-= MSN Volunteer Hosts =-
NO PAY - NO RECOGNITION - NO PROMOTIONS - NO BENEFITS - NO
MEANING - NO LIFE
Ever wondered if YOU
could be a volunteer MSN Host?
If you can answer YES to any of these questions.. YOU QUALIFY!!
Application for becoming a volunteer MSN host:
Do you believe spending 60-100 hours a week
online hugging people and kicking porn from chat rooms is a GREAT LIFE?
If YES you qualify.
Do you think that it's OKAY to ignore your
real job, real friends and/or family because hosting comes first and foremost?
If YES you qualify.
Do you think it's ACCEPTABLE to remain
UNEMPLOYEED for months or years a time because hosting in chat rooms is a better
alternative?
If YES you qualify.
Do you believe putting mystical fantasy images
in your profiles makes you more powerful and/or like a SUPERHERO?
If YES you qualify.
Can you gain 20 pounds a month from sitting on
your ass in front of your computer 14 hours a day?
If YES you qualify.
Are you willing to give up such things, such
as fresh air, a clean yard, family functions, school functions for your children and/or
offline activities?
If YES you qualify.
Are you a single parent that never leaves the
house?
If YES you qualify.
Do you agree that talking to your cyber
buddies is more important than feeding your children and/or spending time with them?
If YES you qualify.
Do you smoke at least 2 packs of cigarettes a
day and/or consider yourself a chain smoker?
If YES you qualify. (Nicotine stains on your keyboard
gives you extra points)
Do you drink Cherry Coke and eat Twinkies?
If YES you qualify.
Do you live off of the government?
If YES you qualify.
Do you think you are in some way better than
all the other chatters because you have a EMOTICON HAMMER by your nickname?
If YES you qualify.
Do you believe it's OKAY to be disruptive,
vulgar, rude and have pornographic MSN communities, yet ban any non hosts who do this?
If YES you qualify.
Are you a hypocrite?
If YES you qualify.
Would you rather sit in an EMOTICON tea cup
than look for a job?
If YES you qualify.
Do you live in a trailer park?
If YES you qualify. (Extra points for double wide
users)
Can you cyber chatters and/or cuss like a
sailor in whispers?
If YES you qualify.
Were you related to your spouse BEFORE you
were married?
If YES you qualify.
Do you believe you are an IRC hacker, because
you can run a welcome message with a bot?
If YES you qualify.
Have your children eaten more than 2 times in
the past 72 hours?
If NO then you qualify.
Would you rather talk to people you will NEVER
meet in chat rooms than have SEX IN REAL LIFE?
If YES you qualify.
If there's a girl with a porn link in her
profile but your grandma needs medicine, What do you do first?
If you chose KICK PORN over GRANDMA you qualify.
Do you believe it's OKAY to lie about things
like being doctors, attorneys, astronauts and/or rocket scientists?
If YES you qualify.
Do you believe it's HEALTHY to spend 30-100
hours per week kicking porn?
If YES you qualify.
Do you think it's NORMAL to spend your life
kicking porn out of CHAT ROOMS for FREE?
If YES you qualify.
Do you understand that no matter how much porn
you kick, it will never make it go away and only make it MULTIPLY by the dozens?
If YES you qualify.
Do you agree that being a host gives you a
fake sense of power?
If YES you qualify.
Have you ever been network banned?
If YES you qualify.
Do you understand that volunteering your time
makes absolutely no difference in the world and/or anyone's life?
If YES you qualify.
Do you realize 99.9% of chatters do not like
or respect hosts?
If YES you qualify.
Do you realize there is no recognition, MONEY
and/or promotion in hosting your life away?
If YES you qualify.
Have your children aged since you took your
eyes off your monitor?
If YES you qualify.
Have you lost your job, because of late nite
chat room romps?
If YES you qualify.
Are you OBESE or have a pancake butt?
If YES you qualify.
Do you think moving your mouse from left to
right is exercise?
If YES you qualify.
Do you know who the current U.S. President is?
If NO you qualify.
Can you gossip and/lie constantly?
If YES you qualify.
Do you smell a funky odor in the next room?
If YES you qualify.
When ISPs started offering unlimited service
for a flat monthly fee, did you have an orgasm?
If YES you qualify.
When cable modems and DSL came to life, did
you sell your car to get the installation?
If YES you qualify.
Do you have more people on your buddy list,
than you had showers this year?
If YES you qualify.
Do you have more than one computer so you and
your mate can both be online typing in the same house at the same time?
If YES you qualify.
Have you ever attended an online party and/or
online wedding?
If YES you qualify.
Do you refer to your family as "things
that bother me when I am listening to a new wave"?
If YES you qualify.
Do you have poor circulation?
If YES you qualify.
Do you know Johnny Carson no longer hosts the
late show?
If NO you qualify.
Would you rather spend 7 hours downloading an
MPEG movie than go to a REAL movie in a theatre?
If YES you qualify.
Do you have a dead parakeet in a cage and/or
dead fish in a tank?
If YES you qualify.
Has child protective services ever visited
your house?
If YES you qualify.
Do you call your boyfriend/girlfriend by their
NICKNAME? (Hey BigStallion9238!)
If YES you qualify.
Have you ever brought a laptop to a funeral?
If YES you qualify.
Was the prom the last date you had?
If YES you qualify. (extra points if date was
related)
Would you give up food before you gave up your
computer?
If YES you qualify.
Do you know more shorthand abbreviations (ie
LOL, LMAO) than names of planets in our solar system?
If YES you qualify.
Do you wear mu-mus and/or housecoats all day,
every day?
