Chapter 7
Spike stood stunned, not
believing the comment that had just flown out of Buffy’s mouth. It wasn’t the same situation, yet he knew the
danger that just being her could bring.
Moreover, what it meant. His mind
tried to reach back to the time that he could interpret the woman in front of
him. All of her thoughts, feelings, and
gestures, without long explanations on her part. However, he couldn’t. She wasn’t the same. She hadn’t been a woman then. She’d been a girl who’d just come out of hell. His head tilted as he contemplated his next
move. He wanted to follow his instincts,
pull her into his arms, and lovingly explain that he only wanted to keep her
alive. He couldn’t do that either. So, he stood there like an idiot.
She loudly sighed, crossing
her arms around her middle, and letting her hip jut out. Those eyes flashed like lightening across the
ocean in the dead of night. God, she was
full of passion, he realized while his heart constricted with a physical pain. Why didn’t he fight her? Why hadn’t he fought for her? Because he thought she deserved better than a
broken down cop.
Now though, he knew he was in
the right. He just needed to remain calm
as he forced his brain to function.
“Pet, we can’t send out a
beacon,” he explained. “I promise we’ll
find out somehow or sometime, but only after we know we’re safe.”
“Buffy, its okay.” Cassie said.
She was standing in the doorway.
Her entry was so silent that Spike hadn’t even heard. “It was only a thought…that’s all.” She shrugged.
Maybe now Buffy would let it
go, but he should have known better…should have known Buffy better than that.
“No, I want to make my own
decisions. If I put myself in danger
then I put myself in danger.” She paced
the floor, quiet for a moment as if she was trying to figure things out in her
mind. When she stopped, Spike steeled
himself for her resolution. “I’ve lived
in fear for ten years. Done the careful
thing, things I was told that were for my own good. I left,” her eyes met Spike’s with a pain so
deep that it rattled his soul. “I left
Los Angles because supposedly it was the best thing to do. It wasn’t.
If you won’t help me, then I’ll leave and do it on my own.”
Lorne stared at the floor,
while Kate stood up, but Spike held up a hand to keep her from
interfering. This was between them.
“No, you won’t leave. You’re a protective witness and we can
incarcerate you if necessary to keep you from getting away.” It would be hard to do, but not impossible,
so his threat was only half bullshit. He
couldn’t stop her if she walked out that door.
There would probably be enough evidence to convict Luke on drug charges
without Buffy’s help or testifying. He
just didn’t want her out there on her own, in danger, and without him.
She didn’t take it that
way. She’d been imprisoned too many
times before and his words were a challenge she couldn’t ignore despite the
danger.
“Go to hell,” Buffy
spat. “You don’t own me.”
“Yeah obviously.” Spike chuckled, letting his broken heart get
in the way of any good sense he had.
“Got that message with all those other men you ran around with,
sweetheart.”
She took him by surprise when
she turned and ran for the door. Everything
hit him at the same time. Cursing his
own stupidity, he managed to catch her by the waist before she could get the
door open. She fought him…hard. Her elbow connected with his abdomen, forcing
the breath from his body, while her foot came down on his instep with all the
force she could muster. He wrapped his
arms around her in a takedown maneuver.
As he forced her to the floor, she dug her fingernails into whatever
flesh of his that she could reach. It
didn’t work, and he managed to pin her down.
Her body became lax beneath him.
Then she moaned deep in her throat.
It was a sound that had haunted his nightmares even after all these
years.
Spike rolled off her but kept
a hold of her hand. “God Buffy, I’m
sorry. I only want you to be safe. Please, just get through this and we’ll find
out what we need.”
“I think you two need to stay
away from one another for awhile.” Kate
knelt beside Buffy, rubbing her back and then helping her to her feet. Buffy didn’t say anything, didn’t even
acknowledge his existence. The two women
left the room with Cassie tagging along behind them.
Spike continued to lie on the
floor, feeling like shit.
“Well, that went well, didn’t
it?” Lorne stood over Spike, holding his
hand out to help his partner up. “Maybe
you should have let Kate or I tell her, because that little dramatic scene didn’t
help the situation between the two of you at all.”
Spike grabbed his friend’s
hand, letting his friend help him stand.
He wasn’t ready to accept that Lorne was probably right. Everything he did these days was the wrong
thing concerning Buffy. He hung his
head, staring at the floor for a moment before he looked back up.
“Yeah, you’re right. Maybe it’s just best that I stay away from
her.” Suddenly he laughed. “Not that it has done any good in the last
few months.” He ran a hand through his hair. “Lorne, what do I do?”
“Already told you that, but
you’re too terrified to accept the fact that you’re worth loving and that
little lady out there is the one you’re supposed to be with for the rest of
your life.” Before Spike could use his
usual excuse about his engagement with Fred, Lorne continued. “You need to break it off with Fred. Then sit down and talk to Buffy.”
With that, Lorne left the
room, leaving Spike alone with his own thoughts. Including the guilt and confusion over what
he’d been doing since that afternoon at Angel’s house. He ran his hand over his face. It was time to stop lying to himself, accept
the truth, and maybe just maybe his life would get back to where it was
supposed to be.
~~~~~~
Buffy paced the floor, more
pissed than she’d ever been in her life.
