The Deconstruction of the Youth of America Stuffage [ userinfo | the depths of me ] [ new journal | deadjournal ]

In the middle of the night... [sumtime in the future|4:20 am] [ mood | okay ] [ music | filter- one ] !!!!!!!!!! ATTENTION !!!!!!!!! I have a new journal. Everyone must come see it... Read Me!

Stand in the Rain... [July 30th, 2003|10:07 am] [ mood | bitchy ] [ music | tonic- flower man ] Merciless Child What sign of the Black Zodiac are you? brought to you by Quizilla [[[ AAAHHHH, someone KILL me! I don't wanna go to college! Far too much bad shit is happening! I should listen to my omens! Okay, this whole thing with CPTs is getting on my nerves. Yah well last night i got upset and threw a hissy fit bc i was kinda upset about the CPT (yah i failed the math part) bc well i didnt have to take the cpt, i called this morning, and they said if u hadnt taken the sat or act in the last 2 yrs or if you werent happy with your scores you didn't have to take the cpt n all so then I called my mom and asked if she got the movie tickets, which she didn't, then i was like well im tired im not gonna come over and shes like oh all you wanted was the movie tickets so i was like mom im kinda upset and i need sleep, so then she was like blah blah blah so i agreed to come over and eat din din but then i called dave to tell him and he went on this whole thing how he wanted to see me and that at the end of the day he looks forward to see me bc he loves me and then so i agreed to go eat with him instead so then i called my mom to tell her i wasnt coming and she threw a hissy fit yelling at me about how i only want her around for money to pay for things and blah blah and so she was going on about well how do i know if u go to college ur gonna work and what am i doing with all my money and bleh bleh which was the last string so i started crying and then i was like fuck it im not coming over mom so then i called dave and was like ya know i dont wanna go out im upset and crying and my makeups ruined and he was like well this sucks blah blah and he was like tell me what she said whats wrong bleh bleh and i was like i dont wanna talk about it right now and he said something that pissed me off and i was like did my traditional "im fine" routine and he was like dont push me away and i was like IM FINE and i was like dont come over im tired i want to go to sleep and he was like all disappointed like and then i ended up crying more bc hes the one person i dont wanna yell at or argue with that i was and so i just went to sleep i don't know if im in a better mood but o well.... ]]] blood Blood, Sweat, and Tears brought to you by Quizilla

Bend Me, Break Me, Anyway You Need Me... [July 29th, 2003|10:10 am] [ mood | eh ] [ music | garbage- i think i'm paranoid ] ||| Dilemma - This guy, Matt, I've known for a good like hmmm a yr or two now. I met him at the skate boarding thing last year at City Walk. He went into the army and when he got discharged for like trying to kill himself and went to live in Alaska. Yah well he found me! And we were talking ALL night and so far a lot this morning. I kinda miss him. But I dunno. He says he still loves me and his feelings for me will never die. So yah... dillema! He wants me to come see him. Hm, I kinda wanted to. I dunno... ||| YOU ARE PATRICK THE STARFISH! !!!WHAT SPONGEBOB CHARACTER ARE YOU!!! brought to you by Quizilla <<< OMG SOOOOOOO SAD! Mike's all sad and crying. His close friend died last year on the 25th of this month and he's so sad. So everyone give him a big hug and lotsa LOVE!!! I WUV U MIKE!!! KISSES!!! MMMMUUUUUAAHHHHHHH!!! >>> :: R.I.P. :: Kiley 7/25/02 MIKE MISSES YOU HE LOVED YOU, SO I LOVE YOU TOO!

Me So Happy... [July 28th, 2003|03:29 am] [ mood | happy happy, joy joy ] [ music | depeche mode- sweetest perfection ] Work like you don't need the the money, laugh like it's the funniest thing you've heard, dance like no one is watching, sing like no one is listening, live like heaven was here on Earth, love like no one ever hurt you, and make love like it's your last time. 1) If you have a bad day at work, be thankful. Appreciate that you have a job. Some people don't. 2) When you pay your bills, be thankful. You can pay them. 3) If you see a gray hair, be thankful. Think of the cancer patient in chemotherapy who only wishes for any hair. 4) When you find yourself waiting in line or the receipt of poor service, be thankful. Think about the people who have no food to eat at all. 5) When you realize how much work it is to take care of a house, be thankful you have a house. Think about those who only wish they had a house to take care of. 6) When you feel like complaining because you have to walk a long distance from your car, be thankful. Think of what it would be like not to be able to walk! 7) If you get irritated by other people's anger, apathy, ignorance, bitterness, or insecurities, be thankful. Thinks it could be worse. You could be one of them! 8) When you think everything in your world is terrible, and you want to give up, think of the people who have been told they have a certain amount of time to live. They don't want to give up. Live yours to its fullest. Appreciate life. Individuality Which Life Stage Are You? brought to you by Quizilla {{{ Well, I didn't do anything really important yesterday or today. I took Kristi up to SCC. That's about it. I called Pearl and I have to go and fill out some paper work so they can do a background check on me. So, I have a job. Oh yah and my mom is gonna pay for me to go to college!! So, I'm having a good outlook on life. Plus I'm soooo in LOVE!! HeHe! I'm so in love with Dave it's crazy. I mean, today when I realized all the good news, I just wanted to hug him SOOOOO much! He He!! OMG I'm watching the Crow... it's such a sad movie! But sweet how a happy lil goth couple that was gonna get married. Dave doesn't believe in marriage. I didn't think I did. But honestly, part of me wants that feeling of a wedding day and a kid. I don't know why. I just do someday, I guess. }}}

I'm your SupaGirl... [July 27th, 2003|03:26 pm] [ mood | <3 loved <3 ] [ music | skye sweetnam- billy s ] <^> OMG I had such an FANTABULOUS weekend! Dave sooo spoils me rotten! I love him so much! He took me to Bern's again. It's like this wonderfully magnificent restaraunt that requires me to get all dressied up and pretty like! HeHe! I felt so like superior when we were walking out of the hotel n my hand was resting around his arm. I was like Look at me Look at me I'm SOOOOO posh! HeHe! He also took me to Ybor City! So cool! Like downtown Orlando. I loved walking around there. The Castle is in Ybor City. I wanna go there again! Woohoo! And after we finished eating (which was at like 1am) we came back to the fantabulous hotel room at the Grand Hyatt Tampa Bay (sounds sooooo POSH). We got some sleep and he woke up and went downstairs while I took a shower. OMG it was sooooo nice to get out of Orlando! He makes me so happy! I mean right now I'm all bouncey and I'm in the best mood I've been in, in like FOREVER! We were laying down in my bed taking a nap after he brought me home. And we were laying down and he told me that he loved me. Everytime he says he loves me I'm all like giddy and blushy and like bouncey and feel like I'm all all floating on a cloud and that I can't stop smiling! HeHe! He left right before I was suppossed to go to Mommys. But I called her and like no one was there. So I asked Mema about it and she was like yah your mom changed her mom and she's going dancing with Fred tonight. Grrr, I hate it when people cancel on me and don't tell me. I would just rather know so I can call and make otha plans. But, I'm gonna go to sleep. Lata Babe-ah! <^>

