NEW SONGS er... POEMS- (all 0f these cr@ppy things were written by me, unless it says written by -blah- on them)(i have like 8 notebooks full of songs and sht.. but i just added these and then my hands got tired..)

Another California song (8/3/03)

I'll never forget, the nights played inside with the cold snow out,
You walked me home, and November's never what i thought about,
The street lights made our breath show, we looked up at the sky,
I sang our songs in my head, and inside i couldnt help but cry,
We only had 10 months left, we knew theyd never last,
Soon youd be a picture, and the best memory of my past,

So now i ask you, now i ask, will we all be in your dreams at night,
and vivid not in black and white, So now i ask you, now i ask,
will you still say that you love us, when youre living so far below us,
So now i ask you, now i ask, will you remember me, when youre in
California?

I was always on your shoulder, but you never pulled away,
which is why its hard for me, cuz you have to pull today
Im not good at goodbyes, I cant seem to let you go,
I think ive told you that before, I dont let those feelings show,
Crisp snow layed at our feet, the destroyers of the white,
It's melted and gone now, left with a cold black night,

This is just another song, about losing someone whose not really gone, This is just another song about missing someone whos already gone.

Youre always on time, except once three minutes too late,
California i used to love you, now youre everything i hate,
So touch the ground for me when you get there,
Smell the ocean for me and breathe in the fresh air,
Youre finally free, so dont stop and dont care
You know i hated this summer and i think that its unfair,

This is just another song, about losing grip on what you once held on, this is just another song about missing someone whos not really gone.

Dawn's Goodnight (7/14/03)

Midnight seems as if, It flows from my fingertips, And minutes pass with every word passing through my lips, eyelids reaching expiration surely about to drop, brain staking out a way to keep itself on top, but though the eyes grown closed, the mind only grows open, and the hands keep scribbling mindless words and the mind keeps hoping, that midnight passes with these words, that lips do love recite, and eyes come open viewing minutes which bring such lovely light, which loves to flow around fingertips creating words welcoming awake, only kissing equally to the minutes they did take, so eyes close again and pens drop, and the brain's no longer struggles to keep itself on top, lips part in yawns, hands become untight, and in this dawn i say goodnight.

Inconvienience the Doormat(5/15/03)

Hello again, you return to step on me again, this time i wont have open arms, you all come in pain to push me down and find some relief, but this time i'm the one in greif

Get your feet off my back before i explode, i think its time for you to go out on your own, away from here and me, stop walking on me

I'm not your damn doormat anymore, go fend for yourself, maybe i'll never have friends again, can't take what you have in store, i'll get my back off the floor,

I'll trip you, untie your ugly shoe, its almost as ugly as youve become, if you cant have me as i am, then i wont give a damn, forget the fun we had, i hope youre feeling bad,

Making my insides Dry

Her fingers dance heavily without grace, atop the picture's blown out face, she sits slightly elevated for the air, but all she recieves is a loney stare,

cuz shes making her insides dry, making her insides dry, making her insides dry, making her insights die.

She seems perfect in the pattern black, while he withdrew everything she lacks, her tears dont quite fill the empty void, now shes underwater and quite annoyed,

cuz shes making her insides dry, making her insides dry, making her insides dry, making her insights die.

I hate this whole feeling of hate, i hate feeling this way, i hate the me you create, so i site here and remind myself, why cryings not so good for my health,

cuz it makes my insides dry, making my insides dry, making my insides dry, making my insights die,

My fingers dance heavily without grace, atop your picture's blow out face, i sit slightly elevated for the air, but all i recieve is my lonely stare,

making my insides die

the terror

Its like a wave, the only thing I care about, is coming out alive, why did I even take the dive, Its like your soul, you can lose control, over things you shouldn t lose, taking the car to go for a cruise, When you crash, into the bottom of the hold, its not the car you rolled, its only your self control, When you cry, into the soft side of your pillow, you would rather die than have to face the harsh ride,

-My head, is going to explode, my fingers are so cold, I took the awesome ride, into a self fulfilling paradise,

-My feet, are wet and full of sweat, I just lost the bet, I took the deadly road, into a self hating hell hole,

-I crossed lines I never thought I could, I went in the forest searching for the woods,

-I resisted so much that I knew I should, but I did too much that I hoped I never would,

-And I dont know, if they ll know, i just hope, its not a lonely road,

Its like a plane, the only thing I care about Is coming out alive, why did It take a dive, Its like terror, in the faces of the people, the feeling is too surreal, this only happens on Tv, When it crashes, into the bottom of the hold, its not the lonely road, because you have self control, When you cry, its only out for help, but you only help yourself, you know you re about to die,

