Life is kewl!!! It rawks!!!
Mood:  silly
Now Playing: I'm still in love with you- - - Sean Paul
Topic: life cant be any better!
For the last couple of days, I've been grounded and was banned from using the computer. Now, people would think that I'd sneak to the computer and use it. But surprisingly, I didnt even go near it... I kept my promise never to go near it and it all payed off today. Well, 1st of all, my mom let me use the comuter again... and there are so many more reasons why... just continue reading...

But before I go to why I feel so freakishly happy....I'll tell you a summary of what happened yesterday...

Yesterday, my best friend told me that people (including my crush!)were complaining that I changed so I felt bad... I thought that I would get his attention by being "bad", since boyz say they like bad gurlz.... but i guess my crush is an exeption... But since people were complaining that I changed too much, I decided to change back to my normal self.

Today, I was still bad trip and thought about giving up with rhannie (my crush). But when I went to the bus, everything changed. The whole world turned upside-down when I had my trip home. And I could not be any happier today!

Well, Rhannie(my crush!!) noticed that I changed back to my old self and he was finally smiling back at me and talking to me again. He was singing "Simpleng Tao" with me on the way home, and we talked about lots of stuff the whole way.

When we were half way home, he asked me out!!! I wanted to scream, jump, dance, sing and hug each person that crossed my path. But I also wanted to cry and tell him that I still love him and I want him back... But, obviously, I wouldnt do that. I acted normal and asked him why he wanted me to "hang-out" with him on saturday or "hang around in the mall" on sunday. He just said "wala lang".

---My best friend, En, once told me that her boyfriend said that if one says "wala lang" one is subconsciously saying "I miss you".---

So, I held all my happiness inside and I just said "um...okay then...maybe i could go".

After that, My whole life brightened up and I loved everyone! We kept talking to wach other on the way home, and even if he doesn't love me anymore, God gave me this opportunity, and taught me to hold on and never give up!

Anyway, ya'll know that I'm really happy, so there's really nothing more to say!

just remember to "always look on the bright side of life!"

Life after death?
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: Not Gon' Cry- - - Mary J. Blige
i've been in my room since 3pm yesterday. the first time i've been out of the room was when my parents left for ATC. and the first meal i've had since yesterday's lunch, was today's lunch.

i've been too scared to ask my parents what happened during the PTC... i'm probably goin 2 get grounded and im goin 2 have to face them one day...but not today...U i really hate it when they lecture me about having a boyfriend! i'd rather starve for a day or two...

yesterday was my deathday and i dont know if im living right now...is there life after death?

recently, i've been very pessimistic. for some reason, i can't look at the bright side. lately, it has all been bad.

the only thing working for me is going to the internet. im having problems with everything! ...and my ex?! he's such a jerk!!! right now, he's with one of my closest friends in his bedroom...

yesterday, i thought that i had totally forgotten about him and i thought that i lost all my feelings for him...but today, i suddenly became jealous when my bestfriend told me that rhannie called her up this morning and last night for no reason at all... i hope that he's not crushing on her!

my ex is a player. i don't normally like players because they play with gurz and skip from one to another... but this guy is different... he stands out of the crowd...

my mind and heart are telling me 2 different things. my mind is telling me not to like him because i know that it's over. it's telling me that nothing will work out if i hook up with a player.

but my heart...it's telling me to follow him and chase him and like him nomatter how much he hates me. it's telling me to try and try again nomatter how many times i get hurt...

i wonder what i should follow.

do you watch "hey,arnold"? my life is like a live episode of "hey arnold". arnold is rhannie and helga is me. helga loves arnold so much but whenever she gets to talk to him, helga ends up bullying arnold or badmouthing him. so arnold in turn, hates helga so much and doesnt know that she likes him. its a sad situation, isn't it?

