks for the info, Prongs.

James – No problem.

Remus – That’s the end of Chapter Three.

Lily – On to Chapter Four!

All – Yeah-

James’ Mum – Bedtime!

All – ::groan::

James – Mum! Can’t we just stay up for a few more hours?

James’ Mum – No!

All – PLEASE!?

James’ Mum – No! And that’s final!

James – ::Sigh:: Guess we ought to go to bed, eh?

Lily – Yeah… Someone ought to wake Peter now.

Remus – I will since we’re sharing a room.

And with one last look at the little innocent book sitting on James’ dresser, a sleepy Peter, a mysterious Remus, and a pretty Lily left the room to go to bed as an adventurous James and a mischievous Sirius got into their own beds in James’ room.