If YES you qualify.
Do your neighbors allow their children at your
house?
If NO you qualify.
Can you pretend you have such a full, hobby
and/or career filled life, yet secretly spend 50-100 hours a week in chat rooms?
If YES you qualify.
Do you think NICKNAMES with character map
letters make you COOL?
If YES you qualify.
Do you wake up and get in a chat room before
you pee?
If YES you qualify.
Do you feel your blood pressure rise, veins
pop out, face flush and/or head hurt when you get MOOFIED?
If YES you qualify.
Have your children ever come home with notes
attached to their shirt reading : "Please wash his clothes"?
If YES you qualify.
Has your driver's license expired and you
don't care?
If YES you qualify.
Does your grocery shopping consist of a trip
to the kwik-e-mart and/or 7-11 for chips, dip, ding dongs and a Coke?
If YES you qualify.
Does the pizza delivery guy deliver to your
bedroom?
If YES you qualify.
Have you ever tried to teach your 65 year old
mom how to use WHISPERS so you can talk to her without having to sign offline?
If YES you qualify.
Do you believe banning someone for 24 hours
lasts a full 24 hours?
If YES you qualify.
Do you realize most porn has 700-1200
passports, if not more?
If NO you qualify. (extra points for being in denial)
Do you realize most porn runs on mIRC scripts
that auto-reloads and/or is never banned to begin with?
If NO you qualify. (extra points for being in denial)
Do you have more macros than money in the
bank?
If YES you qualify.
Do you have an extra phone line for
emergencies? Emergencies being, if the main line is short circuited and you need the other
for your modem.
If YES you qualify.
Do you feel superior behind your computer?
If YES you qualify.
Do you think you can feel all tingly and
euphoric when you kick a person out of a chat room?
If YES you qualify.
Can you preach the Code of Conduct, put your
hammer away, sign in another passport, that has a nickname that's a violation, go back in
the same room you TRIED to control and then break every rule MSN ever created?
If YES you qualify.
Would you be willing to ignore your momma at
Thanksgiving dinner to kick some porn?
If YES you qualify.
Do you believe you do
more work and or are better qualified than the MSN Guides?
If YES you qualify.
Do you understand kicking porn has absolutely NO
MEANING IN THE WORLD?
If YES you qualify.
Do you agree that hosting would be THEE most
important thing in life and would devote your entire life to it?
If YES you qualify.
Do you understand that
no one is/will be/was impressed by your emoticon hammer/power?
If YES you qualify.
Are you a control freak?
If YES you qualify.
Are you willing to waste
your time and life, to ban people that bounce back in under a minute?
If YES you qualify.
Sign Here X________________________
Copy & paste this form with
completed answers and email it to
BillGates@Microsoft-Slave-Labor-Dept.com
Definition of volunteer:
1 : a person who voluntarily undertakes or expresses a
willingness to undertake a service: as a : one who enters into military
service voluntarily b (1) : one who renders a service or takes part in a
transaction while having no legal concern or interest (2) : one who receives a
conveyance or transfer of property without giving valuable consideration
Real Volunteer Services that Make a Difference in the World
Meals on Wheels - Feed sick people who cannot feed themselves
Serving in the military - Protect your country
Drive cancer patients to treatment - Help save a life http://www.cancer.org
Help animal shelters take care of homeless animals - animals need love too
Donate blood - Save a life http://www.redcross.org
Be a counselor for suicide or rape victims - Show compassion to people who need it
Be an EMT or firefighter - Save a life or a house
Feed birds in the park - They are hungry too
Become a Big Brother or a Big Sister - Little kids need attention
Serve food at a homeless shelter - Thousands of hungry people in the world
Bring clothes to the Salvation Army - Not everyone can afford to shop at the Gap
On a serious note....
We'd just like to put in perspective the sickness of volunteer hosting. No one can change the world or the entire MSN chat network. It's impossible and it is pretty sad to even try to attempt it... Especially for FREE.
Guides and Sysops get paid to kick porn ass, they get paid for it. Just like cops get paid to arrest people who break the law... but they don't circle around the block in their cruisers and arrest the same guy 27 times an hour. Why? because that would be a waste of time.
REALITY CHECK: Hosts will never be anything more than a chatter with an emoticon hammer by their nickname.
FACT: For every ONE "adult profile" that is kicked, 3 more come back to replace it. WHY? To be spiteful and make up for lost time. 60 seconds of banned time could really hurt us. >grins and laughs<
The so called Porn busters - pretty silly lol. If any of you think it's cool to waste your time "thinking" you're actually banning porn, that's your decision to do so. Next time you put in a FREE 12 hour shift, kicking porn that bounces right back, in under a minute (yes 60 SECONDS), walk through a cancer hospital and reconsider how you spend your time. It's pretty cliche, to say GET A LIFE, but in this case it's more appropriate to say SEEK THERAPY!! You're making things worse, not better. When you're 70 years old, you won't be happy you spent 60 hours a week in chat rooms for no reason at all. >grins<
Don't say we didn't warn you about
wasting your time!!! :-)
Is the carpal tunnel syndrome really worth it? ;-)
Isn't there anything in the world you would rather spend your LIFE doing?!
You only get ONE life... Use your time
wisely!!
Bots have no feelings... No care in the world... You can't compete against
automated programs!!
But if you choose to... Your life! Just for the record, your time... Not ours!!
>grins<
So when you THINK you are pissing off porn - think again!
It doesn't effect most of us in the least - we're really concerned about you guys though!
We have time to make this page - think what else we have time for, that you don't
:-)