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Chapter 3

 

 

 

Spike turned the other way so Buffy wouldn’t overhear his part of his conversation with Fred.  It really wasn’t any of her business.  That wasn’t all of it though.  There was a part of him that knew it would hurt her to hear him talk to his fiancée.  He was hoping to avoid doing that to her on top of everything else he’d already done.

 

“You’re going to be locked up with Buffy?”  Fred asked, for like the third time, and breaking away from the practical issues they had been discussing.

 

“And with the girl who involved us in this.  It’s not something I want to do,” Spike said, closing his eyes.  Thank god, she couldn’t read his mind.  Otherwise, she would know that his heart was racing at being close to Buffy again.  “I’d much rather be at home with you.”  He put as much passion as he could behind the words, but the guilt wasn’t going away.  He should be with the woman he was going to marry.

 

“Well, I won’t be here either.  Seems that since we live together that it would be a good idea for me to vanish, too.”  Fred hesitated for a second before adding, “I wish we could be together.”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“Don’t be.”  Fred sighed.  “It’s part of you being a cop…and I was the one who told you to go help Buffy.”

 

Spike laughed.  What else could he do?  This whole situation of Cassie’s was messing up everybody’s lives.  He couldn’t even ask where they were taking his fiancée, because someone might be listening.  At least there was already a patrol unit there to ensure her safety.

 

“What’s going on with Moses?”

 

“He’s being delivered to safety, too.”

 

That meant he was going to Angel and Cordelia’s house.  It would probably be a circuitous route to get his cat there, but at least he wouldn’t have to worry about him.  He got teased a lot about how much he cared about the stray feline he’d found one night in an alley, but Moses was a good companion.  He didn’t come with a lot of baggage, and Spike never had to second guess his emotions when it came to his pet.

 

“Fred…I’m going to miss you.”

 

“Spike?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Maybe we should take this as a sign.” 

 

In his mind, Spike could see Fred twisting the phone cord around her fingers.  Her Texas accent was a little thicker when she was worried about something or was just flat out afraid.  He hated the fact that Buffy was always between him and Fred, but it wasn’t something he could do anything about.  That was a lie, but the truth was too much to handle even for him.

 

“A sign of what?  The second coming?  The world is ending again?”  Spike tried to joke.  It was falling flat though. He ran his hand over his face.  “God, Freddie, don’t say that.”

 

“I love you, Spike, but I don’t like being second.”

 

“I love you, too.”  He insisted.

 

“I know you want to love me,” Fred’s voice was barely above a whisper.  “I’m going to do some serious thinking while I’m away.”

 

This time she was twisting the ring he’d placed on her finger only a few months ago.  It hurt that she was considering breaking up with him.  Didn’t that mean he loved her, or that he was afraid of being alone?  Whatever it was, he didn’t want to let her go.  Not yet.

 

“Fred…it’s not going to change how I feel.”

 

“That’s what I’m afraid of,” Fred said, with a nervous little laugh.  “We’ll talk when this is over and see where we are.”

 

“I want you to be happy.”

 

“So do I, and you…and Buffy both deserve to be happy.”

 

Then she was gone.  Just a tiny click in his ear, and Fred wasn’t there anymore.  Spike rubbed his forehead.  He was confused, and feeling intensely lonely at the moment.  Plus a healthy dose of guilt was weighing heavy on him.  He was a fool, no matter how it went.  He needed to remember Buffy’s words of wanting to find out if she could love someone else, and the fact that she hadn't meant just emotionally.  Maybe that would keep his heart and mind firmly on the woman who did love him without any doubts.  If he wasn’t surrounded by his squad, and the girl in question, he might put his fist through a wall just to feel better, but he couldn’t so instead he pushed it all aside to concentrate on the situation he was mired in.

 

Cassie was down the hall, speaking with the DEA agents, while Buffy sat alone on the bench outside Robert’s office.  She was just staring at the floor with her head in her hands.  In a matter of a few hours, everything in her life had changed.  For someone who needed the security of set boundaries, she had to be ready to crawl out of her skin.  He just didn’t know if he was the right person to talk to her.  Looking around for Kate, he remembered she’d been sent out on a call.  There wasn’t anyone else, so he went to sit on the bench with Buffy.

 

“You okay?” 

 

“Don’t worry.  I’m not going to have a meltdown.”

 

“Didn’t think you were going to, Love.”

 

Buffy tensed, but she didn’t say anything about the endearment he’d used.  It was kind of embarrassing that he would fall so easily into calling her that again.  The word should only be used for Fred, although he never had.  Sighing, he stared down at his own hands before trying again.

 

“You were looking kind of unhappy, and I just wanted to see how you were holding up.”  He chuckled.  “’Cause I’m feeling a bit out of control of everything in my life.”

 

“I’m sorry, Spike.  I shouldn’t have called you.”  Buffy leaned back in the bench so she could look at him.  “I should have called 911 like everyone else in the city.”

 

“It’s okay, Buffy.  Really.  It’s happened and we’re just going to have to deal with it until it’s over.”

 

Shuffling her feet, she stared out over the squad room.  “Am I going to be able to get things from my apartment?”

 

“’Fraid not.  It’ll be watched by some undercover cops, but no one is going to be able to go inside without tipping off Luke and his friends.”

 

“I need my medication.”  Buffy whispered, so softly that he almost didn’t hear her. 

 

“Shit.”  It was something he hadn’t thought of in all the rearranging of their lives.  “Write a list of what you take, and the dosage and stuff.  I’ll see if the Captain can do something about it.”

 

“Thanks.” 

 

Buffy seemed to relax a little bit as she reached in her backpack for some paper.  It didn’t take her long to write down the few prescriptions she needed.  She handed it to him.  He shouldn’t have looked, but he did.  It pissed him off when he saw that she was taking birth control pills.  Not saying anything, he stood to find Roberts.  There hadn’t been a huge misunderstanding.  Buffy was sleeping with other men.  His gut was twisted from the knowledge that the girl he’d shown how good sex could be, was now learning from other men. 

 

 

 

to be continued…




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