|A SUPBAGE OF THE
You think "loading the dishwasher" means getting your wife drunk.
You ever cut your grass and found a car.
You own a home that is mobile and 5 cars that aren't.
Your boat has not left the driveway (or front yard) in 15 years.
You own a homemade fur coat.
Chiggers are included on your list of top 5 hygiene concerns.
The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
You've ever raked leaves in your kitchen.
Your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest.
You have the local taxidermist's number on speed dial.
You've ever a hit a deer with your car...deliberately.
Your school fight song was "Dueling Banjos."
You clean your fingernails with a stick.
Your coffee table used to be a cable spool.
You keep a can of RAID on the kitchen table.
Every socket in your house breaks a fire code.
There are more than five McDonald's bags in your car.
You've ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.
The taillight covers of your car are made of red tape.
You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
You've ever bathed with flea and tick soap.
You think "taking out the trash" means taking your in-laws to a movie.
You have every episode of Hee-haw on tape.
You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
You're considered an expert on wormbeds.
People hear your car a long time before they see it.
The gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot.
You prefer car keys to Q-tips.
You take a fishing pole into Sea World.
You think a turtleneck is a key ingredient for soup.
You've ever stood in line to have your picture taken with a freak of nature.
You think the French Riviera is a foreign car.
You own more than 3 shirts with cut off sleeves.
You consider a six-pack of beer and a bug zapper entertainment.
Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
Directions to your house include "Turn off the paved road."
You ever lost a tooth opening a bottle.
Jack Daniels makes your list of most admired people.
You see no need to stop at a rest stop, 'cause you have an empty milk jug.
You consider the fifth grade your senior year.
You have a hefty bag where the window of your car should be.
You have ever bar-b-qued Spam on the grill.
You consider gravel "Home Improvement"
You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Cool Whip on the side.
The biggest city you've ever been to is Walmart.
Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.
You thought the Unibomber was a wrestler.
You've ever used your ironing board as a buffet table.
You think a quarter horse is that ride in front of K-Mart.
Your neighbors think you're a detective because a Deputy always brings you home.
A tornado hits your neighborhood and does a $100,000 dollars worth of improvement.
You've ever used a toilet brush as a back scratcher.
You've ever asked the preacher, "How's it hangin?"
You missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty.
You think fast food is hitting a deer at 80mph.
Somebody tells you that you've got something in your teeth and you take them out to see what it is.
Breakfast consists of boiled eggs, can of Beenie Weenies, a couple saltine crackers and a 6 pack of Budweiser, because you like the smell it creates after completing the digestive cycle.
There are 13 dogs under the front porch and you have papers for one.
A museum curator tries to buy 7 of the vehicles on blocks in your yard.
Your Momma knows how to make Roadkill stew.
Your truck has more colors than Jeff Gordons race car!
You have ever been shot at by the law.
You have ever been too drunk to walk, and drove home.
Your bathroom deodorizer is a box of kitchen matches.
You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
Last year you hid Easter eggs under cow pies.
You keep empty beer cans in your fridge for your friends that don't drink.
You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.
You think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner.
You think icing is what you do to your front steps before your mother in law comes over.
You drink gas because you found out you can run two and a half miles per hour faster.
You buy your jewelry at the hardware store.
You wonder why there isn't a hairstyle called "The Hat Line."
You send a request to a major fragrance designer to try to recreate the smell of a dead skunk.
Your wife howls at the moon more than your huntin' dogs.
The same pair of boots have been in your family for five generations and they're only twenty years old.
You go swimming in the drainage ditch behind your house.
You think that Australia is ruled by the south because their flags are similar.
You think the Franklin Mint is a breath freshener.
Your only tie is made of leather, silver and turquoise.
You think doctorin' involves mamma's sewing kit and a jug.
You've ever taken reading material into an airplane restroom.