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Chapter 19

 

 

 

It was only one in the afternoon, but Kate was already so bored she could pull her fingernails out one by one.  Instead, she picked at her cuticles while sitting across from Lorne at the kitchen table.  No matter how much she sighed, he continued to read something out of a spiral notebook. 

 

Giving up on him starting a conversation, she asked, "Isn't that Cassie's?"  Kate nodded toward the book in his hands.

 

"Yeah, that crazy kid of ours has been writing poetry."  Lorne looked up at Kate.  "Very good, but it's pretty dismal reading."

 

"As bad as her nightmares?"

 

Lorne nodded.  "Listen to this…,"

 

'I sit alone at my

window sill,

Trees crackle,

Sunshine blares and

children laugh like death. 

Their sharp happiness is a

knife to me –

One jealous snake on a

window sill – They will be here, trees and sun,

and children with canes

and pruney skin – when I am but a memory'*…"

 

"It sounds like she's really scared," Kate said, taking a sip of her hot tea.  "But we already know that from the nightmares that are coming every night now.  She's so sure that Spike and Buffy are going to die."

 

"I just wish we could get some news, any news," Lorne said, sighing.  "The not knowing is driving me crazy, too."  He drummed his fingers on the tabletop.  "I understand the Captain not sharing.  Really, it's the only thing he can do.  But man, just some kind of clue would be nice.  I am ready to blow this popsicle stand and get back to living."

 

"Hey, I love you, too, Lorne," Kate said, with a laugh.  "But if I didn't see you for the next month, I wouldn't miss you."

 

"Ha-ha, cupcake."

 

It was hard on all of them, but Kate knew Lorne felt responsible for Spike.  They'd been partners for a while now, and that kind of bond was tighter than most relationships.  Sometimes even closer than some marriages.  If something happened to Spike, and Lorne wasn't there to back him up, it would tear Lorne apart.  Kate could understand that.  She reached across the table to cover Lorne's hand with her own.

 

"We've got to keep believing," she said.  "We can't give them up for dead.  I won't."  She shook her head.  "It's going to be all right."

 

"I wish I could believe that," Lorne said. 

 

"You have to, Lorne," Kate pleaded.  "If we give up on them, then aren't they already dead?"

 

The look of dejection on Lorne's face tore Kate in two.  They were powerless to do anything to help their friends.  Although, they both understood and accepted that an innocent needed their protection, sitting around wasn't something they were used to in their jobs.  They were detectives.  Being on the outside to hunt down the bad guys was what they did. 

 

Yet, Kate had to believe that things would work out.  That soon the case would end.  That soon they would be home, celebrating Buffy and Spike's rekindled romance.  Despite Cassie's nightmares, Lorne's frustrations and her own strangling fear, she would keep the tiny flame of hope in her heart burning. 

 

"You're right," Lorne said, squeezing her hand and bringing her back to the present.  "We're not giving up on them.  It's Spike and Buffy, the super couple, nothing can bring them down.  Right?"

 

Kate could only nod her agreement.

