It was our anniversary..
Was it not?
That evil day,
You were shot
When tears fell
From constant pain.
I held your body
In the rain.
You were my always,
You were my forever.
These wasted days...
Pain is intense
Heart is broken
As I repent
These words are spoken:
Forgive me Lord
For i have sinned
Im taking my life now..
This is the end
May 1st, 2002
You see the light in my face
The thunder begins to roar
My heart picks up the pace
You watch as I fall to the floor
The bottle falls from my hands
It opens as it crashes to the ground
I sit motionless, as if I’m in a trance
I am speechless, making not a sound
You look and see the pills on the floor
Oh my god what have you done
For you have broken my heart, it is tore
You said the things you said, I assume out of fun
This is no joke, I fuckin had enough
You’re out of my life, no more sadness
All these years I always acted tough
Only if you seen my heart and all the patches
You hurt me too many times, and now I’m gone
I hope you can now live with the guilt
That this shit before you, you have done
Please go and let me be, since my plan was fulfilled
Rest In Peace Timothy
For You Will Be Missed
April 29th, 2002
How I feel
I do believe the lord above,
Created you for me to love.
He picked you out from all the rest,
Because he knew I loved you best.
I once had a heart for it was true,
But now it’s gone from me to you.
Take care of it as I have done,
For you have two and I have none.
If I make it to heaven and you’re not there,
I’ll write your name on the golden stair.
I’ll give the angels back their wings,
Golden harps and all those things,
To prove to you my love is true,
I’m going through hell to be with you!!
As I sit her in the rain
I sit here and I have no pain
I turned it all out, it wont be no more
Im not scared, I might lay on the floor
and wait for lightning or other things
cuz I wont die, I know what it means
it means I have straightened up
I refuse to get fukked up
I hope for help in all I do, and I have faith in you
for you are my friend I can use your help
these things you do in my mind are felt
thank you for being there
and telling me you care
I need to be a stronger man
with your help I know I can
as long as i have support...I will not fail
I have nothing to say as we drift away
You’re the bitch that made me this way
We were so close, my only sweetheart
Apparently you must have forgotten that part
Why did you have those cruel intentions
Of making me hurt you, and get convictions
You had me sent away…for years it seemed
It gave me time enough to be clean
Out on bail…sniffing the fresh air
Enjoying the air as I grab your hair
I threw you down into the dirt
Why the fuck was it me that you hurt
You seem to like seeing me in pain
With my hands on your neck…do you strain
; o breathe and fight for life…
Till death do us part…
My loving wife
May 20th, 2002
You make my word go round
Without you I’d be bound,
By the shackles and chains of life
But instead, you fill me with hype,
You brighten my days…put a twinkle in my eyes
Make my heart pump the firel I need to survive,
We’re always on the same wave, you’re in my head
From dusk ‘til dawn…to when I’m in bed,
I smile like no other at just the thought
Of meeting you and pursuing what I have sought,
My heart often skips a beat at the thought of holding you
Tightly, comfortably, and gentle too,
I’ll take care of you cause you’re my peaches
My baby’s, and I love all your features,
From the freckles on your nose, to your beautiful eyes
From your luscious lips to your soft sweet thighs,
You will always be my peaches ‘n’ crème
Lets hook the fuck up and do this thing!
April 28th, 2002
Another day goes by
That I wish I would die
Then think to myself...
Should i get help..?
Is it normal to feel this way
To be suicidal every day
To have suicidal dreams
Of killing myself to get my wings
To fly to heaven to get turned down
And go to hell by crashing to the ground
I often awake to face the harsh reality
And dreading the life that was given to me
I then look up and ask the man above...
If this was his evil way of showing his love
I feel the needle enter my vein...
In comes the calmness...out goes the pain
Im tired of living days of sorrow
For i will not live to see tomorrow.
Where have you been
Whats your excuse
Oh whats that?
Don't gimme that bullshit
You leave me hangin
You break my heart
You just don't realize
How you make me feel
I wanted it to work
I guess you didn't
I'm tired of waiting
Just to get burnt
Well I'm not that stupid
You think i buy into your shit
Well i don't..just makes you look dumb
What did i do wrong
What can I do
Ima tell you
Ima do jack shit
But get rid of your ass
You're not worth my time
Ima find someone
Who shows me love
And gives me what I need
I hope you're happy..and goodbye.
I heard the news today
You apparently got sent away.
Why daddy do you do these things?
What about the future and the dreams?
Of being a good man...or even a father.
Or should we care or even bother?
You do have 3 boys...or do you care?
Why can't we have the love to share
Daddy you can beat your problems
Just make an effort and a promise
To be an actual father to us.
So quit fuckin up and have some trust
Believe in yourself...that's the first step
And do this with no regrets.
Then you can become a better man
If you can stick to this simple plan.
I know you won't cuz you never do.
Just know in your heart that I love you
Not like a father cuz you wasn't there.
I know this might hurt you so beware.
But you deserve it and you know it...
So next time ya say you love us...SHOW IT!!