The Secrets of Life
These are some of the weird things that we spend our useless lives working on. We call them the secrets of life. If you can’t make any sense of this website, don’t be offended, because you are smarter than us and may already know the secrets of life. P.S. almost everything in () <-- there, is me, Michele, talking. Unless otherwise noted.
Enjoy!!!!!
The Secrets of Life
- The holes in the ozone layer are caused by echoes from the bathroom. -Tara
- The reason why the bathroom echoes is because someone made a bad "poopie" and the god of Stinkiness got mad. -Tara
- Drier sheets if rubbed vigorously on the armpits, can cure the common cold. (after being used in drier) -Michele
- Echoes from the bathroom also cure the cold. -Michele
- Extensive radioactivity can cause the brain to grow, and make you smart. -Tara
- Sneakers know more than they let on. They are actually all college professors. -Michele
- "La" and "Eep" are actually passwords to an underground organization to rule the world. -Tara
- Shampoo is actually a living organism that comes from the skin of a casaba melon. -Michele
- Any mental illness can be treated with our good friend alcohol. -Michele
- "Crack" has three meanings. -Michele
- The letter for today is "Fuck you" -Tara
- Don’t ever, (and I mean NEVER), look a lawn gnome in the eye. No… stop it! I said don’t even think about it! Ahhh!!! Oh well. You look better as a pink flamingo anyway. -Tara
- My hair is on fire. -Michele
- Dishwasher liquid is actually a product made by the government to get us to become their slaves. -Tara
- A spitty-slurpy is defying the law of gravity. -Tara
- Shoes can become phones with a few household items (like a straw, strawberry, and a balloon). -Michele
- Fingernail polish is bullet proof. -Michele
- The "government" is a bunch of guys I met behind the dumpster, next to the stripclub, on 3rd Blvd. in that little town in Rhode Island. -Michele
- The gears in a clock are run by little elves on bicycles. -Tara
- Eye shadow is a form of marijuana. -Michele
- If our future president is anything like our current president he will be a past guest of the Jerry Springer Show. -Tara
- Pizza does grow on trees. -Michele
- Nothing is as good as individually wrapped cheese slices, so stop comparing things to them! -Michele
- Fire in the hole. -Michele
- I live on a planet that has a black hole sun where the little blue men date the big purple popsicles. -Tara
- Tara’s Betty Boop light is actually a secret spy camera put there by those guys from Rhode Island. (the "government") -Michele
- Russians smell like cheese. Their women look like men. Instead of food, they spend lots of money on nuclear warheads. They make sucky video games to boggle your mind. -Brittany
- I can’t believe it’s not butter.~~~~~ I mean, why is it NOT butter???? What’s so wrong about butter? All it does is kill a few meaningless elderly people. Who needs them anyway? All they do is cramp up our highways and streets!!!! That old lady that’s always in front of your car going .5 miles an hour should eat up all the real butter in the world! Then it’s OK to eat the "I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter" crap. By: Tara (u can thank me later)
- Cody is Batman, Twinkie is Robin, Tara is Batgirl, Casper is Big Purple Popsickle Man (in purple spandex), Johnny is Purple Popsickle Boy (also in purple spandex), Willow is Duh, David is the bass guitarist of Popsickle Styx. The story begins with Batman, Robin, and Batgirl kicking major evil villain ass, then, into the room comes ::Don don don:: Big Purple Popsickle Man and his sidekick Purple Popsickle Boy. They are just coming up in there and being all hot and stuff, and they’re like seriously beating down Batman, Robin and Batgirl, they are just getting they’re asses kicked severely by these guys. Then Tara says, "Hey, can’t we all just get along?" They all look at her like she’s an idiot (which she is) and then they all ganged up on her. They decide it would be better to play music and not fight any more. So they made a band and made a girl named Willow the cymbal player named Duh because she is a blond. They met Michele and Brittney at a bar while they were playing a really kewl song. At the end Brittney goes into the sunset with David to her right and Johnny to her left and Michele goes into the sunset with Casper to her left and Cody to her right with Twinkie on his shoulders doing his hair in a pink ribbon. Tara dies. -Michele
- Lava lamps are delicious. -Tara
- Sewer rats taste like pumpkin pie. -Michele
- You’re French aren’t you? -Brittney
- You’re his father, you sick fuck! -Michele
- "You threw off my groove!" -Brittney "I’m sorry you’ve thrown off the emporer’s groove" -Michele "Sorry!!!!!!" -Brittney "Why do I bother serving a little brat like you?" -Michele "Oh, now I feel really bad, bad llama" -Brittney "Aaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!" -Brittney "Uh, oh" -Michele "Let me guess, we’re headed towards a big waterfall" -Brittney "Yep" -Michele "Sharp rocks at the bottom?" -Brittney "Most likely" -Michele "Bring it on."-Brittney
- Vous sont un mer petite. -Brittney
- My ass twitches, you people make my ass twitch. -Brittney
- Evil is live spelled backwards. (just something to think about) -Michele
- Protoblood tastes like chicken. -Michele
- The hunt is on speed. -Michele
- Death’s eyes raid nation statue. -Michele
- Adolescent depressed technicalities championship time! -Michele
- Births no team role holocaust international plague cash fights are cool. -Michele
- Look in my face, look in my soul, I begin to stupify.-Tara
- Shaft! -Michele
- It’s a lady! -Michele
- Betty Boop scares me. -Michele
- Chicka bow wow, chicka bow wow! (Casper!!!!!!!) -Tara
- Slap on some bologna!!!! -Brittney
- Did I mention that Tara was dead? -Michele
- Shaft, he’s a complicated man, and no one understands him but his women. John Shaft. -Michele
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