Blarg... [July 26th, 2003|07:45 am] [ mood | blank ] [ music | sevendust- dead set ] \\\ Well, last night I ended up going to Denny's with Dave after I rented two movies. I rented a Little Princess and How to Loose a Guy in 10 Days. Dave spent the night last night, of course I couldn't sleep. He left around 6am. I guess he finally realized that I really don't sleep at night. He even said he was like wow you really aren't sleeping, he said he felt bad for me. Oh well. I'm off to go to my mom's for breakfast and she's gonna do my hair n all. FUN FUN FUN ///

Stress Stinks... [July 25th, 2003|03:37 am] [ mood | aggravated ] [ music | linkin park- somewhere i belong ] *I want to heal I want to feel What I thought was never real I want to let go of the pain I've held so long Erase all the pain 'til it's gone It's gone* [[ Bad mood Kat... here is a list of stupid things that are getting on my nerves/ bothering/ annoying/ aggravating me that shouldn't be...      1. money - i shouldn't be worrying about it. it's just blarg, i havent gotten this month's payments from anyone and my mom and gma BOTH said they'd help me with college... ARE THEY? NO! and that check bounced so I'm currently broke. When I say broke I mean I have about 50 bucks but still. That's broke to me.      2. my family - they are just worried about me bc i havent been sleeping lately. ugh gawd!      3. dave - i don't know. im so lost how i feel about dave. i think my problem is that i see boyfriends as an "on demand i-control" kinda thing. i just want them there when i want them to be my boyfriend. i had a GREAT time with him last weekend. but im still so afriad in this relationship. and tonight i even opened up to him without a fight. but the whole thought of leaving for a wkend with him again. its intimidating. i don't know why either. he's not doing a damn thing to stress me out. im the one whose causing all the stress. i dunno maybe its this shitty ass depression again.      4. this goddamn splinter in my thumb - i have a splinter in my thumb that hurts. ive been icing it and trying to dig it out with a knife but its too painful.      5. college - just too stressful and i havent even started, first deciding which one to go to. And then getting all the info right so I get the in state tuition that I have to get 2 documents from my mom and retake the CPT. blarg.      6. my job - nothings ever good enuff for my mom, ya know first she hated the excel thing. now that i got a real job with real responsibility she's like well when i meant real job i meant like in an office or something. GGRRRR im never gonna win!      7. the fact i cant sleep lately - i cant sleep longer than like 5 hours lately, ive just been way too stressed and have got way too much shit on my mind to sleep. so now ive been doing a major lack of anything. i might try to sleep this afternoon but i doubt it. I'll rant n rave more tomorrow ]] You're Very "Special", aren't you? Yes..a person living largely in the wonderland of their own mind, a local celebrity, a mad hatter, a lover of the spotlight. Maybe you had eccentric hippie parents. Maybe you feel an intense desire for attention to validate yourself..maybe you have Tourette's. I'm not really sure. All I know is that you *make* the party. I just hope that you're having fun, you crazy kid.. How Can I Psychoanalyze You? Ha. With Amusing Pictures, Of Course. brought to you by Quizilla

My touch is like whoa... [July 24th, 2003|06:49 am] [ mood | bored ] [ music | nin- head like a hole ] 1: Name: Kat 2: Age: 19 soon Have you ever.... 3: Been kissed? yuppers 4: Done drugs? yuppers 5: Eaten an entire box of Oreos? nope 6: Been on stage? yuppers 7: Dumped someone else? yup 8: Gotten in a car accident? not a serious one 9: Been in love? uuggghhhh 11: Shampoo: wax on wax off 12: Toothpaste: I use it 13: Soap: I use it 14: Type of soup: potato 15: Room in your house: bedroom 16: Instrument: a few EITHER/OR... 17: Coffee or hot chocolate? ORANGE MOCHA FRAPPACHINO 18: Big or little? ugh middle! 19: Lace or satin? satin 20: New or old? new 21: Neve Campbell or Jennifer Love Hewitt? NC 22: Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt? Johnny Depp 23: Vogue or Material Girl? Punky/ gothy girl? 24: Jeans or cords? black dickies 25: Sweater or sweatshirt? sweatshirt 26: T shirt or tank top? wife beaters! 27: Skirt or dress? skirts 28: Wool or cotton? cotton . . . I don't like sheep 29: Rose or lily? yellow roses with red/ pink tips 30: The way it is or the way it was? they way it should be 31: Oldies or pop? BOTH! 32: Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? yes ma'am 33: Do you have a best friend? yah I have 1 friend In the last 24 hours, have you... 34: Cried? nope 35: Helped someone? myself... 36: Bought something? yes, i spent too much money yesterday 37: Gotten sick? yah, greasy food upsets my stomach 38: Gone to the movies? yeppers, Yo Ho Yo Ho a pirate's life for me! 39: Gone out for dinner? yup 40: Said "I love you"? ya! ::blushes:: 41: Written a real letter? na 42: Moved on? ugh i guess 43: Talked to an ex? ewy no 44: Missed an ex? ewy FUCK NO 45: Written in a journal? as of now 46: Talked to someone you have a crush on? well it's more than a crush 47: Had a serious talk? not with anyone, but inside my head yah 48: Missed someone? oh yah i do right now 49: Hugged someone? yah, sammy, kristi n mommy 50: Fought with your parents? na 51: Fought with a friend? nope! I love my friend Do you...... 52: Wear eye shadow? blue or purple 53: Put on a "front"? yah i guess 54: Kiss on the first date? yup, always so far 55: Have a crush on someone? yeppers 56: Eat with your mouth open? na i dont think so 57: If you got a tattoo, where would you get it, and what would it be? an ankh on my hip, a wedjat on my lower back, a kokopelli on my inner right ankle 58: What color is your floor/carpet in your room? blue 59: What was the last CD you bought? um i think it was the lizzie maguire cd 60: How did you spend last summer? working, in europe, and sleeping 61: When's the last time you showered? about 12 hrs ago 62: Are you tired? i always am 63: Are you lonely? right now i am 64: Are you happy? im not sure 65: Are you wearing pajamas? nope 66: Are you talking to someone online? i was talking to kevin and lynzy but not many people that i know are online at 6:46 am 67. What color are your eyes? depends on the day.... violet, blue or aqua 68. What color is your hair? caramel blonde LAST PERSON... [ You Touched ] myself.... not like that [ You Talked to ] kevin [ You Hugged ] mommy [ You Instant messaged ] lynzy [ You Yelled At ] myself [ You Had A Crush On ] well i fell in love with him... [ Kissed ] <3 dave <3 [ Who Broke Your Heart ] my mom FAVORITE... [ Food ] chicken titties and cheese [ Drink ] fruit punch [ Color ] purple and blue and black [ Album ] depends on how im feeling [ Shoes ] chunky platformy boots [ Candy ] margerine pinkies [ Animal ] koalas, meerkats, otters, kitties, puppies, bunnies, chinchillas, ferrets [ TV Show ] the osbournes.... only family more dysfunctional than my own [ Movie ] i'm a movie freak, i love um all!!! [ Dance ] like an idiot! [ Song ] currently? what's it all about by lillix [ Vegetable ] wood fire grilled zuchinni [ Fruit ] bananas with strawberry sauce [ Cartoon ] spongebob squarepants ARE YOU... [ Understanding ] i guess [ Open-minded ] oh yes [ Arrogant ] in the words of dave, not so much arrogance as the objective truth [ Insecure ] yah sometimes [ Interesting ] yes prolly more than most people can handle [ Random ] yes i would be, did you know what there is a stick of butter in alfredo sauce? [ Hungry ] uck anything that isnt italian [ Friendly ] yah i would like to think so [ Smart ] im too intelligent for my own good [ Moody ] bipolar? prolly [ Childish ] sometimes [ Independent ] i wish i could be dependent again [ Hard working ] depends [ Organized ] not lately but usually anal retentivly [ Healthy ] not really [ Emotionally Stable ] fuck no [ Shy ] about emotions [ Difficult ] yup [ Attractive ] SHES GORGEOUS! [ Bored Easily ] oh yah [ Messy ] not really [ Thirsty ] im always drinking something [ Responsible ] no not really [ Obsessed ] with pirates of the caribbean? yes! [ Angry ] not right now, but yah [ Sad ] ive been diagnosed with severe manic depression.... what do you think? [ Happy ] sometimes i think i am [ Hyper ] too much [ Trusting ] not enough [ Talkative ] o yah! [ Legal ] not to buy alcohol [ Original ] sometimes [ Different ] sometimes [ Unique ] yah id say so [ Ignored ] yah sometimes i feel like im screaming at the top of my lungs in a busy room and no ones listening [ Reliable ] not really [ Content ] i think i am sumtimes [ Optimistic ] sumtimes [ Deep thinker ] too much of one [ Self-disciplined ] i used to be [ Sleepy ] yah alot lately [ Lonely ] right now i am [ sXe ] kinda, except for the sex part WHO DO YOU WANT TO... [ Kill ] joey [ Slap ] joey n sean [ Get Really Wasted With ] dave [ Get High With ] i hate drugs [ Tickle ] dave, but hes not ticklish [ Look Like] christina aguilera

