Chapter 29 – Loyalty
Angel turned the shower on
and dropped the towel from around his waist while waiting for the water to heat
up. He was still fuming over the dismissal Buffy had issued him. She’d thrown
him out of his bedroom so she could calm Spike down. A part of him understood
why but it still stung. His Childe was overwrought with remorse and the
knowledge that he now had a soul. And Spike only wanted Buffy to comfort him
thus the dismissal.
Every idea, thought and
suggestion he had was turned down by Buffy. She was in control of everything.
Spike had pledged his loyalty to her leaving Angel on the outside just like he
had feared. Not knowing how far she would go, Angel had decided to do as she
said for the moment.
In his centuries of
existence he had never heard of these changes happening before. There were so
many questions that needed answering and unfortunately, Giles was on his way to
The only ones left were
Jenny and the Scoobies and he didn’t feel they would be of any use. So, for now
all he could do was deal with what came along. Sighing in frustration, Angel
stepped into the shower. If only Buffy would talk to him instead of trying to
rule him, maybe they could figure this out. Maybe if he could change them back
to the way they were some of his guilt would diminish.
Giving in to Angelus’
battering for control had been a foolish mistake. He’d known it at the time but
had been too weak to resist. Buffy regaining her independence and knowing how
close his two mates had grown while he was gone tore through him constantly. For
a brief moment any risk was worth taking if it would keep his mates beside him.
But now, in the aftermath, he knew how pathetic his choice had been.
The shower door opened to
reveal Buffy intent on joining him. Angel swallowed back the flash of fear he
felt as he stepped back. She stopped beneath the spray, acting like he wasn’t
even there as she put her head back to let the water run through her hair.
“Where’s Spike?” Angel
asked, watching his mate with wary eyes.
“The poor boy fell asleep,”
Buffy answered lowering her head to look at him.
Unconsciously Angel took a
step back when she moved closer. A chuckle fell from those pink lips when his
back hit the shower wall. Buffy had already hinted that she wanted to punish
him for his betrayal. He just wasn’t sure when or how it would happen and he
wasn’t taking any chances if she should decide to dust him.
“All that weeping wore him
out.” Her hand drifted across Angel’s chest in a leisurely stroke. “Did you cry
so when you first were given a soul?”
“I wasn’t given a soul,”
Angel said. “I was cursed with one.”
“Mmm, yes, that’s true,”
Buffy whispered. She kissed the spot where she’d bitten him the night before. “But
did you cry and mourn?”
“Yes, for a long time,”
Angel answered, unable to stop the shiver of desire that coursed through when
she suckled at his nipple. “You know this, Buffy. It will be the same with
Spike.”
Buffy looked up at him,
stepped closer so her body was pressed against him, and let her hands settle on
his waist. “No, it won’t Angel because we won’t cast him out of the family. He
will be loved and cared for as always. The soul wasn’t needed and once he
remembers he’ll be more accepting of his gift.”
“Thank you,” Angel said,
daring to bring his hands to rest on her hips. “It will make all the difference
to know you’re there for him.”
“That we’ll be here,” Buffy
whispered, kissing his jaw. She slowly drew her leg upwards, letting her knee
rub the outside of his thigh. “This is only going to make us stronger. If that
bitch, Darla hadn’t been so blinded to the possibilities things might have been
different for you. She sent you away, didn’t she?” Her hands cupped his ass
pulling him toward her. “Your sire and she wouldn’t even take care of you,
would she?”
The hypnotic lull of her
words was making him remember those first days after being cursed. All those
feelings rushed back to him, the loss, the bewilderment, the agonizing guilt
and the horrible, horrible loneliness.
“No,” Angel answered,
finding himself confess things he had never let himself. “I needed her, loved
her and she looked at me with such disgust. It was like I wasn’t hers anymore
but I still felt the call of the blood.”
“It hurt didn’t it?”
Buffy ran her fingers
through his hair, tugging him down to kiss him softly. This was what he needed
then. It was what he needed now. The comfort of his mate’s loving embrace.
Angel buried his face in the crook of her shoulder, letting her soothe him.
Daring, hoping, he moved his hands upwards along her rib cage, capturing one
perfect mound. Encouraged by the lack of protest, he kneaded it softly, falling
so easily under the spell Buffy wrought.
