Title: Love and Pain

Author: Stephanie M wicciangirl51@hotmail.com

Author’s Website: https://www.angelfire.lycos.com/freak/beyondfriendship

Pairing: Xander/Spike (eventually)

Dedications: Jayne for beta reading.

Summary: Xander takes care of an injured Spike and discovers his place in the universe.

Rating: NC-17

Prologue

Xander looked around what was now his apartment. Granted it wasn't much but all that mattered that it was his. Xander managed to resist the urge to jump and down with joy, instead bouncing on his heels as he considered his plans.

The first step would be to tell the gang about his change of address. "Not that they really care!" A part of his mind answered but Xander ignored the voice, not wanting to face the fact that he was alone once again. The second step would be to tell everyone about his breaking up with Anya, who had declared that a friend of hers was going to help her become a demon once again. He was happy for her but also angry and sad that she had chose to become a demon instead of spending her life with him.

"Is it me?" Xander asked himself,

"Am I just destined to spend the rest of my life alone?" Xander asked aloud, jumping in surprised when he heard someone groaning.

Turning, Xander gasped in shock and horror at the sight of Spike. The vampire looked like he was close to being unconscious, there was blood pouring out of his body and pooling on the floor.

"Spike, what happened? Come on in." Xander whispered as he rushed over to reach Spike's side, acting on instinct. Xander scooped Spike into his arms as the vampire started to fall towards the floor.

Xander carried his precious cargo into the small Spartan bedroom, gently placing the vampire on the bed as he rushed out of the room searching for supplies.

"Ok, what do I need? Lets see erm…water…cloths, bandages…what else?" Xander said to himself as he opened the bathroom cabinet, placing the bandages and the antiseptic in a bowl he had grabbed from the kitchen. "What else do I need?" Xander thought to himself as he searched for a sewing kit to seal any wounds, finding one he placed it in the bowl before waking into the kitchen.

Grabbing the recently boiled kettle, Xander returned to the bedroom, his arms full of supplies. His eyebrows knitted together in worry as he saw that Spike hadn't moved.

Xander placed the supplies on the bedside table and poured some water into the empty bowl. Looking around for something to clean the wounds, Xander spied a white t-shirt.

Xander quickly ripped the top into strips, placing each one into the hot water. Wincing in sympathy, Xander grabbed the knife from Spike's boots to cut the vampire's top away from the pouring wound.

Once the top was out of the way, he quickly used the strips of material to clean the wound, which looked remarkable like a stake. Who would try to stake Spike? Xander wondered as he cleaned the wound. His suspicions were confirmed as he spied small pieces of wood inside Spike's chest. The only option was to remove them but Xander knew that it would be painful.

Opening the sewing kit, Xander quickly took out a pair of tweezers. He placed the tweezers in the antiseptic, wanting to ensure that there would be no chance of infection. The only thing was that it would really hurt when he used them to remove the splinters.

Spike started growling soon after the tweezers were placed inside the cut. Patting the vamp's face Xander ignored the growls and continued to work. After around twenty minutes, all the pieces of wood were out. The next step was to sew up the cut then to deal with everything else.

Carefully threading the needle with a white plastic thread Xander bent his head over the wound, realising that he would have to use small stitches to stop the vamp from getting a scar. Luckily or not depending on how you looked at it, Xander had plenty of experience with stitching up wounds so that they didn't scar. He pushed the thoughts away, knowing that it was not the time. The only thing that mattered was to get Spike healthy. Soon the cut was sealed but Spike still hadn't opened his eyes.

Spike needed blood to heal and according to what Giles had told them, human blood was the best. Xander guessed that the best blood would be that of a Slayer but he couldn't imagine Buffy donating her blood to save Spike. The Slayer would probably just laugh and watch him die.

Making a decision Xander went to the kitchen and grabbed a knife, while locking the door with the four deadbolts; he didn't want anyone to get into the apartment while he was taking care of Spike.

Xander walked back into the bedroom determined, he knew that the rest of the Slayerettes wouldn't approve but they didn't matter. All that mattered was that Spike could die and Xander had the power to help him. Lying down on the bed next to Spike, Xander brought the knife up to his wrist and quickly sliced the vein open. With the other hand, he placed his wrist at Spike's mouth hoping that instinct would take over and that Spike would drink.

All seemed to be lost for a few minutes, when all of a sudden Spike started to suckle hungrily at Xander's wrist moving a hand to hold the boy's arm. As the vampire drank his blood, he could feel a darkness approaching, as the effects of blood loss started. Xander surrendered to the darkness, secure in the knowledge that Spike was safe.

Part 1:

Spike woke to find himself on a bed and holding someone. Scenting the air, Spike wasn't surprised to find that he was with the boy. After the event of the previous night, he had run to the only place he felt safe, which was in the arms of a mortal. At this thought, Spike growled quietly making the figure next to him move fitfully.

Spike opened his eyes to see that he had Xander's wrist against his mouth that the boy was holding there. Why was the mortal giving him his blood? Hadn't the Watcher taught them anything?

Moving the wrist from his mouth, Spike looked at the bedside table that thankfully held some bandages and a sewing kit. Within seconds, Spike had successfully untangled himself from the mortal's grasp and held the needle in his hand.

The only needle he could find was the one the Whelp, no Xander had used on his own cuts. With a shrug, Spike started to move the needle efficiently through the cut, a wave of shock going through him when the chip didn't go off. After a couple of minutes, the cut was sealed but the boy was still pale.

"That's the problem with mortal's, they are so fragile!" Spike thought to himself as he thought about a solution. He couldn't get the boy to a hospital, or Slutty and the others would find out and he'd be dust.

Maybe he could call in a couple of favours, until then he could give the mortal some of his blood, not enough to turn him but enough to keep him alive. Making a small cut on his wrist, Spike unknowingly mimicked Xander's earlier movements as he held his hand against the mortal's wrist.

A smile graced Spike's face as Xander started to drink the blood with a grimace. Removing his wrist from the mortal's mouth Spike quickly left the room, looking for a phone. The phone was located in the kitchen next to the fridge. Picking up the phone, Spike dialled a number from memory while looking in the fridge, surprised to find a bag of blood. If there was blood, why had Xander given his own blood to him? Spike wondered until a voice drew his attention to the phone.