What's wrong with my life today... [July 24th, 2003|06:13 am] [ mood | stressed as fuck ] [ music | cold- stupid girl ] |-| Uuuggghhhh life is so frustrating. School sucks. I don't get it. If I knew how difficult it would be to get shit done then I wouldnt do it. Last few times it took so much shit to get what I wanted it ended up horribly. I just want it to all go away and it to all work out. I'm so sick of life being hard. I want it to be all easy. Blarg I'm gonna go lay down and try to sleep.....|-| You are OZZY! good for you, you are a 50 year old drug taking alcholoic that is also the father of black music and a true god... betcha didn't know that! What osbourne family member are you?? brought to you by Quizilla

Dobe Dobe Do... [July 23rd, 2003|05:45 am] [ mood | confused ] [ music | garbage- shut your mouth ] 01. I hurt: inside 02. I love: art and beauty 03. I hate: being vulnerable 04. I cry: when i feel alone 05. I fear: facing the future 06. I hope: life will get better 08. I feel alone: when no one understands me 09. I kill: airplants 10. I talk: of ramblings 11. I listen: till my ears bleed 12. I break: myself 13. I see: when things go wrong 14. I am: lost 15. I taste: nothing 16. I work: to make things better 19. I hide: how i feel 20. I pray: because i need something to believe in 21. I walk: in the rain 22. I drive: to get away from here 23. I read: the ramblings of my journal 24. I burn: to feel something 25. I breathe: air 26. I play: with my emotions 27. I miss: being a child 29. I learn: to let things go 30. I feel: numbness 31. I know: i have to do wdont want 32. I said: i dont believe in love 33. I dream: to escape reality 34. I have: nothing to give 35. I want: to love you fearlessly 36. I fell: in love so hard 37. I wait: til the day you can hold me tight 38. I need: to be loved 39. I live: to die 40. I die: to live 41. I give: questionable advice 42. I take: lotsa of tylonal pm 43. I ache: for a good night's sleep 44. I wish: for something better 45. I waste: lots of hair dye 46. I envy: the happy people 47. I was: scared 48. I can't: love anyone anymore 49. I should: get on the right path 50. I would: like to call you mine

Life in plastic, it's fantastic... [July 22nd, 2003|05:14 am] [ mood | & sleepy & frustrated ] [ music | aqua- barbie girl ] <<< Had a very shitty day. Don't feel like typing about it. But the quiz I took made me laugh. >>> Duh. You are "But WHY's the rum gone?!" You're not the smartest one in the bunch, but you're sweetly appealing and you don't let disappointment get to you. Everybody identifies with you, because let's face it, why IS the rum gone? Which one of Captain Jack Sparrow's bizarre sayings from Pirates of the Caribbean are you? brought to you by Quizilla

Butt Sex is Fun For Everyone... [July 21th, 2003|03:52 am] [ mood | hyper ] [ music | soul coughing- 16 horses ] {{ I went to me mommies for din din tonight. It was fun fun fun! Then me Kristi n Sammy went to Congo River Golf! I lost LOL! I had a lot of fun acting like a jackass and singing a song about Kristi being a butt pirate! I think I embarassed her in front of this hottie that was behind us. But it was funny funny funny!!! }} You are the drunk pirate in this crew. Always drinking or drunk, everyone either avoids you (because of your drunken smell) or parties with you. The pirate's favorite drink was grog, thus - you are "Grog." Grog is (was) made up of Lemon Juice (sour), Sugar (sweet), Rum (strong) and Water (weak). You should try it some time, and then go find your way to AA. What Pirate word are you? brought to you by Quizilla *yo ho, yo ho, a butt pirates life for kristi, she likes de pooh, she likes it in de bum, yo ho, and a bottle of rum, yo ho, yo, ho a butt pirates life for kristi, she likes her fudge packed in real good, down in her butt neighborhood, yo ho, yo ho, a butt pirates life for kristi, yo ho, yo ho, she prefers a dick in de bum best, she doesnt like having you munch on her treasure chest, yo ho, yo ho, a butt pirates life for kristi*

I'm on Your Back... [July 20th, 2003|07:45 pm] [ mood | happy ] [ music | foo fighters- walking after you ] [[ Well, Dave really suprise me! He's took me on a helicopter ride on Saturday! It was so cool but yet so freaky at the same time. I'm so terrified of heights. But, it was so great. Then we went to Cocoa Beach. We were in the room for like less than like 10 minutes before we ended up having sex. It was nice. Really nice. Then we walked down to the pier, had a drink n laughed at all the surfers down below. Then we walked on the beach as it was storming and sat in some chairs n talked while the storm came over us. The thunder kinda scared me. But, I didn't show. Then we ate on the restaraunt on the pier. It was very nice. I found out that I like coconut shrimp. Then after din din we walked on the beach more. Went back to the hotel and then he fell asleep. I couldn't sleep. It was too cold. But finally I fell asleep when he went for a walk on the beach this morning. LOL when he woke me up he sprayed me with shaving cream. Then we took a shower together. I got kinda sick bc I think I swallowed some of the shaving cream. It was ok. Then he made love to me again. I like it when it's really passionate and intense. It's just so much better and so "makes me feel so close to him" like. Then we headed home where we stopped at Panera for breakfast. Then he took me home where I passed out. Now I'm going over to my Mom's for din din. ]] Goddess of the Night. Beautiful yet a strange darkness and sadness lurk about you. What element would you rein over? (For Girls) brought to you by Quizilla Kristi [2:28 AM]: Did you know? Capuchin monkeys usually say hello by showing each other their erections. Kat [2:31 AM]: did u know that kat attracts sex partners by serenading them with sonnets about sodomy Kristi [2:31 AM]: lol