 

~~~~~

 

As far as motel rooms went, it wasn't too bad.  At least it was clean, Buffy noted as she looked around.  There weren't any nasty odors to the place.  Not like the last hotel, they stayed in or even the warehouse.  Plus, there was the added bonus that being in a motel there wasn't any chance of being trapped within the confines of the hallway.  Sighing, she sat on one of the beds.  She pulled the food bags toward her and started passing out the sandwiches and fries.

 

"You know if I get the job," Gunn said, unwrapping his burger.  "I can get more information for you."

 

"Buffy, I'm going to make that telephone call," Spike said, ignoring Gunn's remark.  He grabbed a few of Buffy's fries, stuffing them into his mouth as he made for the bathroom.

 

"What's with him?"

 

"Gunn, he wants you to go back to Seattle," Buffy said, taking a bite of her chicken sandwich.  "I agree with him."

 

"Why?"

 

The hurt was as evident on Gunn's face as it was in his one word question.  Buffy knew he was going to feel this way, but an earlier talk with Spike convinced her that it was for the best.  Now, she just needed to convince her friend.

 

"We…I really appreciate everything you've done.  Spike does, too.  It's just that things are going to get dangerous, and we don't want you to get hurt."

 

"I can handle myself."

 

Buffy put her food on the nightstand before reaching out to cover Gunn's hand with her own.  His wrapped around hers, familiar, the way they used to hold hands when they dated.  Sometimes, she still wished things could have been different, but it couldn't. 

 

"I know you can," Buffy said.  "It's just that Spike doesn't want to be responsible for another civilian.  He's really grateful for everything you've done, but it's going to…"

 

"Get dangerous.  Heard you the first time."  Gunn sighed.  "What about you?"

 

"I'm fine.  Spike and I know each other enough to be able to do things without talking."

 

"That's a laugh.  Communication is the biggest problem between you two.  Does he just want to get rid of me so he can be alone with you?"

 

"No, that's not it at all," Buffy insisted.  It might not have crossed Spike's mind, but it had crossed hers.  The case was going to move fast now that they knew about Masters.  When all of this was over, she knew Spike would go back to Fred.  This small space of time was hers, and she wanted to be with Spike as much as she could. 

 

"Oh, for you, huh?"

 

She looked away, embarrassed that her feelings were so open.  "It's safer for you.  That's the most important thing.  I couldn't take it if something happened to you."

 

Spike chose this moment to walk back into the room.  There was a flicker of jealousy on his face at seeing them holding hands.  "The Captain is on his way.  He'll beep me when he gets here."

 

"Captain Robertson?" Buffy asked, in surprise. "Why is he coming?"

 

"The fewer people who know where we are, the better off we are," Spike said, with a shrug.  "Gunn, he'll take you to the airport and make sure you get on a plane to Seattle."

 

"You trust this dude?"

 

"With my life," Spike said.  "I know you care about Buffy, and without your help we would have stumbling around quite a bit until we found out anything about Masters."

 

"Yeah, I know, it's going to get dangerous," Gunn said, with a shake of his head.  "What am I supposed to tell Lilah if she calls?"

 

"Tell her that things changed.  That your mother convinced you to go back to college instead of wasting your life working on the docks."

 

"Still think I should stick around.  I could get you a lot of information if I was working on the docks."

 

"Yeah, and you could get killed.  Let me ask you a question," Spike sat on the bed beside Buffy.  "Is police work what you want to do with your life?  Getting shot at, digging around in people's garbage of lives, doing endless hours of paperwork all for really shitty pay?"

 

"No man," Gunn laughed.  "Okay, I get your point.  It was an experience, but hanging out with the gang did remind why I left."

 

"Go back to your life," Buffy said.  "Live it to the fullest."

 

"Is this what you want?"  Gunn asked.  "Are you going to switch to become a cop?"

 

"I don't know."  She could feel Spike staring at her, but refused to look at him.  "Right now is all I can deal with.  Luke knows who we are, so I have to see this through.  To make sure that Cassie is all right, and to stop Luke from hurting anyone again.  When it's over, then I guess I'll figure out what is next in my life."

 

Spike's phone beeped.  "Guess Captain is here."  He stood, drawing his gun.  "Stay here.  Let me check things out first."

 

Not waiting, Buffy stood, pulling out Spike's extra gun that had been in her bag.  She made sure it was ready for use.  Gunn was shaking his head at her.  Before this all started, she only handled a gun at a shooting range, but she was beginning to feel naked without it beside her.  Maybe she was changing because she knew if Luke were trying to kill her or someone close to her, she wouldn't hesitate to pull the trigger.  Not anymore. 

 

"Okay, it's clear," Spike said, gesturing for Gunn. 

 

"Come with me, Buffy," Gunn said, taking her hand.  "You can have that life you want in Seattle."

 

"No," Buffy said, shaking her head.  She glanced at Spike whose face was expressionless.  His eyes weren't though.  They showed the jealousy he was feeling.  "I tried.  That life was for the Buffy I used to be before I was kidnapped.  It's not for who I am now."

 

"You're letting the bastard who hurt you take everything away from you." 

 

"He's not.  Not anymore.  I've changed," Ignoring Spike for the moment, she stepped forward to kiss Charles on the cheek.  "I like who I am.  I've seen hell.  I know what the dark side is, and I never have to worry about being disillusioned again." She turned to meet Spike's eyes before she continued.  "It makes life more real, and the happiness more precious."

 

"I guess I understand," Charles said, pulling her into a hug.  He kissed her quickly.  "Take care of yourself," and with an almost reluctant gesture of his head to include Spike, he added, "And him.  Someone has, too."

 

Buffy smiled while Spike laughed.  Spike was saying anything, but Buffy knew that later, when they were alone, they would talk.  There was too much electricity dancing between them for her conversation with Charles to be ignored.  Right now, though, it was more important to get Charles to safety.

 

"Let's go," Spike prompted.  He opened the room door again, and stood in the entrance with his gun drawn. 

 

Then with a nod, Charles was gone, following Spike out the door of the room.  Buffy edged to the door, staying in the shadows with her gun drawn.  She stood poised until she heard a car door shut.  Then held her breath until Spike returned to the room.  They stared at each other, holding their guns, both ready to fight as the door shut behind Spike. 

 

In that moment, Buffy knew they were two of a kind.  As different as they were, they were both cut from the same mold.  Love had nothing and everything to do with the binds between them.  They had both stood in the same hell and survived.  That hell was the understanding and the strength and weakness between.  Now, if only Spike would realize that same truth.

 

