_...][6th March 2004][..._
Do I regret? Yes I really regret. There are so many changes that I've did just hoping that he will come back. But nothing works. What's the point of talking about all this when both of us already part? What's the point of holding on when one of our love has fade away? What's the point of crying when I'm the one in wrong? What's the point of typing all this when I know that he won't read? What's the point of typing out all my feelings when I know that nothing gonna change his mind? What's the point of listening to the songs that he used to send me? What's the point of reading all those sweet memories when he's already gone and will never come back again? He's gone.. He won't come back.. Going a month already, my life is still as dull as before. He never light it up again, he never will color it again. I already know the ending. But why am I still waiting like a fool?
His birthday I didn't manage to celebated with him. But I've pass him sodering wire with that I twist and turn into his nick, "PERISH", the other one is "LOVE YOU" and the last one is "MISS U" Using ice-cream stick that painted red[mixture of silver] and pink[mixture of silver] and some alphabets pasting on it. Written "Happy Sweeth 18th Birthday Marc"[If I never remember wrongly.] And a book. Inside are those testimonials that we have wrote to each other, and written the first month anniversary card. The words that I've wrote on the card, I rewrote it on the book. And the movie tickets.[Actually only got 2. Watched "The Haunted Mension on 6th March 2004 and Scooby Doo 2 on 27th March 2004] Then got our pictures. I actually pasted all the pictures that we taken together.
And I also pasted those scrrible words that I wrote on my assignements. Then also gave him a HP chain. This time round not I make one.. I buy one. Then I asked the person to carve his name on it. Kinda nice, I like it. My sister suggested for this de. She said that Heart shape is nicer. But is like, we already broke up, no point buying heart shape lor.. Then she say okay. In the end I bought a rectangle shape. Kinda simple looking. I also gave him something that I like. But his room is pack, no place for him to put that. I gave him Pooh Bear jinglesaw puzzle.
Pass his those stuffs in a bag through his room window. And off the lift I go. On the way down, I realise that I didn't wish him Happy Birthday. I SMSed him and wish him. Abit stupid.. But I've forget about it, what to do? Bus came when I just reach the bus stop. Took the bus. He didn't SMSed me anymore. At that point of time I know that I really lost him. Sitting at our favourite seat, looking out. Memories flash back. Trying hard to hold back my tears, but.. Failed.
I regret a lot. Too much impact on this relationship. Over hoping for his return ended up hurting myself too much.
If we really meant to be, no matter how long it takes, I'm sure we will be together again. If you need me, just let me know. I won't go away from you. I will wait for you right here. I promise..
If both of us still together, I'm sure my parents will approve us. They didn't even care about me anymore. My uncle saw our photos that we took together. He told me that he wil tell my parents about it. If we are still together, you can really join us to our trip to Pula Ubin yesterday[23th May 2004] Not only that, even on Mother's Day and on my Dad's birthday. Not only that, we will be together with XinDai and Nelson at Fishermen Village on Saturday. But somehow, I'm left alone.. Alone..
Marc, if you ever ask me how much I love you? I'm sorry. Words can't express my loves. I really don't know that this silly mistake that I've done cause you to left me and never reutrn back to my arms again. I want you back to my life. But I know I'm over hoping with it. I really have no idea what to do to make you come back. Can you please tell me what to do? I will not give up. I will never give up unless you tell me to. I love you so much ended up hurting myself too much. The lesson that you taught I didn't learn much. *Sigh* The story about us is short. I want to continue with it. Can you? I will be waiting for you right here.
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