01/01/03 (1:15 AM):Guess what! It's a new year! I will miss 2002 and all its memories, but 2003 is here and I'm ready for it! I went to the church for a New Year's Eve Party. It was pretty fun. We talked, I trained a little kid to be a...secret weapon of some sort, and I did play sardines some. It was quite a blast, except the little kids who were always annyoing us. I don't think they realize that big kids don't want much to do with them, they're just too hyper and immature. When we're tired, they never wanna quit. Oh well. Many more good memories will replace the bad ones. I just don't wanna see that stupid clown, who does not have my name, or I will staple his face with a staple gun. Well, I suppose that's all. One more thing...yeah, she was there. Talk later. Night.
01/02/03 (9:40 PM):Usually, I don't write a day to day entry unless I feel I should. It is official. I can now say to myself, "Happy New Year, Cody, Happy New year." To those who think of it as a meer flake of dead skin falling off, I see it as a fatal wound. Hope has tried, but I have failed it. I have done everything stupidly and without thinking. I have hurt someone dear to my heart, in a way I didn't even see coming. Now, I have to back off, I have to let her do whatever without yelling or asking. There is a saying that says we can't get what we always want, but in this case, for me, it would be we can't always get what we need. It's time to face the truth, there will always be someone else. It's time to be... the friend I should be. I am sorry. Night.
01/04/03 (12:00 PM):The day goes on and more pain comes. The biggest, however, is the fact that everyone is right, I need to move on. I don't ever want to and she will always be the main one in my heart, but it is true, I need to relieve myself from this pain and move on. However, I have tried this once before and I only ended up back where I was. Yet I will try again to see what life has to give me. Time it will take for me to accept any other girl. Even now, I'm troubled b/c I already miss her and I haven't even gone anywhere. I'm sorry I write about you, I guess I have no life. I hate to say this, but perhaps I should be left alone for a lil while, b/c this is as serious to me as WW2 was to Hitler, probably even more. I'm out. Bye.
01/06/03 (10:30 AM):Well, school has been canceled for the day, so what do I have to do? Work. And before that? Snow blow the frickin' driveway. Only more stuff to add onto my pissed off, stressful life. Not one word since Thursday. Hmm. And what do you think that tells me? It tells me that it can only be carelessness that has let this happen. So be it. Life is pointless and full of crap without the need that I have tried for, yes need. Many will not understand what I'm saying, but to those who know what goes on, you have some idea. Although, what it means to you, may mean something different to me. I keep it that way...so no one can get too close. And if you don't know it already, I'm quite pissed. Bye.
01/09/10 (9:30 PM):Well, it's been a week now and all is back to normal. I'm back to my normal mood with some changes already taking place. Now, the biggest, most difficult question still stands, do I move on? Do I try to like someone else when I am in love with another? Do I want to risk crushing one's heart? I will tell you this much, that, I'd never want to do. Anyway, even if I do move on...to whom? It's not like there's a lot of girls that I like. There's one or two I like, and of course one I love, and I'm sure some are sitting there, naming off those people b/c they know. Hmm, sometimes I wonder if I get a little too personal, letting so many people from the internet into my personal life, even though I'm not giving a lot of details. Oh well, I guess that's what a log is for. And if they want to make fun of me for it, which hasn't happened yet, that just goes to show who's mature. Speaking of mature, those of you in Brown's class for English, you'd probably have to be mature to watch the movie we're watching now! Also, my twin, Rob, did you happen to be at Denny's in Canton off of Route 62 b/c a friend of mine said they saw someone who looked like me, with the same humorous nature, and was talking about James Bond. Of course, right away, I though of you, Rob, but then again, it's doubtful. Oh well. Back to the life of boredom. Night.
01/13/03 (9:30 PM):Sorry I haven't been on here in a little while, but I may not do too much in here for a little while because...I just don't fell like it. Night.
01/17/03 (10:05 PM):Well, I suppose I'm in a better mood. We didn't have school today, teachers in service or something like that. So what did I do? Went to work of course! Anyhoo, I didn't do much today besides that. Still working on my short novel, which only my twin really knows about. Well, I have work early morning tomorrow so I'll be hitting the road. Night.
01/21/03 (10:10 PM):Well, guess what!! I'm back in the mood, which will last for sometime. So, long story short, leave me alone!
01/26/03 (2:45 PM):I'm in a serious major depression. I don't know how long it'll last...I don't know what to do in life...and I don't know if I even care. Just about everything's been taken away from me...and still for some reason I can't let go. So, to depression I go and I'd appreciate everyone leaving me be.
01/27/03 (7:05 PM):I suppose that it's time. The cards have been laid out in full view, and this time all the hidden ones have been shown. No more tricks, no more false hopes. Now it's time. Time to take my life and willingly accept it the way it has been given to me. I will miss so many things, the smile, the laugh, the eyes, the hope, the talks, and I could go on, but now...now, my quest is over. I won nothing and lost everything, and now I must take what I have left and live the life I chose. There's not a whole lot for me to say really. Just that, I wish it would have turned out much better. The wicked world has won again, and I go back emptyhanded.
01/31/03 (9:40 PM):Well, the mood is still somewhat the same, but there is a difference. Through all of this, I've learned about someone I haven't really talked to in awhile...myself. I wish I could say that all of this has been good, but it hasn't. Getting to know me better has been good, but I regret many things, mostly the things I could not help but to let happen b/c I had no control. I don't know what to do or where to go from here. All is confusing and still blurry, but I have hope that it will get better. I'm able to be talked to now, so that seems like progress. Well, ttyl in February. Night.