It's about time that I make up my mind... [July 19th, 2003|03:48 am] [ mood | & yet, cheerful & motivated yet, nostalgic ] [ music | lillix- it's about time ] *It's about life... It's about fun... I hate you, I love you, I just can't remember to forget you, Who are you? I need you, You make me feel alive, I die, So high, I'm crawling on ground and, I found I can't fly, One of these days it's all comes together, One of those days that goes on forever, Think I sound crazy maybe whatever, What tale's about?, It's about life, It's about fun, It's over before it has begun, It's about you, It's about me, It's about everything between, And I say, I say good bye to you, I say hi to you with no clue, It's about time that I, Make up my mind, It's simple, confusing, The truth is, I'm winning, but I'm losing, I'm grinning, And pushing, Won't do me any good, It could, It should, I'm honest tell myself that the truth is I lied, One of these days it's all comes together, One of those days that goes on forever, Think it sounds crazy maybe whatever, What it's all about? It's about life, It's about fun, It's over before it has begun, It's about you, It's about me, It's about everything between, And I say, I say good bye to you, I say hi to you with no clue, It's about time that I, Make up my mind, Time is creeping behind me, Surrounding around me, Waiting the words so desperately, Now, give me a reason, That I can believe in, Tell me something you can't rewind, One of these days it's all comes to together, One of those days that goes on forever, Think it sounds crazy maybe whatever, What it's all about? It's about life, It's about fun, It's over before it has begun, It's about you, It's about me, It's about everything between, And I say, I say good bye to you, I say hi to you with no clue, It's about time that I, Make up my mind., (It's about life), (It's about fun), (It's about you), (It's about me), It's about you, (It's about life), (It's about fun), (It's about you), (It's about me), And I say, I say good bye to you, I say hi to you with no clue, It's about time that I, Make up my mind.* /// Well, today was interesting. I finally fell asleep around like 7am and like 17 minutes later Shawn calls me. LOL made me laugh... Then I woke up around like 4pm. Just in enough time to shower, talk to Kristi n Dave, n make it to the movie. Me n Kristi saw How to Deal. OMFG it was sooooo good. Funny too... Mandy Moore's character is a perfect combination of Kristi n me lately. Her and her "friends with benefits" ordeal and the fact I don't believe in love. Which makes me such a hypocrite bc I love Dave and I'm in a relationship with him. Which yes, is doomed to end. But, I think making some memories with him would be better than never being with him again. Newayz, he's taking me to Cocoa tomorrow which will be fun fun fun! I hope I do at least. /// OMG it's she just sooo pretty??? I liked her in this movie more than in a Walk to Remember Her hair, character and clothing are much much better || Well, after seeing How to Deal I started to remember 11th grade. My god! The best year of all of high school. Made me miss high school alot. And in that good way, not the bad way. The friends, the flirting, the classes, the partying, the drinking... all that good shit. I miss it. So yah I also am feeling very chipper. I made a list of things I want for school shopping. Hoping my mom will buy for me. And a b-day list since I already have people asking me what I want and it's more than a month away. I want a job. Like a real job, not the excel thing. Something to take up my time that I enjoy doing. So yah, hehe. I love this song by Lillix. I've been listenin to it all night. They are like this group jammed pack with Avril wannabes. But, I really like the music. I'm kinda sorta watching 25th Hour. I need to go to bed soon so that I can sleep tomorrow. O well! ||

SUGAR SUGAR CAFFEINE CANDY... [July 18TH, 2003|02:07 am] [ mood | & hyper & horny ] [ music | marylin manson- (s)aint ] <<< I did too much running around today to type it all out. I talked to Shawn for a bit then did my mass number of errands. I'm kinda sleepy right now. I only got a few hours of shut eye. I'm in one of those moods where you are so sleepy you are acting all weird. I felt so bad. Dave was so tired and I kept moving n he ended going home. I wish I could have been tired enough to go sleep bc I LOVE sleeping next to him. But, I had too many things on my mind to let me stay still. O well. Shawn told me he trusted me today. LOL it's funny. My best friend doesn't even trust me, yet he does. LOL!!! HeHe! He kicked my ass in air hockey. Oh wellz, I'm gonna go mastabate n go to bed, hopefully!!! >>>> You are the Final Lover. Romanic, honey-tongued romeo, you are the master of love's last kiss. You woo the young ladies, pluck them from light's caress and give them a smile as they sink into death. What Fictional Vampire Archtype are You? brought to you by Quizilla I N    N E E D    O F    C A N D Y    N    S E X    ! ! !    I N    N E E D    O F    C A N D Y    N    S E X    ! ! ! I N    N E E D    O F    C A N D Y    N    S E X    ! ! !    I N    N E E D    O F    C A N D Y    N    S E X    ! ! ! I N    N E E D    O F    C A N D Y    N    S E X    ! ! !    I N    N E E D    O F    C A N D Y    N    S E X    ! ! !

AAAAAHHHHHHH... [July 17th, 2003|03:22 am] [ mood | mad horny ] [ music | jack off jill- angels fuck ] *When angels fuck and devils kiss* -Jack Off Jill "Angels Fuck" {{ Ok, I don't really remember what I did today. I went to Wild Fire's with Dave. I wasn't really hungry, but I ate as much as I could without getting overstuffed. It was cool. But Dave spent like 20 mins on the phone. But, it was about work which enables us to go out alot. So I guess u gotta go thru sum pain for sum pleasure. Then we went back to his place. Kinda had sex. He was too tired n I wasnt feeling comfy enuff to do it. So then I came home n fixed my VCR n watched Titanic. Corsets....hmmmmm yum! }} You're a vinyl/fetish corset. Grrrrowl. What corset are you? brought to you by Quizilla

I'm Hot, Sticky Sweet... [July 16th, 2003|12:34 am] [ mood | happy ] [ music | low fid. allstars- battle flag ] [[ Today was a good day. Me and Dave talked things through. I think we both got what we wanted. Though, I'm not too sure if now he really does want an exclusive relationship. But, I guess he would say something if he didnt. So yah, I got 140 bucks today. I spent like 60 of it. So I got some money left over before my next check clears. This whole check clearing thing is a big pain in my bum. But, maybe I can convince my mom to take me back to school shopping. I just need a few things. Like a whole new wardrobe would be nice :-). But I don't need it. I went to Napoli's with Kristi, Mommy and Sammy. I saw Chris again. We dropped him off at his house. We ran my errands and then I came home after being almost molested by Christina's brother, bc I wanted to see Dave. Confession? I really miss him laying next to me falling asleep together. But he had some stuff to do tonight with Christina n her BF. So it's kies. We're going to have din din tomorrow night. I wonder how that will work out... ]]