~!!pArEnT-tEaChEr cOnFeReNcE!!~
Mood:  don't ask
Now Playing: I fought the Law - - - Green Day
Topic: PTC
okay.... so, today could have been a good day because we were only in school for half the day...U

i dont usually mind parent-teacher conferences because i have nothing to be scared about---until this year.

this year has been a living nightmare! first of all, my character and values part of the card wil be so low because of all the class tickets i've had.

second of all, im not allowed to have a boyfriend, but i had one anyway... actually i had 2! 2 boyfriends in a term! and what's worse is that my fucking adviser will tell my parents!!! i begged him not to, but he's such a fuckin loser!

urgh...this might be the last time i'd be doing anything fun. because when my parents come home, i'll be buried 6 feet under!!!

bAd tHiNgS haPpEn 2 mE....
Mood:  blue
Now Playing: Right Thurr- - - Chingy
Topic: suckiest days of my life!
today seems like the one of the worst days of my life. so many bad things have happened to me in 24 hours. i have no idea why my life is changing so much, but i dont like change...especially when it's bad change.

bad things that happened to me today:

1. the deputy principal called my attention and scolded me today...

2. rhannie and i fought so much today. we were swearing and cursing at each other so much. i made him feel like shit and he made me feel like shit.

3. i got a class ticket for not paying attention during a stupid cultural show.

4. everyone thinks i did "something bad" with daryl when i didnt do anything at all!

5. im enemies with more and more people! ----i wish ivana and jenelle died!

well, those are the bad stuff that happened to me today...-_-

sometimes i want to make wishes...selfish wishes. wishes that dont help people but me.

i wish that rhannie was nicer. he changed so much since i last saw him. he became so selfish and so mean.

i wish that rhannie and i never fought and we were still really good friends again. it sucks when we fight...

and i wish that i had a successful year with lots of fun and adventure and where everyone was my friend.

------------ i have weird wishes, dont you think?---

today, john told me that he still loves me. i dont love him. he knows that i dont love him anymore but he keeps on trying! why can't he just give up? he told me that he'll wait for me abnd he'll never give up and he just went offline a couple of minutes after saying those things...

and rhannie....i don't know if i still love him. i keep on fallin in and out of love with him. ive never loved someone the way that i loved him. it's weird..but he's the first person i've ever loved. and saying goes "...1st love never dies".../humph...i really dont want to like him! but i cant help it.

rhannie is online right now and i cant decide if i should chat with him or not. i think i should flip a coin or something...-_-
but if i talk to him...what should i say? "hey, im sorry for the fight awhile ago..."? that's pretty stupid coz i always say the sorrys first.

my head hurts right now, and i have to think of what to do with my life....so, i guess i'll be back tomorrow and write what happens.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

!?cOnFuSeD!?
Mood:  down
Now Playing: this i swear - - - nick lachey
Topic: ...eHeM....
today, my ex boyfriend john told me that he was hurt when i broke up with him. i broke up with him yesterday and i feel like such a jerk now because i know how painful it is to hurt a person that loves you. i can relate because i've been through it with my other ex (rhannie).

you see, rhannie was my boyfriend----until he had a heart for another girl (christine). when i heard about it, it really crushed me because i really loved rhannie. and i thought he loved me.

my love life is so screwed up because sometimes i think that im doing the right thing when im actually doing the wrong thing. im so confused!

i dont love john, i dont have feelings for him, and i never did. i think i only used john to forget rhannie---well, it didnt work!

i have always loved rhannie, and i think i always will. even if he treats me like shit, i dont know why i still like him! is it normal or am i just screwed up? i like him even if i tell myself not to. and im hating myself for loving someone like that! i mean, who wold love a person that broke your heart? -_-?

but i should be happy because i get to spend more time with my friends and family. im single and proud of it! hehe....

and besides, now i can help my bestfriend out with her boyfriend!U

i just wish i could turn back time and make everything turn out right--because i cant live this way. It's hard enough im drooling over a guy i cant have, but now i feel like its killing me internally!

please help me God!