"Hiya, Reef, darling. Could you do me a favour? I'll pay you." Spike drawled, lighting a cigarette.

"It's been too long brother. What is it this time and how much?" The husky female voice asked.

"I need a doctor for my human. Ask him to bring some blood, whatever human's need." Spike replied, surprised to find that he considered the mortal his.

"Your mortal? You'll have to tell me all the gossip. I'll send Tomas, don't worry you can trust him. I'll have to met this mortal,” Reef answered.

Spike gave the address and put the phone down, promising to take Xander to see her.

Part 2:

Spike paced the apartment filled with worry for the unconscious boy and for himself. If anyone discovered that he had fed from the boy, he would be dust and there was that little problem of Reef. Spike had always prided himself on being a good judge of character and knew that his sister would delight in torturing him about his feelings for the mortal.

Suddenly Spike stopped feelings for the boy, since when had he cared for any mortal, least of all the Slayer's White Knight. Mind you, Xander did have those wonderful eyes, that dark hair and the delightfully sarcastic wit of someone who knew about pain. Spike growled at the direction that his thoughts were taking. Spike found himself gazing at Xander, using the moment to take in the sheer beauty of the man.

Spike jumped as a loud knock echoed in the dreary apartment. On the way to the door, he grabbed a large knife from the kitchen and smiled. He may not be able to hurt humans but that didn't mean he couldn't scare them just a little.

"Sorry man, I'm really not going to cause any harm to your friend. My name is Thomas and I'm a doctor. Reef said that you have an injured mortal. Just how bad is it?" The short blond man said as he walked into the apartment.

"How do I know I can trust you?" Spike asked watching the man suspiciously; he wasn't going to let anyone see Xander until he was sure they were safe.

"You don't but do you honestly think I want to make you or Reef angry with me?" The man replied honestly, walking towards the bedroom.

With a shrug, Spike realised that the doctor was right. Even though he couldn't technically hurt humans, Spike had plenty of people that owed him favours. Reef on a vengeance trip was more than enough to make even the bravest man quake in fear.

Thomas said as opened a black bag, "Oh just a case of blood loss, from the way Reef described it I thought it was worse. I'll set up a couple of blood transfusions and give you some iron tablets. Make sure he takes them for a couple of days. "

Spike opened each bag of blood given to Xander who lay motionless on the bed. After the fourth bag, he was pleased to see that Xander was beginning to stir. Quickly Spike grabbed the bag from the floor and hustled Thomas out of the apartment, promising to make sure that Xander took the tablets.

Xander woke to the feeling of eyes watching him but it was strangely comforting. Opening one eye, he found himself staring into the clear blue eyes of Spike. Deep inside Xander knew that he should feel afraid or nervous that Spike was so close but all he felt was safe, at home.

"Hello Pet, it's only me. Don't worry you're safe, I'm here." Spike whispered into Xander's ear, causing the mortal to shiver in a mix of arousal and anticipation.

"Spike, you ok. Do you need something?" Xander asked quickly as memories of the previous night came back.

"Thanks for last night, luv. I'm great but I'm afraid we're going to have to move. You've got to be at the Watcher's in ten minutes." Spike replied with a look at his watch.

Xander lay back on the bed, watching as Spike stretched, revealing just a glimpse of the toned pale stomach. Biting back a groan, he moved out of the bed, surprised to find that he was dreading the thought of leaving Spike.

"Can you come with me?" Xander whispered the request to Spike, hating how needy it made him sound, expecting the vampire to laugh at him.

"Sure Pet but I don't think they're going to like it too well." Spike replied a smile on his face as he considered the expression on the Slayer's face.

Ten minutes later they were finally ready to leave the apartment, Xander having changed into a long sleeved top, to hide the cut on his wrist. The pair walked in a companionable silence, so close that their shoulders brushed.

With a growl, Spike held out his hand to grab Xander's hating how weak he was. He, William the Bloody was walking through the Sunnydale acting like a lovesick puppy. The smile on Xander's face soon changed his mind, Spike realised for the first time that he was beginning to fall for Xander Harris.

As they approached, the Watcher's Spike let go of the boy's hand realising that it would be suicide if the Slayer saw him. With an unneeded breath, Spike opened the door, allowing Xander to follow behind him. The unconscious move was Spike's way of protecting the boy from the people who had caused his Xander nothing but pain. As soon as the group saw Spike silence descended, each one wondering just why the vampire was there. There was nothing special about the meeting; it was only research for any possible prophecies.

"What are you doing here, Spike? No demons to pester?" Buffy asked the question that was foremost in everyone's mind.

"I asked him to come, Buff. I figured he might have some info he could give us." Xander quickly answered for Spike, realising just what position he had put the vampire in.

"Are you alright, Xander?" Willow asked with concern, sensing that something was slightly wrong about her friend.

"Anya's left to become a demon again." Xander replied, hoping that they would buy the story, leaving him and Spike in peace.

"I suppose that makes sense, I'm here if you need to talk." Willow replied with a small smile as she returned to her books, not seeing the look of anger on Xander's face at her comment.

Xander was seething at what Willow had said, like she was ever there for him. She hadn't been there for him in years why would he turn to her now. Xander sat down on the Sofa, pulling Spike to sit next to him. They were sitting so close that their legs brushed together, causing each one to tremble. Xander picked up one of the many books, strewn on the floor and started reading, content to simply sit next to Spike.

Spike fetched the blood from the fridge not really needing to feed but to make Slutty and the others believe his excuse. The microwave pinged to signal that the blood was ready. Walking into the lounge Spike delighted in the look of disgust on the mortals' faces at the marshmallows floating in the sea of blood.

Spike took his seat next to Xander and stared until Buffy looked away, the others having returned to their books. He watched transfixed as Xander licked his lips as sweet scent of blood filled the air.

Xander growled sub vocally at the smell of the blood, making Spike look up in a mix of desire and amazement, the sight that greeted him was enough to make the vampire exclaim in shock, "Bloody Hell!"

