12/30/03 (10:25 PM): Wow, It's been quite a long, long time since I've ever written on here. First off, I know Dec. 30th isn't January, but I didn't feel like making a whole page for one or two days. Now...today was good. I finally, yes finally, got the college kids all done in my Secret Asian Man movie. We still have scenes 1,2,3, part of 4, and 5 left to do. Everything else is COMPLETE! Speaking of movie making, I have another job to get into...MacBeth. We have to make this movie for English and boy is it a chore to do. Especially when most of your key actors work. Work is so overrated. We're teens, we should be having fun. Oh well. After all the editing and stuff was done with my dear boy, Andy, I went to a church function at the Beatty's house. Good times. Some pool went on (I won once..thanx to Chris and the unlucky 8 ball the other times), played a little catch phrase, and of course...euchre! Way to go Jamie, we conquered the whole night! 3 games..each time 11 pts. 1st- 11-5. 2nd- 11-0(skunk!). 3rd- 11-6. Sorry you can't have me as a partner, Josh already asked. I'm sure we would've done great though! Wow, I've written a lot. I guess that's what you get for not doing this for awhile. There is one thing I'd like to discuss. I've lost about 5 friends since August. The last one...had to have hurt the most (and yes, I broke off all of those friendships). I'm sorry to you Kayle, but I have no other choice. I know you think I hate you and that I'm a real jerk and I don't care about you. But it's the opposite, Kayle, I'm doing this b/c I love you. I know you don't understand, so maybe what you think is what you should think for now. But you really need a wake up call...even if you think ur morals are perfect. Again, I'm sorry, but I can't change you and you can't change me and we're too different to go on nemore. It's like trying to put two magnets opposite to each other. We want them to go together to be "friends," but it just can't happen...too much friction. Well, I'm out...and I'll tell you the worst part of this all. Out of everything good that happened today...it only takes something like that to bring everything down for me. Night.
01/03/04 (11:20 PM): Here I am again. Tired, with a massive headache. Too much to think about is giving me stress. What do you say to the most beautiful girl you've ever known, whom you can't help but love, when you want to be with her when you can't? If you know...please tell me. And let me make it clear that if I were to be with her...I'd probably end up tearing my heart out of my chest in depression. What am I saying...Yes, of course I'd survive...but I'd be in constant heart pain. Although, so far being away isn't too much better. If only there were such a thing as fate. If only we wouldn't have to make decisions...they'd already be made for us. Who knows what'll happen to me...even I feel lost now. Of course, I've always felt lost in love. That's why I've pretty much given up on the hope of it ever being. Anyway, enough of my complaining. I ask all those who care out there to pray to God to give me wisdom on how to take hold of this situation. Peace out.
01/16/04 (11:30 PM): I'm usually not on this late, but I was at pizza hut tonight. Good times...sorry about all the jokes Niki, it's just so easy. However, it wasn't all fun and games...heh what am I saying? I held my pee for like 3 hours and went to Pizza Hut, hoping the bathrooms would be open....but they deffintely weren't! I still got the job done tho...and if you're really that curious...maybe you should ask me how b/c I won't explain it in here. Well, Louisville actually won against Minerva...yeah...and I'm so stinkin' tired I'm off to bed...it's more editing tomorrow and bowling at night. Later all. Peace out (and I'm not ghetto..sry).
01/24/04 (11 AM): Well, I'm pretty bored, so I guess I'll write on here for all those hundreds of people who come and read this. Sike... It's alright, I guess it's more for me...to get some stuff out and hopefully feel better about it...tho that usually doesn't happen. Yeah, life isn't too great. I mean, I've always anticipated the worst so I'm ready for it...but everytime, the pain is always there...nothing can stop it even tho u know it's going to come. I'd say life isn't fair, but I've learned that a long time ago...as have most people, if not all. I'm sure I'll get over this as I do everything...but I said before...nothing can prepare you for this pain....nothing can prepare you for love. It kills...literally.