another day, another letter. which will prolly turn into another letter full of pointless babble you could care less about. whatever. i don't get you, bethany, really. yesterday, you were all "oh i want to love you, what makes you think i don't!" and fucking shit like that. today, i talk to bre and find out you two are still together, but by the looks of your diary, you seem to be all "in love" with sam again. ugh. i've heard the way you are about her, and .. it kills me. cause that's how we once were. no. because you always knew i loved you, i would just.. be an asshole about it. whatever. i'm talking to bre now. i know you said she doesn't really know you, but she really likes you. of course, she also said she really liked "the attention" too, but what the hell ever. i need you. i need things to be the way they once were... where i was all about you, and you were all about me. i don't want to play mind games anymore. i don't want either of us to have to be "second best" anymore. i just want it to be us, together. eugh, i hate when people call you beth. that's not you, you've always been bethany. since starr told me in like.. what, september? i didn't believe it til like.. november though, lol. naive little child i was. ANYWAYS. this is not "bethany and kirsten's insanely fucked up history" or anything. i just wish... ugh. i want you to love me the way i've finally realized i love you. it only took me ten fucking months. yesterday, when you kept blocking me, i realized i had lost everything. nothing means anything without you. i didn't know how i could survive, and that scared me. i never felt that way for anyone, even zachary. you are the only person who's ever loved me that way. and now i'm confused as to whether you ever loved me like that anyways. so, here it goes. i don't know how you feel, but i need to know. if you want nothing to do with me, let me know. i tell you right now, i'll be freaked out and depressed and need a lot of time, but i guess in the end, i'll get over it. i'll have to, right? but if you.. care or love me, let me know. than.. it's all okay. if you say no, this really is the last time. really. i'm so drained, i can't do this anymore, unless you need me too. please, though, say you do =). haha. no really, tell me the truth. i'm sorry to annoy you so much. just.. let me know, like now or asap? please. bye.