The shout caused all eyes to turn towards the pair on the sofa, each pair wondering what had Spike so upset. Xander was eyeing the blood hungrily, a Xander with fangs and yellow eyes.

"You're dust." Willow shouted at Spike as she reached for a stake.

"You turned him!" Buffy cried hysterically as Spike curled his body protectively around Xander.

"Sit down NOW! Xander is not vampire but I think I know what has happened. I'll have to consult my books but you can't hurt Spike or you'll hurt Xander." Giles' voice bellowed through the room, cold and hard like steel.

It had the desired effect as Buffy and Willow sat down quietly.

Spike ignored the glares directed his way as he stroked Xander's face in an effort to calm down the terrified mortal. He was so absorbed in his task that he didn't notice the worried frown that passed over Giles' face.

"It's alright, I'm here. No one will hurt you, I'll protect you." Spike chanted into Xander's ear as he held the boy close to him. He felt an overwhelming urge to take the boy and hide, away from Slutty and her group.

Xander slowly stopped shaking under Spike's calming touch, he didn't understand what had happened but he knew that he needed Spike. All that mattered was Spike and if the vampire said he was safe then it was true.

Part 3:

Giles returned and sat down facing the sofa with an angry scowl on his face. He knew just what had happened but even he didn't know how to deal with the problem. Opening the large book he had received only a week ago from the Watcher's Giles cleared his throat.

"If a vampire and a mortal freely exchange blood there can be unusual side effects. In most cases, it causes a slight change in the senses and strengths of the mortal due to the bond it creates between the pair. It is possible that the Hellmouth made this bond stronger so that Xander now has some of the vampire traits as I imagine Spike will have some of the human strengths." Giles said, stopping to swallow and give one last glare to Spike before continuing. In response, Spike tightened his hold on Xander.

"There appears to be a protective and emotional link between the pair. Given their reactions the only conclusion is that this bond is permanent. Neither one can harm the other; they need each other too much. If they separate they will spend eternity feeling incomplete, becoming a shell of their former selves."

"Spike would never hurt me. He's my friend." Xander said into the now silent room, feeling the eyes of his former friends on him.

Spike stood, determined to take Xander somewhere safe. The apartment would be fine for a couple of hours but what then. Inspiration struck as he remembered his earlier promise to Reef. They could go to Reef's and no one would find them.

Spike reached for Xander's hand and directed the mortal towards the door, keeping himself between Xander and the stunned Slayerettes.

Part 4:

As soon as they stepped outside, Xander moved closer to Spike wanted to feel the vampire's arms around him, needing to feel safe and protected. As if noticing the boy's feelings Spike opened his arms, gripping Xander in a tight comforting embrace. They stood in silence content to simply feel safe and loved for the first time in their lives.

"Luv, we have to move, come on, Pet." Spike whispered into the night, his voice low to avoid scaring the mortal.

"Sure, you're coming with me, right?" Xander asked, at the same time hating how much he needed the vampire.

"Course I am. We just need to go and see a mate to mine. We'll have to go to your place first for some supplies." Spike replied, leading Xander down the street towards the small apartment.

Ten minutes later they arrived at the small apartment that Xander now called home, the one place he hadn't told the fellow Slayerettes about.

"What are we going to do now Spike? Just stroll up to the nearest hotel and ask if they would mind hiding a Master Vampire and his erm…mortal bond mate. I really don't see that being too successful and we are not going LA. The last person or person type creature I want to see is Deadboy."

"Don't worry about it, luv. I'll take care of everything can you pack what you need for at least a week? " Spike replied walking over to the fridge, taking out the bag of blood.

"Yeah, I haven't got a lot of stuff anyway. Are we going to call by the crypt?" Xander replied as he walked into the bedroom, taking a large black holdall from under the bed. "

No need to Pet. All my stuff was trashed last night. We're going to go to a friend of mine. You stay here while I get the car." Spike said, his tone making it clear that he would accept no arguments. Walking to the door Spike wondered just how he was going to get to his car and back without running into any of the do-gooders. He knew they would be out in force, determined to rescue Xander regardless of what Rupert had told them all.

Xander packed quickly, just grabbing all his clothes and stuffing them into the bag. His wardrobe was mainly black, a necessity for slaying and fighting. While he packed, Xander took stock of the situation, in an attempt to understand his feelings for Spike.

The reaction of the hyena was the simplest to understand. Spike was a member of his pack, a pack member who would make a good mate. The hyena screamed inside his mind that Spike belonged to him, that the vampire was worthy of being its mate. The soldier recognised Spike as a brother at arms, a comrade. Spike would give his life to save Xander, just as Xander would for him. This made the vampire a true fighter and friend, someone who could be trusted above all else.

The man inside Xander was having the most difficult reaction to understand. There was a connection with the vampire that called to his very soul. Xander was unsure if Spike would love him as he loved Spike. Did the vampire feel true love for him or was it simply an effect of the bond?

"You ready Xan. We really need to get moving." Spike's drawl beside him drew Xander out of his mind and back to reality.

"All set, you going to tell me who we're going to see?" Xander replied, curious as to who Spike trusted so much, jealously flaring up.

"Just an old friend of mine, don't worry nothing will happen to you." Spike whispered into the mortal's ear as he dragged the boy out of the apartment to the waiting car.

Throwing the bag in the back, Spike opened the passenger door, anxious for Xander to get inside the car, so they could get out of Sunnyhell. Xander quickly got inside, fastening his seatbelt without a thought, as he took in the darkened out windows.

Looking at Spike's hand he wondered just how the vampire would react if Xander held his hand. With a shrug, Xander slowly reached out to take Spike's hand in his own, marvelling in the pale, cold skin.

"Why don't you go to sleep, Pet? I'll wake you when we get to Reef's." Spike suggested to Xander, realising how tired the mortal looked. Xander just nodded at him and burrowed himself further into the chair.

While Xander settled into sleep, Spike kept one eye on the mortal, just to make sure the boy didn't get into any trouble Spike replied to the voice trying to tell him that he was in love with the mortal.

Reef would be more than willing to put him up at least for a couple of nights. The only problem being keeping Reef from telling Xander all his secrets, not that he wanted to keep anything from the boy. Since Xander was asleep, Spike started the car and pulled away.

