The Secrets of Life

1. The holes in the ozone layer are caused by echoes from the bathroom. -Tara
   
2. The reason why the bathroom echoes is because someone made a bad "poopie" and the god of Stinkiness got mad. -Tara
   
3. Drier sheets if rubbed vigorously on the armpits, can cure the common cold. (after being used in drier) -Michele
   
4. Echoes from the bathroom also cure the cold. -Michele
   
5. Extensive radioactivity can cause the brain to grow, and make you smart. -Tara
   
6. Sneakers know more than they let on. They are actually all college professors. -Michele
   
7. "La" and "Eep" are actually passwords to an underground organization to rule the world. -Tara
   
8. Shampoo is actually a living organism that comes from the skin of a casaba melon. -Michele
   
9. Any mental illness can be treated with our good friend alcohol. -Michele
   
10. "Crack" has three meanings. -Michele
    
11. The letter for today is "Fuck you" -Tara
    
12. Don’t ever, (and I mean NEVER), look a lawn gnome in the eye. No… stop it! I said don’t even think about it! Ahhh!!! Oh well. You look better as a pink flamingo anyway. -Tara
    
13. My hair is on fire. -Michele
    
14. Dishwasher liquid is actually a product made by the government to get us to become their slaves. -Tara
    
15. A spitty-slurpy is defying the law of gravity. -Tara
    
16. Shoes can become phones with a few household items (like a straw, strawberry, and a balloon). -Michele
    
17. Fingernail polish is bullet proof. -Michele
    
18. The "government" is a bunch of guys I met behind the dumpster, next to the stripclub, on 3rd Blvd. in that little town in Rhode Island. -Michele
    
19. The gears in a clock are run by little elves on bicycles. -Tara
    
20. Eye shadow is a form of marijuana. -Michele
    
21. If our future president is anything like our current president he will be a past guest of the Jerry Springer Show. -Tara
    
22. Pizza does grow on trees. -Michele
    
23. Nothing is as good as individually wrapped cheese slices, so stop comparing things to them! -Michele
    
24. Fire in the hole. -Michele
    
25. I live on a planet that has a black hole sun where the little blue men date the big purple popsicles. -Tara
    
26. Tara’s Betty Boop light is actually a secret spy camera put there by those guys from Rhode Island. (the "government") -Michele
    
27. Russians smell like cheese. Their women look like men. Instead of food, they spend lots of money on nuclear warheads. They make sucky video games to boggle your mind. -Brittany
    
28. I can’t believe it’s not butter.~~~~~ I mean, why is it NOT butter???? What’s so wrong about butter? All it does is kill a few meaningless elderly people. Who needs them anyway? All they do is cramp up our highways and streets!!!! That old lady that’s always in front of your car going .5 miles an hour should eat up all the real butter in the world! Then it’s OK to eat the "I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter" crap. By: Tara (u can thank me later)
    
29. Cody is Batman, Twinkie is Robin, Tara is Batgirl, Casper is Big Purple Popsickle Man (in purple spandex), Johnny is Purple Popsickle Boy (also in purple spandex), Willow is Duh, David is the bass guitarist of Popsickle Styx. The story begins with Batman, Robin, and Batgirl kicking major evil villain ass, then, into the room comes ::Don don don:: Big Purple Popsickle Man and his sidekick Purple Popsickle Boy. They are just coming up in there and being all hot and stuff, and they’re like seriously beating down Batman, Robin and Batgirl, they are just getting they’re asses kicked severely by these guys. Then Tara says, "Hey, can’t we all just get along?" They all look at her like she’s an idiot (which she is) and then they all ganged up on her. They decide it would be better to play music and not fight any more. So they made a band and made a girl named Willow the cymbal player named Duh because she is a blond. They met Michele and Brittney at a bar while they were playing a really kewl song. At the end Brittney goes into the sunset with David to her right and Johnny to her left and Michele goes into the sunset with Casper to her left and Cody to her right with Twinkie on his shoulders doing his hair in a pink ribbon. Tara dies. -Michele
    
30. Lava lamps are delicious. -Tara
    
31. Sewer rats taste like pumpkin pie. -Michele
    
32. You’re French aren’t you? -Brittney
    
33. You’re his father, you sick fuck! -Michele
    
34. "You threw off my groove!" -Brittney "I’m sorry you’ve thrown off the emporer’s groove" -Michele "Sorry!!!!!!" -Brittney "Why do I bother serving a little brat like you?" -Michele "Oh, now I feel really bad, bad llama" -Brittney "Aaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!" -Brittney "Uh, oh" -Michele "Let me guess, we’re headed towards a big waterfall" -Brittney "Yep" -Michele "Sharp rocks at the bottom?" -Brittney "Most likely" -Michele "Bring it on."-Brittney
    
35. Vous sont un mer petite. -Brittney
    
36. My ass twitches, you people make my ass twitch. -Brittney
    
37. Evil is live spelled backwards. (just something to think about) -Michele
    
38. Protoblood tastes like chicken. -Michele
    
39. The hunt is on speed. -Michele
    
40. Death’s eyes raid nation statue. -Michele
    
41. Adolescent depressed technicalities championship time! -Michele
    
42. Births no team role holocaust international plague cash fights are cool. -Michele
    
43. Look in my face, look in my soul, I begin to stupify.-Tara
    
44. Shaft! -Michele
    
45. It’s a lady! -Michele
    
46. Betty Boop scares me. -Michele
    
47. Chicka bow wow, chicka bow wow! (Casper!!!!!!!) -Tara
    
48. Slap on some bologna!!!! -Brittney
    
49. Did I mention that Tara was dead? -Michele
    
50. Shaft, he’s a complicated man, and no one understands him but his women. John Shaft. -Michele
    

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