ATTACK OF THE PINK ELEPHANTS
Well for those of you who have gotten really drunk, you already know what I’m talking about. The PINK ELEPHANTS! Eeek!
So this is my story about what they do and crap like that…
Well everyone has a little Pink Elephant. You may not see them, but they’re there. Watching you, in the highest tree. Or in the bushes. LOOK OUT THERE’S ONE RIGHT BEHIND YOU!!! You turn, but there’s nothing there because he ran away in the pile of dead rats. Be careful of what you do because they’re watching your every single move you make.
The Pink Elephants in my world are like spies. They stalk you and learn your secrets. They learn your fears and they learn what you do every single day. They know everything about you. Then they get those secrets and post them on the INTERNET for everyone to see! HOW HORRIBLE!!! They also use those fears against you…trying to kill you, trying to kill us all!!!!
My Pink Elephant, lets call him Jimmy, died two years ago. That’s how my message is getting to everyone safely without them going through it and censoring everything. How you say? With my special little gun…What kind of gun you ask? This is how it goes:
HOW DO YOU KILL A BLUE ELEPHANT?
You kill it with a blue elephant gun.
HOW DO YOU KILL A PINK ELEPHANT?
You choke it till it turns blue and kill it with a Blue Elephant gun!
Easy you say? NO IT ISN’T YOU DUMB SH*T!!! How are you supposed to get a blue elephant gun? Only that little midget down the alley of Waipahu has them. He also has a whole bunch of drugs and stuff…. BUT THAT’S ANOTHER STORY!!!
My theory on SESAME STREET
Well most of you probably watched this show when you were kids, right? I always watched that show. It was much better than that stupid dinosaur Barney! Great kids show, am I right or what? But Sesame Street isn’t as good as it is cracked up to be. Just read this and you’ll know what I mean.
Let’s start off with little Bert and Ernie. We know that they’re not brothers because THEY LOOK NOTHING ALIKE!!! So you all know what that means don’t you? THEY’RE GAY! ON A KIDS SHOW! Thank god (if you believe in one) that the show doesn’t film them doing the nasty! That would be just wrong! But Bert and Ernie looks so young don’t you think? I mean how old are they? With Ernie still playing with rubber duckies, and Bert not plucking his unibrow! Oh well, that’s their choice! They make a cute couple! He he he.
Ok, and then there is Snuffle Uppagus. (cant speel) We all know that he does cocaine because his name gives it all away! And if you didn’t know that before, you do now! There was this one episode when they were in Hawaii and he found this mountain that looked like a Snuffle Uppagus. It didn’t even look like one! He must have been high or something at the time! Now Sesame Street is giving a really bad example. They’re giving messages to the kids saying: “Drugs are hip yo! If you do drugs you would get chest hair and become a man like little Snuffy here” (chest hair is disgusting for you guys who think it isn’t) But seriously kids, don’t do drugs. Well marijuana is an exception! My dad would always say, “Don’t do Ice, do marijuana.” Such a good role model.
And then there’s Count Dracula. He’s a pimp! You never knew that?! Your stupid! You always see him counting his bats right? Well there’s this hidden episode just for adults that they never put on air. It’s with the count and he’s counting his little prostitutes! How bad is that?! And here he is happy as a clam singing and counting them! Ass!
But Kermit and Miss Piggy are the worst out of all of them I think. Some people might think they’re kinky, but I think that’s disgusting! A toad and a hog! EWW!!! I think they’re doing this side science experiment thing having to do with cross breeding or something. DAM SCIENCE AND ITS LITTLE WORLD!
But here’s the funny part of Sesame Street. You know the parts when they’re giving you the letter of the day? It’s subliminal messages you know! I mean, think about it. If you put together the letters going day by day and you rearrange it somehow, it spells something! You know what they’re telling you? They’re telling you to buy that stupid TICKLE ME ELMO doll! Bastards! We don’t want your merchandise! Some days the letters tell us to jump into trash cans, imitate Oscar the Grouch and scream at everyone that passes by. No these people you see aren’t schizophrenics, they’re being brain washed by a KIDS SHOW!!! ARGH! Nah but sometimes schizophrenics could be really hilarious! He he he.
So next time you let your kids watch Sesame Street, think about it for a minute. Because someday they will grow up to be that little man selling weed in that little van by the river.