"If the boy finds out everything I've done he'll leave. He can't leave, he belongs to me." Spike thought to himself, his demon howling in protest at the possibility of being separated.

Part 5:

Xander looked up in surprise as Spike pulled up outside what appeared to be a small shop. Who lived here that Spike apparently trusted so much? More importantly, at least to him what was the relationship between Spike and whoever lived here?

"Come on, Pet we need to get out the car. This is the home of my friend, I promise nothing will happen to you." Spike said in a calming voice, seeing that Xander didn't want to go inside.

With a halfhearted smile, Xander released Spike's hand and got out the car, taking his bag with him. Walking to Spike, he gripped the vampire's hand tightly as they walked to the door.

The door flew open to reveal a woman with black shoulder length hair wearing a pair of black jeans with a green top that perfectly matched her eyes. On seeing the pair, she smirked in a way that reminded Xander of Spike when the vampire got his own way.

"Spike, great to see you brother. Who's this gorgeous man?" She said her voice full of humour. "

Good to see you too, Reef. This is Xander, he's mine. Can we go inside?" Spike replied, not liking the way Reef was looking at his Xan.

"Don't worry I won't hurt him. Come inside and tell me everything." Reef said as she led the way into the shop.

Looking around the shop, Xander recognised a number of magical books and ingredients due to his experience with the Scooby Gang. The main thing that gave the shop away as a magic shop was the protection runes on the inside of the doorway.

"This is a nice shop. It's a magic shop isn't it?" Xander asked Reef as she led them through a small door into the back room.

"Yes it is but this isn't you're run of the mill magic shop. Here we cater only to non-humans, mainly because it is difficult for many of us who aren't human to get supplies. Do you know anything about demon culture?" Reef said as she motioned for everyone to sit down.

"No, on the Hellmouth we mainly focus on how to kill demons. I take it that not every demon is trying to take over the world." Xander asked as he took the seat next to Spike, his curiosity getting the better of him.

"Hardly, many of us are trying to get on with their own lives. I see you're tired, Xander. Spike why don't you take him up to your room. I'm sure the two of you don't mind sharing." Reef said, making it clear to Spike that she wanted to speak to him alone.

Spike came downstairs ten minutes later after waiting for Xander to fall asleep. Taking a seat opposite Reef, he allowed her to see how afraid he was for himself and for Xander.

"What happened? Don't try lying to me, Will." Reef said her voice stern.

Worry anger and fear colouring his voice Spike said, "He fed me some of his blood and I gave him some of mine. Now we're got some kind of connection. I'm feeling protective for him and I think I love him. The Watcher said it was because we willingly shared blood. The chip didn't go off when I drank from him."

Avoiding Spike's gaze Reef said, "I can explain what happened but I don't know if you will like it. Its pretty rare but it has happened before. When a vampire finds their true mate, the one they are supposed to be with something unusual happens. If their mate is human then the pair shares the demon. The best I can figure is that it's the demon's way of protecting its mate but that's not all, the vampire gains a resistance to holy water and crosses."

Part 6:

Xander screamed as the demon moved closer, the blood from the remains of its previous victim dripping onto the floor. Xander quickly ran towards his apartment and safety, not wanting to be on the streets of Sunnydale any longer than necessary. Opening the door with the key, he walked inside freezing as he felt the familiar fingers tighten around his mouth.

Looking up he found himself staring into the lust filled gaze of his father, the man's face showing a mix of disgust, arousal, and hate. As his father began to roughly pull the clothes from his body, Xander did the only thing he could think off he scream for Spike to help him. He knew with a certainty that shocked him that the vampire would help him and keep him safe.

Xander gasped as he found himself sitting up in bed, Spike's name on his lips. As he managed to get his breathing under control, he felt the now familiar arms close around him.

"Its alright, I'm here. No one will hurt you now." Spike whispered into Xander's ear relaxing only slightly when he felt the boy's shaking subsiding. He had run up the stairs positive that Xander was being attacked, only to find the mortal in the throes of what appeared to be a nightmare. Nightmares were one area he didn't have much experience with; acting on his instincts, he had let Xander know that he would protect him.

"I'm guessing you want to know the full story." Xander asked once he had his breathing under control.

"Only if you want to tell me, Xan." Spike whispered knowing that whatever it was clearly terrified his mortal.

"It was a memory not a nightmare. My father...he sometimes rapes me. He's been doing it for a while now, I try to stop him, but I'm not strong enough. Why can't I stop him?" Xander said looking at the bed, ignoring the tears falling from his eyes.

It was unclear which one moved first as their lips met in a kiss that was soft, gentle, and comforting. The pair shivered as they broke apart, each one wondering what would happen now. Xander couldn't believe what he had just done; surely, Spike would hate him now. Spike was worried that Xander would leave him.

"I love you, Xan." Spike said figuring that seeing how there was a good chance that Xander would leave he may as well tell the truth.

"I'm so sorry for doing that Spike…I'll understand if you hate me but I love you…What did you say?" Xander blurted before stopping when he eventually ran out of air.

"I love you Xander and I'll never leave you. The bond we have isn't because we shared blood its because we are a part of each other. Reef said that it was because you are my destined mate." Spike said not looking at Xander afraid of the boy's reaction.

"That's good, I'm going to go to sleep now. Will you hold me?" Xander said, a part of him believing that it was all a dream.

Instead of answering, Spike lay down on the bed pulling Xander down with him. He quickly shifted the mortal so that Xander was lying on Spike's chest. This way he could feel Xander's heartbeat as they slept. Secure in their newly discovered love the couple slept each one dreaming of the other.

Part 7:

"Time to wake up, Xan." Spike said as he tenderly brushed the hair away from the boy's eyes.

As he waited for Xander to wake up, Spike considered the situation. He, a Master Vampire, the childe of Angelus had fallen in love with a mortal, and not just any mortal a friend of the Slayer! It went against everything he had ever learnt as a demon, not that it really mattered as he had never followed the rules. Xander was his and he was not going to let anyone take the boy away from him.