-chorus-

The world is full of hate, it can take so many lives, The world is not that great, it will take so many tries to make it, What its made out to be,

Its too real for me, please don t make me see, I hate the things they show, when i am watching the TV, Why do I have to care, just brush it off into the air, I hate being scared, I hate your hateful stare, But its only me watching the TV, looking in the mirror and seeing things I fear,

-chorus-

MY version of stay together for the kids...or, i call it...in search for a remedy..

i broke my only good pencil laying on my bed, crying and listening to my sht a*s dad yelling at my mom, all they do is fight, no one comes to tuck me in tonite, a pillow over my head doesn't dull the screams which are always in my good dreams,/+'crying doesn't help' you say 'so just wipe those tears away', but you don't know how wrong you are, although you hold me close i can't help but feel so far, i don't understand why i can't just die tonite, throw myself on the ground and cry, becuz its just not right, i shouldn't bring back the memories becuz they are my enemies, i should look ahead of me instead i search for a remedy, +\ why can't i forget, my memory erased instead of looking back at an always frowning face, sure divorce isn't all that bad, unless you love your mom and dad, I move too much but run too little, and i am always stuck in the middle, with a broken home i'm not free to roam, instead i feel alone, Hell isn't below ground, my hell is all around, flying cares, flying words, the other not knowing how much it burns/++\ where is my remedy and the remote for my TV?

worthless, dumb, but misunderstood

I feel so drunk on speculation, Eatin doritos i'm the youth of the nation, everybody with their self mutilation, all these bad vibrations, telling folks we hate them, sit lazy boys on the telephone, why won't our parents leave us alone, in school all we do is sit and zone, fallin over so accident prone, all guys wanna do is bone, worthless dumb but misunderstood, chilling with the homies and Illin in the hood, music negative nothing sung good, don't do what we should but it's never like we would, blame the cops when we're in a bad mood, parents tell us to 'change our attitude,' all the preppies seem rude, the guys just want us nude, People are so Lewd.

always goes

I like the feeling of my cold wet hair, feels so free without a care, i like the color of your eyes, so deep and green when they meet mine, i like to feel you close to me, i think it's where you should always be, i love to feel the soft warm breeze, drifting in from endless seas, i always like to touch your hand, sitting in the scortching sand, you like to look into my eyes, dry my tears as i cry, you like the smell of my cold wet hair, free to blow without a care, you like to kiss my soft sad face, you like the return of my embrace, you always run along the beach but i am never far from reach, you like to whisper in my ear, all the thigs i long to hear, i like to call you up sometimes and wonder why you are mine, you slowly stop talking when i am around, which always turns my day to down, you like to start to drift away, losing better reasons to stay, you like to call me break my heart, I have reached the lonley part, i don't like the sky to turn dark and grey, on my most lonely days, i don't like how i can't let you go, my heart wants to die but my brain says no, why aren't you here, drying my tears, i don't like the feeling of cold wet hair, it feels to cold when you aren't there.

what life?

the sky looks pallid lit with my thoughts, a reminder of the youth i lost, i open my eyes and look at the ground, i can't help but cry and drown, i need an intervention, connect a lost connection, stop the skipping music, find a way and use it, i feel like i am gonna lose it, if i stay this way, just one more day, everyone else is feeling well, i am stuck in a twisted hell, don't depend on me, while you're so nice and free, i fall over on my face, forgot to tie the lace, my socks have holes and won't come off, my face is bleached and looks so lost, cold fingers run through my hair, breathing in polluted air, bruised up shins, scarred up chin, sit alone on empty stares, they all sit and glare, i never do anything right, i darkened the day and lighted the night, what life? what is even here? i am fighting with the mirror, i am a waste of space, a waste of mindless place, a waste of time, a waste of worthless mind, i die and waste my time.

breakup anthem

she sits feeling lonley tears in her eyes, she blinks and thinks about all the stupid guys, she rests her hand on the phone, why is she so alone? no one knows or understands how she feels, the cuts and bruises inside are the ones that never heal, CHORUS shes like a picture on my wall, I pull her up but she always seems to fall, she scratches her head and wishes she was dead, nothing fills the space from the tears she shed, you shouldn't cry for guys they're like salt in your eyes she tries to pry her mind away, by closing her eyes and losing sight, feeling so trapped in the dark losing the light, she opens up her door and lies on the floor, convinces herself not to cry anymore, she slams the door, CHORUS I sit feeling lonley tears in my eyes, I blink and think about that stupid guy, why am i so alone? why is there stupid guys?

