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The Secrets of Life

These are some of the weird things that we spend our useless lives working on. We call them the secrets of life. If you canít make any sense of this website, donít be offended, because you are smarter than us and may already know the secrets of life. P.S. almost everything in () <-- there, is me, Michele, talking. Unless otherwise noted.
Enjoy!!!!!


The Secrets of Life


  1. The holes in the ozone layer are caused by echoes from the bathroom. -Tara
  2. The reason why the bathroom echoes is because someone made a bad "poopie" and the god of Stinkiness got mad. -Tara
  3. Drier sheets if rubbed vigorously on the armpits, can cure the common cold. (after being used in drier) -Michele
  4. Echoes from the bathroom also cure the cold. -Michele
  5. Extensive radioactivity can cause the brain to grow, and make you smart. -Tara
  6. Sneakers know more than they let on. They are actually all college professors. -Michele
  7. "La" and "Eep" are actually passwords to an underground organization to rule the world. -Tara
  8. Shampoo is actually a living organism that comes from the skin of a casaba melon. -Michele
  9. Any mental illness can be treated with our good friend alcohol. -Michele
  10. "Crack" has three meanings. -Michele
  11. The letter for today is "Fuck you" -Tara
  12. Donít ever, (and I mean NEVER), look a lawn gnome in the eye. NoÖ stop it! I said donít even think about it! Ahhh!!! Oh well. You look better as a pink flamingo anyway. -Tara
  13. My hair is on fire. -Michele
  14. Dishwasher liquid is actually a product made by the government to get us to become their slaves. -Tara
  15. A spitty-slurpy is defying the law of gravity. -Tara
  16. Shoes can become phones with a few household items (like a straw, strawberry, and a balloon). -Michele
  17. Fingernail polish is bullet proof. -Michele
  18. The "government" is a bunch of guys I met behind the dumpster, next to the stripclub, on 3rd Blvd. in that little town in Rhode Island. -Michele
  19. The gears in a clock are run by little elves on bicycles. -Tara
  20. Eye shadow is a form of marijuana. -Michele
  21. If our future president is anything like our current president he will be a past guest of the Jerry Springer Show. -Tara
  22. Pizza does grow on trees. -Michele
  23. Nothing is as good as individually wrapped cheese slices, so stop comparing things to them! -Michele
  24. Fire in the hole. -Michele
  25. I live on a planet that has a black hole sun where the little blue men date the big purple popsicles. -Tara
  26. Taraís Betty Boop light is actually a secret spy camera put there by those guys from Rhode Island. (the "government") -Michele
  27. Russians smell like cheese. Their women look like men. Instead of food, they spend lots of money on nuclear warheads. They make sucky video games to boggle your mind. -Brittany
  28. I canít believe itís not butter.~~~~~ I mean, why is it NOT butter???? Whatís so wrong about butter? All it does is kill a few meaningless elderly people. Who needs them anyway? All they do is cramp up our highways and streets!!!! That old lady thatís always in front of your car going .5 miles an hour should eat up all the real butter in the world! Then itís OK to eat the "I Canít Believe Itís Not Butter" crap. By: Tara (u can thank me later)
  29. Cody is Batman, Twinkie is Robin, Tara is Batgirl, Casper is Big Purple Popsickle Man (in purple spandex), Johnny is Purple Popsickle Boy (also in purple spandex), Willow is Duh, David is the bass guitarist of Popsickle Styx. The story begins with Batman, Robin, and Batgirl kicking major evil villain ass, then, into the room comes ::Don don don:: Big Purple Popsickle Man and his sidekick Purple Popsickle Boy. They are just coming up in there and being all hot and stuff, and theyíre like seriously beating down Batman, Robin and Batgirl, they are just getting theyíre asses kicked severely by these guys. Then Tara says, "Hey, canít we all just get along?" They all look at her like sheís an idiot (which she is) and then they all ganged up on her. They decide it would be better to play music and not fight any more. So they made a band and made a girl named Willow the cymbal player named Duh because she is a blond. They met Michele and Brittney at a bar while they were playing a really kewl song. At the end Brittney goes into the sunset with David to her right and Johnny to her left and Michele goes into the sunset with Casper to her left and Cody to her right with Twinkie on his shoulders doing his hair in a pink ribbon. Tara dies. -Michele
  30. Lava lamps are delicious. -Tara
  31. Sewer rats taste like pumpkin pie. -Michele
  32. Youíre French arenít you? -Brittney
  33. Youíre his father, you sick fuck! -Michele
  34. "You threw off my groove!" -Brittney "Iím sorry youíve thrown off the emporerís groove" -Michele "Sorry!!!!!!" -Brittney "Why do I bother serving a little brat like you?" -Michele "Oh, now I feel really bad, bad llama" -Brittney "Aaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!" -Brittney "Uh, oh" -Michele "Let me guess, weíre headed towards a big waterfall" -Brittney "Yep" -Michele "Sharp rocks at the bottom?" -Brittney "Most likely" -Michele "Bring it on."-Brittney
  35. Vous sont un mer petite. -Brittney
  36. My ass twitches, you people make my ass twitch. -Brittney
  37. Evil is live spelled backwards. (just something to think about) -Michele
  38. Protoblood tastes like chicken. -Michele
  39. The hunt is on speed. -Michele
  40. Deathís eyes raid nation statue. -Michele
  41. Adolescent depressed technicalities championship time! -Michele
  42. Births no team role holocaust international plague cash fights are cool. -Michele
  43. Look in my face, look in my soul, I begin to stupify.-Tara
  44. Shaft! -Michele
  45. Itís a lady! -Michele
  46. Betty Boop scares me. -Michele
  47. Chicka bow wow, chicka bow wow! (Casper!!!!!!!) -Tara
  48. Slap on some bologna!!!! -Brittney
  49. Did I mention that Tara was dead? -Michele
  50. Shaft, heís a complicated man, and no one understands him but his women. John Shaft. -Michele


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