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Noises

I sat alone, watching T.V.,

When too much drinking caused the need for me to pee.

As I went to the bathroom, I heard a scream,

I heard the bang of a gun and I thought it was a dream.

I came down the stairs and a thump was heard.

I was trying to see who was there, but I heard no word.

I went outside and I thought there was a face in the mud,

Then I heard another shot and the splatter of more blood.

The telephone rang and it stopped in mid-ring.

An explosion was then heard and a man started to sing.

In all confusion, I asked if someone was there,

Because anymore screams or shots I could not bear.

The only answer I got was more screams and another shot.

I decided to go into the kitchen and arm myself with a pan and pot.

Bang! Another shot. Eek! Another scream.

I was beginning to wonder if this was what it seemed.

I ventured through the house as another moan was heard,

And I heard a voice saying, "Mr. Bond, you are as dead as a sitting bird!"

I sat on the couch and realized what was scaring me.

I searched for the remote and turned off the T.V.

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