The boy was his and he protected what was his, so he would have to pay Xander's father a visit. The chip in his head wouldn't let him hurt the bastard but he had plenty of demons that owed him favours, the man was as good as dead. Spike smiled cruelly as he imagined presenting Xander with his father's heart. He knew that the boy would understand the sentiment behind it, for a human Xander knew a lot about the behaviour of vampires.

"What are you grinning at?" Xander's asked as he spied the grin, no smirk on Spike's face.

"Just thinking about what I'm going to do to that father of yours." Spike replied, happiness flooding him when he spied the gleam of pleasure in Xander's eyes.

"You can't handle him yourself, Spike you might get hurt and I'm not worth getting hurt over. Why don't you get someone to help you? A demon somewhere must owe you a favour. Or you could just teach me what to do." Xander said, not wanting Spike to get hurt because of him.

"You are worth it, Xan. Slutty and the others have no idea how important and special you are. You're mine and I protect what's mine." Spike said, gripping Xander's hand.

"I'm yours but you're mine as well Spike and I'm not letting you get hurt because of him." Xander said as he leaned closer to Spike.

Xander moved towards Spike, a part of him believing that it was a dream and he would wake up alone. Xander reached out with one hand to trace Spike's jaw, his other hand still in Spike's grip. Licking his lips, Xander moved forward placing his lips on Spike's. For a second they stayed like that, breathing in the scent of each other. Xander moaned as he felt Spike's tongue beg entry into his mouth, he parted his lips and shivered when he felt Spike's tongue caressing his own.

Xander could hardly believe what was happening, he had dreamed of this moment for so long, ever since the night Angel had offered him to Spike. A part of his mind wondered if it was a bad thing that he was turned on seeing Spike fight, he vividly remembered the look in Spike's eyes that night.

Xander moved his tongue into Spike's mouth, examining every area of the vampire's mouth, gently pressing his tongue against Spike's fangs. At this Spike shivered, wanting nothing more than to rip the clothes of the boy and take him right there but then, he remembered what Xander had suffered at the hands of his father. He wouldn't let Xander feel like that ever again, Xander was the one who was going to take the lead this time.

Xander broke the kiss only when he started to feel light headed, and not in the good sense. Panting he looked at Spike, the vampire had never looked so attractive, his eyes were golden, shining with desire and love.

"What do we do now, Spike?" Xander asked reluctantly, wanting nothing more than to spend the forever in Spike's arms feeling safe and loved.

"First we'll go down and get you something to eat. Reef mentioned cooking for you earlier, it's a wonder the house hasn't burnt down." Spike said, as he stood up holding his hand out.

Xander stood, stretching before taking Spike's hand and walking downstairs. As they approached the kitchen, the smell of something caused Xander's stomach to growl. Walking into the kitchen, he saw Reef, stirring a pot of something he hoped was edible while humming.

"Nice to see you're up. Sit down and I'll bring in your food." Reef said, seeing the way Xander was looking at the food.

"It smells great, what is it?" Xander asked, hoping that he hadn't offended her, positive that he didn't want the powerful woman angry at him.

"It's a recipe that I picked up in France. Its called Boeuf Bourguignonne. Its really wonderful." Reef said as she placed the food into a bowl and set the bowl onto the table in front of Xander.

"Spike calls you his sister, why's that?" Xander asked shortly before he started eating.

Reef said, "I'm a witch and I'm not completely human. My mother was an elf and my father was human. However, that's not really important to the story. I first met Spike in 1961 when I had been captured by a group of humans who wanted to drain me of my power. To make a long story short Spike saved me and as a result became my blood brother. Since then, we've only seen each other a couple of times but he saved my life and I consider him my brother. If he ever needs me I will be there for him as he will be there for me."

Xander picked up his now empty bowl and quickly washed it, eager to discuss his plan with Spike. Walking into the lounge he found Spike and Reef talking quietly, he heard Spike mention Dru and stopped.

"What's wrong, love?" Spike asked concerned at the way Xander was behaving.

"You mentioned Dru, are you going back to her?" Xander said in a low voice.

"I love you Xander and I'm never going to leave you. I was just telling Reef where Dru was because she asked." Spike said as he walked over to Xander, taking in how afraid the man looked.

"You promise." Xander asked as he stared Spike in the eyes.

"I promise." Spike said, pulling Xander into a tight embrace.

"I need to go to Sunnydale to see the others." Xander said, knowing that Spike wouldn't want him to go.

"There is no way you're going there, they'll hurt you." Spike growled not wanting Xander to be hurt.

"I need to tell them what's happening but can we move somewhere else. I don't want to live in Sunnydale." Xander replied.

"Sure, why don't you go and get changed and I'll make some phone calls." Spike said, letting go of Xander's hand.

As soon as Xander went upstairs, Spike reached for Reef's telephone and called a number from memory.

"It's Will, I need your help." Spike said as soon as he heard the familiar voice on the other end of the line.

"I'll help you, what's happened." Angel replied, the bond between Sire and Child too strong to deny.

"I've found my mate and we need to get out of Sunnyhell." Spike answered not revealing the identity of his mate.

"I'll get a room ready for you tonight." Angel said as he put the phone down.

Part 8

Spike looked up as Xander entered the room, wearing a pair of black jeans and a red shirt that caused Spike's eyes to shine with lust. Xander walked over to the gaping Spike and gently held his hand, pulling the vampire towards the door.

"We won't have to be there long but I can't leave without telling them. I have a duty to tell my pack that I'm leaving." Xander said trying to reassure Spike, at the same time knowing that the confrontation with his friends was going to be painful.

Spike arched his eyebrow when he heard Xander refer to the team as his pack, he wondered if the boy realised just how often he did it. Just what had happened to make the boy think like that? Spike asked himself as he opened the door, waving goodbye to Reef.

"Thanks for letting us stay. You are a great person." Xander said as he hugged Reef, feeling a bond with her.

"You're not so bad yourself. Take care and watch out for Spike." Reef replied as she watched Xander leave, closing the door tightly behind him.

"So did you sort out somewhere for us to stay?" Xander asked as he got into the passenger seat, fastening his seatbelt in a hurry when he remembered Spike's driving on the way there.

"Yeah but you won't like it." Spike said, knowing that Xander wasn't friendly with Angel. Spike could understand very well, he didn't like Peaches either but their bond of pain and blood was one thing he could always depend upon.

