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May '03

05/05/03 (9:55 PM):Wow, I haven't putting anything on here in...forever. VERY much has happened. Of course, I've been in that kinda of crapped out mood and all. Although, it's gotten worse. I didn't want to do anything, I didn't want to care at all, I didn't want to go anywhere. I'm still fighting through that, but it's gotten better. I did go to Six Flags with some friends on Sunday (sorry God for missing church). It was pretty fun. Ha ha, I didn't get wet! So much laughs, thanks, I needed a day off from life. It's amazing how much life surprises you and bites you right in the...bum. Well, I guess life goes on. I have recently been told some good advice from my boss at work. He said, "Cody, don't fall in love with girls, they're pure evil." I laughed and only told him I knew more than what he thought I would. Other than all that, it's the usual boring life of Cody Brown. I guess that's all b/c I don't see the need or maturity in knocking on people in their profiles, etc. Night.

5/13/03 (10:00 PM):Well, the life I've always wanted to live will never be known to me. Of course, I never really thought it would. I mean hey, you're right, one can't always get what they want, I've been at firsthand experience so many times to know that. However, this plague of love will no longer attack me and leave me in pain....I hope. I never imagined this ever happening to me, me not being happy, never being happy. But it's become clear as crystal that I don't think I can. Unfortunately, I was probably the one to make this possible, attaching myself to someone who will never love me back, making things worse and worse until we're gone forever, even as friends. Heck, I can just go and say I hate life, but the truth is, I made it that way. So, I guess I hate myself. I hate this world especially, if it wasn't so evil, wicked, and full of sin life would probably be better. I can't wait for Heaven. No tears, NO PAIN, no evil, NO LOVE(marriage wise, there's still brotherly love). It should be so much better than this life. Well, I guess all I can say is screw you all. I'm still gonna be in my happy-go-lucky mood at school, but for those of you who know me, you know I just want to take all of the stress out of my life and go off some place to live in solitude...away from PEOPLE! Night.

5/22/03 (9:15 PM):Well, school is finally out. Now, instead of good ol' school, I get to do good ol' band (for like, a week) and work and summer gym (for 3 weeks). It just doesn't stop in the process of life, there's always work or some activity you gotta do. Well, I'm pretty sure I did fairly well on all my exams, that is, except English. I don't have Hipp, but that doesn't mean English doesn't suck. Hopefully, I'll get a B on that one, heh, the rest, I'm sure, I got A's. Tomorrow is graduation and I get to play in it. Yipee. Well, other than that, it's been the usual. Sucky life, feelin' like crap, wish life was over kinda thing. I did see the Hitler program on Sunday and Tuesday, taped em too. It was very good, the main actor, Robert Carlyle, was also in TWINE playing Renard. Well, I guess that's it...I guess it's goodbye. Somehow saying that just doesn't make me feel comfortable anymore. Night.

5/24/03 (10:15 PM):Wow, these past few days have been the worst. It's time to just say the name...Kayle, I do listen to what you say to me and it always keeps with me. I was not happy to hear you think my love for you is only fake, and it really hurt to think all I've told you and made known to you was for nothing. But, funny as it seems, a movie I saw today has finally told me to just take it this way. It's almost as if it was talking directly to me...a movie! Who would've figured? Well, Kayle, all this time I have been on you about what I need, what I want, and I thought to myself that I have missed the most important thing, what you need. And what you need is not me, b/c I only make you hate me more. As much as it kills me to do this, I guess I have to let you go, something you've wanted for so long, but I couldn't do it. I still don't think I can, but I have to. May God be with me as these next few weeks, months, years, whatever it takes will be the last. As I see it, you seem to be better off without me anyway. Good bye Kayle, good luck, and please...be happy. Night.

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