“You didn’t answer me,”
Buffy said, pushing him away.
Hating the weakness that
made him gasp, he closed his eyes. Hating the need for this tiny woman, he let
his hands fall away from her. She wouldn’t let him go though. She wouldn’t back
away and let him hide. She reached through his darkness cupping his face in her
hand. Her thumb left gentle strokes across his cheek. With a smile that gave
him hope, Buffy hooked her leg over his hip and gave a small jump. He caught
her, holding her up by her bottom, while she wrapped her legs around him.
“Didn’t it hurt?” Buffy
asked again.
“Yes,” Angel growled,
turning them until Buffy’s back was against the wall. Her small body was there,
ripe and wanting but he waited. The power was hers and she knew it. Buffy
rubbed her cunt against his erection, teasing him, until he wanted to scream.
Her hands ran through his hair then pulled him to her for a kiss.
Buffy sucked his tongue into
her mouth, holding it in place with her teeth, and then she used her own tongue
to play with his. She demanded his obedience and he let his body sag against
her because now he knew. In his one word answer he had revealed his darkest
fear and given it to her on a silver platter. Unlike Darla she gave him a
choice. It was his for the making. He could be with her, follow her or be
banished from their graces. He would be here with them but left emotionally in
a desert to wander alone. He would be denied what he held in his arms and who
lay sleeping in his bed.
“Make love to me, Angel,”
Buffy pleaded. “I love you so much.”
This wasn’t the call of the
demon but of the girl who’d given him her heart when she was still so innocent.
The girl he had sworn to love forever, the girl he had given to his Childe, the
girl he would die for without a second thought, the girl he had betrayed last
night and he knew he had no choice but to surrender to her.
Angel pulled back so that he
could gaze into her eyes. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
“It’s all right,” Buffy
murmured. “Love is pain.”
Her hand reached between
them and led him home. Angel fearing that he would cause her pain, eased inside
of her so carefully, that it was only her whispered pleas for more that kept
him going. Their eyes connected again once he was fully sheathed inside her
tightness. Tears rolled down his face as he stared into the satisfied eyes of
amber. Unable to bear it he buried his face against her shoulder.
“I’m yours,” Buffy said, her
fingers digging into his shoulders. “Take me, Angel, give me everything you
have.”
There was still fight in
him. He knew it when he heard the taunting of her voice. He wrapped his arms
around her, pulling her tight against him, before turning so she was leaning against
the wall where the shower spray would fall over them. He pulled out then
slammed back into her. She grunted but didn’t ask for mercy.
“Is that what you want?”
Angel asked, thrusting ruthlessly in and out of her. “Is my girl gone
completely? I don’t believe it.”
Buffy only held him, her
soft cries of passion, spurring him on. In the fucking of his mate, Angel
fought his inner battle. Love, won and lost, taught and learned, retreating and
growth was all there in the arms of this Slayer. He had faltered for so long,
lost between man and beast. His fear of never being loved had started with his
father, been intensified in the loss of his Sire and was being bargained for
with his mate. She held all the cards, her love was his if he wanted it, but it
came with a price. To keep her he would have to surrender completely which was
something he had never really done. Always a part of him had been aloof. It was
the part of him that lived in the terrible frustration of never being good
enough. His fear had to be hidden away behind a façade of always being in
control. It was him that had revealed all his flaws in one gesture the night
before and in the end he could still lose what he had wanted to hold onto so
tightly.
“I love you, Angel,” Buffy
said again. “I will always love you but there can be no doubts between us.
Surrender to the bonds that exist between us. Don’t fear anymore. Be mine. Love
is yours if you want it. I’m yours, he is yours.”
Angel shook under her words.
His body sped up as he plummeted over the edge and filled her with his seed.
When he gave his last shudder she unlocked her legs and slid down his body to
stand on her feet. The loss of contact was too great for him. Having no choice
he yielded to her desires. He fell to his knees, wrapped his arms around her,
and sobbed into her belly. Any price was worth paying if she would only keep
him with her and his Childe.
“I love you, Buffy. I’m
sorry, so sorry. Please don’t make me leave, please.”
“Shush, Luv,” Buffy said,
running her finger’s through his hair. “It’s going to be all right. Everything
is fine now. You won’t ever be alone again. I promise.”
to be continued…