"Why we're not going to stay with Deadboy are we?" Xander asked, turning to look at the vampire when Spike didn't answer simply starting the car and heading towards Sunnydale.

"We are, aren't we? Oh that's just great, have you forgotten how much Angel hates me?" Xander asked worried that Angel would turn them away.

"You might be surprised." Spike answered remembering the way Angel was obsessively protective of Xander. Angelus had been a lot more blatant, declaring that no one was to go near Xander, spending nights watching the mortal from afar.

"You don't mean that he had a thing for me, do you? That's just gross, I mean its Angel." Xander said at the same time trying to banish the images from his mind.

"Don't worry, love. He'll let us stay, he is my Sire." Spike said, taking hold of Xander's hand when he noticed the fear pouring off the mortal.

Xander looked at the house opposite the car fear and anger vying for control, eventually anger won. He was going to tell them thatp he was leaving and that was it. There was no way he and Spike could stay here it was too dangerous for both of them and Xander had gotten tired of feeling unwanted. True friends were supposed to be there for you, he could honestly say that none of the Slayerettes had noticed him for the last year.

"Love, you have to get out of the car." Spike said in a low tone, gently caressing Xander's hand with his finger.

"I know but I'm just worried about what's going to happen." Xander said in the same tone.

"Don't worry I won't let them hurt you." Spike growled out.

"Its not me I'm worried about." Xander answered knowing that at least one of his former friends would try and vampire.

"We can handle them together." Spike said, leaning over to place a chaste kiss on Xander's cheek.

Together the couple got out of the car and walked over to Giles' house, Xander holding Spike's hand in a crushing grip. Spike knocked on the door, and not waiting for a reply walked in, using the key he had "borrowed" from Buffy.

"Xander its good to see you." Giles said, his eyes focusing on their joined hands.

"I'm leaving with Spike." Xander said, ignoring everyone wanting to get it over with as fast as possible.

Buffy said patronisingly looking straight at Xander, "Are you crazy? You can't go with him. He's Spike."

"I'd never hurt, Xan." Spike said at the same tome trying to stop himself turning into his game face.

"I love him and I'm not going to hang around for you to hurt him. I know he won't hurt me." Xander said with a small smile.

"Its your choice, Xander. Him or us, you can't have both." Willow said, confident that her friend would choose her.

"I'm going with Spike, if you were truly my friends you wouldn't have asked." Xander said, turning to walk out of the door.

As Xander turned away, Buffy ran to the couple carrying her usual stake. Seconds before she could thrust it into Spike's chest, Xander reached out his arm to stop her, catching the stake as it touched Spike's shirt.

Xander automatically changed his face into that of a vampire's an involuntary action to protect what was his. With his free arm he pushed Buffy back with all his strength, smiling when Buffy hit the wall and fell unconscious.

Spike led Xander out of the house, letting Xander go ahead so that he could watch the Slayerettes just in case they decided to attack again. Once they were outside, the couple ran to the car, Xander quickly fastening his seatbelt as Spike pulled the car away from the kerb with a loud screech.

"That went well." Xander said, laughing when he spied the look of bewilderment on Spike's face.

"What are you talking about, Xan. They attacked us." Spike said, as he took a quick look at his lover, at the same time swerving the car off the interstate.

"I thought at least one of us would come out bleeding and they didn't try another spell on me." Xander said seriously.

"You caused that car to crash, by the way." Xander continued when Spike quickly changed lanes.

"Anybody dead?" Spike asked happily.

"Well the car is on fire and no one's moving so yeah." Xander said with a smile at the look of pleasure on Spike's face.

Two hours later Spike stopped the car outside the offices of Angel Investigations, a wide smile on his face as he looked over to find Xander asleep. Quietly getting out of the car, he went to the trunk and grabbed a black blanket.

Opening the passenger door, Spike wrapped Xander tenderly before picking up the mortal, adjusting the cover so that Xander was completely covered. He made his way to Angel's office, stopping to kick the door open since his hands were full.

"Will, come in. I assume that's your mate?" Angel said as he saw his Childe tenderly checking on his cargo.

"Yeah but be quiet Peaches, he's only just gone to sleep." Spike said as Angel approached.

"There's a couch in my office, you can put him there." Angel replied as he led the way, noting how Spike gently placed his cargo down, readjusting the covers. Angel took a quick look at the man in Spike's arms, eager to see the man his Childe was so attached to. When he saw Xander, he let out a low growl and stared at Spike.

"What are you doing? If you've hurt him, I'll kill you." Angel shouted at Spike.

"Touch him and you're dust." Xander said, holding a stake against Angel's back.

Part 9

Angel turned to face Xander, to explain his reasons and stopped. The sight of Xander's vampire face causing desire to flood his veins. He had never imagined Xander would make such a beautiful vampire.

"Xander, you don't understand. He might hurt you." Angel said as soon as he found his voice.

"Spike would never hurt me. If you ever threaten him again I'll kill you." Xander said calmly as he reached to pull Spike to him..

"I love him Angelus." Spike said as he moved to stand next to Xander, knowing that the mortal was angry and afraid of what Angel might do.

Angel stopped when he heard Spike's calm words, he knew just how much it took for Spike to say that especially to him. He knew that his Childe would never hurt someone he was in love with but that wasn't really the problem. Angel was angry that his Childe had Xander, the boy Angel had loved and desired for years, and was still in love with.

"I won't hurt him, Xander but I'm only trying to protect you." Angel said as he held out his hand to the boy.

Xander took Angel's hand the vampire visage leaving his face as he realised the threat to Spike was gone. He turned to look at Spike and placed a small kiss on the blonde's cheek.

"So were are we staying, Deadboy?" Xander asked, eager to go back to sleep.

"Your room is next to mine." Angel said as he walked towards the elevator, the other two following him.

"Don't even think about going after him, Peaches. He's Mine." Spike growled, the younger vampire had noticed the looks his sire had been giving Xander and recognised them after spending so long with Angelus.

"I'm not going to do anything unless Xander wants me to." Angel replied with a covert look at the mortal who was busy searching the kitchen for something to eat.