Confused Little Individual... [July 14th, 2003|11:14 pm] [ mood | confused ] [ music | stacey orrico- stuck ] *I can't take it What am I waiting for My heart's still breakin I miss you even more And I can't fake it The way I could before I hate you but I love you I cant stop thinkin of you It's true, I'm stuck on you* -Stacey Orrico "Stuck" This is what my heart looks like right now Completely shattered and broken beyond repair... || Well, today sucked. I talked to Dave for a long ass time. He came over. I couldn't look him in the eyes. He told me in person that he loved me. But everytime he kissed me I couldn't help but think, "just two nights ago he was kissing some other girl". And then he was saying something about "doesn't it feel good to know that when I make love to you..." At that point I pushed him away. I don't think I could handle having sex with him anytime soon. Knowing it was inside some other girl not that long ago. I just can't get that image out of my head. And still now, after everything, I'm tear-ing up right now. It turns out he came over to just see me and he didn't need to print out a check. And I haven't seen him online since I've been home and he didn't call me tonight. So part of me is wondering if right now he's fucking Jessica again. And I don't want him to have to call and check it blah blah. I don't think I can handle being with him. I can't be with someone I can't trust. Even though he's never done anything directly to me for me not to trust him. It's always gonna be in the back of my head that he's out fucking someone else. I even asked him why he did it if he loved me. He said his feelings for me had nothing to do with anyone else. Which is bullshit. If he loved me, then I should be enough for him. But, I guess I'm not. I'm square with that. He also said that he wanted an exclusive relationship in the beginning but bc i didnt want anything serious he didn't push it. And apparently it really hurt him when I told him I slept with Randy yet he had slept with someone that previous weekend. So blarg, I mean it's not his fault. Bc I made no indication him fucking another girl would bother me. But I mean some things just don't make sense that he says. I destroyed almost everything that reminded me of him last night. I almost was thinking about giving away Dr Loca bc she reminded me of him. I almost threw out the roses he gave me. But, I'm keeping them. I like getting roses. They make everything better. My fav kind are the yellow ones with pink or red tips. They are so pretty. || :: This is an email Dave sent me after he read through my journal :: I added the underlining, bolding and italics Subj: Irony. Date: 7/14/2003 2:10:23 PM Eastern Standard Time From: Dave To: Kat Well this has got to be one of the greatest ironies of all time. Well, not of all-time, that would be something from Greek history, Oedipus maybe, but, at least for me, personally. You know what the surprise was, Kat, that I wanted you to come over for Saturday? Well I guess I'm silly and goofy and in my own way romantic, but I had this idea, that you would come over, I would somehow via my wit and charm get you naked and to stand in the shower, than I'd prepared a little poem about how I felt about you, which I was going to end with, "... and I love you," then simultaniously smoosh a pie in your face. I know. Charm, eh. Yes what I talked to you at Hops was sincere. I've finally made some progress w/ Eric and I think we're really going to figure out how to make this business real. That's some stability there. And more importantly yes I'd like to have a relationship that is truely meaningful to me with someone I adore. I don't think you really understand how important that is to me. You told me over and over you weren't looking for something so serious, and that you didn't care, and I thought that wasn't true but it's so hard to tell. I would never intentioanlly hurt you, and the only thing I ask is that you be upfront and honest with me. I try hard to do that with you, and I think I deliver. I think I see Jessica somewhat differently than Samantha or whomever, certainly. She's a lot different. But you're right, maybe I shouldn't of slept with her. I think you know this relationship is and has been different from ones in your past. *I* am different. But without you being upfront with me, it's not going to work. As much pain and as difficult as this has been, it's not all bad. I now see that you really do care. A lot. And that means a lot to me. Over the last 6 weeks or so, Kat, I really have grown to love you. This won't be easy, always, but it is worth it. Kat, I look so forward to you moving in here. We will have quite the adventure. And in a positive way. If you let me in, if you open up to me-- if there's something I do that bothers you and you tell me-- you'll be amazed at the results. I hope you chose to read this email, Kat. And that you choose not to push me away. Love, Dave // Someone tell me what to do! \\

Why... [July 14th, 2003|01:45 pm] [ mood | in so much pain i can hardly breathe ] [ music | me crying ] This is how I felt last night and today also... {{ Last night I sat in my bed holding my stuffed animal, crying. I cried myself to sleep last night. I tried to fall asleep. I even took an abundance of Tylonal PM to go to sleep. All I could do was see him fuckin and kissing another girl. I cried so much I think my eyes will be forever dry. My chest feels so heavy and I can barely breathe. Why did I get myself into this? Why? }}

Poem for Pain... [July 14th, 2003|02:17 am] [ mood | crushed ] [ music | me crying still ] *Part of me wonders why Why I let you get so close to me I sit here, tears rolling from my eye Asking myself, how I couldn't see See how much pain I'd be in I thought the void inside you filled The false happiness of you touching my skin Everything I ever felt for you is killed Why did I ever let it come to this Although, I wanted to give you my heart All this pseudo bliss Would just end up tearing me apart Now I feel confused and lost I guess every lesson has it's cost* -Me

Sticky Situation... [July 14th, 2003|01:41 am] [ mood | cynical ] [ music | me crying ] ((( Well, today during the day was ok. I saw Pirates again. I loved it once again. And then I ate din din with Kristi n her fam. Then I get home and my friend, Amy, has been a big ole bitch and started talking to Joey again which creates the problem of Joey trying to talk to me again. And him throwing all this shit back in my face. And now this whole thing with Dave now. ))) :: How I feel right now about Dave :: *I hate this world I hate living in it I hate everything about it I hate people I hate my emotions I hate my heart I hate love i hate relationships i hate being weak I hate crying I hate missing you I hate this feeling inside I hate you I hate that you hurt me But most of all I hate myself... for letting you get close to me* -Me >>> Okay, well guess what? Yah for the past 2 nights it's been bothering me wondering where Jessica, the chick friend who has been staying at Dave's, has been sleeping. And tonight I made the mistake of asking where she slept last night. Yah he fucked her. Yah know at first this whole polyamory thing was great. I didn't really give a flying fuck about Dave. But now we've gotten close and it bothers me now. What's his fuckin problem. He's such a fuckin man whore. I mean can't he keep it in his pants? He just has to fuck everyone he meets? We had this discussion at Hops a few nights ago about how he was sick of his false intimacy and now he fucks her. Yah, I can't do it. He already told me about his "Exclusive" relationships and how he always ended up cheating on them. I should have seen this coming. It was dumb of me to think I wouldn't get hurt in this kinda relationship. But I guess oh well. Another reason relationships suck. Kristi and Mike were so right for me not to have gotten into this. Why do I keep making all the wrong decisions? Someone tell me!!! <<<

I don't like the drugs... [July 13th, 2003|01:45 am] [ mood | sad ] [ music | rachel farris- i'm not the girl ] *I am not the girl You thought I would be I will never be So give up on me* [[ Blarg, I went to Cheryl's today. She was house sitting for Amy. Ugh, Amy, let's just say I'm pissed off at her. Diane, Cheryl's Mom's friend, was completely drunk and a mean bitchy drunk at that. So yah, then I talked to Cheryl a bit. I realized she's becoming some pot head and I don't like my friends being pot heads. Kristi is the only one who hasn't smoked pot. Man, I'm gonna go so straight edge. I saw Pirates again last night with Cheryl. That's all I feel like typing about. I'll elaborate later. ]] You're the smirk,a frown-smile hybrid that's a little bit cocky and usually associated with evil or arrogant,but attractive people.You probably just don't give a damn,but it's everyone else's fault if you don't because you're too awesome to have any real faults. What Kind of Smile are You? brought to you by Quizilla

