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The Secrets of Life

251. God would wait for you to mess up, then *POW* "Got Him!!" and a big lightning bolt would pop you into fried chicken. -Mr. Molpus
252. St. Peter is like the Maitre D of heaven. -Mr. Molpus
253. I have a few choice words to say to that individual. Like, "you".....and "are"..... and "a jerk!" -Emery
254. Remember, licking doorknobs is illegal on other planets. -Emery
255. (Picks up a hair brush)Is it a pen?-Emery (He was actually serious, he didn't know.)
256. (singing--->) "If you've never seen an elephant ski, then you've never been on acid." -Eddie Izzard (<--funny British transvestite comedian)
257. Oh my god, it's like their asses just swell up from the gayness!! -Tara's totally untrue statement about gay men's butts. (I like gay guys, I think they're cute. Tara loathes them, that's why she dies.)
258. Look, that's where Casper used to live, before he was GAY. -Tara
259. "Hello honkies, and welcome to KFC, where we do chicken white..... I mean right" -Emery
260. Sexy? He looked like a giraffe in drag. And did you get a load of his cologne? "Ode de Monkey Fart." -Kevin Kline in a movie of which I don't know the name.
261. Are you a vamp? *::DING::* (<--- that is the sound that it makes when you wink and put both of your thumbs up like Buddy Christ, just so you know)
262. A female Keanu Reeves. (Shudder) Ewww. -Neil Green
263. My balls have been clipped. -Spunky (By the way, no, we did not castrate Spunky, he was talking about his necklace.)
264. Of course Legolas is hott. He's an elf, he's supposed to be hott. Wait... that sounded totally gay! Someone please slap me! -Neil Green
265. (Sung to Arabian Nights from Aladin) "Lesbian nights, like homosexual days!" -Michele
266. Yay! Mass orgy in Poofy's room! -Spunky (Poofy = Willow, we don't know why, but he calls her that.)
267. ::Puts money down on counter and walks away with merchandise::..........::five minutes later:: Holy shit!!! I just spent $50 on books!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -Michele (It didn't hit me until the parking lot that I really had just spent that much on books.)
268. "Hey, what planet is that?" -Mom "That would be a plane." -Ben
269. "Does anybody have any Rolaids? I just got heartburn." -Jenny "I have grape jelly." -Ben
270. "SALAYASH!!!!!!" (<-- the word "slash" with a southern drawl) -Emery
271. I haven't eaten baby food since beyond the age of... baby. -Spunky
272. "How much do I turn you on?" -Tara "Would you like me to measure that in inches or in feet?" -Spunky.
273. The toolbar is obstructing my view of the mailbox.
274. Don't eat strawberry shortcake from your hand. You will get poked by the fork repeatedly.
275. It's cheese on a leaf. Don't ask.
276. Look in the back packet of my back pack. -Greg.
277. Hey, when am I going to be put on the Secrets of Life? -Ms. Fowler, like, everyday.
278. "Opinions are like ass holes, everyone has one and they all stink." -Ms. Fowler.
279. Yay! I'm finally on the Secrets of Life. -Ms. Fowler.
280. I can't get my seatbelt off!! My rootbeer won't let me!! -Jenny.
281. Will it be anatomically erect? -Doe Puppy (<-- he was talking about the sculpture I said I would make of hiim if he ever bought me his weight in Cadbury Cream Eggs, which are my weekness. He meant to say "correct" but I guess his mind slipped.)
282. She's a whore with a capital 'H'!" - Jenny

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