Free fall

I close my eyes and sit back, I wanna leave and I've already packed, and i try to talk but air comes out, and i want to scream yell sing and shout, it doesn't happen, so i punch the wall and i'm the one to free fall,

Into this mess i go, You dragged me all below, The shame that held me, And i just fell again, Into this mess i go, You dragged me all below, The shame that held me, And i'm the one who fell,

I lay a cold hand on my head and fall into my unmade bed, with fuzz in my ears, i feel like no one can touch me here, but the can, so i punch the wall and i'm the one to free fall

Into this mess i go, You dragged me all below, The shame that held me, And i just fell again, Into this mess i go, You dragged me all below, The shame that held me, And i'm the one who fell,

I hear the ringing of the phone, i pretend that no ones home, and drop a pillow on my head, I hope i wake up dead, and i'm too tired to punch the wall and i'm the one to free fall

Into this mess i go, You dragged me all below, The shame that held me, And i just fell again, Into this mess i go, You dragged me all below, The shame that held me, And i'm the one who fell,

I can't fucking find, how i had the time to fall

I hate snow

The sky is cloudy when i look up, the ground is snowy when i look down, I wish they all would shut up, but i'll just walk around, the noise goes in one ear but i can't hear over the sound of my pain, it wraps itself around me and drives me insane, more then they all know when the ground is full of snow, and i feel so trapped below, i can't stop the screams when they haunt me in my dreams, and i write nothing good, i don't know if i could fill the paper with snow and i feel so trapped below

Weekend mourningz

Graffiti on my ceiling, twisted words like my feelings, my skin is cracked and peeling, cuz i burnt my ass on a D, and I can't see how it always happens to me, and I sleep in on the mornings, cuz my life leaves me bored and snoring, and I find myself pouring, myself out in this stupid ass book and you never give me a second look, like all the times you took, when i wake up i feel soggy, my brain is dead and foggy, YEAH hell i'm groggy, but what do you expect from me cuz all i do is sleep.

TraCks

You still don't know what it's like to be me too much responsibility and a pair of big feet, run in circles cuz there is bordem in my mind, if life were a VCR i would press rewind, to watch it all again, you seem like you are not my friend in the end am i running again? I m too bored to even think about the way we threw away a perfect day, and I run in circles again are you even my friend?

Why am i herE?

Light bulbs flicker on and off but what can i do to stop my cough, it breaks the silence and my head, right now i'm feeling dead, and what happens now when i'm all done and i leave you standing at number one, and I fall cuz i get knocked by the wall, and I guess you'll never call, yeah a dismal afternoon and all i feel is doom, as i'm bound, tied and locked up in my room, there is nothing left to do but sit and think of you, and what i get to do when i get out of my room,

And i wish i wasn't here

Crazy, bad, insane

I'm running in my head, skull, brain, I'm sleeping in the water, drops, rain, All you give me is ouch, hurt, pain, And you drive me crazy, bad, insane

I tore my sense in half and i just started to laugh, I can't help the issue that i always seem to lose you, and there is nothing i can do, I fall down the stairs then and i'll feel the pain again, and you broke my best friend, you broke my best friend,

I'm running in my head, skull brain, I'm sleeping in the water, drops, rain, All you give me is ouch, hurt, pain, And you drive me crazy, bad, insane

I know my limits and you went friggin past and now you can kiss my ass cuz i just know i'm crazy bad insane

I'm running in my head, skull brain, I'm sleeping in the water, drops, rain, All you give me is ouch, hurt, pain, And you drive me crazy, bad, insane

what?

My life is like the bumps upon my celing, always up and upside down, and i never know what I'm feeling,Cross off the days on my wall, as i sit here by the phone waiting for you to call, And my nail polish is chipping and my life is going down, And i know i can't wear a smile or a frown, My mouth is like a line sat on my face And when i try to talk it is a big gaping space, I think i'm going crazy or maybe not, It just feels like my brain is made of snot, school doesn't help and neither does the rain going 'pit, pat, pit, pat,' driving me insane, And my nail polish is chipping and my life is going down, And i know i can't wear a smile or a frown, My mouth is like a line sat on my face And when i try to talk it is a big gaping space, My brain hurts as the pain flows in spurts, (x3) And my nail polish is chipping and my life is going down, And i know i can't wear a smile or a frown, My mouth is like a line sat on my face And when i try to talk it is a big gaping space, My brain hurts, fuck why do i hurt