One More Addiction in my World... [July 12th, 2003|12:38 pm] [ mood | indescribable ] [ music | stabbing westward- waking up beside you ] || Well, I saw the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. It was ok, not as good as PotC but still good. Stuart Townsend is a HOTT mutha fucka! He's got a mad seXee voice too. I had a very bad/ interesting/ revealing day yesterday. Had my first "dispute" with Dave. He said I was being "defensive". Whatever. Yah, so then my Gma decides to go and stick her nose in my business saying I'm not enthused about going to college. Sorry if I'm not keen on spending a few 1000 bucks to go to class. Whatever. I'm in a weird mood. || You are the Colored eye. You are different and dont give a dam wut other people think or say about you.. your independent n sexy. Good for u! The type of pain ur eyes behold brought to you by Quizilla <<< Well, Dave came over around 11:30 and we were laying down together and he started to like kiss n bite my ear and neck and I was like no not tonight. He was all like what's wrong and I'm like nothing, I'm fine. But I'm talking to him now and he's being sweet... >>> I want these really bad! But shipping takes 7-10 working days. I could go to like Static and they would prolly have um there.

I Feel So Numb... [July 11th, 2003|01:63 am] [ mood | inebriated ] [ music | rob zombie- feel so numb ] {{ yah know i dont get it why people tell me things that i cant control i dont get it here we have mom bitchin about when i cant do a damn thing about it and talkin to dave nad i cant do a damn thing about it at the time i dont get it why wont people just shut the fuck up and leave me alone about shit i cant control duh comeon now i ounn what do to }} Past Comments Gotta Comment?

Who Am I... [July 10th, 2003|03:51 pm] [ mood | confused ] [ music | delirium- silence ] {{ Basically I'm completely lost. I don't know who I am, what I want or how to make myself happy anymore. I'm sick of being this whiney, mopey girl. I'm not that. I hate being depressed. I'm on effexor for god's sake to keep me happy. And it's not working I guess. Every decision I've made in the past 9 months was bad. I don't know how to deal with this anymore. I wanna be happy again. I need to figure out who I am. I need some time alone to figure myself out, I guess. I just need something to make everything all better again. Start over. }}

Tell Me That You Are Happy Now... [July 10th, 2003|01:01 am] [ mood | horny (Johnny Depp & Orlando Bloom's fault) ] [ music | michelle branch- are you happy now? ] *Yo ho, Yo ho, a pirates life for me. We pillage, we plunder, we rifle and loot; Drink up my hearties! Yo Ho! We kidnap and ravish, and don`t give a hoot; Drink up my hearties! Yo Ho! Yo Ho, Yo Ho , a pirates life for me. We extort, we pilfer, we filch and sack; Drink up me hearties Yo ho! Maraud and embezzle and even Hijack; Drink up me hearties! Yo ho! Yo ho, Yo ho, a pirates life for me. We kindle and char, inflame and ignite, Drink up me hearties! Yo Ho! We burn the city, we`re really a fright; Drink up me hearties! Yo Ho! Yo Ho!, Yo Ho! A pirates life for me! We`re rascals, scoundrels, villains and knaves; Drink up me hearties! Yo Ho! We`re devils, black sheep, and really bad eggs; Drink up me hearties! Yo Ho! Yo Ho, Yo Ho,a pirates life for me. We`re beggars, and blaggarts, ne`er do well cads; drink up me hearties! Yo Ho! Aye, but we`re loved by our(yer) mummies and dads; drink up me hearties! Yo Ho! Yo Ho, Yo ho, a pirates life for for me.* SeXee SeXee Orlando Bloom as Will Turner Even SeXee-er Johnny Depp as CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow << OMFG, BESTEST MOVIE IN DE WORLD!!! I mean Johnny Depp is hilarious and hott n seXee. He's like a drunken pirate thru the whole movie. He's so funny! And Orlando Bloom is one hot mutha fucka! I mean he was BUTT UGLY in LotR but he was HOTT in this movie. The chick, Kiera Knightley, is really pretty too. Especially in those frilly poofy dresses. I woulda loved to live in that era and wear all those pretty dresses. I'm going to bed now. >>

Yo Ho Yo Ho A Pirate's Life for Me... [July 9th, 2003|06:43 pm] [ mood | excited ] [ music | audioslave- like a stone ] *It's too bad that stupidity isn't painful. Ignorance is one thing, but our society thrives increasingly on stupidity. It depends on people going along with whatever they are told. The media promotes a cultivated stupidity as a posture that is not only acceptable but laudable.* --Anton LaVey [[ Well, it's official, I did NOTHING of productivity today. I talked to Shawn and filled out some survey Sheila sent me. She said we're hanging tomorrow. I'm going to see the Pirates of the Caribbean tonight!!! YAY!!! Johnny Depp is soooo seXee and Orlando Bloom is hott in the movie too.So yah, Dave is coming to get me so we can go see it tonight!! HeHe!! I already went to get the tickets so we would be sure and have seats. Now, I'm just waiting for him to get here while I play TH3. ]] -Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're the kind of chick that can hang out with your boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't care about presents or about going to fancy placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy being around your boyfriend. What Kind of Girlfriend Are You? brought to you by Quizilla

I smell sex & candy... [July 9th, 2003|03:58 am] [ mood | cheerful ] [ music | marcys playground- sex & candy ] (( Hmm, I don't know what I did today. Except BoA are big douche bags. And I went to dinner with Dave. I didn't eat anything but he did at Steak n Shake. Then we went back to his place and had sex. That's all I remember about yesterday. Oh yah, I fell asleep and he said I was snoring again. I think I need to get more sleep. So blarg, that was my day. )) You represent... playfulness. Playfulness can often be mistaken for sluttiness or flirtiness... Flirting is something you enjoy doing, but you're mostly just about having fun. You're into partying, and it's seems that people enjoy your company as much as you enjoy their's. What feeling do you represent? brought to you by Quizilla

Can You See Me Now... [July 8th, 2003|10:52 am] [ mood | & distressed & grumpy ] [ music | tATU- clowns ] *All this black and cruel despair This is an emergency Don't you hide your eyes from me Open them and see me now* [[ Today, was just a big ole frustrating day. First off, The manager at AMSouth is a big douche bag. I got an ucky tummy ache from eating too much grease at Bernardos. But, I did something really funny there. I told Kristi about it. LOL she thought it was too funny. So, yah I got all pissed off. So, then I got home at like 8 and took a shower bc Dave wanted to go out but I was DEAD tired. But, I still went out to din din with him. Then we came back here. I actually fell asleep before he did bc I was SOOOO tired. LOL he had made some comments like a few days back about how I don't snore. Well, I told him I snore when I'm really tired. And so be it, I snored last night. He made a comment about it. LOL, oh well. He snores too. ]] What are you the Goddess of? brought to you by Quizilla << Well, this morning when Dave left, Mema was like well did you get a good night's rest and I was like, yah actually I slept all night. She was like well you just needed him to sleep next to you. I was like yah I guess. HeHe. >>