She couldn’t believe that Spike was acting like some Neanderthal. It was ridiculous. She was a grown woman, not some little
girl…or some object to be told what to do or say. Maybe if he hadn’t talked down to her, she wouldn’t
have gotten so bent out of shape. Why
couldn’t he see who she was now, instead of the little girl who needed
rescuing? And how dare he threaten to
keep her here? No one would ever do that
to her again.
“Buffy, you need to calm
down,” Kate said gently. “Spike is
Spike.”
“What does that mean?” Buffy stopped, hands on her hip as she glared
at her friend. “Does it mean that he can
just be a pig?”
“He’s a good man,” Cassie
interjected.
“I know.” Buffy sighed, and plopped down into a side chair. “Sometimes I just want to strangle him and
other times…well, you know. Everything
is wrong.”
“I’m sorry. If I hadn’t come to you for help, none of
this would be happening.”
Kate patted Cassie’s knee,
flashing a comforting smile. “You know,
actually this might be a good thing.
It’s forcing them to face the problem instead of skirting around
it. Maybe things will get settled once
and for all between them.”
“Yeah, we’ll kill each
other.”
It wasn’t what Buffy
wanted. When Spike’s arms were around
her, forcing her to the ground, she’d moaned, but it wasn’t one of pain. It was one of desire. She wished she could have turned to him,
wrapping arms and legs around him while he drugged her with kisses. For a moment, she forgot where she was while
she got lost in a fantasy of a passion that she’d never forgotten. Of hands that stroked her to a place where
only he existed, where her body became an instrument of pleasure and not abuse. Only he could take her there, and if only he
would talk to her then he would know that.
“Buffy, you okay?”
It was Lorne, kneeling next
to her chair. He wrapped his hand around
hers, squeezing it as he tried to comfort her.
Buffy almost blushed as he pulled her out of her lust induced
state. Instinctively, her legs squeezed
together to try to ease the ache between them.
Forcing herself back to the present, she squeezed Lorne’s hand.
“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m angry at him, but what else is new?”
“Give the little hot buns a
break, okay? He’s all confused.”
“He’s acting like a big
jerk.”
“Don’t all men at some
time?” Kate asked, with a playful note
to her tone. “Come on, forgive him and
then we can get to the main entertainment of the evening.”
“What would that be?” Cassie asked.
“More cards or more television?”
The other three laughed,
because it was the truth. The
confinement was beyond boring. Buffy had
to admit the earlier scene with Spike was probably the most excitement they’d
had in a few days. She rolled her eyes
as she stood up.
“Okay, I give.”
No one said anything as she
left the room, making her way back to the kitchen. She hesitated in the doorway. Spike was sitting at the table with his face
buried in his hands. It should never
have gotten this far. She should have
chased him down that night and forced him to listen to the truth. But he’d always been her hero, and if he
thought her a whore then maybe she was one.
Her therapist in
“Spike?” She spoke softly as she approached the table,
sliding into the chair across from him.
“I’m sorry. You’re right.”
He didn’t say anything,
didn’t look up…nothing. Buffy reached
over and took his hands in hers so she could pull them down. She wanted to see his face. See what he was feeling. It wasn’t pretty. Torment was the only thing she saw.
“I hurt you.”
“No, you didn’t.”
“I still have nightmares
about…,” he blinked a few times. “About
that day. About so many things.”
“So, do I. A lot of regrets, too.” Buffy confessed. She couldn’t look at him and see the
repulsion in his eyes. Their hands still
linked; she enjoyed the warmth and feeling of strength they gave her. She loved the man with all her heart. “I’m sorry, too. You were right. We just have to lie low until this thing is
over with and the bad guys are caught.
Guess I just got caught up in the whole wanting to help Cassie.”
“That’s not a bad thing,
Buffy. You have a big heart, and you’re
going to do a lot of good things in this world.
Don’t apologize for that, but keeping Cassie and you safe is our top
priority.”
“I know.” Buffy smiled.
“Cross my heart, I’ll listen to what you tell me to do.”
“Oh yeah?” Spike grinned with a twinkle in his eyes that
sent a tingle of desire through her body and pooling in the most intimate of
places. “Kind of like a game of ‘Simon
Says’?”
Buffy pulled her hands back. “Only in your dreams, buster.”
“Hmm, not from what I
remember, Luv.”
Spike’s eyes grazed over her
body with a hunger that only made her panties wetter. Everything seemed to go in slow motion as her
body made its own decision. Buffy
planted her hands on the table, leaning across toward Spike. He stared at her, not stopping her but not
encouraging her either. She hesitated
when their lips were almost touching. He
would respond if she continued. The fire
would blaze out of control if she let it.
She stared deep into his eyes, letting every emotion she felt for him be
exposed.
Before she could make a
decision, Spike reached up, tangling his hands in her hair. Her eyes fluttered closed as she waited for
him to close the gap between them. After
months of loneliness, gnawing pain, and a sexual need that couldn’t be
satisfied by any other means, she was going to finally have him again. Spike’s lips touched hers, soft as a
butterfly at first. Buffy sighed in satisfaction. This was where she belonged, and she was
finally going to be home.
A crash in the front room
made them both freeze, and then Lorne came hurrying into the room.
“We’ve got trouble…”
to be continued…