~~~~~

 

Fred giggled as Wesley covered her eyes with his hands.  He'd promised her a surprise if she would only obey him.  First, by waiting in the bedroom and then by letting him blind her as he led her out of the room.

 

"Trust me," he whispered as they started walking. 

 

"Do I have a choice?"

 

"Not really.  Three more steps."

 

They stopped in what she assumed to be the dining area of the suite.  Her mouth started to water and her stomach rumbled at the spicy aroma of Mexican food filling the air.  It smelled like a feast.  She couldn't wait for Wesley to turn her loose.  It seemed ages since lunch.

 

"You ready?"

 

"Yes, I'm starved."

 

"Well then, you should be happy."

 

She could hear the smile in Wesley's voice as he took his hands from her face.  She blinked, trying to focus at the table in front of her.  There was a platter of tacos; bowl of beans and chips and salsa, but the biggest surprise was the small birthday cake with two burning candles. 

 

"I can't believe it.  How did you know?"

 

"Your file," Wesley said pragmatically.  "Make a wish and blow out the candles before we are eating wax."

A day before Fred would have wished to be able to return to her life and her fiancée Spike, but this surprise from someone who was being paid to guard her was more touching than anything she'd experienced in a long time.  She doubted Spike even remembered it was her birthday.  After all, last year he hadn't even attended the party thrown by her co-workers. 

 

"Are you all right?"  Wesley placed his hand on her lower back, looking down into her eyes. 

 

"Yes, I'm sorry," Fred said, leaning down to blow out the flickering candles.  "This is really wonderful.  Thank you."

 

"I think you're worth it," Wesley said.  "Come sit.  I've been slaving over a hot stove for hours."

 

Wesley even held a chair out for her.  He was such a gentleman.  Why couldn't he have come into her life before?  She sighed.  Nothing was permanent.  It wasn't as if she even had a wedding date set.  And after this adventure was over, she had a feeling that Spike would be ready to discard her like yesterday's news. 

 

"How did you mange this?"  Fred reached for a taco, putting it on her plate.

 

"A few phone calls," Wesley said.  "And calling in a few favors from some buddies at the station."

 

"Is that safe?  I thought no one was supposed to know where we were." 

 

"We're safe."  Wesley covered her hand.  "I know this has been hard on you so I just added a few items to the list for the grocery run.  That's all.  Just wanted you to think that I went to a lot of trouble for you."

 

"Just that you thought of me means a lot."

 

This time is Wesley's turn to sigh.  "Fred, you're a very special woman.  I think your fiancé is not only blind but stupid for not making sure that you know that."

 

Fred could feel a blush staining her cheeks.  Wesley was saying all the right things.  Doing all the right things, but could she trust him?  Trust anything that came out of the forced environment they were surviving in.  This wasn't real life, but she wanted to believe in this fairy tale.  Maybe it wouldn't hurt to enjoy this time.  Maybe when it was over, it wouldn't have to end.  She took a bite of her taco.  At least her enjoyment of the food wouldn't have to be questioned.

 

to be continued…

 

 

 

 

 

*Thanks to my_perfect_muse for having the words to Cassie's poem and to the writer's of Buffy the Vampire Slayer for writing the poem that fit so well into my fic.




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