Show Me Love 'Til I'm Screaming for More ... [Jult 7th, 2003|04:01 am] [ mood | sleepy ] [ music | tapping the vien- beautiful ] {{ Well, today I went over to my Mom's house. Then straight from there we went to JoAnn's Fabrics and I got a cool, leopard print fuzzy scrapbook and some stuff for it. It was nice. She was being nice to me and she said she would pay for me to go to college. Which was nice of her. And she said if I needed anything for me to just ask. So yah, I had lunch over there, then I forgot what I did. But, I came home, took a shower and fell asleep. I was suppossed to go out with Dave but I completely passed out I was so tired. And I felt so bad after. But, then I woke up just a few minutes ago. I know he's gonna be so pissed. He emailed me twice and I'm afriad what he said. But, I'm gonna go work on my scrapbook since there is nothing else to do. }} You're Lux Lisbon, the second to youngest daughter! Which Lisbon Sister from The Virgin Suicides are you? brought to you by Quizilla

Stars in My Eyes... [July 6th, 2003|06:44 am] [ mood | loved ] [ music | daniel ash- walkin on the moon tonight ] [[ My night was alot better than my day. Dave got here around 7:20 and guess what? He brought me a dozen dark red roses!! HeHe!! Then we laid in my bed a bit then went to dinner at PF Changs. It was really good. Then we were gonna leave and he went to turn towards his house and I was like um I live the other way. He was kinda suprised I didn't wanna go back to his place. I just wasn't in a good mood to fool around I guess. Still a lil fucked up from earlier. But, then we came home and we both fell asleep in each others arms. HeHe. He was holding my leopard while holding me last night. My god it was so sweet... ]]

I'm Dying Again... [July 5th, 2003|07:01 pm] [ mood | & sad & furious ] [ music | evanescence- going under ] *Sometimes no one cares Sometimes they lie to you Sometimes they bring you down Sometimes they betray you Then leave you all alone Sometimes you really hurt Sometimes you're not ok Sometimes the pain is too much to bear Sometimes you want to feel nothing Feel all numb inside You can't make it go away Sometime you just want to escape Sometimes you cry Sometimes you scream Sometimes you collaspe Sometimes you just lie there Waiting for something to change Sometimes it seems there is only one answer Sometimes it feels right Sometimes they cry at the funeral Sometimes they cry at the wake Sometimes they cry when they're all alone So no one can see their pain* (( Well, today was worse than yesterday. I only got like 4 hours of sleep first off. Then my Mom has the nerve to ask me to come over. I thought she was gonna apologize for being such a bitch. I was wrong. She was acting like she hadn't said anything to offend me. I mean, she's never acted like a mother to be. But, now it's really getting on my nerves. Everyone has given up on me lately and when I thought I could depend on her for support and love and caring I was brutally rebuffed. Then, I broke the news to Dave I didn't want to go to Bern's. Then I ended up spilling the shit that's been going on with my mom. Then I found out that yah Mema called Dave a few weeks ago and was meddling in my life. She was asking about my car and about why I wore all black. And basically going behind my back and lyeing to me. Then I asked her about it and she lied to me straight to my face. And Dave neglected to tell me about it for like 3 weeks. So, that upset me that he didn't tell me earlier. But he said it wasn't very relevant. So, I'm trying to forget about it. I hate it when people betray my trust. I finally thought, I could begin to tell Mema the truth about everything. But, now I'm glad I didn't. So, he decided to come over. So, he's on his way. I guess I'll talk to him when he gets here. ))

Life Sux n Then Sum... [July 5th, 2003|06:56 am] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | queens of the stone age- no one knows ] *I want someone to hold me tell me it's gonna be over soon someone to hold my hand and tell me it's alright...* << Well, I woke up today around noon. And talked to Shawn for a while. He was bitching at his work being boring. But he's cool, I guess. Then, I had to get dressed n go to my Mom n Fred's house for 4th of July lunch. She made such a big to do about me being home for the 4th when I told her I was going to Key West with Dave and then she didn't even invite Mema n me to go see fireworks with us. What a douche bag. So then, we are going to Kinko's to do some copying and she's all like talking about when I emailed her this week asking if I could get some cash from her then pay her back when I broke one of my CDs bc I don't have any cash on me. That's generally how I like to keep it. So, I don't spend my money again. I'm not poor, I just don't wanna have access to my money. Bc that way I won't spend it. So yah, then she's like well if you need something call me. And I'm like yah well if I call to ask if you'll go take me shopping for some clothes (BC im too cheap to spend my own money when she owes me a fuckin butt load of money) and she's like well "you don't have a real job so why do you need new clothes" what a bitch. So, yah. I mean I don't NEED new clothes but I could definately use um. Since, when I lived at Joey's all I wore was t-shirts now that's all I have. But, I mean it's not like I'm asking her to give me a 1000 bucks or anything like that. No, I was asking for like a hundred bucks. Not that friggin much. And I thought it'd be fun to go shopping together. Yah, I was wrong. So like I'm sitting in the car getting ready to cry and she's acting all hunky doory. I mean she's not the first mother in the world to have a kid ask if they'll take her shopping. I mean, I guess I could go spend my own money. But, then she'd bitch about me spending my money to get things I "don't" need. I can't win. Bleh, then, I was all crying n shit on the way home from her house. And I was talking to Mema and I told her how Mom lied to me about how my Dad died. She said he died of a heart attack. Yah, I had it read to me how my Dad died. From Joey of all the people in the world. So Mema told me what she knew about what happened to him. Grrr, I mean, I don't know why my Mom is being such a bitch lately. But, yah today was just a shit day for me. So then I get home and kinda talk to Dave for a bit. He gets mad that I don't feel comfortable talking about what's bothering me or when I cry. It's just who I am. I don't like being weak and showing vulnerability. Then he says some shit about well being weak is putting up a fascade that you are always happy. And that being strong is being yourself. Whatever, I'm just not at the point where I can be that comfy with him. >> You are a dark goddess Which Ultimate Beautiful Woman are You? brought to you by Quizilla {{ So, then Dave was gonna come see me but I told him I didn't wanna go out. So, he went out with this chick, Berlin, tonight. He was gonna come see me after he dropped her off or whatever. But, then I was like no don't come I'm just gonna be asleep. So, I tried to sleep. I layed down and watched Quills. One of my fav movies. For some reason I like historical pieces. Yah, I woke up around like 2am and he hopped online and saw me. He was at the bar tonight with Berlin until it closed. He apparently got really inebriated. Whatever, good for him, I guess. Part of me wanted him to come over and just hold me, the other part wanted to be strong and just mope by myself. Well, the strong part won. He tried to talk to me about it online and I was giving me "one word" answers. So, yah. This song called "The Safest Place" by Leann Rimes is how I feel about the situation with my emotions. Here's the lyrics. But yah, blarg. So, I'm done bitchin and shit. }}

Are You Happy Now... [July 4th, 2003|05:44 am] [ mood | happy ] [ music | stp- sour girl ] I thought that was funny... [[ Well, I don't remember what I did this morning. Except I think I talked to Shawn for a bit. Then I went to sleep. I didn't feel like going out again. But once again, Dave convinced me to. Dave convinced me to go see 28 Days Later. And since Kristi couldn't get a hold of me, so she called Dave. So, Dave asked her to go with us. I was kinda relieved. I dunno if they got along. I don't think Kristi is used to Dave yet. He's kinda crazy. But, she got used to me after a while so she'll get used to him. So yah, this new movie is coming out that looks like da SHIZZNIT!!! It's called Underworld. Here's the site Enter The Underworld. Kate Beckinsale's in it. It looks good. 28 Days Later was a good movie. Lotsa zombies throwing up chunky blood. It was gross but good. Me gusta. ]] U are Spike. Cool and calm, with a taste for blood and an addiction to daytime soap operas, u are one hot sexy beast. Good for you. *~*which buffy character r u?*~* brought to you by Quizilla // Then, we took Kristi home and Dave brought me home. Then we laid in my bed for a long time until like almost 6am. It was weird, we kinda fell asleep like he was holding me. It was weird. So yah, then when he left, I got up and watched Anger Management. It had its funny parts, but mainly predictable. So yah, then I went to sleep.\\