Spike wasn't entirely reassured by his Sire's response he knew just how good Angelus was at manipulation. Spike walked over to Xander and pulled the mortal into a quick hug, needing to feel Xander's body against his.

"Deadboy, you got any food in this place?" Xander asked from inside Spike's arms.

"I'll go and buy something for you to eat." Angel said, knowing he couldn't expect Xander to go without food and not wanting Xander to go outside in the daylight where he couldn't protect him.

As Angel walked out the door, Xander let out a sigh of relief happy that it was just him and Spike. He needed to talk to Spike when he was sure that Angel wouldn't over hear. He quickly sat down and waited for Spike to follow. The vampire sat down and looked at Xander in fear. Spike couldn't help but feel afraid when he saw the look on Xander's face.

"What's wrong, Xan?" Spike asked unsure if he wanted to hear the answer.

"Spike I love you but I have something I need to tell you." Xander said, looking down at his hands.

Hating himself because he was hurting Spike Xander said, "I've had a crush on Angel for a while. I know what it looked like but I never really hated him. I was afraid because he was the first man I was attracted to, okay vampire but you get the idea. I thought I was over it but I guess I'm not, because when I saw him today those feelings came back. I'm confused Spike, I love you but I think I love Angel as well."

"What about what you said in the car?" Spike said half to himself.

"I guess I was trying to convince myself, I'm sorry Spike." Xander said, reaching out to take Spike's cold hand in his.

"Do you love him more than you love me?" Spike asked at the same time thinking of ways to kill Angel.

"No I love you both the same but I don't know what to do." Xander said as he looked up into Spike's eyes.

"You love me?" Angels voice echoed in the sudden silence.

Part 10:

Xander turned in shock, a part of him wanting Angel to know his feelings while the rest of his mind insisted ignorance was safest. Xander closed his eyes but when he opened them, Angel was still standing there looking back with a mix of confusion, joy, and fear in his face.

"Er, hi. Just how much did you here?" Xander asked Angel, a part of his mind registering that Spike was standing next to him, one arm wrapped possessively around Xander's waist.

"I heard you say that you loved me as well as Spike." Angel replied smiling at Xander, before glaring at his childe, not liking the fact that Spike was by His Xander.

"That's not good. Angel, I'm too confused right now to go into what this means. All I want is to sleep and eat." Xander said, knowing that the topic was too big to get into right now.

"Love, why don't you wait in the bedroom, while Peaches and I have a little talk." Spike said soothingly not wanting Xander to get upset.

With a careful look at the two vampires, Xander moved towards the bedroom. Before he could get there, Angel surprised pulled the boy into his arms and placed a chaste kiss on Xander's head. Xander quickly removed himself from Angel's embrace, picked up the bag of Chinese food, and walked into the bedroom in a shocked trance.

As soon as Xander left the room, Spike ran up to his Sire and punched the elder vampire in the face, smirking when Angel fell into the wall from the impact. Angel growled at Spike before continuing to the kitchen, wanting to get Xander comfortable before he discussed the matter with his errant childe.

Angel quickly unpacked the bags, and looked at the food on the counters. He had no idea what Xander liked so he had bought a little of everything and a couple of bars of chocolate knowing how much Xander loved it.

"Lets make this clear, Xander is mine. I hate you and if you ever hurt Xander I'll kill you." Spike said, wanting nothing more than to claim Xander as his and drive a stake through Angel's heart.

"I won't hurt him, I'll never hurt him. If Xander loves me that means I've got a chance." Angel replied before leaving the kitchen to research the topic in the library. He knew that as Spike's true mate Xander should never love another so something had gone wrong.

Spike followed Angel out of the room but instead of going to research, he quickly opened the door of Xander's bedroom to spend the night next to his love. As Spike moved onto the bed, he detected Xander's heartbeat increase and looked at the mortal in concern. Satisfied that Xander wasn't having a nightmare, Spike moved so that he was holding Xander and closed his eyes.

Dreamscape.

Xander was standing in a large empty white room, the silence was starting to make him feel nervous when a woman appeared. The woman was black with violet eyes and long black braided hair, as Xander watched her he got the feeling that he was being studied and shivered.

"Alexander Harris. My name is Helen and I'm here to help you. I am one of the people who keeps the balance in the universe but you upset the balance." Helen said her voice calm.

Xander couldn't help but wonder what would happen to him now. Would she kill him simply because he existed? Xander thought to himself as he watched her and waited.

"Don't worry we won't kill you. The problem is that you are the True mate to the demon inside William the Bloody but you are also the Soulmate of Angel. This upsets the balance, you cannot be both. I am here to ask you to chose between the two. Once you make your choice, it cannot be reversed. After you make your choice the timeline will shift to correct itself." Helen said as she smiled at him seeing that it was a little much for Xander to take in.

"What is your choice, Alexander? Chose wisely for your choice will change the future." Helen said.

Xander swallowed twice and said. "My choice is…"

Part 11:

"My choice is Spike, he's the one I want to be with." Xander said, wondering what would happen now.

"So be it." Helen said, her eyes flashing blue as she disappeared in a flash of blinding white light.

Xander opened his eyes with a groan, thinking to himself that he had the weirdest dreams. Turning over Xander wasn't that surprised to find Spike lying next to him, although he was disappointed to see that the vampire was still fully dressed.

Xander knew exactly why Spike hadn't undressed, it was the vampire's way of looking after him. He knew that Spike wouldn't push their relationship, instead letting Xander make the first move, this small consideration meant the world to Xander. This and other things like it were part of the reason he had chosen Spike. Spike made him feel loved, needed and desired for the first time in his life.

Xander knew that the feelings he had for Angel were different to those he had for Spike, with Angel, he was constantly afraid that Angelus would return. Xander loved everything about Spike, from the graceful way Spike fought to Spike's almost obsessive need to protect him.

Leaning down he placed a small kiss on Spike's cool lips, deepening the kiss when Spike's arms moved up to his neck. Xander looked down into Spike's blue eyes and wondered why he had never noticed how beautiful Spike was. Xander broke the kiss, wanting to take the next step at the same time worried that he would have flashbacks of the rapes.