I'm drifting with blood in my eyes... [July 3rd, 2003|06:30 am] [ mood | aggravated ] [ music | r. kelly- move your body like a snake ] >>> Okay, so today was boring. I went and did some errands this morning. I was going to go get my game but the place didn't open until like 10 I think and I was there at 9. So then I came home and went to sleep. Well, I talked to Dave n Shawn for a while. But, went to sleep. I was suppossed to go over to my Mom's to get sum cash to pay the cable bill. See I have money, but it's all wrapped up in CDs n shit. I don't have cash. But, I punked out on her. So, I have to go tomorrow (which is today now). And my boy toy and I were suppossed to have a big ole pie fight. But, when I asked my friend, she thought I meant next Thursday instead of this Thursday and it keeps getting back up and my boyfriend is gonna be so mad at me. Plus, OMG, they got caught smoking da ganja. I'm kinda disappointed in Cheryl. She used to have this bubble of independence and wouldn't EVER hadve smoked pot. Now she's like beginning to turn into a pothead. Kristi is the only one left who doesn't smoke pot. Gr, this week is sucking so much. <<< You're a Romantic goth...(Go you!) Your beauty is beyond belief, and you have a quiet, and nurturing understanding for everything, and everyone around...and perhaps, you have a fondness for vampires aswell? What Common Gothic Stereo-type Are You? brought to you by Quizilla || So yah, I went over to see Dave around 11:30. I ate something and ended up getting sick and puking it up like about a 1/2 hr after I got home. I haven't kept any food down so yah. Today is sucking. And my boyfriend is gonna be so mad at me tomorrow. Bleh. I need to go to bed but I'm downloading My Big Fat Greek Wedding bc I've been dyeing to see it. Well, yah, I'm outta here...||

Open Your Eyes... [July 1st, 2003|10:41 pm] [ mood | destructive ] [ music | "labyrinth" in the background ] *Give me the child Through dangers untold and through hardships unnumbered I have fought my way here to the castle beyond the goblin city To take back the child that you have stolen For my will is as strong as yours and my kingdom as great You have no power over me...* <^> Well, today sucked. I realized I'm bleeding for the next two days. That always sucks. Then I worked in my Mema's yard for a few hours. That wasn't fun. I got all dirty and itchy. So then I took a shower after that. Then about noon I laid down and took a nap. I was suppossed to help my Mom with a scrapbook but she punked out on me. So, I'm going it tomorrow night. Then Dave went out with sum chick. He said he'd call when we was done. He'll prolly bone her. But, since I actually waited around for him to call I didn't get to go see a movie and hang out with Nikk. But, then he finally called me and came over. We layed in bed and watched the rest of Labyrinth and fell asleep. That's about it. <^> SadoMasochistic Fetish! Grr, baby... What anime girl fetish are you? brought to you by Quizilla {{ Well, I forgot to tell you the reason I feel the need to be destructive, Randy decided to go all suicidal on me. So then, after arguing with him about it, I decided to start blaring Manson. It made me wanna go break things. }}

Feel So Loved... [July 1st, 2003|01:08 am] [ mood | loved ] [ music | marylin manson- slutgarden ] *Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.* -Woody Allen [[ Well, I slept (or tried to at least) most of the day. But, around like 7 Dave called me telling me he'd been deprived of human contact for the day and no one could come out and play. So, I got up and took a shower and went to Denny's with him. I didn't get anything to eat, but he was being crazy so it made me laugh. Then we went to Rocky's Replay (an arcade) and I kicked his ass in air hockey 3 times. One was a shut out. Then I beat him at Tapper and Playboy pinball. But he did beat me at 1942 and Austin Powers pinball.]] Tinker Bell Who 's Your Inner Sexy Cartoon Chick ? brought to you by Quizilla << Oh yah, I forgot to mentioned that Dave met Mema tonight. It went well, I think. But, Mema hasn't old me what she thinks of him yet, since she's off in dream land. But yah, so we got back from Rocky's and we were laying down in my bed and he was all holding me and stuff and I realized that I really do like Dave a lot. I am scared of getting hurt. But, I was just really happy laying there in his arms. Made me feel protected and loved. ::AAAAAWWWWWWW:: And so yah. I think I'm gonna be happy with Dave for a while. He even said he thought I'd be his girlfriend for a long time, so that made me feel all special. So yah, now I'm going to bed. Even though I still haven't eaten anything all day. >>

Discusting... [Jun. 30th, 2003|10:20 am] [ mood | sick ] [ music | jack off jill- devil with the black dress ] {{ Well, I have been sick ever since last night. It really sucks. And now I think my depression is setting in again. I took this quiz and it's true. No one knows how depressed or screwed up emotionally I am. My boyfriend keeps telling me not to worry and to trust him. I'm trying but I don't know. Bleh, I'm scared of getting hurt, again. Now, I have a headache now and want to go to sleep. But, I can't. God, life sucks right now. I'm being a whiney, lil goth girl. How stereotypical. }} Hiding. You deal with your depression by wearing a mask. No one ever knows your depressed, so no one can ever pity you. On the outside you're calm and collected. Inside, your blood boils... But that's ok, as long as everyone thinks you're normal. How do you deal with your depression? brought to you by Quizilla

Go Baby, Go Go... [Jun. 30th, 2003|03:01 am] [ mood | artistic ] [ music | garbage- beautiful ] *If I was beautiful like you I would never be at fault I would walk in the rain between the raindrops Bringing traffic to a hault* -Garbage "Beautiful" {{ Today, I ran some errands for my Mema this morning. I swear that there was a conspiracy against me finding garbage bags. I went to like 2 different stores before I found them. Then went to Home Depot to get some cow manure for my Mema and then I went to Target and almost bought this pair of platformy flip flops I've wanted for like forever. But, I talked myself out of them. Then came home. Emailed my boyfriend, and took a nap. Then woke up to my Mom coming over and I went with her to get her oil changed. Then we ended up at the mall. I like going to the mall with her. It means I get my nails done. I got a full set, pedicure and my eyebrows waxed. Now, they are all skinny. Everyone likes um so far. Then went out to din din with My Mom, Mema and my Stepdad, Fred. It was gross. They made me eat at BarnHills.Which is a greasy, Southern comfort kinda cooking and my stomach can't take grease. So, I got sick and ended up by not goin go visit my boyfriend, Dave. But, we talked on the phone a bit. }} You're Shirley Manson, you saucy girl. What sexy girl are you brought to you by Quizilla *Well today is the first day of my new journal! Ripped off from the layout of DeadJournal. But, I'm too cheap to actually buy a journal. I don't believe in buying things with my own money, it is nicer when they are given or free!*