"Spike, I'm ready to go further." Xander said, knowing that the vampire needed to hear the words.

"Are you sure?" Spike asked, hope in his eyes.

"I'm sure." Xander answered at the same time moving one hand to the edge of Spike's T-shirt.

With a mischievous grin, Xander quickly removed the top and stared at Spike's pale skin. Moving on instinct, Xander teased one of the vampire's nipples causing Spike to moan loudly. Licking his lips, Xander lowered his mouth to the hard nub and gently caressed it with his mouth.

"Love, if you don't stop that it'll be over in a matter of seconds." Spike said, panting.

Xander moved back and took in the sight before him. Spike was panting, his eyes golden as he struggled for control. Xander had never seen Spike look so sexy.

"You seem to be a bit over dressed for this." Spike said as he ripped Xander's red shirt throwing it to the floor.

The pair quickly relieved the other of their clothes, their arousal soaring with each touch. Spike pushed Xander back onto the bed and slowly kissed his way down the mortal' body, stopping to dip his tongue into Xander's naval. With a smirk, Spike moved lower, avoiding the weeping, painfully hard cock, instead placing small kisses on Xander's thighs.

With a low growl, Xander grabbed the vampire and pulled Spike towards him, thrusting his tongue in and out of Spike's mouth suggestively. Spike moved away, causing Xander to let out a low moan of disappointment. Then Spike was back, a bottle of massage oil in one hand.

"Xan, I want you inside me." Spike whispered as he passed the oil to Xander.

Spike moved so that he was on all fours and waited. Xander, liberally coated his fingers in oil, gently inserting them into Spike's puckered opening. Xander gently moved his fingers, wanting to make sure Spike was ready for him. Spike pushed backwards wanting Xander to move deeper. Xander removed his fingers from inside Spike and coated his impatient cock.

"I want to see your face." Xander said to Spike as he lay down on the bed.

Spike quickly moved so that he was straddling the mortal, both groaning when Xander's cock slid inside Spike's heat. Xander was lost in the feeling, he had never felt anything so tight and hot. Xander gripped Spike's hips urging the vampire to move.

With a loving look at the mortal Spike started bouncing on Xander's cock so that just the tip was inside him before slamming his body back down, each thrust hitting that spot inside him. Spike could feel the orgasm building inside him and bit down into Xander's neck.

The taste, and smell of the blood was all he needed, Spike came onto Xander's chest with a growl. The tightening of Spike's muscles pulled the orgasm from Xander who bit down into Spike's neck as he came. The pair collapsed in a sticky heap.

Part 12:

When Xander next awoke, it was to the feeling of someone running their fingers through his hair. Opening his eyes, he gave a contented sigh and leaned up into Spike's touch, letting out a small whimper when Spike stopped.

"Spike, I had a pretty weird dream last night. I was in large room with this woman who told me to chose between you and Angel. I picked you. I love you, Spike." Xander said knowing that he had to tell Spike what had happened.

"You picked me??" Spike asked with disbelief, no one had ever picked him before, except Dru and she didn't count. "Yes I picked you. You're mine now Spike, forever." Xander said as he ran one finger across Spike's chest.

Xander knew that they had to move but he wanted nothing more than to spend eternity in bed with Spike. The reality was that he had to get up and see Angel, he was sure the vampire had questions for him.

"Where are you going?" Spike asked as Xander got out of the bed.

"We've got to see Angel and I don't plan on doing it naked. Have you our bags from the car yet?" Xander replied as he looked at the clothes he had been wearing the night before, clothes that were full of tears.

"The actress put them by the door, why do you want to see Peaches?" Spike asked, jealousy creeping into his voice.

"I suppose I should explain what happened last night." Xander replied, a part of him happy that Spike was jealous.

Xander quickly pulled on the jeans and a blue tank top from his bag. A part of him was sad that he had missed Cordelia; he would have loved to see her reaction. 'Had she come in while they were exhausted from their love making?' Xander asked himself. He smirked when Spike jumped out of the bed, clearly not wanting Xander to see Angel alone.

Xander walked out of the bedroom, Spike a step behind. There was no way he was going to let his Xan speak to Angel without his supervision. It wasn't that he didn't trust Xander it was that he didn't trust Angel.

"Hi Angel. I think we need to talk." Xander said as he walked into the lounge where Angel was reading in silence.

Angel nodded as Xander sat down opposite him, Spike sitting on the arm of Xander's chair.

"I've found out why I had feelings for you as well as being in love with Spike. There was a mistake and I became your soulmate as well as Spike's demon's mate. I was asked to make a choice and I chose Spike. The love I once had for you is gone." Xander said, feeling slightly guilty that Angel had lost out on meeting his soulmate.

Angel stared at Xander unsure of what to say, a part of him was angry that Xander had made the decision without asking him. Then the impact of what Xander said sunk in, he had lost his soulmate.

'Does that mean I will have to spend the rest of my life alone?' Angel thought as he saw the loving way Spike was looking at Xander. As angry as he was he was happy for his Childe, he had accomplished what few demons had ever done. Spike had found his mate, the one person who would complete him but who also had the same fierceness and darkness inside him as Spike had.

"So what now Peaches?" Spike drawled, seeing that Angel was about to start brooding one again.

"You and Xander can live with me. Will Buffy come looking for you?" Angel said, knowing that he couldn't turn Spike away now when he needed him, he had done that too many times before. He would not fail his Childe again.

"I don't think so. They asked me to chose between them and Spike. I made my choice." Xander said with a bitter smile.

"At least we won't have to worry about her trying to kill you then. Do you want to work with me?" Angel said, looking at the couple.

"Sure, as long as you'll let me help." Xander answered for the both of them, remembering the way he had been treated in Sunnydale.

"It'll be good to have my family back." Angel said finally, he had spent too much time alone and as weird as it was he had missed his annoying Childe.

“Family, I like the sound of that.” Xander said half to himself, a family was one thing he had never had in Sunnydale, his parents spent most of their time drunk, or hitting him and his friends had treated him like a pest.

The three smiled at each other, basking in their newfound bond. Each one now had someone they could depend on, when the rest of the world let them down, sure they had a few problems but then doesn't every family?

The End